I woke up this morning and realized that I’m 70. Ever since I went to Hawaii last year, I’ve just had something wrong with my lower back . . . which is really in my glutes.
So I guess, really, it’s not a bad back but rather a bad ass. So what I’ve really got is an “ass on” (yes, that’s a new term). My ass is so tight that I have trouble getting out of bed.
I’ve gone to every healer imaginable, yet my gluteus maximus doesn’t want to release. Has anyone had this problem?
There are muscles in my butt that are so tight that it makes me feel like C-3PO. What could it be? Could it be from my bed?
I’ve helped you guys for years, so if you care about my tushee then please help me! Help me help you help me . . . please.
Now, on to today’s topic which has nothing to do with being an ass it actually has to do with chasing an ass.
Are you dating a party girl?
Are you dating the girl that, immediately after a night out drinking with her friends, posts 40 pictures of the night on her Facebook? Do the pictures include her drinking, her almost making out with a friend, her wearing some hot and skimpy outfit?
Is this the type of woman you’re dating? Does she always seem to be at the hottest parties in the hottest cities? Does she spend Spring Break in Miami and the 4th of July in the Hamptons?
She is always at these parties. In every photo you see of her, she’s wearing some hot little cocktail dress, smiling sexily at the camera…
Here’s the problem: your party girl is in her thirties.
There’s a time in life where partying is cool. There’s a time when it’s good to be seen at the right places.
But there comes a point in time where it’s time to stop the partying lifestyle and start acting like an adult.
There was a funny skit I watched on Saturday Night Live a couple of weeks ago called “The Cougars.” In that skit, the cougars were always out trying to party at the hottest places.
You just don’t look good when you’re the oldest one standing around at this hot film festival party. You’re 39 or 40, and you’re partying it up with a bunch of people in their twenties.
Look at yourself for a second. What doesn’t fit in that picture?
I’ve dated the party girl. And I have to tell you; it gets old pretty quickly.
Those party girls are always wondering why they can’t find a good guy. It’s because no guy wants to marry the party girl. It’s just like how women will not marry the player. Women won’t settle down with the player because they don’t trust him. It’s the same exact thing: no man wants to marry the party girl.
So if you are a party girl (or you know one) and you wonder why you’re not getting anywhere in your dating life, it’s because no man could picture you as the mother of his children.
Can you imagine: as the baby is sucking down his bottle, his party girl mother is sucking down Absolut shots.
If you’re over the age of 30, you’re single, and still partying – you’re not attracting anyone. In fact, you’re turning them off.
The same thing goes for guys who are players: you’re not turning women on; you’re actually pushing them away. Realize that the reason you’re not meeting anyone is the result of your own actions!
If you are ready to really take a deep look at yourself and to create the kind of lifestyle and person you want to be today from the ground up, then be sure to check out my Men’s Mastery Series and my Women’s Mastery Series.
I am a woman in the age group you are describing, and I agree with what you’re saying 100%.
I have friends (married friends of course) who constantly push me to go to bars to meet men, when I don’t drink myself and am probably about 15 years older than the average male patron in the bars. They say that bars are the only places to meet people (since that is where they met their now husbands at about the age of 22)
To me, I think any man who is my age who is still spending every Friday and Saturday night in a bar getting drunk and trying to “hook up” is pretty sad … and I have no desire to be the female version of that!
David, you’re absolutely right … a late 30s party girl is no longer cute … she’s sad
God yes I agree about the Peter Pan partiers and players… As Kate mentioned, It is a challenge though to figure out where the cute single guys are… I don’ have much faith in online dating.
David, have you tried yoga? There are some great poses that really open up the hips and glutes and get the blood flowing there…
I’m a party person but have been burned out lately.
I’m getting tired of these warehouse parties I go to.
I see the same people every week, all drugged up on E, Meth, Crack, Mushrooms, GHB, super-drunk etc.
I’m relatively tame sticking to just alcohol and weed.. but man, I’ve been starting to feel disgusted at the whole thing lately but my biggest question to myself is, why do I keep going back?
Sure I absolutely LOVE the music, but so much comes along with it, bad stuff.
Hey David,
Also, have you ever tried EFT? Some people swear by it, other people think it’s a placebo effect.
Who knows…
The doctor is in.
Your Butt probably wouldn’t hurt so much if you weren’t such a tight-ass.
Problem solved, next victim!
