Single? Try Chatting Up Strangers

Charlotte Observer

April 7, 2005

Are you single and miserable? It may be time to ignore your mother’s advice and talk to strangers.

Not in bars – but at dry cleaners and gas stations, says dating coach David Wygant, who, with Bryan Swerling, has written “Always Talk to Strangers: 3 Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life” (Penguin, $13.95).

“Single people are everywhere,” writes Wygant, who thinks a “passive waiter mentality” as the cause of today’s dating woes. And he’s not talking about restaurants. “Why is it that when it comes to love, so many people believe that it’ll someday simply fall out of the sky,” says Wygant.

Ditch the movies “Sleepless in Seattle” and “Serendipity,” he says. “They play on our hopes that love is predetermined and written in the stars.”

Before you speak up, though, you may need to give yourself a physical tune-up.

For women, “touchable” hair is a must-have, Wygant says; mustaches are a must-not. He suggests limiting the number of ear piercings to a hole or two in each ear – “Ten holes says you spend entirely too much time at the mall.”

For men, no ponytails or earrings; they’re out of style by at least 10 years, he says. And get rid of the ear wax, nose hair and back hair. Wearing a simple necklace is OK, but no gaudy jewelry.

Both men and women are advised to get pedicures.

Once you’re looking your best, it’s time to start talking.

Wygant said the real way to meet others is to project “availability” while you do your errands or work.

“You can actually get so caught up in what you’re doing that you emit a frightening vibe to others,” he says.

WHERE (AND HOW) TO LOOK

Some approaches from “Always Talk to Strangers: 3 Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life”:

BOOKSTORES: “Pay attention to what others are browsing through. It’s extremely easy to tell someone you have read the book they’re looking at and either recommend it or not.”

GAS STATION: “Take a look at who is filling up around you… Start up a conversation… Talk about how much you like their car or how high the price of gasoline has become.”

MOVIE THEATERS: “If you’re a woman, go check out the latest action film… If you’re a man, go look for the latest light romantic comedy.” When you’re leaving, Wygant says, “Why not turn to the stranger next to you and ask them what they thought of the movie?”

DEPARTMENT STORES: “If you’re a woman, spend some time in the men’s section… The same goes for men. Ask someone you find attractive if you think that your sister or close female friend would like a pair of pants like the ones you’re holding.”

COFFEE SHOPS: “Sit next to another solitary sitter… Talk to them about the latest overpriced blockbuster in the movie theater… Don’t worry about bothering them until they give you a clear sign you are.”

YOGA: “Unfortunately for women and fortunately for men, the ratio is usually 5 to 1 in favor of the guys. Therefore, if you’re a man who doesn’t mind putting your body through 90 minutes of pure torture in an unnatural position, this is a great place to meet someone.”