Dear David – Can I Save My Relationship?

Men's Advice Relationship Advice, Uncategorized

By David Wygant March 12, 2014 258 Shares

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Dear David Wygant I had a great “Dear David” email from a guy the other day, and I need to share it with you. It shows you what happens when guys study way too many techniques, and listen to all the pick-up artist crap that’s out there. It demonstrates what happens when you have trouble being authentic and real, and now this guy wants to know if he can save his relationship.

It’s not just men who do this either. Women are guilty of it too. People over-study things and then freak out when they don’t know what to do. They end up having an amazing person come into their life, and ruin it because they don’t understand how to keep a relationship going. Here’s the email he sent me…

“Dear David,

I need to know whether I can save my relationship. Lately I’ve been screwing life up badly. I’ve been dating this super-hot girl for a couple of months. A week ago I didn’t come home one night and she was seriously pi#sed with me. The next day I got her a gift to apologize. She was thrilled with it and accepted my apology. That day she told me several times she loved me. I’m so happy that a hot girl like this loves me.

Anyway, my first mistake was I never told her how I felt. I didn’t say I loved her too. I hurt her feelings. She asked me to call her the next day. I did but we weren’t on the phone long because she had to collect her daughter. She said we should meet later at a sports bar. I wanted to look busy and important, so I didn’t go.

Then I call her several times on Sunday and Monday, and she sounded really mad with me. She didn’t want to talk, and sounded cold. I’ve made a mess of this I know. I tend to be distant when she needs and attention, and too attentive when she needs space. How can I push and pull her in the right way? I thought I should wait to get in contact now until I hear from you.”

David Says…

Wow, this is all ridiculous. If you love her, tell her you love her. She told you she loves you. Stop playing games. You knew you hurt her feelings, but what did you do? You continued to hurt her feelings. You’re surprised a hot girl wants you?

That just shows how insecure you are. You haven’t worked on your self-confidence at all. You’re so busy worrying about how to push and pull her in the right way. You’re thinking about what games to play. You’re acting like an idiot plain and simple. You’re acting like a fool. If you love this girl and she loves you, then step up to the plate and tell her. Otherwise, you’re just acting like a child. Obviously neither of you are children. She has a daughter. What you’re doing is crazy. How about acting like a man?

She’s put herself out there. She loves you. If you feel the same way tell her. If not, then move forward. Don’t allow this woman to love you if you don’t love her. It doesn’t sound like you’re even ready for a relationship yet. It sounds like you’re still at the stage where you play dating games, and she’s bound to be pi#sed with you. I would be too if I was dating a man-boy!

Guys, if a woman tells you she loves you, and you’re in a committed relationship, don’t hide your feelings. You shouldn’t play games anyway, but especially not if you’re dating someone seriously. Mess women around like this and you’ll be battling to save your relationship too!

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

50 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Rick L

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

Guys just don’t want to screw up. We all wish we could just relax, be genuine, be ourselves, show you how cool we are to hang out with, etc. I think we all feel like this approach should work. Our results often show otherwise. The confusion becomes amplified when women verbally tell us the qualities/ characteristics they seek in men, while the men they actually date don’t seem to display those qs/cs. Men then seek answers for these contradictions with the sole purpose of attracting women and not screwing up. To the “rescue” comes the PUAs, dating coaches, gurus, etc. The guy in the email ONLY wants to be successful with his woman. That’s all. Women, do you understand that? Even if he is, in your opinion, “doing it all wrong”, that’s not his intention. While David calls his behavior ridiculous, other so-called dating experts call his behavior necessary (in order to get and maintain her attention and interest). My, my, my……what a mess.

Brad

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

Good point, Rick L. This is also a very good blog, because it demonstrates the main reason why so many relationships fail, which is the breakdown of communication. The girl in this email is pissed because she feels she cannot trust the guy anymore, and he doesn't do anything to take that feeling away. She probably thinks he is seeing another woman. I have screwed up many times in the past myself when I thought that being distant and cold and not communicating would somehow make me more attractive. It never worked, not a single time. Which makes me think back to my high school days, where there were always a few guys who would attract all the women. These guys were never mean, or condescending, but quite to the contrary very popular because they were inspiring. Like the high school quarterback, he was the leader of a team, a team player, and that made him so irresistible. They were always there to help you out, never arrogant, obviously very confident, and very masculine in their ways, which is kind of hard to put in words. You just wanted to be like them, you felt like they were ahead of you, but you looked up to them because they treated you well. That really seems to be the secret of success, not only with women, to be kind, to be a leader, to inspire, to exude confidence.