Hey,
I am cute SWM, 43, fit, traveled, witty, boyishly handsome and I have a terrible time finding cool attractive women in their lay 30’s early 40’s – I enjoy a drink now and then but I am not really into the bar scene – it’s really hard finding dates – I am in the Chicago area
David, great post!
As far as the glute pain, as tee said, certain yoga poses are great…”pigeon” comes to mind. Also, having tight glutes can be worsened by your hip flexors being too weak. You need a balance between the two. My advice, start or continue yoga/stretching of that area and focus on strengthening the muscles that raise your knees. Here are some exercises: Knee raises, hanging leg raises, V-ups, hip flexor machine, pretty much anything you can do to focus on raising your legs…even running with leg weights to a small degree. I hope this helps. Feel free to email me at REDZ07@aol.com if you have any more questions that I may be able to help with.
Karl, there are no women in their late 30’s early 40’s, women just skip that age….LOL!….
Find a good Chiropractor out there. Unfortunately there are a lot of turds out there. I know, I’ve met virtually all of ‘em at continuing education seminars. Anyway, shoot me an email and I locate a good one wherever you are. I train with the best ones in the world and would be happy to recommend any one of them. You can reach me at 602-791-0584.
-Michael Cole DC
PS When is the next seminar in PHX? Just wonderin’. If you need help setting one up, I be glad to do most of the heavy lifting. Love your stuff!
As a healer ….first thing I do ……is listen to words ……….our bodies just hold the energy of our existance……..ever have a “gut ” feeling about someone or something ?
……or in your case ……you have a pain in the arse…………so what in your life is a “pain in the arse ” what are you doing that you’d rather not be doing any more ….it’s really a pain ….a chore ……..remove it ..or find a way to solve that and I bet your bottom …….. your butt will get better !
David,
I have the same tush problem… from an accident when I was 11 years old.
After 20 years of different people, I finally found someone (physical therapist, masseuse, whomever) who would do what it took to loosen up that area. Until you find that special someone, try this: laying on top of golf balls or tennis balls, rolling them slowly around, to loosen up those muscles – helps tremendously.
One stretch that my chiropractor gave me years ago helps: Lay on your back with your knees bent and your feet flat on the surface (bed, floor, mat). Lift one leg and place that ankle on the other leg, just above the knee. For example purposes, let’s say it is your right ankle on top of your left leg, where your left thigh and left knee meet. Now, gently pull your right knee towards your left hip, until you feel the stretch in the glutes. Hold, release. Be gentle and slow.
When I was really hurting, while I was stretching as described above, I would also be laying on a golf ball positioned exactly where the muscle needed the extra pressure. Ahhhhhhh! Hurts so good!
David,
Have you ever tried a cranial sacral therapist…amazing stuff…the only thing that helps losen my tight muscles including my butt. Good luck!
Well…I always heard a tight low back was due to tight hamstrings. My tried and true for this is to stand, cross your legs, one in front of the other and touch the floor (or as best as you can touch the floor). Hold the stretch, switch legs and repeat. Do these, maybe 5 each direction and see if that does the trick.
Dave
The back problem maybe it is the way you are standing during the day or the shoes you are wearing. I have a problem with this stupid mat that I stand on at work afterward a good hard days of work when I get in the car I feel like crying my lower back is hurting so bad. But I pulled a stunt years ago that had to do with one of my cars and sometimes I pay for that. Guys backs are different from women and I could explain to a woman what might be going on but actually Dave you would not have that problem. And to years ago when my ex husband and I slept in the same bed I could not move the next morning. But actually go see a doctor about it.
Dating a party girl well I am a homebody person myself I like to watch movies with a guy or just go out riding around and see the sights as far as having anymore children forget it both of mine are grown and one is almost out of high school thank God.
I wouldn’t mind going out with a cute party girl… just not one in her thirties.
Taras – then be careful – most party girls are older than you think – perhaps an id check first?
DW – I’ve already recommended the Tru-back to you. And Doc Cole has recommended chiropractic which is also a good thing. My dad went the DC route back in the 60’s when people still thought that it was a suspicious thing and he swore by it as most of my circle of both family and friends do. Among my tall and slim male co-workers who complain of the same problem, there is a recurring theme that they have all been told by their physicians to lie on their backs and pull their knees up to their chests to stretch the muscles regularly, and of course variations like those in yoga or ballet. When their discomfort gets really bad, it’s because they got lazy and didn’t follow doctor’s orders! Stretch those puppies! Sometime it’s not “use it or lose it” but more like “pain vs. no pain.” I’m big on ‘no pain’ so I always stretch before bed, before getting up, and throughout the day.
