You In The Big Picture
March 2, 2010 
31 Comments
Every day you need to look at how your actions affect others. You also need to look at how dropping your ego is important not only for your personal growth, but so that love can grow deeper.
Understanding how your actions affect others could be life’s biggest challenge. I know I’ve written about this before (and probably a lot) in the blog, but I think this is something we all need to learn.
In a relationship, if someone comes to you about your behavior, you need to look deep into why they came to you in the first place. Relationships are about compromising, really understanding each other and how we make each other feel. There is no perfect relationship out there.
I know the majority of my readers are single. For those of you who are single, if you are searching for a perfect relationship, let me tell you something. You will be searching forever. There is no perfect relationship because we are imperfect people.
If you believe that you are perfect, then you have a lot of growing up to do. If you believe everything you do is okay, then you also have a lot of growing up to do.
Actions that effect people you love and make them feel a certain way are ones at which you need to look. You need to look deep into whether you believe those actions are harmless, and you need to listen to people you respect and love.
Are you like some couples who battle more than others? Why is that?
It could be because certain people bring out the battler in you. The reason why they do is because there is a lesson you need to learn.
So instead of getting angry at the other person and defending yourself, start to look at your piece and part you played in causing the battle.
Once again, dropping your ego is good not only for your personal growth, but because doing that can help love grow even deeper. Being able to drop the ego is a huge challenge.
If you are able to look at how your actions affect others every day, though, you will find that your love for yourself will grow even more. The more you love yourself, the more someone else can love you.
This is a great lesson for all of you who are single. I know a lot of you who are single and reading this are thinking that this blog doesn’t pertain to you. The truth is that it very much pertains to you.
It pertains to you in so many ways, because you still interact with people — friends, business associates and dates — every day. There are things that you do every single day about which you can look deep inside yourself and from which you can grow. Life’s biggest lessons happen when you drop the ego.
I’m trying to clarify something here David. Are you saying that when you are defensive, it is because you are protecting your ego? I have learned that when someone confronts you with an issue, you should just shut up and listen, and try to understand where the other person is coming from, but at times, I have approached others and they spend all the time defending themselves instead of listening. Is this their ego doing that?
Ken…Yeah. It’s their own insecurities that cause them to defend themselves. They feel they have to prove themselves that they are right, and that you’re wrong.
Best thing to do, eradicate the people from your social group if they are the ones that never take the time to listen to you, even if you listen to them.
Hey Ken…. SHOOOOORRYUUUKKKEEEEENNN!!!!!!
I totally believe that dropping our ego can help us find deeper meaning in life.
In the past i tried to perfect everything and later to find out that there is no perfect relationship i think the only perfect relationship we can have is with ourself.
Very well said David keep up the great work!!!
That is our greatest challenge can we really get over our ego completely?
You guys think we get better dealing with our ego as we age or its something that needs to be work on everyday?
It’s so easy to get caught up in our ego. Kids don’t have ego and therefore it is something that is taught and it goes around and around from parents to kids and many generations to come.
Babe Ruth- I don’t think you can completely get rid of your ego unless you’re buddha or something.
Max-
Are you saying that only some higher people can be free from ego not anyone else? Buddha was just as person as you and I.
Guys I think we can all get better dealing with it as David is telling us, but we can completely be free of it.
I have never experienced a relationship but I can see how it really does apply.
Billy the kid-
What’s your goal for dating?
Jacob=As of now i would love to be in a relationship ofcourse with the right type of woman. Someone who is intelligent, stylish, down to earth, and have a great smile:)
I can go on and on about the list but tried to make a short version for you:)
Suffering is part of the equation, we can never be perfect, so very well said David.
Billy the kid-
Its good to know in details which tells me you have been thinking about this. The more you know what you want the less time you waste. Have you meet anyone yet?
oh man. i dont even know what I want in a girl right now Jacob. I have been blowing one of the girls I talk to off. I see her but I dont talk to her
because shes with her friends
who are also my friends
for some reason i think that they would make fun of me
and i dont like that so
i dont talk to her.
It pisses me off. Shes really cool and good looking but I cant talk to her.
I love how everyone hates Freud yet so many use his concepts so much. Y’all should go read up on him.
The other day I was in a bar with a more macho friend. We got into an altercation with a drunk who was hassling a girl in our company when she asked him repeatedly to go away. The drunk said ‘**** you’ to my friend. I had to use every trick I know to get him to calm down and not get into a fight (and possibly the hands of the justice system afterwards).
It is a good example though. He was so insecure, that he’d rather maintain his ego than his money or his freedom. Sad isn’t it?
ok Mats..your right about the ego thing… I’m going to step into my TK role:). Just to clarify how the ego can help and hurt in dating and relationships. The ego, according to Freud is “is part of personality that mediates the demands of the id, the superego and reality. The ego prevents us from acting on our basic urges.” The ego allows us to see that our “id”iotic responses are socially unacceptable so the ego can act as our check and balance so to speak. Our id is actually the impulsive part that wants its needs met NOW. The ego says, “slow down and let’s be realistic here.”
Noticing the effect your actions have on others is cruicially important, especially your friends. Great post.
Mario- what makes you think that the friends will make fun of you if you talk to her?
Jacob-now i haven’t yet met anyone interesting or that fits the bill:) but you know i am trying my best hopefully will meet someone soon.
Billy,
Are you looking hard enough? Sometimes, you don’t find someone b/c you aren’t really looking hard enough… or should I say… deep enough into the person.
That’s a good question Coach Ken, not sure if i’m looking hard enough. Maybe something i need to think about more.
Well they know me and for some reason I thunk there going to bother me about the subject.
We joke around like that. I shouldn’t worry at all though. There making fun of me because I like girls? I think that’s okay. But yea it’s a stupid mindset I have . Jacob how could I change this????
Mario,
People will always gossip. But in the end, you got to do what makes you happy! Stop worrying about other people and start focusing on what makes you happy!
Yea khiem great advice!! I got to stop worrying so much and just take the risks.
Coach Kimberley.
You’ll have to forgive me but I haven’t the faintest idea what a ‘tk role:)’ is
.
I find it hard to discuss the matter of the ego itself, or to define it. I’ve studied it for years namely, and the more you study these things, the less you seem to understand about them. I also had trouble picking up exactly what you were trying to say with your reply in general. I’m off course interested.
As to the goal of my post…
I wanted to share the hilarious and creative energy I found in Freud’s ideas I guess. What a pity he is so overlooked now especially in Anglo-Saxon culture.
There is one book by Freud which I recommend to anyone that wants to hear. It is very light, barely scientific or theoretical, but God is it ever funny to talk to people afterwards. It’s called ‘Psychopatology Of Everyday Life’
It deals with the small mistakes in pronounciation, writing, they call a ‘lapsus’, and things like that. It also deals with jokes. Since reading it I truly believe that any joke one makes is actually intended seriously as much as jokingly.
Well I could go on for days about this. So I’ll abruptly end here. Have a read if it tickles you
. And please enlighten me about your previous post a bit.
Mats,
“TK role” refers to one of the podcasts David and Kimberly made a while back. David gave Kimberly the nickname “TK” for “Therapist Kim” (to differentiate her from me… male Khiem).
mats–sorry for the psychobabble. I was just using your ego reference and defining it as a therapist. Yes as Khiem indicated David and other members refer me as Therapist Kim because I used to be a therapist in my previous life:). Interesting books you mentioned..will have to give it a read