You Can’t Handle The Truth!
February 17, 2010 
45 Comments
You can’t handle the truth . . . Then again, maybe you can. For some reason, though, we have turned into a society filled with liars.
It all started when we were first dating and made the “just the tip” promise. It continued into our 20s when we said we were only coming up for coffee.
We lie all the time . . . or do we?
To find out more, you will need to listen to today’s podcast.
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me blog.
Click here to listen now:
Click Here To Download The Podcast!
There is another guy I know who doesn’t hold ANYTHING back when it comes to telling the truth about sex and really big orgasms. Hear what he has to say about all this (and a few more of my thoughts on these topics as well!) by CLICKING HERE.
Thanks for a great pod-cast !
I absolutely agree with you, David.
And we even in Poland have proverb: “Lie has a short legs” – means you will eventually get caught if you are laying.
Great, great podcast. The importance of honesty and telling people exactly how you feel cannot be overstated. Very wise words David, thanks as always.
David,
Today is the 17th,not the 10th.
Some very valid points there and that’s a great way of explaining how much lying puts you at a disadvantage.
As David said telling the truth can be really hard but you’ll always benefit from it. The 2nd half of the podcast sounds very familiar to me. Thanks for a great podcast!
great podcast. most people forget this.
Do what I do when I was growing up with my parents…keep lying till they stop asking you questions. lmao!! j/k Don’t do that. Sometimes I’ve told the truth and the person has said “I don’t believe you,your lying” even If I don’t have a history of lying to them.
Cool post, David. And very true. Even though they may not like it at the time, everyone appreciates the truth in the end. Honesty is the only path to solid relationships whether they be personal, business or otherwise. We’ve all lied and we’ve all been caught. Odd that so many of us must keep trying to learn this lesson.
You remind me of Brad Blanton (author of Radical Honesty). Keep up the great work.
There is certainly something to be said about taking the high road in life. The truth can be a very liberating feeling.
Hey David,
I know this is unrelated to your post today but I figured I’d inquire anyhow. Do you have any advice, or would care to address in a blog post, how one goes about making new female friends while you’re in a committed relationship. I know that you are a one woman man now…does that prevent you from forming new friendships with women?
Seriously, this is such a troubling topic for me. I use the techniques I have learned here to meet new women (just being friendly to everyone), I let them know I have a girlfriend, and they either disappear right away or we slowly drift out of contact because I am not sure if hanging out over coffee, having lunch etc would be inappropriate or send the wrong message. How do you handle this? I don’t want my girlfriend to be the last female friend I ever make
How nice that your podcast now is able to find its way on our computers, mp3 players … Thank you!
A lie is just a temporarily solution(as we all know- until you get caught) the truth not.
peace
I have always told the truth, sometimes under the magic dust of lust you ignore red flags and give people the benefit of the doubt. Now that I am older I just lay it out there and I feel it saves me time and drama.
Right on about todays topic. The truth helps us not worry about remembering our story.
David Wygant- I have read pretty much all of your yahoo articles, which led me to here. I really like the daily blog idea. I really think honestly is a lesson that we all need to take it to the heart. I’ll be honest I am very guilty of that one. What is the best way to not feel as much as guilty and move on?
Dancer–I LOVE your quote about a lie just being a temporary solution. It is like a bandaid..covering up the wound that really hurts.
Anonymous-
The truth shall always set you free.
Randy
I have never seen you here before, so welcome to the blog!
Great Podcast, I have a friend who lied about him having a girlfriend and having sex with said girlfriend. I was the only one in my group of friends who believed him. Everyone else didn’t believe him. I found out for myself when he couldn’t keep his stories straight. I guess his string of lies got too long
I agree I dislike liars. If they can’t be true to themselves how can they be true to me!
awesome now i can download this thanks a million.
Ken- where are you meeting all these girls? Do you feel attracted to them?
Should we be honest? Of course.
I don’t see what the big fuss is.
I liked the last example. If you are with someone and they need space, you need understand yet stand ground. Well said.
@ Ken:
With all due respect man, you are the guy in the podcast. Who are you kidding that you are ‘just meeting girls? Honestly it sounds to me as if you are lying your *** off here to yourself and her, and that you are actually just trying to find girls as a backup in case something in the current relationship goes wrong, or you are just looking for a new girlfriend while taking advantage of the time and love your current gf is giving you. It is entirely possible that I totally wrong, and for that I apologize. If I am not wrong though… it is sad, mean, and cowardly.
As David said, being honest to people is just good planning. Being honest to yourself is where the pot of gold is.
I meet many people every day who are always quite honest. Or at least they think they are. Since they have been lying to themselves for so long, they have actually forgotten that they were lying to themselves. Thus they are never lying to you, because they have forgotten the truth.
A strange conundrum really. It makes me angry at times, because this way people hurt a lot of people. The best way to cover up a lie is believing it yourself. We all do this more or less.