David,
Have tried chiropractors before, who all came highly recommended, they are alright but have some issues with the treatment overall.
I have used Blue Dunn, who some times comes to San Diego and he has been far surperior than chiropractors. He is not just fixing you, but he gives great advise to maintain and avoid same things to happen in the future. He really is in a league of his own.
Now if you are in to conventional then try Meilus robotic arm, it’s a great treatment for acute problems. The inventor Al is out of Tampa, but sells these “stretching” robotic arms around the country. I have tried him too and it gives amazing results. Stretching is fine but when you have pains like that they are not enough.
Personally I can’t speak highly enough this two different treatment forms. Blue just has such an knowledge of the body. He really is worth the try.
One more which is more of a maintance tool are foam rollers, the best thing I ever have gotten to maintain my body.
Hi,
I am also a professional healer, and my sacral body up high in the tachyonosphere tells me you shouldn’t listen to me because my own confused read-end is full of it
. Sorry there couldn’t resist.
But a nice blog post there. I go out quite a lot at 29yr. The trick is, I go out because I love to dance, and I absolutely love to dance with people that love to dance too. It’s not that I would object to meeting a nice girl, but since I’m looking for more then meaningless one-off sex, I don’t really look for anything other than perhaps getting to know someone a little.
It is also indeed so very true, that the “party girl” you describe, is a total turn off for anything but the most shallow men. I remember this one night in a small club. There was this blonde, with an amazing body and a cute face, she was about 25 to 30 I’d say. Only… she was working that staircase like a pole-dancer. All the guys immediatly noticed her, she WAS very sexy. Yet I saw no-one approach her. As the night progressed, she truly cracked me up, as in the end she was basically hanging from the lighting while standing on top of the bar (no one does that in that club), shaking it all over like a pro.
A few weeks later, I saw the same girl, grabbing a bite with some dudes at sun up after another party. Those guys were like really really the worst guys you could end up with. They seemed like semi criminal/wife-beating trashy coke-dealers. She still was a really beautiful and sexy girl, yet every guy with even a modicum of decency in him clearly figured she was a total slut that would cheat on you etc…So they didn’t even bother talking to her. I can only imagine what she’d be like in 10 to 15 years
.
PS I’ve been reading your stuff for some time, thanks for the insights, I’ve learned a lot from you.
Hey David, ever wonder how those “miracles” happened? And how those people are able to heal themselves or others just by saying words or praying? I recommend a book called “The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind”.
Great blog as ever
I have heard very good things about Dr. Sarno. His treatments have helped heal many people including some notable names like Howard Stern.
Both his book “Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection” and his consultations seem to be highly regarded by many reputable sources.
I personally found “Healing Back Pain Naturally” by Art Brownstein to be very helpful.
Hope this offers some relief
Tee,
get yourself over to London and I will introduce you to load of nice guys.
I use to love the party girls and always wanted to be with them back in the day when I couldnt attract women. Now I can, they are the last girls I would go for. Party girls often come across as super confident and in control where the truth is the actual opposite. Even though many know this to be true they dont honestly know it at a core level…when you do, then the world looks a little different…
David,
not sure about those glutes of yours.
I would get my girl busy with her hands and constatly stretch like crazy…
There is a custom attachment for a SYBIAN that will work out most glute ills, just make sure you keep your legs raised during the 6500 vibe cycle. I’ve cured a frozen shoulder using mine and the girls love it with different attachments of cource….Good Luck
At 33, and with a social circle of friends who range from 23 – 28 (one male friend is 35) I seem to fall into this category – although I think I may be an exception…
I was with my 1st serious boyfriend for 12 years – from 17 to 29, then followed that with another serious 3 year relationship from 29 to 32. During both I was faithful & monogomous, but both were simply not meant to be.
” If you’re over the age of 30, you’re single, and still partying – you’re not attracting anyone. In fact, you’re turning them off.” – I disagree..
I made the mistake of losing touch with my friends whilst trying to be the best girlfriend to my partners, which I now know to be a massive mistake. Is it so wrong of me to have a great social life, to go out and have fun now and then and document it? – ( I AM the Facebook girl -I capture all the great times my friends and I have and I also make little videos of the best times for us all to look back on and remember and post them online)
Does this make me sad and desperate? I think not.
I think you’ll view my pictures and videos and see someone who loves her life and everything in it very much.
