You Control Their Reaction
March 11, 2010 
25 Comments
It is your energy that dictates how someone feels around you, and how someone feels about you.
Have you ever walked up to someone and you’re just so nervous? You are so nervous that you are squeezing your ass together like you are holding in your own shit?
So when you do walk over so scared like that and say what you think is the right thing, what happens? You are going to scare off the person you are approaching.
You could say something to a woman as simple as “Nice dog!” If you are nervous when you say it, though, you are going to make that woman (and her dog) nervous.
People’s reactions to you are all about you. They are all about your body language. They are all about your attitude, your energy and what you convey.
The next time you are about to walk up to someone, ask yourself this question: Am I relaxed? If you are not relaxed, then hold off on walking up to them. Breathe deeply. Take a minute to calm yourself down.
Don’t go up to that person until you have calmed down your energy. Otherwise, when people run away from you, it will be because you walked up to them looking like you are holding in your own shit and it scared the shit out of them.
Hear women tell all about what they want when they are approached, and how they perceive what guys do. Also, hear them confess what turns them OFF most — mistakes so many guys make. CLICK HERE to listen to what they reveal that all guys need to know.
David, thanks for pointing this out for us!
A few weeks ago, I went into a bar, and there was a girl I really like. Because of that, I turned into such a fucking awful mess! I got all nervous and waited a while before meeting her. I care too much about saying the right thing to her, and that really turns my style into shit. I overthink, and it’s the worst because I know she likes me back.
Looking back on that day, I must admit I didn’t calm my energy when I approached her. She responded in a way that matched my own monkey chatter vibe: monosyllabic answers and an early exit. Definitely not the response I want from her.
On the other hand, I have improved my skills with women whenever I’m able to live in the moment. I actually got to talk to a couple of college freshmen when one of them dropped a ball she was holding! We started to throw the ball back and forth for a while. Funny thing is, I heard David talk about something like that recently, so I was ready.
during the day im making great opening remarks to women….they seem 2 respond fairly confident, bt then everytime i chicken out and dont go deeper in2 convo, how do i get over this stumbling block?
during the day im making great opening remarks to women….they seem 2 respond fairly confident, bt then everytime i chicken out and dont go deeper in2 convo, how do i get over this stumbling block?
This is so true. I’ve talked with a couple female friends about this and what they said is that if a guy looks nervous when he approaches them, they assume there’s a reason he’s nervous. Maybe he’s trying to get something out of them. Maybe he just wants to get laid and is trying to start a conversation just to get in her pants. Maybe he’s a total creeper. However, if a guy is calm and confident, there has to be a reason he’s calm and confident. Maybe he really is interested in what they have to say. Maybe he’s not trying to trick them.
I had a hard time being genuinely calm and not nervous, but “fake it til you make it” worked pretty well, as did a beer or two.
Great blog David,
I have found that it is crucial to be in a calm and relaxed emotional state when talking to women. Times when I was nervous, everything I would say or do, would come off as awkward. I could see them become uneasy.
There was this time though, someone I knew from a while back, has seen me for the first time again in years. Well, she got nervous and yes, I got nervous. So it’s not usually the guy’s fault.
I tend to act nowadays in the face of nervousness. I feel the nervosity and act anyway, before my nervousness grabs complete hold of me
@Collin (quote:)
I’ve talked with a couple female friends about this and what they said is that if a guy looks nervous when he approaches them, they assume there’s a reason he’s nervous. Maybe he’s trying to get something out of them. Maybe he just wants to get laid and is trying to start a conversation just to get in her pants. Maybe he’s a total creeper. However, if a guy is calm and confident, there has to be a reason he’s calm and confident. Maybe he really is interested in what they have to say. Maybe he’s not trying to trick them.
[/quote]
Man you should tell those girls/friends, that they are really really stupid.
The guy that only wants to get in your pants in the nervous one. Yet they prefer to go for the slick-Rick that really DOES only want to get into their pants.
I tell many girls this, as my best advice. If a guy is nerrvous, he is very probably more into you in a genuine way than the guy that doesn’t respect you at all. Your friends have like a great recipe to end up with the wrongest of guys for the rest of their lives.
I always tell girls this, and that they are so stupid in it, in falling for the slick guy that doesn’t respect them at all. And then they tell me guys are so stupid because they fall for the pretty girl that is dumb as hell and a total bitch. Then we all get along, realizing all of us are equally stupid.
Seriously though you should tell your girlfriends. It is golden advice imo: “Always give the shy guy an extra chance”.
Well Mats, we can try to change feminine psychology, or we can just be more confident. Being more confident isn’t just good for meeting women either. It’s incredibly beneficial in almost every single other aspect of life. They can’t be expected to make choices in their head if they don’t feel it in their hearts. People don’t choose to be attracted to each other. It just happens. As guys, we can either do what makes girls attracted to us (being confident, funny, unpredictable, adventurous, leading, etc.) or we can do the opposite of that and expect them to somehow decide with their heads how they’re going to make their heart feel.