Bob

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

You are displaying only one small example of "special" athletes (top 1%) who can easily get women. Normal guys (team players) etc, do not have that appeal to women. Then there is the other extreme, the "Fonzies", of the dating world (bad boys), who can also get any woman they choose. The important thing being, you have to remember to be unique, different, and "special" to get any woman you choose. This is the stumbling block for ordinary guys, and the ridiculous expectations of "normal, ordinary" women. They want a guy who is different, special, not like every other man, that they can get (when actually they are just as normal, plain, and boring, and deserve nothing more, than a typical, ordinary and plain guy). You can't be just a normal, intelligent, sweet, caring guy, to get a "normal" woman. They expect a super man, even though they have nothing special to contribute. Not just an "ordinary" nice guy, who is like every other guy, just trying to get a nice girl, to like him, and have a relationship with. (When actually, that is the men women who want a lasting, monogamous, and normal relationship with, should go after.)

Brad

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

Bob, the only thing I wanted to point out is that even if you are a so called 'bad boy', that only means that you live an exciting lifestyle that is obviously attractive. As a bad boy, you still exhibit the same qualities as the high school quarterback. There seems to be that idea out there that you have to treat woman badly in order for them to be attracted to you. I have just never once in my life seen a guy who is attractive to women treat them badly. To the contrary. Guys who attract lots of women always have a lot of friends, too, because they are equally as intriguing for men as they are for women. And they treat everybody well ! Mean guys do not get women, mean guys don't have friends.

Bob

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

Brad, I am sorry, but you are totally incorrect, and have no idea of real world reality, that most women subconsciously desire, without even realizing they are that crazy. They will never admit to it, never acknowledge this insane behavior, or even believe it, if they have actually done it in their past dating and relationship, history. I have lost several great to be around, sexy, beautiful (I mean hot women that can get any man they want), sweet, and caring, long time girlfriends to their former boyfriends, who were totally insane, abusive (both mentally and physically) to them, assholes, and completely crazy (one had even kidnapped my girlfriend, took her to a shed, and raped her repeatedly one night, when she went to drop her son off for his visitation) Yes, she even put him in jail, but eventually after numerous apologies and sad stories from the jail phone, she left me, and went back to him, when he got out of jail!! These guys stalked these women, even as I was dating them, the whole time I was with them. Threatning to even kill them, or themselves, stuff me and her in their trunk, torture me, on and on, if my girlfriend would not come back to them (This has happened to me numerous times). They even threatened to follow me and kill me, and my family members, if these girls did not come back to them. Even though it was insane, and told these girls to just ignore the idiots, forget them, and don't be afraid. Well, guess what? Every girl I went out with that had one of these crazy, stalker, former boyfriends, went back to them!! True story, and real life experience (and don't say it is the women I choose. This happened with several different, well adjusted, educated, mothers, who were completely normal, beautiful, and sane). Men who treat women as angels, are sweet to them, cater to them, put them on a pedestal, will not have them for long. They will invariably cheat on them, leave them for an abusive man, and screw them over, every time. Just the way it is. Simple, cave man, reptilian, female brain behavior.

Cesar

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

I think the writer of the email should end the relationship and spend his time building himself up. His writing makes it seem like he's always looking for the next step, the next instruction. He should genuinely keep himself busy that way he doesn't have to lie about it. Either way it'll be awhile before he realizes what he's doing wrong unless he actual takes David's advice seriously. I don't get why people ask for advice and not follow through with it, you're just wasting somebody Else's time and your own.

Brad

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

Bob, you are smart enough to know that there are different levels of society with totally different realities. You have described yours, here is mine: I am 47 years old, and I have never ever met a woman who is into abusive men, wife beaters, or criminals. I have never been threatened by an ex boyfriend, nor do I know anybody who has. None of my girlfriends has ever been stalked by an ex, and to be honest, I do not know any criminals myself, that is, people who have done hard time. I know couples who have been together for a very long time, and they treat each other with respect, as equals, so to speak. So anything I say is based on my own experiences of course. In my reality, treating women like a (gentle)man works, and that does not mean to treat them like angels or put them on a pedestal, it is more about being masculine and treating them like a women. I believe you when you say there are women out there who like abusive, crazy idiots, I have just never met one. And to be honest, I don't want to either...ending up in a trunk does not sound too attractive.