I find my social circle has grown and I have met some great new friends and interesting people through going out and “partying” (is having great conversations and meaningful discussions about life & the universe over a drink, and dare I say it – a joint – after a club night still classed as “partying???)
I believe if people spend time in my company, they will quickly grasp my vibe – I’m a good person, I’m smart and worldly wise, I work very hard, I’ve loved for the longest of times, and for the 1st time in my adult life, I am enjoying being simply ME. Im not a booze hound, a pot head or a pill popper, but I do appreciate great music, DJ’s, bands & Festivals, and I do know how to enjoy myself without being raucous. I’m lucky enough to be told I don’t look 33, and I certainly don’t feel like I should be settled down with 2 kids, a house, a dog and “him indoors”
So am I still so offputting & unattractive to men?……..
I’m not even anywhere near 33 yet and I”m barely partying. Should I party more?
Well once in awhile, like springbreak or before school starts, I’d be in the mood to go clubbing, but I don’t drink or anything. I don’t even need shots beforehand to have fun. And its funny when a friend asks, “oh are you those people who have fun sober?” Well yes of course I am.
If I go out too much, I start feeling like I’m trashy or something. I need some down to earth time.
Hello David
For the back I recommend getting a fully inflated soccer ball and laying on it with your two feet on the ground and rolling back and forward over the middle and both sides for a couple of minutes, three times a day.
Sit ups I find are also good for back problems, cold shower on your back, ibuprofen to reduce the swelling, no jerky movements (Jacob would be in trouble), gentle stretching. Experiment and see what feels good and then keep doing more of that.
Thanks for all the good advice we need to keep you in top condition
I think most people tend to date party girls because it is easy to find them in large quantities (in night clubs) and in their environment it is normal to act goofy and talk to people you don’t know. It is also possible to meet girls in other places but that is not easy for many guys.
David,
Have you tried acupuncture for your ass problem? Sorry, that came out funny. lol But surely there have to be some good acupuncture specialists in LA. Ask around & find the best. Maybe you’ve been overexerting in yoga class.
Dude,
Do squats to make your glutes and legs and hip flexors and pretty much your entire lower body stronger. Once a week. 4 sets of ~10. Do it. don’t use the smith machine. regular squats with a barbell.
All great stuff!!!
I appreciate all the great information and when i have some time tonight i am going to dig through and see if my miracle cure is in there.
@
IndigoTiger. I may be wrong, but I don’t think the blog is contradicting you, if I read right. I don’t see what could be sad about going ut, dancing, enjoying music, and talking to people. But what IS a bad idea -and I speak from way to much experience- is going out with the hope of finding that special person just before the lights go on. To me the blog says: go out and have fun, but don’t try to find a good man/girl there for a longer term relationship.
I personally enjoy dancing with people so much that I hope I will keep doing it till I drop dead. And BTW dancing is really good for your back
.
Be really careful what chiropractor you choose. I saw a sign in Phoenix for $20.00 adjustments and started going there for treatment. I really got what I paid for. He didn’t even bother to get x-rays, and just started moving my bones around blindly. I finally went to a good chiropractor,who took good, clear x-rays and found out Dr.Quak had completely taken the curve out of my neck, and somehow fused the end of my spine with my tailbone. That one turned out to be a huge turd!
There are alot of bad ones out there. I saw a sign for 20.00 dollar adjustments, and started going there. I really got what I paid for. It is really important that your chiropractor takes x-rays before he starts moving your bones around so he can see what he’s working with. This one didn’t, and when I finally went to a good one I found out Dr.Quak had somehow managed to fuse the end of my spine with my tailbone, and took all of the curve out of my neck. What a turd he trned out to be!
David: I recommend a good mat pilates session every other day for a week or so. I tend to get really stiff in my hips, from sleeping and from sitting at a desk all day, and pilates makes me feel so much more limber and human again. Plus, my butt always hurts a lot afterward, which can only be a good sign.
OK, I helped…that means I still get to go to a party every once in a while, even though I’m in my ancient thirties and should be “settling down”, right? Right?
indigoTiger–I totally see your point…it’s great to be out enjoying life. I think it’s all about balance as anything in excess is too much! it sounds as if you have a good balance which IS attractive…
David,
Given your symptoms, you might benefit from a more thorough evaluation with a physiatrist, or Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation doc. This is an MD or DO who would take a thorough history and physical, looking for any of the host of possible reasons you are feeling ass pain. He or she would then work with a chiropractor, physical therapist, masseuse, therapeutic yoga practitioner etc… Generally the fix is exercise based, but its always good to get a plausible diagnosis and rule out bad things that can make your butt hurt.
