So there’s a trend going around. You may have read about it.
There are a bunch of guys that go around and teach the “you’re beautiful” opener or the “you’re really cute” opener. This opener is being taught to guys who want to authentic and real, and these poor guys are forced to go out and approach 40 women a day saying the same “you’re beautiful” line.
What kind of strategy is this? You could almost just stand in the town square walking around in a circle saying to person after person, “You’re beautiful! You’re beautiful! No, really, you ARE beautiful!”
It is about the most ridiculous line I’ve ever heard in my life. Keep in mind that regardless of how nice sounding the sentence is, it is still a line.
Keep in mind, too, that by saying this line out of the blue to a total stranger you are putting the woman completely on the spot. She may be insecure or not want to hear it . . . but she definitely knows you are bullshitting her. She absolutely does.
Another flaw in this whole “you’re beautiful” routine, is that you have no good means of follow up. So you say “You’re beautiful!” to a woman and she responds “Thank you.” Now what? You have nothing else to say because “thank you” gives you nothing to go on to create a conversation.
Canned lines and routines in general are ridiculous, but this particular one is really bad because all it achieves is to leave you standing next to a woman feeling uncomfortable. I had a client once who had tried this routine, and when I asked him how he felt afterwards he told me, “The conversation didn’t go very far and I had no choice but to abruptly end it. It felt embarrassing – from the first moment and I still felt bad afterwards. It’s not natural.”
Of course starting the conversation with a woman with “You’re beautiful!” is going to feel not natural. It’s an awkward way to start a conversation with a complete stranger.
Also, telling a woman she is beautiful the first moment you meet her isn’t helping you connect with her in any way, and isn’t giving you any information (or potential to create a connection with her.
The only connection you create with a woman by this routine is with her physical appearance. Women already know you like their physical appearance if you walked up to them! They’re not stupid. They know if we’re talking to them it’s because we’re intereseted.
Now, don’t mistake what I’m saying. Of course you need an “opener” when you approach a woman. If you are observant of what a woman is doing, and you are 100% confident and authentic about who you are, then you don’t need to use a canned opener. You will have the right opener every time, and women will chase you all day long.
If you want to learn how to authentically approach and attract women, without using canned routines and pickup lines, be sure to check out my “20 Ways To Meet Hotter Women Without Pickup Lines” product.
The problem is when you use a starting phrase like that it’s way to obvious that you are judging us purely on the basis of looks and not on who we are. I most often saw this in southern europe and we always saw it as flat out hilarious. Any girl with a minimum of self confidence or self worth would not find that attractive, but more find it to be a cheap line from a player. If you like lines like that as an “opener” then it had to be followed with observations about us, be creative.
I have to hazzard a guess, but from the pic that is up there, I am betting that Stylelife academy is teaching this new opener.
This is why I have left the ‘Pick up’ community. They are looking for ways to ‘improve the game’.
This isnt so much of a game, as it is a way to bring a little more fun into your life, by adding another person into your life, that enjoys life as much as you do.
/shakes head
Poor guys.
THANK YOU, David!
I personally know several instructors who are teaching this “honest” approach. For years I have been telling them “just because you tell a girl they are hot does not mean you are honest or authentic, especially since it’s the same line you just said to 20 other girls on the same night.”
I wish email could record their reactions when they see this article HAH!
Well, when you think about it, just reverse it. If some girl, came up and said , oh my god, you’re so hot .
what are you going to say ?
I would feel a bit akward too….
I agree that some people will treat sayin to a woman “You’re beautiful” as a canned line. Those that do will feel awkward because it’s probably not what they truely want to say.
However, you mentioned “Keep in mind, too, that by saying this line out of the blue to a total stranger you are putting the woman completely on the spot. She may be insecure or not want to hear it . . . but she definitely knows you are bullshitting her. She absolutely does.”
The difference here is are you telling a woman she is beautiful because you think she’ll like it or are you telling her this because you are screening her? Saying beautiful to a woman is very powerful when said honestly. If she feels insecure, that i’m bullshitting, or doesn’t want to hear it then fine. By doing that she has crossed herself off of my list. Why? Because i LOVE telling a beautiful woman, that has probably spent a couple of hours getting ready and looking that good today, that i admire how gorgeous she is. If she wants to get all shitty and insecure then that’s fine. I’m not after a shitty and insecure girl, i’m looking for a woman who can handle my directness.
Too man men bullshit themselves with fake confidence, try to attract every girl and hide behind a ‘line’ like “you are beautiful”. That’s why they can’t handle responses that the women give them. And why the hell would you want to attract every girl? Some women can look great but be the most horrible people in the world. Your honesty (true honesty) will reveal that faster than any ‘technique’. Some women indeed will not believe you, but 5 minutes later you’re kissing them. This happens when you truely want to stand there and TALK to her.
One last thing, how do you know that the woman doesn’t want you to say “you’re beautiful” to her? Every woman is different. I’ve spent the past 5 years trying to figure out women. I still can’t. No-one can. I’ve learned every technique out there. I’ve tried every style (i do like yours David) but no man is invincible in the realm of the woman. We’re not mind readers, so you cannot look over at a girl and assume that by telling her you appreciate how great she looks will make her run a mile. Often, ESPECIALLY in the day, they LOVE it.
