Your Friends and You
April 13, 2009 
23 Comments
Monday and as always wishing it was still Sunday!!
Great weekend here with 7 guys for the LA bootcamp!!!
How was everyone’s weekend?
Today I was thinking.
Do you enjoy the people who you hang out with?
Do you have a good time with your friends?
Or are you just hanging out with them because they are the people that go to the right places on Friday night? Or are they people that make it easier to meet women?
Life is about attraction. It’s about attracting people into your life in every way.
So really: who are your closest friends? Are they people that you really love? Are they people who you really enjoy being around? And are they people who you have a really great time with?
Or are you just hanging out with people that only serve your needs? Because if you hang out with them, you can get invited to the right parties?
If you’ve listened to my products, read the blog regularly, or met me in person, you understand that I’m not about chasing; I’m about attracting. If you’re with people who don’t make you feel good or aren’t fun to be with – the woman or man who you’re hoping to attract will look at you and wonder about your own character.
Are you someone who doesn’t drink, but you go out a lot with a friend who can’t handle his alcohol? Do you end up spending the entire night taking care of him? Do you know that people look at you and wonder why you’re hanging out with that person?
They don’t see you taking care of that person – they don’t see the nurturing side of you. They’re just wondering about your character – why you’re with that obnoxious person.
I remember Rey was out one time with a friend of his who thought it was funny if he peed outside waiting in line at a club. I remember Rey telling me this story. Everyone looked at HIM, not at his ass of a friend. They were wondering about Rey’s character: why would he go out with somebody who would pee outside in public?
I’m not making this stuff up. You’re perceived through your friends. When women meet you, they are looking at your friends. When men meet you, they are thinking, “Hmm, let me find out something about her (or his) character.” That’s how people judge and evaluate you.
So really, who are your friends? And do they truly represent who you are as a person?
wow this is so true, this really speaks to me
this is my favorite blog, not just for dating advise, but because it is so insightful!
keep up the good work man.
yeah i kick out from my life my best friend coz this person was talking bad about me in company of new people, thinking thats a funny joke. This person was drinking way too much. And finally when this person became mean to me and start to insult me, i just couldnt stand it.
Im better without this person but issue is that im kinda lonely coz someone is missing.
I’ve always liked to surround myself with good people… and people who I personally find “cool”. If I find them cool, then most likely other people will find them “cool”
Why would you surround yourself with people that make you look bad… or that make you feel bad?
It’s really about my desire to treat myself well by having people who treat me well too
As much as my own personality has all kind of nuances, so do my friends. I have them around for my enjoyment, couldn’t care less what others think of them. If they act like an ass that reflect on them not me, my identity is not influenced on how others act around me.
Not just someone who represents you, it’s also cool to surround yourself with friends that happen to be “better” than you as a person… I’ll admit that. Rather than envy someone who better you in life, social situations etc (something I’ve done in the past,) having them as your friend instead will train you and help your personality to grow.
I speak from first hand experience – have not just friends who are good people, but also friends who are better than you. I’ve picked up a lot of positive personality traits this way.
That was an amazing blog today, David! It is very good to know that I do not need to hang out with bad people to accepted by women or anyone else. Granted, I am known to be straight-laced. I do not drink, and I tend not to do crazy things like what Rey’s friend supposedly did. (I was not there.) I must say it is not easy being straight-laced, especially when I am in an environment where everyone seems be getting drunk, thinking that life is just some wild party, or any other crazy thing they are doing. I have managed to find some good friends that are not nearly as crazy. I suppose the moral of this story is that there are good people that are like yourself out there that you can enjoy, you just have to make the effort to find them. Thanks again, David!
Dave
Truth be told, I do probably do tend to hang out with a lot of friends who “serve my needs” so to speak. However, I can also honestly say that I enjoy hanging out with each and every one of them regardless of that as well.
I think this post david was in rythym of what I was thinking today, I’ve known this one guy for a long time and I often wonder..why the hell do I hang out with him and spend so much time in idle chit chat?? He is this type of person who is condescending and likes to rain on everyone else’s parade. The guy is a damn energy vampire. Its time to clean house!
Great post david! Thank you
what happen if when a person doesn’t have any friend? what do they have to do. well that me. no friend. feel a little lonely but not that crazy kind of lonely. im short and have acne scard all over my face that just wont go away. man i hate it. every time i give eye contact to a woman they look at me and quickly look away……
My girls I know from highschool and currently go to college with me, including the ones who don’t, are the best! We have our values–don’t drink and all the bad image stuff. Yet we still have fun hanging out playing games, or just talking and joking. Of course there are a few who are more on the party crazy side. The only time I don’t feel good with my friends is when I’m not being listened. Especially this one friend who talks alot and I listen to all she has to say but when I tell my story or say something, she just doesn’t respond. Does that have to do with her level of respect for me? Even when I’m talking with intent, she does that which confuses me.