When I hear someone say that honesty is important in a relationship, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry really. It depends on the person. Usually though the people that lie to themselves the most, demand the other person’s honesty the most.
I guess it’s logical. If you know deep down that you lie a lot to yourself (and thus to others) you probably think all people are like that. I sure am glad I don’t live in that hell. Even though I burn my fingers on a regular basis. Naivité ftw!
this was awesome…needed this 15 years earlier as I sit here on the eve of serving divorce paper to a person who told me the truth but I could not do the same for her.
OH man if I’ve ever lied lol. I have said many lies during my life and some really just screw up the relationship. However I’m still confused about one thing. Do you tell the truth all the time, no matter what it is??
For example if you tell a girl that you are interested in her. Would that not damage the relationship or make the girl back away from you if she is not??
Thank You,
Mario
PS. David how come you don’t make this blog a subscription on itunes??
Mario:
In regards to your comment about telling or not telling a girl you are interested in her… Interesting question. I’m curious to see what other people will post, in the meantime, here are my thoughts on it:
I think that if you have a true interest in her then you should tell her. If you are mature about it, there is nothing wrong with letting her know the truth. This way you would find out if she is also interested in exploring a different kind of relationship with you or not. And even if she is not interested in this moment, it would let her know how you feel and would leave the possibility in her mind for the future (as opposed to having her think about you always as a friend). Again, the key here would be maturity (from both of you) and making the revelation moment as comfortable as possible.
I’ve known people who have been friends while knowing that one was interested in the other. Some of these people eventually ended up dating, some became friends who flirted and teased each other, and some just continued being “normal” friends. However, being honest took a big weight off my friends shoulders and allowed them to be a lot more at ease and more natural – no big secrets to hide!
Mats,
I think what was Ken was referring to was expanding his social network (David talks about having a strong network all the time). Your social network is going to include women in it. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t talk to that girl at work or in class and have an stimulating conversation with her. You just have to know where to draw the line.
I’d also like to hear David’s take on this.
Actually I remember David wrote in a blog about this some months ago.
All I know is that if my girlfriend used “techniques” to meet new guys?….It sounds so bad because it is.
Maybe he should be honest with himself and just cheat on his girlfriend. I re-read the post, I may entirely be wrong granted, but my intuition tells me there is no honesty there. It is because of the way he writes, the tone, the words. He is not going to stay with that girl if he can find someone ‘better’ using ‘techniques’. After all if you are just looking for friends, why does he specify their sex?
Mario,
So what if the girl you are interested doesn’t reciprocate your interest after you tell her how you like her?
That’s a liberating feeling! You don’t have to waste time on someone who doesn’t care about you. You really need to learn to not take rejection personally.
For myself, a woman who tells me she’s not interested in me just tells me one thing: she doesn’t know me that well yet. So it’s just a little challenge for me to really give her more opportunity to see me for the great guy that I am. It’s really about me not doing a good job at projecting myself to her.
However, if she’s truly not interested, I don’t mind letting her go.
I like to say this: “Sometimes, people aren’t ready for you” (therefore, it really has nothing to do with you, it’s their own timing… their own emotions working against them and preventing them from liking you.)
Ken,
What kind of “agreement” do you have with your current girlfriend? Is she the jealous type? Is that why you don’t feel comfortable making new female friends?
Or is it you… who’s really trying to make friends with women you want to sleep with?
In my own relationship, I have an understanding with my girlfriend that she can make friends with whoever she wants. I even encourage her to make friends (including guy friends)… but I told her up front: “I want you to have a healthy network of supporting people in your life. It will keep you balanced… but when it comes to friends, you can do anything but you HAVE to know your boundaries”
And I definitely explained to her what I felt are boundaries. I can understand gentle fun flirting comments with guys. I can understand dancing with other guys if you are at someone’s party… but the boundary for me lies when those behaviors have sexual intent behind them.
She knows, I know… and so we give each other the space to be “free” but we also keep each other in check.
Can I meet women and make them friends? Yes… but I have nothing to hide from her. I can tell her when I’m going to hang out with a woman… and she’s fine with it. I’m honest not only with her, but with myself.
So ask yourself… do you know your own boundaries? Do you know what her boundaries are?
Wow Khiem! So much wisdom and strength on those two posts above!! Specially the part about how you feel about a girl not being interested in you… that’s unbelievably empowering!!!
Gerardo,
You want to always remind yourself that you are a great, wonderful, worthy person. Why wouldn’t someone want to have you in their life?
If they don’t, then it’s their issue. You have something to offer, all the time.
The first question is:
1. Do they see what you have to offer? (If they don’t, then it’s your fault for not showing yourself powerfully, attractively and genuinely to them)
2. If they do see it, then they aren’t ready/right for the kind of gift you have to offer… so it’s really about values/belief system and sheer chemistry.
So why are you getting worked all up for a woman who can’t truly appreciate the thing you have to offer?