Rob

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

If you've ever been down to a police station's reception/waiting room; you usually find a fair deal of young beautiful women sitting there; eagerly awaiting to get to meet their dear gangster. I guarantee you. Last year I had to go there to get a new ID, and even in a tiny town like the one I live in, sure enough, there was a really young beautiful blonde, sitting there in the waiting room waiting to be let in to her incarcerated beloved criminal.

bob

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

Rob, depressants, anti anxiety meds, or were currently on them. Had abusive husbands, or boyfriends in the past or present, and usually had one or two of them still obsessed with them. Most all, had been under threat, beaten, or abused in one way or another during at least one point in their lives. Almost every woman I have been with, I found had cheated on me at some point in the relationship. (Sometimes I found this out years later from a "friend") I am a wealthy, normal, attractive, and intelligent man, and don't hang out in "trailer parks", have never dated a crack woman, or druggie (have never done any drugs myself), never been with a hooker, fattie, sleazebag, or unintelligent woman. I only date beautiful, educated, well adjusted, and career oriented women. Most are good mothers, and responsible providers. I have dated teachers, lawyers, tech workers, nurses, a doctor, retail managers, business owners, etc. All had the same stories. Most women still were enamored by their "dangerous" exes, and even though they said they despised them, and would never consider reuniting with them, they all would secretly (I found this out, when they would leave to go back to them) take their calls, correspond with them, sometimes even secretly hook up with them while they were with me, and eventually, most went back to their former abusive lifestyle. Once they do that I have no further contact, so I have no idea what became of any of them... I have no answer for this illogical behavior. Can't explain it, and it is repulsive to me, beyond comprehension, to my way of believing. I am simply telling it like it is. Most of my friends explain exactly the same experience with their "crazy" women, and are not surprised in the least when I tell them of my experiences. They have all been through the same things with their women, and even their current wives, who they just forgive, and accept. If the men on here have not experienced this "phenomenon", they are very inexperienced, have limited exposure to women, and the reality of dating many women in the past.

Rob

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Bob, "I have no answer for this illogicalbehavior. Can’t explain it, and it is repulsive to me, beyond comprehension,to my way of believing. I am simply telling it like it is." Neither do I, but it is definetly like you've said, an irrational/illogical behavior that even the women themselves are unconscious of; so, I don't know, maybe this is an unsolvable problem we all just have to live with. Maybe if fathers really went out of their way to educate their daughters from an early age that there's lots of psychopaths in this world, and how they can detect them quickly enough to be able to avoid them, MAYBE that would improve things down the path a bit, but I'm not even sure this would help since so much of this goes under a woman's rational radar. I mean, logically, they should understand that risking their very lives just to get some "thrills" from being with a dangerous criminal, might not be the wisest thing to do, and logically, I think they do understand this (at least the intelligent ones.) And yeah, it definetly is repulsive, and personally, it's one of my own biggest insecurities, I mean, I could do everything right in being a "great guy", but still, some fuckin idiot could show up all of a sudden one day and cast a witch's spell on my woman, and that would be that....

bob

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Have no idea why the blog cut out half of the beginning of my post, but you get the idea...

Rick L.

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

The drama that is presently in my life comes from my siblings, my ex-wife, and my step-daughter. My siblings do crazy shit from time to time and make poor decisions. My ex and step daughter have a love-hate relationship and I oft-time have to reconcile them. When I first met with ex-wife her windshield was cracked on the driver's side. She said her ex threw a brick at it a few month prior. She was in the car along with her 4 year old when he did this! Crazy. I told her that I don't do the the ex-boyfriend drama shit that has to be done and over with if I were to deal with her. She said it was and yes, she was truthful. My current girlfriend had a pretty nasty experience with her ex. A lot of fights, drama. She said it had been about 2 years since she's seen or spoke to him. When I was in my 20s, I was dating this young lady who's ex was in jail for drug trafficking. She had a master's degree at the time( and now a doctorate). But, that's the type of dude she was with. So, I see these things too. However, I've only had to deal with the crazy ex boyfriend once. And, I made sure it was only once. A woman has to be ready for me. I don't have time for foolishness. I feel like I was the first decent dude all of these women dated to be honest.

