You Are Not Front Page News
September 12, 2008 
8 Comments
Its Friday and I am about to start working with 11 guys who are in for the LA bootcamp.
One of the things we will be going over is rejection and how to overcome the fear of approaching. Here is a quick mindset tip for all of you to use this weekend.
Have a great Friday!!
David: Did you see me on the front page of the LA Times today? If you didn’t, too bad – you really would have been amazed at the article.
There was a big picture of me on the front page, and then this article about how I had approached some woman in Coffee Bean or something, and totally got rejected. On the front page! It’s unbelievable.
Just last week I was on the cover of People – I’m not sure where it was I was rejected last week – where was it that I was rejected and made the cover of People magazine? God, I don’t even remember.
And did you see that annoying supermarket flyer that comes in your mailbox? Did you see the one from Whole Foods this week? There’s a big picture of me, getting rejected on aisle seven. I can’t believe they actually took a picture of that!
Client: Alright, I hear what you are saying. But it’s kind of awkward if you run into them again or the people that were around, you know?
David: No. That’s the mindset. You’re NOT front page news. Nobody gives a shit and no one even noticed.
Like the guy next to us in Whole Foods just now? He knew I was flirting with the woman in front of me and he didn’t give a shit. He’s not going to say, “so you know that tall guy that comes in a lot and always orders food? Aw, he got rejected so badly today!” He’ll just look at me and think, at least this guy had the fucking balls to talk to her! He’s not even going to remember.
People are caught up in their own lives, so they are not going to remember that you got the heave-ho next to the salad bar.
Rey: How much you care about them is exactly how much they care about you.
Client: I don’t give a shit about them.
David: Exactly, and they feel the same way about you.
You see people get rejected all the time. When you go out at night, how many guys do you see get flamed?
And then when you go to bed at night, you’re not thinking about them getting rejected, you’re thinking about your own rejections!
So do you get the whole mindset about it? Your rejections are never going to be front page news!
Todays video is all about how to get a deeper understanding of how women think.
Today we learn all about why they do not approach guys.
To learn more about the way women think check out my Girls Tell All audio series.
ya, i remember that day…… chances are i’m never going to see those people ever again, so why care about what they think? and even if i do see them again, how are their thoughts gonna effect me as a person anyway?
Ya, its all a story made up inside of our heads. If we would only believe they’d accept us more, they might just do it. It’s the walking up hoping to be rejected and caring about the outcome that ultimately ruins it. And right, their thoughts will never affect you as a person.
I have completely analyzed what David calls monkey chatter. The negative thoughts that come into your head as you are thinking about approaching someone. This made me think through what I could do that would remove this monkey chatter and I think of the situations when I have been drinking at a bar. After having like 5 or 6 captain and cokes I become a social butterfly talking to EVERYONE IN THE PLACE. 9 times out of ten I will find myself going back and forth between 2 or 3 groups of girls and talking to all of them for the rest of the night and having 1 or 2 girls that are very interested in me and they will get upset when I excuse myself to talk to another group of people. If I do not drink I will hang out with my friend in the corner and may talk to a few people and it usually goes nowhere. I don’t like trying to meet that special person in a bar but my friends like to go and I like hanging out with my friends. My point to this story is that the only difference between drinking which makes me very social and not drinking which results in far fewer people that I talk to is that when I drink the monkey chatter is completely removed and I do not care about the outcome of an approach or what other people think of me. So since I have discovered David and listened to his coaching I have really focused on removing the monkey chatter without alcohol. It is really tough to get rid of it but by practicing and doing different mental exercises I am getting to be more social at places I really like to go to like the dogpark with my dog and the gym and Camelback mountain (it is the most popular mountain for hiking and running in Arizona there are so many people in the morning its nuts). I think a lot of people are the same way and the only thing that keeps you from having amazing connections with more people is the monkey chatter and if you can overcome or rid the chatter you will be at an ideal stage where you are curious about people, do not care about the outcome, do not care about what others are going to think and you will find more people that you connect with and never seek approval from someone you are attracted to.
It’s not even “rejection” unless you label it that way yourself. It might be someone having a bad day, or someone didn’t hear what you said, or someone felt scared to be approached, or a hundred other things.
Often you can use a seeming rejection as a way to connect more deeply with that person. “Aww, it seemed like whatever I said was upsetting to you? would you be willing to tell me more?”
“You’re not front page news” made me think of this great quote from Eckhart Tolle too: “If you are content with being nobody in particular, content not to stand out, you align yourself with the power of the universe. What looks like weakness to the ego is in fact the only true strength. This spiritual truth is diametrically opposed to the values of our contemporary culture and the way it conditions people to behave.”
when i get rejected from one female it really gets me down, i think negative stuff about myself sometimes,
Me to MSM. But sometimes I am happy they turned me down if they were kinda rude or cold. The reason is that I talked to them so I wont be thinking about what would have happened if I had talked to them. It is really tough to constantly have the right attitude for meeting people. But like David Wygant says “life is repetitive”. If you want to be naturally great and comfortable you have to practice and make it a consistent part of your life. Always be increasing your social network its not a good idea to turn on a social personality and turn it off that is like doing something half ass and we all know that half ass jobs don’t get the job done to anyones satisfaction.
Yeah, rejections only resonate in your head, not anyone else’s – not even the person who rejected you. And the rejections in your head are only as bad as your mind makes it. If you think about it, the easiest way to get over a rejection is to go get another one…
…or maybe next time you won’t be rejected and maybe that’ll be worth remembering.
In the end, NO ONE CARES! And that includes the people in the interaction as well. You shouldn’t be looking for an outcome – what you should be doing is enjoying the interaction for what it’s worth.
Infinity — What a great comment – as yours always are!
I have no doubt you have fantastic energy and I’m sure that results in you not having too many rejections …
To adopt the midset you describe here … I would imagine that would be an unbelievably liberating feeling … like taking 10 pounds off each shoulder …
I believe you are 100% correct that being rejected is no big deal to anyone but yourself — the question, of course, is HOW do you get that OUT of your head
great advice though