Kris Thoma
Pensacola News Journal
Unless you want your new relationship to fizzle before it even gets hot, you’d better not go overboard this Valentine’s Day.
And if you’ve relied on chocolates and flowers the past few years, maybe you should spice things up a bit.
Dating consultant David Wygant of Los Angeles, author of “Always Talk to Strangers: Three Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life,” believes men and women need to be imaginative, but keep their gifts simple and thoughtful.
“Stop going overboard,” he said. “It’s about creativity, not what your wallet can buy. Be creative, and he or she will remember it. Anybody can write a check or whip out a credit card and buy a gift.”
Anthony and LaShawndra Caldwell of Pensacola believe the gifts have to get better each year to keep the romance alive.
“It has to,” said Anthony Caldwell, 22. “You can’t go back.”
LaShawndra Caldwell, 22, said her husband has done well with Valentine’s Day gifts since they first started dating in high school. And though Anthony Caldwell said he never really cares what she gets him, he said she also has impressed him over the years.
Her secret: She sticks to gadgets – something she knows her husband will use and enjoy.
Many couples don’t fare so well. If you think it would be cute to buy your man red boxers with hearts, or that just a box of chocolates is enough for your leading lady, check out Wygant’s suggestions to awe and delight this Valentine’s Day.
Dating less than 4 weeks
“Valentine’s Day is the ultimate pressure holiday for people who are first dating,” he said. “You really don’t want to go overboard if you’ve been dating for just a short time. You don’t really know this person too well. You don’t want to imply anything or go over the top.”
FOR HER: Send to her home or work a bottle of wine, a compact disc with a collection of great, non-mushy songs and a note that reads, “Let’s get together to share this wine and listen to some music. Happy Valentine’s Day.”
FOR HIM: With a simple Valentine’s Day card – no X’s and O’s, no I love you’s – include a cute slip of paper that reads: “This coupon is redeemable for one amazing home-cooked meal.”
Both those gifts are clever, without saying too much.
“It’s way, way too much pressure if you go overboard at this stage,” Wygant said. “If you go overboard, it’s over.”
Dating 1 to 2 months
At this stage, both of you should still be selling yourselves, Wygant said. Do something fun and off the beaten path.
FOR HER: Use a “treasure hunt” theme to take her for an evening out. Choose a great restaurant that isn’t the typical Valentine’s Day spot. Don’t tell her where you are taking her. Send her an e-mail midday or phone her with basic instructions about where to meet – at a park or some other neutral location – and what time. When she gets there, you can blindfold her if you wish to make the destination a surprise. Have a couple of flowers and a lit candle waiting at the table – call ahead to arrange.
“The general idea is that you’ve made it a month, congrats, you can go out for a Valentine’s Day dinner,” Wygant said. “Nothing too crazy. The dinner is the gift.”
FOR HIM: Keep in mind that men prefer simple gifts. An idea that’s simple, yet sexy, is to buy a metal lunch box and toss in some massage oil, foot lotion and scalp lotion. Include a coupon good for a night of pampering. Think about what other things you can toss in there depending on the level of your intimacy.
“That would be a gift that a guy would basically redeem as quickly as possible,” Wygant said. “You’re going to do this for him, and hopefully he will reciprocate.”
Dating 3 to 6 months
You were still new at Christmas, but now the relationship is more exclusive. Here you have a chance to still be fun, but to increase the level of commitment.
FOR HER: The goal here is to give her an exciting piece of jewelry she might not buy herself – not diamonds or platinum.
If you want her friends to say, “Wow! Where did you get that!” about a piece of jewelry you give her, you’ll need to do some detective work. Take her shopping. Take note of what catches her eye. If she flips through a jewelry catalog, be attentive. Take a look at the jewelry she often wears. What can you get her that is similar in style and matches her personality? Ask her friends for confirmation.
“Guys, I know this takes creativity and work, but you’re going to absolutely blow her away,” Wygant said.
FOR HIM: “Guys are about gadgets, and every single guy could use more music,” Wygant said. He suggests compiling a collection of great music and delivering through whichever medium is appropriate – computer, iPod or other MP3 player, or compact disc. If your man doesn’t have an iPod and you want to step it up a notch, buy him the iPod shuffle ($99) and load it up with songs. If you are making a collection of music on CDs, make one for a romantic evening, one for a long drive, one for working out, and so on.
Dating 6 months to a year
This stage deserves a romantic night. Both sexes can utilize a “treasure hunt” theme to concoct something fun and playful.
FOR HER: Wygant suggests booking an evening at local hotel. Ask for the romance package, or create your own. Fill the room with candles, flowers, massage oils, a picnic dinner, wine and anything else you think will make it more special. Tell your date to dress casually, bring a change of clothes and meet you at the mall. Arrive wearing a tuxedo or other classy outfit. Tell her, “Don’t worry about it. I’m here to serve you all night.” Take her into the mall and into a lingerie store. Tell her to pick out something comfortable for the evening. Then take her to the hotel for an evening of bliss.
FOR HIM: Women also can use bizarre instructions to create a romantic evening. Tell him to meet you at home at a certain time. Draw a bath, bathe him and pamper him. Have a candlelit dinner or picnic in the house. And wear something sexy. “That would make a guy go crazy,” Wygant said. “Have a great dude movie – like the ‘40-Year-Old Virgin’ or the ‘Wedding Crashers’ – to watch after dinner. He won’t want to watch it, so don’t worry about it. The point is that you’ve made the effort.”
Dating a year or more
When you reach long-term relationship status, you will need to challenge yourself to create romance on Valentine’s Day and throughout the year, Wygant said. Often, it’s a weekend away without children, cell phones or other distractions.
The longer you’ve been together, the harder it gets. So be creative, and think about what you both could enjoy.
“It’s not about the present,” Wygant said. “It’s about getting away. It’s about 24 hours together, uninterrupted.” |