Rick L.

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Oh, did I mention that my ex-wife, a year ago, moved her boyfriend into her house with her daughters? A part time job, no car, no home obviously.........and this is the dude you're with after being with somebody like me??! Gotta love it, man.

bob

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Big dick, usually is the simple explanation for these types of actions, by simple minded women. Not rocket science...

Brad

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Bob, Rick L., Rob, you guys crack me up. I don't doubt for a second that these are your experiences, and that they are based on your reality. But are you saying that the majority of women like to hang out with criminals and abusers ? No job, no car, no house ? Where do I find these brides of Satan ? Because I sure as hell have never met one. I don't even know any criminals or their spouses or exes. In any given society, less than 5 percent of it's inhabitants have been convicted for violent crime in one way or another. If you attract these people, and you obviously do, it says something about you, and not in a good way. In the end, everybody gets what he deserves, and that is a neutrals statement.

Hans

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

This is hilarious. I am kind of with Brad on this one, though. None of my friends, male or female, has ever dated a crazy woman or a criminal abuser. None of the people I have ever met, on various continents, ever has. I am seeing 'normal', whatever that means, people who have 'normal' relationships around me all day long. I have never heard of exes threatening to beat me up, throwing bricks through my windshield, or wanting to put me in the trunk of a car. Dr. Freud would say that like attracts like. What families do you guys come from, how did you grow up ? Were you raised in functional families, that is, loving parents at the very least ? Because the vast majority of people do live normal lives that don't include missing fathers, drug addicted mothers, or abuse of any kind. The entire notion of treating women like crap in order for them to like you is so out of this world, it is fairly easy to see that only very damaged women would respond to this kind of behavior. I stick with treating people well, that has worked for me so far. Masculinity attracts femininity, abuse attracts sick puppies.

Mary

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

It really is a shame that these well meant blogs always seem to attract all sorts of weirdos from the outer rim of society, and the entire thing turns into a freak show. Anybody who sincerely believes that sane women are attracted to abusers, drug addicts, criminals or jobless losers is in for a rude awakening, probably in a police cell. You do that kind of stuff to a normal woman, you will go to jail, I can assure you that. David gives good advice, does he look like a psychopath to you ?

Bob

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

I find the comments from the gallery puzzling. It is as if the readers believe that by posting experiences with girls who had "crazy" ex boyfriends, and their attraction for them, makes me the crazy boyfriend, and the on committing these outrageous acts ! As I said, I am repulsed by this behavior, and don't understand it. As I said, Once I experienced these screwed up women, I left them immediately, and never spoke to them again. The fact that I have had experiences with these types of women, does not make me the "weirdo", "fringe" element. I am not the one threatening to stuff people in trunks, and drive them out to the desert. I am the one being threatened. The victim, not the perpetrator! Do you people not recognize the difference here? Because something you read about has never happened in your sheltered, and limited reality, is no reason to degrade and slander the one posting the event, who is actually the victim of the events. The fact that you have grown up in a loving family, had a wonderful childhood, with a two parent upbringing, in a happy, pleasant and approving environment, is NOT the norm anymore from most people. Even your guru had by his own admission, a terrible childhood, with a distant father. Most children now grow up in broken homes, without loving parents, or a strong father figure to look up to. Have you not kept up with the divorce rate? You should count your lucky stars, if you had a great childhood, and an easy life, with no negative events, that happen to a lot of people. You know no criminals, no children that grew up in broken homes, have never had a bad or abusive relationship, been threatened, or robbed. Wow, you are blessed, and I have no idea why anyone with such a stable environment would be posting on a dating blog. You should be well adjusted, at ease in social situations, have numerous options for dating, and be the one "coaching" the less fortunate, not the student needing help.

