Gotta love the fade away. It’s one of the best dating tactics in the entire world.
So you went out with somebody, you had a great time, maybe you slept together, maybe you didn’t, but now you’ve determined that this person just isn’t for you. Now when it comes to dating and relationships, most of us are complete chicken shit because there are a lot of feelings and emotions involved, and it’s a really intimate thing.
Most of us are not going to take a stand and break up with somebody properly who don’t really know that well. So instead, what we do is we perform the fade away.
What exactly is the fade away? You hung out with somebody maybe for a week, maybe a few weeks, maybe you had some sex, maybe you didn’t. Basically by now you’ve determined you are not really into anything serious with this person, or that person is just not for you. But instead of saying that to them, you just fade away.
Fade aways are usually paired up with one of two really bad excuses. One: you’re going out of town to visit family for a week, or you’re going away on business for a week, and you’ll call when you get back! Two: Hey, things are just really hectic over the next 10 days, you’ve got some deadlines at work, you’ve got some friends in town, you’re moving into a new apartment, whatever.
That’s when the fade away process slowly begins. Then, over the course of the next 10 days, you start fading away and hope you’re becoming a distant memory. Of course you never call him or her again, and you never intended to, but you start the fade away by saying that you will keep them in mind, that you’ll be in touch soon.
You start the fade away with an excuse you pulled from your life so they don’t expect to hear from you for a short while. Then, after that time passes, they start scratching their head wondering if you are ever going to call them again.
Here’s the question: why is it so difficult to just be honest with each other? Instead of doing things like the fade away tactic, why can’t we look at each other and say, “Hey, you know, I really enjoyed hanging out with you, sleeping with you, whatever. It was great fun, I’m glad we met, but I just don’t see this going anywhere. I just don’t have that feeling, and I’m looking for something else. But I enjoyed the time we spent together, the few weeks we spent together, however long it might be.”
We’ve all had somebody perform the fade away on us. And the next time you’re thinking about doing a fade away yourself, it really comes down to thinking about how you felt the last time a person you were dating faded away on you? How did the fade away make you feel in that situation?
Practicing honesty and being up-front with people who you’re dating is an amazing thing to practice. When dealing with people in life, you have to think long term. Because when you see that person again, months or years later down the road, they will respect you a lot more if you’re completely honest with them, even if you hurt their feelings temporarily. But when you perform the fade away, that person doesn’t really want to see you, doesn’t want to waste their time having to deal with you either personally or professionally, and you become that asshole who only cared about himself or herself and faded away hoping you wouldn’t notice.