LC.
Agree and yet disagree
I think it would be a lame opener if it was excatly “you are beautiful”, but opening direct with other lines where you A) tells her you find her attractive and are man enough to look her in the eyes and tell her b) wants to find out more about her, works really good. When I open direct on the street, it would usually be something in the line with “hey, sorry if I interrupt you, but I just walked by and I thought you looked really cute/sweet/interesting and I got curious…”. Naturally I will only do this if I actually DO find her attractive, and I am willing to leave without trying to get her number/Facebook if I don’t find their personality match my personality.
Also it is, with a little experience, extremely easy to get in to an interesting conversation, after you have opened directly. I think that opening in-direct can be just as bad e.g. asking for a good sushi-place, where your real agenda is to seduce her, just seems stupid to me.
It could be that the things work so well, is because I live in Denmark, and in Scandinavia we aren’t normally talking to strangers on the streets.
I have tried a few times that girls said to me, “hey you look really nice/cute” and even if I was never interested in her, it really made me happy to hear that.
Allan,
I think that was Davids point as he just don’t want you to do it a mechanically way. Besides Danes gets as friendly on the streets in warm weather
. Girls pick up on your energy and often it’s how you approch us and not as much what that comes out of your mouth than will make us attracted to you. It’s
about be geunine in your approach and not so much a flawless performance. We would even be attracted if you stumble in your words, but makes us feel you are deeply smitten and interested. But focus on framing things in ways as love the way your smile makes me feel.
David,
The other day i was browsing around on youtube, and there actually are some of these ridiculous canned openers people are teaching. Don’t worry, i wasn’t cheating on you, lol
just had to see it to believe it.
This line is so absurd, (”your beautiful”)
- Girls are not going to want you just cause you think they are hot.
- You give away all your power, and she now has you at her disposal.
- Your no longer in object of desire to her because your a sure thing if she even wanted you in the first place.
What you open with really doesn’t matter. If you’re a cool, interesting guy, you can open with anything and it will work. If you’re a chode, the best opener in the world will not work. Its what you’re subcommunicating throughout that counts. The self is always coming through. Those that still think openers matter and are the deal breaker still don’t get it.
All the PUA stuff I have read would never recommend a “you’re beautiful” opener, especially Style. So, I googled it and I found a PUA site that, of course, recommends against an opener like that. David, you have been way off base regarding PUA’s in other posts. Again, I think you are really confused about the PUA stuff. That is a horrible opener and all PUA’s I know understand that. However, Jim Street is right on that its not what you say, its how you say it!
Dunno about “beautiful,” but I’ve seen this one work very well:
“I saw you walk by and just had to come over and say, ‘you’re adorable. I’m [name]. So what’s your story?’”
They usualy respond with “what’s my story? um…” And then you can respond with “yeah, everyone’s got a story. What brings you hear today.”
Another one I’ve seen that works well is just to walk up to a girl, hold your hand up and say “high five!”
D
those would not work on very independet
girls. Both of them would make me take a step back and feels like I am dealing with a player.
That whole “You’re beautiful” thing just crosses the line into weirdness. Which isn’t a good thing.
The other day, I’m in a coffeeshop I’d never been in before. I was waiting in what I thought was the line, and a guy comes up to me and asks “Are you in line?” I said, “Oh, am I in the wrong place?”
He says, “Yeah, but you’re really working it!” It was just weird. (”Working” the wrong side of the line?) It didn’t make me want to talk to him.
In my opinion all the PUA tricks in the book are shallow and ineffective if you deliver yourself without confidence. Actions speak louder than words; if you walk up to a woman with a genuine interest in learning something about her because you’re interested in her then that mindset will show through in your body language and the way you interact.
Secondly routines tend to get you stuck in your head, if you tune into the present and focus most of your attention onto her rather than onto the routines you’re cycling through your head the conversation will naturally be more flowing and exciting.
Thirdly, when you walk up to a female you need to understand that YOU are the one giving her the opportunity. You are the strong and confident man, it is HER luck that your decided to approach her and speak to her.
David, telling a woman that you thinks she’s beautful in the middle of the day seems to be right in line with the romantic comedy vibe you talk about.
Say you throw this out:
“Hey, I know this is random, but I had to tell you that you are unbelievably cute.”
OR
“I’m in a huge hurry but I think you’re ridiculously cute.”
OR
“Hey I know this is gonna sound crazy but I think you’re really cute and I would regret it all day if I didn’t talk to you. I’m …..”
If the setting is conducive to conversation and observations, make the best of it. If not, tell her you want to find out if she’s as cool as she is cute and get her number (routine, I know).
Even though this is a canned opener if you observe and converse well, you can take it anywhere you want it to go. How many men have had the balls to tell a woman she is stunning in the middle of the day? My guess is few to none.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with opening a woman with something like “I thought you were beautiful and wanted to say hi.”