Lara

Thursday, April 17th, 2014

I think the point is not that you are the abusive boyfriend, but that you are attracting these women for a reason. People attract other people of similar emotional maturity. That's just how it is. You make repeated reference to the amount of money you, and these women make as if that says anything about who they are. While a certain amount of intellect and common sense are required to attain financial wealth through growth in one's career, neither of those things requires one to be emotionally healthy in relationships. I am baffled whenever anyone cites someone's monetary status as proof that they are indeed "good people." Clearly these women are not healthy and no amount of money will change that. Attracting one woman with a crazy ex is one thing, but attracting so many of them is a completely different story. In fact, there have been so many that you now feel like a "victim." I can understand how you would feel that way when all you want to do is meet a nice woman who doesn't secretly want her crazy ex-boyfriend back. But have you ever wondered why this keeps happening? Maybe even a little? I am not saying there is something wrong with you but I am saying that perhaps instead of being a victim and blaming the women of the world you could take an honest look at yourself. You might see that there IS room for personal growth. Hell, everyone has room for personal growth! You might see the part of you that is attracting these types of women. In fact, the ability to acknowledge one's own role in any given situation rather than take on the role of the victim (with the exception of crimes against innocent people), is a sign of emotional maturity. To BRAD AND HANS: Thank you both for your comments! Women don't want to be put on a pedestal! As Brad said: "that does not mean to treat them like angels or put them on a pedestal, it is more about being masculine and treating them like a women." True Story. As Hans said: "Masculinity attracts femininity, abuse attracts sick puppies." It really is that simple. Thank you :)

Rob

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Bob, I'm starting to wonder if we're just wasting our time throwing pearls before swines here; cause it's just unbelieveable how many stupid and delusional people frequent this blog. You give them your genuine experiences; point to facts and use nothing but common sense and logic - YET - in their demented minds, they somehow still manage to misconstrue what you say, put words in your mouth, misunderstand what you said altogether or go on a hysterical rampage hurling insults at you for no reason whatsoever. You people crack me up. You really do. :D

Rick L

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Close-mindedness is the biggest problem I see here (perhaps life in general). C-mindedness towards David’s advice, c-mindedness towards other people’s experiences, c-mindedness in terms of what we “know” about the opposite sex……..opinions become facts, and our experiences become The truth. I did NOT make any conclusions in what I wrote above. I simply wrote my experience. At first, I dismissed most of what he said in my mind, but then I recalled the past experiences of some women I have dated. I decided to share how part of my experience connected with part of Bob’s. I’ll probably do the same with any of you in the future. I wasn’t c-minded to his experiences, nor did I attempted to cast blame on women, him, or blame these women’s upbringing and families. My experiences do not end with decisive conclusions. The human experience is too deep for any individual’s experience to be holistic in scope. Check out people’s conclusion on here : women only want guys with scumbag characteristics………women only want tall, handsome men, men are too preoccupied with sex, men and women are shallow, women got it easy. Regardless of what your experience has told you, it’s incomplete.

Pam

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

One needs to examine what HE is doing to keep attracting the same type of women (those who want abusers/jailbait) in his life. If you go around thinking, saying and believing that women only go for bad guys and that’s only what you attract, guess what is going to keep showing up….

Bob

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

As I said. I am sure I have dated around a hundred women throughout my life. Of course most of them were fairly normal. The ones that I remember, are of course, the crazy ones, who had stalker boyfriends, or druggie/criminal type former partners. Having your life threatened, and abnormal, nearly insane behavior from another person whom you thought was close to you, has a way of standing out in ones memory, and of course the craziest things that happen in ones life, are the easiest to remember. Even by Brad's incorrect statement that about 5% of people are these types of people, in society, that would indeed allow me to have dated at least 5 (FIVE) crazy women in my lifetime. Pretty easy math. Still don't understand the negative attitudes, attacking the oneswho was the victims of this behavior, and the hate being directed at completely the wrong party here. I don't understand why the hatred is not directed at the foolish women, who portray this behavior. Very odd, and curious. Of course, I could care less what the readers think, and only post out of curiosity and hopefully to help the guys on here avoid similar mistakes, and know what to look for before they have to endure these unstable and confused types of women. I guess it is just the general publics optimism for how "life should be, and is expected", the dislike of differences from social norms, dislike of any reality that they have never experienced, and general ignorance of how many people live their daily lives differently that the expected norm and their known lifestyles. It really is very interesting to me and learned to see the reactions of people, and especially the closed minded women who contribute to the blog with their numerous biased and conceited opinions.