As for the guys, sometimes I wonder why we hang out with them. Of course we were in the same classes: smart classes. But they’re such dorks and have little fashion sense. However I enjoy their cmpany because they always make/say great jokes and do fun/funny stuff. I think an outsider would wonder why “gorgeous” girls are hanging out with these bunch but whatever! We’re ‘family’
There is an old saying birds of a feather flock together..The people I hang around with are the ones I work with they are interesting people but if I am hanging with someone and they want to act like an ass then let them I would just make a comment and go on…
The power of association is not just about how we think and “link” things together but also about how others see us and our circle of acquaintances. Way back in prissy-er times when life was far more formal, they used to say that a man was judged by the company that he kept…as time went by, then they said that of women and the male company that they kept…now it’s just the police looking at you and your “known associates” on the old police blotter.
Fortunately, I don’t have to worry about that stuff anymore: my old buds have straightened up their ways and my new friends did so before I met them. Now we only get pulled over for having the occasional headlight out.
Maybe the French were right: The more things change, the more things stay the same.
Great blog! It’s about attracting positive relationships into your life. Do your friends enhance you or drain you? I also think how you are in friendships relates how you might be in your dating experiences.
Maxx–kudos to you for eliminating someone who sounded to be a negative force in your life–that couldn’t have been easy! Yes, it feels lonely at first but after time, you’ll fill that void with more positive people and be better off for it! In the meantime, let us all here be your friend:)
Oh thank you Kimberly for cheering me
Great blog. I have better friends now. I once had a friend who always made me look like we were above everyone else. Like, we were against the flow, we were different. I copied his agenda, and thought being him will help. In turn, a lot of people turned against me. Well, we don’t talk anymore, seeing as how he finds me “boring, dull, emotional” now that I stopped doing his thing, and that I’m not “fun” anymore.
Great blog again, David.
Yesh! Dave…
I too have cultivated my social garden so to speak…it does take me awhile but real friends to me are like gems and they are rare find…once found I cherish them for everything that they are…I am extremely particular with whom I consider my close personal friends…but having said that of course I always work to remain friendly and open to other like minded people I meet everyday…All my personal friends now are like minded and at same time individuals possessing their own unique characters, personalities, flaws and talents…
I have just been emailed by one of my closest friends his favourite poem and was asked to share my thoughts…
I would like to also share with you guys…here’s what he wrote and shared
” Hello lovelies
I would like re-open our discourse and share with you a beautiful poem I discovered. It’s called ‘Desiderata’ by Max Ehrmann.
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Have you read this poem before? It sort of encapsulates alot of feelings I have about life too. What do you guys think? ”
The above are just an example of the things we share with each other knowing well that we can appreciate it everytime and able to discuss at great length on any inspired topics shared
Tom- your friends can make you or break you, so its important to go hang with a cool buddy!
ankaku-
women are attracted to confidence, conversation and wit.
you acne and height is your mental block, you don’t let your self shine, and so women don’t see the spark.
how tall are you?
Maxx;
I 2nd what Kimberly said. You’re better off without that guy. As the old saying goes, “With friends like that, who needs enemies?!”
I value my friends highly like others here have said. In life, you will meet many kinds of people and some will be better friends than others. The fair weather friends and the constantly drunk or other vice addicted friends will only bring you down in the long run. And when you put up with bad behavior, it only reinforces the belief of that person that it’s okay to continue doing that, which it’s not.
It’s very true that your friends are a reflection of who you are – so you must choose wisely. I like having a wide network of friends, but I only have a handful of close friends. It’s also great to have friends who can teach you things, and surround yourself with people who get you out of your comfort zone so your life can be enriched (even though some people shy away from people who are “cooler” than them because it’s a blow to their ego). I feel that as a person I have great things to offer and I’m a source of enrichment to those around me. I’m coming to realize, like any relationship, it’s more about what you can give and provide without expecting things in return (but still being pleasantly surprised if you get things back). As a caveat, however, if I’m doing all the work in a friendship and always having to call people, etc, then I start to feel like that person isn’t worth my time and effort. Friendship is a two way street. But I give it some time to see if the friendship naturally develops.
I also learned to pick up the damn phone and call people if I feel like talking to them! And not wait for everyone to call me…
im about 5-5. im still a little bit taller than the average girl but most of them all say they want their boyfriend 5-8 +
and btw i cook japanese hibachi. and that just bother me. how can i cook hibachi and i usally get table full of girl and i was never shy and even flirt with them when im working but when i get out of work. i get really nervous just standing by a woman.
There was a movie in the 90′s and a line I will always remember “You are what you hang with.”