First off, let me tell you something, arguing with a woman is probably one of the worst decisions you’re ever going to make.

You see, if a woman is right, you stand no chance in Hell.

When a woman is right, she becomes the best attorney from the best TV show you’ve ever watched.

She puts you down. She’s disgusted with your friends. She’s going to go at you 100 miles an hour and she’s going to make sure that she gets her point across just like a well-trained attorney.

She’s going to stay on that subject. She’s going to make sure you understand it. She’s going to repeat it several times to make sure you will understand it to get her point across and then, you have nothing left to do but to look at her and say, “I’m sorry, honey.”

I remember my grandfather taught me those words a long time ago.

It was the only advice he ever gave me. He told me that when arguing with a woman, just look at her and say, “I’m sorry, honey. I understand.” And nod your head 14 to 17 times during the course of the attack.

A Woman’s Inner-Attorney

You see, whenever a woman is arguing, she literally brings out the inner-attorney.

She’s amazing at it.

Because when a woman is right, she will argue that point over and over and over again until your thick male brain gets it.

And then finally, when your male brain does get it, you apologize. She’s going to look at you and say one more thing.

Her closing statement.

She’s going to rewrap it up one more time in a neat little bow, telling you the same thing again.

But she wants to make sure that that apology is legitimate. She wants to make sure you’re not taking your grandfather’s advice and that you actually heard her so that it never happens again because if it does happen again, she’s going to use the last time against you. You know damn well six months down the road it’s going to happen again and she’ll tell you that it happened six months ago.

She’ll pinpoint the date, the time, the hour, and the place that you had the first argument based on you not listening to what went wrong in her point.

She’ll bring it up again, and she’ll argue it again but this time instead of it being a 10 minute summation, it’s going to be a 35 minute Johnny Cochran-style summation that makes you want to crawl inside a cave and scream, “Enough! I heard it the first time. I’m a male. I’m stupid. I didn’t listen, I apologized the first time and yes, you are right, it happened again because we have short-term memory.”

Don’t Argue with a Woman, Even if She’s Wrong

how to argue with a womanBut what if a woman is wrong? If a woman is just angry?

She becomes a raving lunatic.

She screams, she yells, she goes off in 17 different directions; you have no idea what’s going on. She’s freaking you out and you get so angry that you finally call her some type of name.

You might call her a bitch.

You might go below the belt, literally, and tell her that her ass is fat.

You’re going to say something to her based on the insecurities that you are feeling at that moment about yourself because under attack, what does a male do?

He turns into the schoolyard male. The schoolyard version of himself.

He comes back and teases her.

“Nah nah nah nah nah.”

“You’re fat, too.”

And then all of a sudden, the crazed lunatic argument that made absolutely no sense now becomes clear as day.

You called her a bitch, you called her fat. So then the entire argument is based on how dare you call her that, how dare you call her fat, how dare you call her a bitch, and now, what happens now?

You’ve unleashed the crazed lunatic.

When you have at any point in the conversation called her fat, it doesn’t matter what she’s called you or what she’s done. You’re going to have to apologize for calling her fat. Then you’re going to have to have a conversation where she asks you, “Am I really fat?”

“Am I really a bitch?”

You’re going to have to sit there and listen to that because now she’s going to go to the Johnny Cochran that you unleashed in the first place.

You can’t win an argument with a woman.

It’s next to possible.

Whether she’s right, whether she’s wrong. It’s the way her brain works. It works entirely different than your brain and my brain.

Have an argument with a friend, we both state our case.

We both listen to one another.

Then, five minutes later, we’re out, having a beer. We’re having a drink together, hanging out, laughing, and not remembering what the argument was about.

With a woman? It could be a lifetime of her thinking she’s fat.

So, the next time you’re arguing with a woman, whether she’s on point or off point, you need to realize that you do not add anything to the fire that is already burning.