Brad

Friday, March 14th, 2014

I could be wrong about the 5 percent, it could be 8 or 10 percent. But they live in their own world, and if you are part of that world, it seems like 100 percent. Wife beaters, abusers, drug addicts, criminals, people who threaten your life, people who are insane, they hang out with each other because nobody else wants to hang out with them. The thing is, I can smell all of them from a mile away, and I make a U-turn when I spot one.

James

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Bob, with all due respect, you are full of it. These are your own words: "I only date beautiful, educated, well adjusted, and career oriented women.Most are good mothers, and responsible providers. I have dated teachers, lawyers,tech workers, nurses, a doctor, retail managers, business owners, etc. All had the same stories.Most women still were enamored by their “dangerous”exes, and even though they said they despised them, and would never consider reuniting with them, they all would secretly (I found this out, when they would leave to go back to them) take their calls, correspond with them, sometimes even secretly hook up with them while they were with me, and eventually, most went back to their former abusive lifestyle." So now it is only five that were crazy ? What happened to the other 95 ? Why did they leave ? Just kidding... We all make up our own reality in retrospective. By the way, I am with most of the other posters here, don't know any criminals, don't know any women who like to be abused or treated badly, have never been robbed or threatened, and know many, many, many normal couples.

Peter

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

This is interesting. I am kind of with Pam on this one, you attract people into your life, and that is usually for a reason. The abused needs the abuser as much as the alcoholic needs the liquor store, and you can bet your life that they will find each other. I had a pretty normal childhood, without abuse, with both parents around, and most of my friends had the same. Somebody mentioned layers of society, I think that was very good. If you look at what happens in the trailer trash park reality as opposed to what happens in most normal families, the differences are stunning. In fact, these are two completely different worlds, realities, which leads to totally different lives. I have never met a woman who likes criminals, alcoholics, or otherwise dysfunctional people. I know these women are out there, but I do not attract them because I have nothing in common with them. I know tons of normal couples, who live normal lives and who treat each other with respect, as well as the people around them. So to me, that is normal.

Laura N.

Friday, March 14th, 2014

Peter, I was in a relationship with a guy for 23 years that was psychologically abusive. He did everything he could to make me feel bad about myself so I would stay with him. Luckily for me a couple of dear MALE friends helped me see WTF he had done to me emotionally...and helped me develop the self esteem and courage to dump the loser's ass. One thing you have to remember, a lot of these abusers are sociopaths...they can be very charming, intelligent and manipulative....and can hide what they are really like for years. (My ex sure as hell did.) Now, I allowed him to treat me that way because of my own self esteem issues...and once I got away from him and rebuilt my self-esteem, I knew I would NEVER go back to him or someone like him ever again. But that is because I am, despite everything, essentially emotionally healthy and balanced; I just got knocked off kilter for a while. But like does attract like...

Dean

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014

I feel for you Caroline. It has taken me years to realised that my former partner was narcissistic, a sex addict and a psychopath. I cannot believe I was so deluded. I am a strong, healthy man but she pretty much hollowed out my sense of self so I felt empty and worthless. It's only the fact that I have an incredibly strong will and good intellect that I managed to figure things out but it really took a toll on me and I got very depressed. I got through it some how and read a lot of spiritual books which helped me grow and rebuild my sense of self. The crazy thing is I am still attracted to this woman, probably because she is very sexual but I cannot let her back in my life because she doesn't know/care how destructive she is. In the last few years she seems to have gone through scores men, boasting about it on Facebook and leaving a trial of damage with no proper relationship to show for it. Anyone involved with people demonstrating these characteristics should leave immediately and get in therapy to deal with a) the loss of the relationship and b) the trauma of the abuse.

Peter

Friday, March 14th, 2014

Laura, thanks for your story and for being so honest and open. What kind of family did you grow up in ? What was your childhood like, did you feel loved and appreciated for who you were ?

Laura N.

Friday, March 14th, 2014

Peter, I grew up in a wonderful, loving family. The whole Norman Rockwell idyll...parents who loved each other till the day they died, and they loved and supported me and my siblings no matter what. etc. However, I was also sheltered by my parents...so when it came to boys and dating I was extremely naive and trusting. As a result, a lot of guys in high school and college took advantage of my innocence and broke my heart several times...so my confidence with men was very low when I was a young woman in my 20s. That was why I fell for a loser like my ex. (I was extremely confident in my career and with my female friends; my esteem issues were with men.) Once I got into therapy, I was able to deal with those self-inflicted wounds and am now ready for a healthy, NORMAL relationship with a man. The key is not to settle for second best...and to be happy with yourself. I'm blessed to have had wonderful, loving parents. That's why I am, at heart, an emotionally stable woman who just let the wrong guys knock me off kilter because I was trying TOO HARD to find love and validation from men.

