I woke up this morning thinking that I could really use a new FWB.
You know, a “friend with benefits”.
To me, a friend with benefits is like a rent-a-girlfriend.
They’re great. You’re in love for whatever time you’re together, you have great sex, and then when you’re apart you don’t have to think about them, call them, text them, or do anything.
When I was younger, an FWB was somebody that I could just bang, I didn’t want to have any intimate connection with them at all, I just wanted to have sex. That’s all I wanted. I wanted to just have pure physical, animalistic sex and not get to know them really on a deeper level.
But as you age or as you grow, especially as a man, you tend to want more because you do like that feeling of intimacy, that connection with another person, that connection with their soul.
You can’t really do just the superficial side of sex.
You won’t be fulfilled.
I guess you could say maybe I’ve become more like a woman as I got older, needing more feminine things.
Now I’m not going to walk around with a pair of panties on and I’m not going to shave my legs, but I do want more connection, more emotion.
So today I want to ask all of you: what do you look for in your friends with benefits? Is it just something physical or is it something a little more intimate?
I want to hear from you today.
I feel very strongly against “friends with benefits” arrangements for women. They just do not work and not favorable for women. If a man is offering this, he is not offering much..I would suggest women to live a fulfilled life and go on lots of dates, and not “settling” for a FWB with an unavailable man.
Why settle for this when you can date and eventually find a beautiful committed loving relationship?
I’m the same way. Never had one and probably never will. They just don’t appeal to me…if I want to have sex with someone, it’s because I see the possibility of a relationship with them. I don’t mean to sound like a prude, but I’m amazed sometimes by how many women are looking for just sex when they do online dating…it’s because of this loose behavior that so many men today know that they can easily find a piece of ass online. In the meantime, that hurts the women like me and my friends who really want a relationship. I know someone who got asked if she would give the guy a blowjob during their first date. He probably got it in the past and therefore thinks nothing of asking other women for it. Just plain wrong, people…just plain wrong!
Exactly Pam, I never and cannot do FWB situations..We women are just not wired that way, when we have sex we get hormonally hooked on the guy (men do not) This is just the way nature is..and why FWB is not beneficial for women.
You do not sound like a prude, but as having very healthy boundaries..
What happened to women’s self-esteem? Sex is not the way to get a guy to fall in love..He has to feel love and attraction before offering sex..Especially if you are looking for a committed relationship!
That is true, Nathalie…actually, after a good makeout session with someone I am attracted to, I already am feeling emotionally involved. I believe that a LOT of women out there have extremely low self esteem…I see it over and over again in their dating choices. So many women equate sex with a man as love.
Absolutely Pam, we release certain hormones even during kissing that make us feel attached hormonally and emotionally involved..
It is so sad really, women making choices that are not in their best interest..
Not sure what happened to women and their feelings of self-worth..It would really make a difference if women knew their worth and focus on truly, unconditionally loving and valuing themselves..
Steve Harvey really advocates this…I highly recommend his book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” and I LOVE his new talk show. He gives tons of common sense dating advice. Actually, David would make a fantastic guest for Harvey’s show.
Oooh yes I have his book!!! haha loved it, so humorous too…Did you see the movie?? I had been meaning to see it, I heard it was really good too..I think he advocates waiting sixty days before having sex, was that it? Or as he puts it giving up the “cookie”
He makes a good point but sometimes it can be less than that as long as we feel safe doing so..But his message is really good, telling ladies to wait before making the guy prove himself..
Not yet, but you reminded me that I need to see it…you’re the second person to recommend it to me! I agree that the waiting time is different for each woman, just that it’s best to not it up so soon.
loll Trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7VmU8aHAtw
I agree ladies, I cannot do this…especially what David is describing. It’s worse. A man trying to forge a connection, dinner, sleep overs, etc…so HE feels connected in the time that you are together. Yay him. You end up feeling very confused, used (even though you were a willing participant) because you thought you were developing a relationship.
All you were doing was help the man feel normal and not guilty for just f’ing you and telling you to get out. Cuddling him and making him feel loved for a bit is enjoyable for him too…but you are itching for something ‘more’.
What I look for is sexual compatibility, reciprocity and part time companionship. Sexual compatibility to me is having chemistry, find the other person attractive and liking and wanting the same things in the bedroom. Reciprocity on two levels. First in the bedroom, you both need to give and take and having a taker in the bedroom is not fun. Second, if it is a FWB then meeting and date times need to work for both. So if one needs a booty call at midnight, the other person should also have the same options. One person cannot call all the shots otherwise it is unbalanced. Finally, the part time companionship is similar to what you mentioned. Not just a wam bam and see ya later. After sex being able to connect, veg or relax and chat or just in be in each other’s presence and enjoy the company.
The hardest part about being a “girl” is we do get attached and for me a FWB also requires a few boundaries. No real dates, no sleepovers and no mushy conversations otherwise there is confusion.
Hi Christine, your last sentence really stood out for me..
I really question this “fwb requires boundaries, no dates sleepovers etc”
I would get clear as to why I would want this for myself?
Why wouldn’t I want dates and dinners and be showered with attention? Instead of a fwb where it will always in my opinion be unbalanced especially there are no obligations or commitment involved..
Hi Nathalie,
I have a busy life don’t have time to date as much as most however I have sexual needs. A FWB works for me. I can’t say it works for everyone. FWB men are not men you want to be in a relationship with. If you want to be showered with attention then go on real dates and don’t sleep with him early. I feel with FWB once you start doing the “dating rituals” such as eating together and sleepovers you blur the lines of the intention of the relationship which is sex only and as a women you will make the mistake of getting attached to the wrong guy. For me having boundaries allows me the benefits of the sex without getting emotionally attached to the wrong guy.
My friends with benefit is not restricted to sex. I look for some emotional attachment. But sometimes its really hard to be just “Friend” with benefit. I always have to lower my expectations. Friends with benefits for me is a more of friends with predefined boundaries.
Correct! I guess, I can’t be like FWB because I can control my limitations when it comes to my friend. I can’t really imagine myself dealing something with a friend whom I treat as part of my family. It seems that I can’t really deal with this so-called FWB situation.