I did residency with a really great Doc who is down in San Clemente named Alexandra Bunyak. She is who I would see in the LA area. She is super smart, super well trained.
Hope this helps
John K.
Wow, I have several things to say. I check your blog every one or two months, and I always find something I can relate to. I also have a lot of lower back pain and what I have observed is that it is all a problem of posture. For some reason when I was a girl I was told to walk with my back straight because I had a tendency to the contrary, so I used to force myself to straighten my back especially on the chest area. Consequently, I put all the weight in my low back. I also have a lot of curve in this area and really hurts me all the time but somehow I got used to the pain. In order to keep my back straight I also pressed my glutes tight. I check myself not letting them drop when I am standing all the time. So maybe it is a problem relaxing the muscles and adressing the posture. I currently do power yoga and it helps me although it doesn’t remove the pain. I think tai-chi is really good and if you find a good shiatsu practitioner they can do a lot of good. There is this branch of psychology started by a german called Wilhem Reich and continued by Alexander Lowen that focuses in body-mind and what is contained in the pain and so on. I did a little bit and it is scary but at the same time you feel so good afterwards. They say that your body is a reflex of your soul.. I know this is a bit vague, and my explanations aren’t very good but maybe you can do some research .. . Good luck David!!! I actually wanted to write here today to tell you that I dreamed about you few days ago!!! I dreamed that you were my landlord and that we wanted to kiss but I had a chocolate chip cookie melting in my mouth, and we couldn’t LOL!!!!! For the record I am not interested in you in real life,I wonder where this dream came from ???
Hmm, whenever I swim, there would have to be a time when my calf feels like its muscles are too tight and i can’t move it. Its kind of like a cramp but not really. How do I prevent that?
If you swim after less than an hour from the time you’ve eaten, you are likely to get those pains.
If you swim less than an hour from the time you’ve eaten you’re likely to get those crampy pains.
Wow! in this day and age there is no excuse for going in blind like that, there are enough resources available now so that even amateurs should be able to find this accessible. What a risk of liability.
Indigo Tiger: I am 27 and currently dating a party girl who is 32. I met her in a club and we always have a great time together, I really like spending time with her – partying and on the sofa…. As much as I like her, DW’s point rings true: Can I see her as the mother of my kids?
I love to party myself and have been into the house and dance scene for years. I have met lots of party girls on the way. Very soon I want to give that up and start a family and sadly I do not see my future wife as a party girl currently or even a reformed one. Me and my friends have dated a few before and their way of coping with bad times is to go out and get wasted – and occasionaly as a result go sleep with another guy. Sadly that sort of behaviour is not what I want from someone whom I want to spend the rest of my life with.
So in reply – it is not that old party girls are sad or desperate, they are just not very attractive options for guys who are looking for their “one”. DW is spot on if you are in your early thirties and still can’t meet that guy – the fun good looking guy who is standing at the end of the bar will not be standing a year or two later waiting for you at the alter.
i am twenty and did a job for a lady she seemed at first who was 37 at the time and she turned out to love mens attention and was as you describe a sad party girl – i personally feel sorry for her as she has never lived with a man and has a tendacy to stare at other men in front of me when i took her out which i think is disrespectful, all in all she was acting my age and i was acting hers. she was half indian and her name is nisha s and from the northwest uk if anyone nows her i dont care the truth hurts
Howdy, David.
Remember that phrase, “Keep it simple, silly”? How old is your mattress? Yoga, massage and the Sybian are all excellent; too much of everything is just enough, I always say. But what is the point of doing all that for our health if we spend 8 hours per night undoing it all by sleeping on a crappy mattress. Think about it–that’s a third of our life! About 6 years ago I spent over 1500 bucks on a queen-size Stearns and Foster mattress, box-springs and frame. No fancy headboard/footboard/bedroom suite. Just the sleepset. Best thing I ever did for my back. During our divorce, my ex-husband took the big-screen gigantor t.v. and I kept the bed. Funny that he thinks he got the better deal. Seriously, David. Check into it if you haven’t already. Also, if you spend another third of your life on your feet, invest in well-made shoes with custom orthotics if need be. Oh, I know what you’re thinking, but they’re not your grandmother’s orthotics anymore. My cousin gets her new Birkenstocks outfitted with custom orthotics every summer and you’d never know they were there if you didn’t know they were there. I am sending healing thoughts your way!