No matter how little sense it makes to you, no matter how stupid you think it is, I’ve tested it and have taught many men a similar opener and have found that – when it’s true – it very often works.
Bottom line is just because something hasn’t worked for you doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for anybody.
Now just walking up and saying “you’re beautiful” and then standing there like a dumbass would almost certainly make a woman feel uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean that telling a woman you think she’s cute or beautiful in the moment you meet her is inherently a bad thing.
There are some things about pulling this off though.
I agree that it puts her on the spot which is why I teach guys to immediately ask her a question without giving her a chance to respond as in “thought you were cute and wanted to say hi. What are you up to?” It’s important not to pause after you state your intent and ask a question. Then, by answering the question she is agreeing to the context you’ve set which is: I’m a man, you’re a woman, I’m attracted to you and I want to know more.
This “I want to know more” is really important. By communicating this verbally and non-verbally, you take the neediness out of giving a woman a compliment right away.
If you communicate “you’re beautiful and I’m sold on you.” then again, yes, you’ll be putting her on the spot and showing her that you don’t have any standards when it comes to her behavior.
Once again I want to say that we can debate it for hours but the bottom line is: have you tried it? Has it worked? If it hasn’t worked, is it because of the “line” you used? or was it something else?
I have tried it. I have taught many men to use it. It does work when it’s true (you have to genuinely be attracted to her), and you communicate that though that’s why you approached her, you still need to know more to see if you want to get to know her or exchange numbers etc.
I hope some guys find this helpful.
Zach
Zach
Are you seriously trying to challenge me or just spamming the site?
I am way past so called lines in my life so if its me your challenging lets debate.
Always up for some fun with a rookie:)
Wow…all I can say is wow, seriously???
A complete stranger coming up to me, telling me that I’m beautiful is going to freak me out-whether it is meant sincerely or not it is still going to freak me out. My response is not going to be what you want it to be, especially if the warning bells are going off, I can guarantee it.
Marina is right, all that tells me is that you are judging me by my looks and nothing else.
Sorry Zach, you need to take a page from David’s book, and realize that women are not objects or simple minded. David is good at what he teaches for a reason – you should listen. Why would you say something that is going to put her on the spot and, chances are, make her uncomfortable on some level?
If you want to make a connection try for a deeper connection not a superficial one. Say something about the can of soup she’s got in her hand, the book she is looking at, what kind of coffee she’d suggest, something that is going on in that moment. Save the you’re beautiful for later when it’s more appropriate, like when you’ve actually made a connection.
Hey David,
Not spamming the site at all. And I’m not trying to be disrespectful. I have definitely learned things from you so I have a lot of respect for you and what you teach.
If I’m offside for my comments then I apologize. This is YOUR blog and perhaps it’s not the place for me to insert my take on things.
I assume your blog comments section is here to stimulate discussion and not just for people to agree with you. I rarely post any comments on anything and figured if what I said was offensive my comment wouldn’t be approved.
If you’d genuinely like to discuss, here’s what I’m saying:
You say it doesn’t work and that it’s ridiculous. I’ve done it myself and I’ve seen it work many times.
If I can make myself clear enough I think you’ll agree with what I’m saying.
Here’s what i teach my students:
“Walking up and telling a woman you approached her because you find her attractive works when it’s an honest expression of the situation.” I teach my students not to use this “line” when they’re out for the specific purpose of approaching a bunch of women but instead to dig for the truth of that situation.
I personally don’t use “lines” either but I have found that a simple opener like this can be really useful as a set of training wheels to someone who’s unsure of where to begin.
But yes, if you’re using it as a “line” and it’s not true then it just plain doesn’t work.
As I said before we can go back and forth all we want but what I’m saying is: I’ve done it. it works. I’ve taught other people to do it. It’s worked for them.
I’m not saying that it worked because of the “line” just that we don’t need to dismiss telling a woman she’s beautiful out of hand just because it seems like it wouldn’t work.
Science is full of things that sound like they should work but don’t and things that sound like they shouldn’t work, but do.
I have absolutely no doubt that what you teach your students to do works. But that doesn’t mean it’s the ONLY thing that works.
I hope I’ve made myself clear and remained respectful.
Your turn!
Zach
Strawberryblonde2u,
I don’t think that women are objects or simple minded. I’m currently settled down with a wonderful woman and we’re having our first child.
How is it disrespectful to give them the honest reason why I approached?
I agree that commenting on something a woman’s doing is a great way to engage her but it’s not the ONLY way to engage.
If you re-read my post you’ll see that I recommend for guys to instantly ask her a question after they tell her she’s beautiful precisely so that she doesn’t feel like she’s put on the spot. Otherwise all she can do is say “thanks” as David mentioned and the conversation goes nowhere.
As far as a deeper connection vs. a superficial connection goes I agree but when a guy approaches he’s usually approaching her because he’s attracted to her.
So he needs to find out if there is a deeper connection. Once again, read what I wrote: the basic attitude is “I see you’re beautiful and that’s prompted me to come over to see if we might have a deeper connection. If we do and we’re both single then let’s explore this a little deeper. If not, I wish you all the best.”