No matter how awesome a girl’s personality is, I can’t be expected to want to date her if I don’t have a physical attraction to her. Specifically there’s one girl back home who I would love to date if I could make myself physically attracted to her. It’s just not there. I can’t expect girls to give shy, nervous guys a chance if I can’t give girls I don’t feel any physical attraction for a chance. It’ll be a lot easier for you if you just accept that.
You are so right about the nervous energy!
I am starting to learn the power of being relaxed its so important thats what I’m getting from todays blog.
Its so simple but we make it so complicated
Anonymous its in our nature to make it so fu$$in complicated. Sometimes this is very easy to do when i’m out of my head, but when i am in my head forget it.
Howe-
Yes its easy when you’re out of your head. When is the last time you were in your head?
CJ- it was about few days ago, i was so in my darn head man i just didn’t know what to do. David is right on about this!
lots of monkey chatter–that’s great about your openers. What stops you from continuing on the conversation and going deeper? What is your “monkey chatter” about that?
Female psychology is so illogical. It upsets me. I have a logical mind. It seems like they’ve learned nothing from past experiences. In fact, I’m beginning to lose some respect for women altogether.
I find it somewhat illogical that one could say that it’s easy for any man to attract an amazingly beautiful woman.
Drew:
Try changing your mindset. Do not start losing respect for women, next thing you know you might end up a woman hater. That is not a place you want to be in. I know some people heading for that direction. It’s all in their mindset. They’ve gone down the wrong road.
Female and Male pshychology is illogical in the eyes of both sexes. But that is what makes life so fun. Unpredicability.
No, female psychology is illogical by the definition of logic. It makes no common sense. I have been successful at implementing some of these techniques, but I can’t randomly approach or compliment a girl I don’t know. That hasn’t worked.
I feel you Drew, but you CAN randomly approach and compliment ANY girl you don’t know. Because you live in the moment. And at this particular moment you want to comment on the amount of sodium in the juice you’re holding, to the gorgeous blonde next to you who’s checking out the ingredients in her drink. We just have to get out of our heads. It really does keep up from achieving the things we want. The key to getting out of your head is, living in the moment. AND the key to living in the moment is OBSERVING and LISTENING to whats around you. OBSERVE and LISTEN to environment, emotions, subtleties and embrace the experience. Because we all know how quick these Moments just FLy..
Nick, so true.
Today I was at boosterjuice, some place where smoothies and juices are sold. I walked in and there was this awesome redhead. She and I don’t know eachother, she immediately asked me if I frequent the bar because she has never seen me before. So one thing leads to another and we are talking about sports and tourism and just having a good time.
It’s all about observing and listening.
Thanks. I guess I’ll have to keep trying. It’s so difficult to approach a girl in a group of other girls.
I find difficulty in groups as well. But the difficulty is all INTERNAL. The difficulty is only the internal battle I go through. So I end up staying in my comfort zone, which is inside me head, and never get what I want to achieve. But if I OBSERVE the situation I will see that the brunette is the leader of the group because she’s doing the most talking, and if LISTEN I will hear her just say to her friends that she “doesnt understand why guys are so whimpy nowadays, and have no idea how to talk to women”..
Now embrace that moment and Shine
Yeah, I know. Thanks. I guess there’s no good excuse for not doing it. I’m just afraid of the consequences of talking to a girl who may have already judged me. But I’ll perservere
Example..
I went into my first hash bar tonight. Great place, with good vibes. When I walk into the bar, I saw 2 paths(seats). One right between beautiful woman conversing and enjoying themselves, and the other in the corner between a couple dudes. Do I challenge myself by putting myself out of my comfort zone? Or do I go right back to where it has Always been safe? David says you should make yourself uncomfortable everyday. By challenging yourself in these kinds of situations you learn about yourself and grow.
What did you do? How did it go? Did you get a number?
@ Collin.
Sure Collin, we can try to be more confident, and girls will be attracted to us more. But if you are pragmatic, and look at it from the girl’s point of view?
Most of the guys that are actually pretty good chaps, reliable, and sincere,… are more the shy guys. While many lying and cheating douchebags are very outgoing, because they don’t actually care about anything than having a hole to poke that night.
From there to me it follows, that it is very wise for girls to give the shy guys that stumble over their words a chance, two or even three. If they do, and give the stuttering guy a chance, soon they will see him become more confident.
The smartest girls I’ve met, the ones who usually get really good guys, have long relationships, know this by themselves. I like to tell girls this, so they have to spend less time getting hurt by douchebags that have all the talk but don’t care about them. Isn’t that just a good thing to do?