You have to love yourself first!
And that’s what we teach you through personal coaching and bootcamps. David gives out a lot for free in these blogs and YouTube videos… but in all honesty, nothing beats coaching. You see us live doing the things we do… and you get honest feedback from us on what you are doing.
If you have never done some form of coaching with us, I highly recommend it! Even if it’s just 1 hour of phone coaching.
David
I think the “words” you used were great in you should sit and contemplate with “yourself” first!
We always tend to hash out our emotions with our “other” right afterwards and we never take TIME to work out our feelings and “understanding” with our mind and heart. The truth only hurts when we aren’t willing to find it..
Just wanted to add as sort of a disclaimer that my comments about Ken’s post… I did not mean any bad with them although they are personal. It is entirely likely that I was totally wrong as, after all what do you know about someone after reading 10 lines. Something, but not much.
Agreed, David- if you lie to yourself, it spirals out of control. In a way, I’ve done this by not always being myself. It didn’t work so well because I was not truthful. If you can’t be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?
In the words of Sir Walter Scott: “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.”
Khiem man i get you bro. However what I would have trouble would be to, how to actually tell her that your interested. In what way can you tell her??
i saw the write up about the truth, whether i can handle the truth or not but i
promise with all pleasure to do my best in handling the truth.
once again, do all u can to help me to come to the reality of the race.
Evans
“Lying is the best policy when you want to escape from strange moments & Honesty is the tremendous best policy if you want to reveal something behind it”.I believe there’s reason for everythings.
@ Mats,
Thanks for clearing that up. I had tried to post a response but I am not sure what happened to it. I have no ill intentions to cheat on my girlfriend, as someone said earlier, I just would like to expand my social circle to include more than my gf, guys, and my old female friends. I was just asking how do you go about making new female friends without ruining your current relationship.
Do you tell a girl that you have a girlfriend the first time you talk to her? Is going out for coffee in the evening too much? Drinks? Dancing? I know I can ask my gf what her boundaries are but I was curious as to how others handle this issue before I broach the situation and possibly say something that comes out wrong.
i always appreciate ur word.but some girl are outside there,they are proud,they go out wit big daddy and boyz wit cash.they dont want 2 hav a relationship.thanks.femmy
Well nice that you didn’t take it as an offence.
To find a soluton, what would you say if she wanted exactly what you wanted, as in the roles are reversed? Personally I would definitely talk about it with your gf. I think there is such a thing as bening too honest. Like telling your GF every single doubt you have for example. But in this case I think it would be the best way to talk to her about it.
The problem though is that as soon as you talk to a girl without wanting anything more from her then a fun encouter, they’ll often want more
. The human comedy!
I know exactly what you mean about girls wanting more, it’s funny! When I meet a new girl, it either goes one of these ways:
1. I tell her I have a girlfriend and she stops talking to me.
2. We don’t hang out or talk much so we drift apart and nothing becomes of it, mainly because I do not want to give girls the impression I am interested in more than friendship so I don’t put myself out there too much.
3. She say it’s ok that I have a gf and we can be friends, so we hang out for a bit, but then they try to get frisky anyhow
Alright Mats, I will talk to my gf. If she went out with other guys, I honestly would not mind, but I do have boundaries as I’m sure she does as well. I will finally sit down and hash them out with her.
Thanks for the advice guys!
David, I love your advice on this topice SO much. I especially like your point that by the time we reach the point we tell a lie outwardly, we have lied to ourselves. That is where I try to be aware, at that level. It is easy to have blind spots. Good friends help.
I only got one spanking from my Dad my whole life – even then he barely touched me! I was in about 6th grade and I lied. My Dad said: “If it’s one thing I can’t stand it’s a liar and you’re going to get a lickin’. ” Boy, the lickin’ didn’t hurt a bit, but I NEVER forget it. I can’t stand liars either – I hear you!
The scene you referenced above with Jack Nicholson was the most stellar performance I’ve EVER seen from an actor. I will never forget it. He is amazing!
Thank you for addressing such an important topic.
Be truthful to yourself is absolutely true, be truthful to anyone else is bullshit! Telling the truth never works! ever! If you have a affair deal with it be truthful to yourself ,why ,you did what you did ( even if it is only to see if you still can! allow yourself minor indiscretions, we are human ), but for god’s sake dont off load your guilt onto your wife or partner because you cant deal with it! Its not their fault you had an affair ( or maybe it is!!!) so why should they suffer? And if it is their fault why are you staying with them? Who is lying to who?
The truth is far to valuable to give away, live an honest life BUT only with yourself.
your great my man .. this is verey powefull
If you tell the truth up front, you don’t pay with interest down the road.
People choose lies due to short-term focus at the expense of long-term. People choose what’s immediately comfortable and avoids work rather than what’s going to make their life easier in the future, even if it’s harder in short-term.
This is why many people do not succeed in business. First rule of business success : Thou shalt not bullshit thyself.