Hans

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Somebody please confirm that there is a working dating reality out there other than the one in which the female offspring of the Antichrist attracts Satan's male lieutenants. I have not once read David saying that we men have to become ruthless members of the mob in order to become attractive to the other sex. And David is the expert ! Really, I lived in Florida, and I don't want the last words I hear be: The electricity shall be passed through your body until you are dead. No thanks. I stick with male role models that are successful and treat people well, there are plenty of those out there.

Bobby M

Friday, March 14th, 2014

"Somebody please confirm that there is a working dating reality out there other than the one in which the female offspring of the Antichrist attracts Satan’s male lieutenants." This is the best quote I've read on here in weeks. The psycho broads are getting with the psychopathic male jackasses, dating and having the time (and sex) of their lives, yet for all of us with any kind of level head on our shoulders, dating is a 300x300 rubix cube.

Rob

Friday, March 14th, 2014

@Bobby M LOL..... that is so right on the money! :D Evil people sure seems to get it easier in this world... =P

Hans

Friday, March 14th, 2014

Obviously, Rob. Evil people know the power of the dark side. What they usually underestimate is the power of the local S.W.A.T. team...

Yureon

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

I have not once read David saying that we men have to become ruthless members of the mob in order to become attractive to the other sex. And David is the expert ! Of course, but becoming such an entity works wonders. More than one way to skin a cat. You absolutely don't have do that, but it works. I don't have to take a flight to Japan, I can take a boat.

Pam

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

I know lots of normal, happy couples as well, and that is what I choose to focus on. Just yesterday in the mail I got an invitation to the wedding of a woman in my Meetup group. She met her boyfriend (now fiance) on Match.com about a year ago, and they got engaged over the holidays. Really nice people--I met her boyfriend and he's proof that there are normal, personable, attractive fellows doing online dating. She's a teacher, and he teaches martial arts. Will they be happy forever? Who knows? But right now, they sure seem happy and have a healthy relationship, from what I've seen on Facebook and in person. And...I'm excited about the wedding because it's always an opportunity to meet new people.

Rob

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Match.com I've had horrible experiences with; their exorbitant prices aside, they've also used highly unethical, bordeline-criminal marketing methods. For example, when I joined up and made a free profile, it didn't take them long to start sending out emails to me that said that I had had visitors on my page and some girls had put me as favorite; but of course, not being a paying member, I couldn't see the pics of who these girls were; eventually, curiosity took the best of me and I bought a membership, and once that was done, and I could check my visitors and what girls had put me as favorite, there turned out to be that NO ONE had done that or even visited my page. So, this sleazy marketing tactic to get men to waste their money (because they know of course that men are reluctant to pay for memberships since they never get any responses anyway), so, all they need to do is to send out some fake crap like this, to con people to join up. I have seen this kind of behavior on several dating sites, but usually it's the smaller sleazier ones that does it...

giselle

Thursday, August 7th, 2014

Try Christian mingle

Caroline

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Bob, I don't mean to be indelicate, but maybe you attract this kind of young woman because you provide a kind of safe haven in the storm because of the money, home, travel, etc.

Caroline

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

If you led more with your personality, charisma, intelligence, and with women who were maybe a bit more self sufficient that would most likely not be the case. Please don't bite my head off. They obviously don't have much self worth if they go back to abusive exes.

Hans

Friday, March 14th, 2014

I once dated a woman whose name was Lilith. The strange thing was that she only agreed to meet me after dark. Sometimes, I would wake up in the middle of the night, and find her hovering above the bed a few inches, murmuring something unintelligible in...Latin ! She would look really pissed, and she cursed at me with a very dark, deep voice. Later, I found a couple of scars on my back in the shape of a hexagon. I still don't know what all that means, but she was really sweet, she even showed me pictures of her family. I swear her dad had a tail...

Laura N.

Friday, March 14th, 2014

BWAHAHAHAHA, Hans.

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