Without Conflict, There Is No Growth.
December 20, 2011 
46 Comments
I was listening to Phil Simms and he was talking about Tom Brady on the sidelines in the game last Sunday against the Tebow led Denver Broncos.
Simms said something that was really interesting.
He said, “Without conflict, there is no growth.”
Think about that. If there’s no conflict in your life, there’s never going to be any growth in your life either. Whether your conflict is with the demons inside of your head or with other people, having conflict in your life is good. Conflict is what life is all about.
In order to push yourself, you need to have confidence. If you’re frustrated in your life right now, it’s driving you crazy, and you’re sick and tired that you can’t meet women, that’s conflict.
The question is, are you able to push yourself through the conflict to be able to grow, and how are you going to do it?
What drives you?
Who pushes you?
What motivates you?
What makes you hungry to get past your hurdles to be able to grow as a person?
Great post…
Unrelated….
During our coaching call, David Wygant gave me a GREAT opener to use while standing in line in chipotle,, and I forgot it. I really wish I could’ve had a recording of that call.
I could’ve just used that..
I’m so glad Brady beat Tebow, All I been hearing was Tebow this and Tebow that.
As far as meeting women go, I’m frustrated that I can’t meet anyone I’m attracted too since all I see are women who are too old for me, way too fat or way too young.
Internet is working much better at finding what i’m looking for. Let’s face it, Hot girls go to work and come home, then go to bars and clubs on the weekends which I don’t go too.
They don’t hang out at the local walmart or walk around malls. Where did Adam Lyons find his hot wife? At a bar/club.
I’m not expecting to find the next Adriana Lima to come walking through the door at a local Macys but even the “cute sales girls” at a perfume counter don’t excist around here. They’re all old/overwieght.
Kevin,
When you see women you aren’t attracted to, all the more reason to approach. It’s good practice because you don’t want them, you learn how to give off the vibe that you aren’t seeking approval. Once it becomes habit you can approach the ones your attracted too with less monkey chatter.
I know because when I approach the hottie with no practice, and my opener works, I’m so excited that it worked that I drop the ball and the close just does not happen. That or I don’t have the conviction to walk away, because I have not allowed myself to be used to the idea that I can talk to a lot of women.
Not only that but you could fall for a girl that’s not what you think is attractive until you make a connection with her.
“If there’s no conflict in your life, there’s never going to be any growth in your life either.”
Actually without conflict there is growth, with conflict there is no growth. and I”m qualified to say that too because I’ve gone through too much conflict in my life, and I have yet to see or make growth. conflict does the opposite to me, it brings me down. if there was no conflict I’d be living me dreams.
“The question is, are you able to push yourself through the conflict to be able to grow, and how are you going to do it?”
I don’t know how I am, that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out for more than 30 years.
“What drives you?, Who pushes you?
What motivates you?
What makes you hungry to get past your hurdles to be able to grow as a person?”
That’s the problem, I don’t know anymore. too much conflict has also made me forgot what I desire in the first place, the only thing I know that answers your question is Maybell.
Pussy motivates me to try harder. But no matter how much pussy I get, I am never satisfied.
@Kevin, I’m with you on getting tired of hearing about Tebow. I mean, he’s not a great passer, and he isn’t exactly a traditional quarterback, but he showed up when his team needed him and helped bail out a season that looked like it was headed to the front of the Andrew Luck Derby.
I can guarantee he’s going to be spending a hell of a lot of time working on his throwing motion in the off season though.
John, does the opener have to do with the fact that chipotle sauce is invented and isn’t really mexican or latin american? That’s what floors me about chipotle, it was only made so many years back! Do you remember why you thought it was great?
Tom for some reason i agree with you, from conflict you may learn something for the feuture but from conflict is always conflict.
That’s an interesting perspective red. How can thoughts of pussy motivate you even through rejections?
Tom for some reason i agree with you, from conflict you may learn something for the feature but from conflict is always conflict.
lol every time I’m on a date a related embarrassment happens… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhHfSoH502U
This is so very true. Without the conflict within me I would still be overweight, unattractive, and depressed. It wasn’t until I couldn’t take it anymore and made the actions to change how I felt. Now I’m not overweight and fat and have a physic that I could never have imagined 3 years ago. The conflict to be more sociable is currently going on and I’m really actively trying to improve my social skills. Awesome blog just the reminder I needed that conflict is good.
@manny,, it was funny as hell. I seriously forgot most of the great lines he gave me. I had 2 really cute girls in line behind me today,, and one in front. The two behind me, one had a wedding ring, the other had no rings, and the one in front ordered 2 burritos to go, telling me she had a boyfriend at home. I wanted to say something to the two behind me, but couldn’t think of anything. They were carrying on a conversation.
There was one really cute girl that made eye contact with me from another table while I was eating, but as soon as I thought of something to say,, her very large,, (and I mean LARGE) boyfriend came out of the bathroom and sat down.
I never see ANYBODY single,, but I’m still looking.
physique* stupid phone!
I read somewhere a while ago to always remember that conflict is normal and necessary.
“Fair Fighting” rules are great guidelines as to what is acceptable versus unacceptable behaviour when arguing with someone.
http://happylists.wordpress.com/2008/08/01/37-rules-to-fighting-fair/
@Manny I really think I may have an addiction. Yes I face rejection all the time. I’m not a bad looking guy, but when I really want pussy I will go to any extreme except paying for it (prostitution.) I just love the taste, the feel, the smell of it. Yes I have fucked quite a few ugly women. Everybody wants to get laid. I’ve had sex with old ladies too, those are the easiest. Women can be like guys too, when they are ugly and old it’s harder for them to get laid so they have to try harder. I’m the guy who sees the opportunity and takes them home. All pussy feels great, so it doesn’t matter to me weather old, young, hairy, shaved, wrinkled up, loose or tight. I take whatever I can get. I think this mentality has been my downfall too because when I’m with beautiful women for some reason I have a hard time getting it up. I can’t figure out why, I think because I like something about flawed people. It turns me on. I have even fucked a gal who was missing a leg, and one who had no breasts due to cancer. I am a freak.
In answer to your questions, David, I don’t deal well with conflict. I am becoming better at it.
I have a lot of fear attached to conflict related to childhood issues. If a man yells at me, I freeze. I can’t think or speak. Ironically, when I do find my voice, I can come across aggressively in situations of conflict because I hate being there in the first place. I am scared and upset before I open my mouth.
I am terrible at hanging on to peoples past mistakes. It’s an old protective mechanism that is outmoded. Imagine how great I would feel about myself if I could hang on to everything good that was said to me?
I just have to keep plugging away. I am very lucky to have children. They inspire me to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be, and to set the best example that I can.
Leanne
Hey Manny
That takes a lot of courage to admit that. If you think that you have a problem, then the chances are you have. If you need to control something, then it’s already out of control.
Have a read of this.
http://www.sexaa.org/IsSAAForYou/SelfAssessment/
It’s up to you if and where you want to take it from there.
I hope that’s of help.
Good luck
Leanne
I think biggest conflict problem that most of the man have is approaching anxiey based of what I see.
About the question am I able to push myself,that’s to difficult question to answer.
Sometimes I’m able to push myself hardly and complete my goals,but sometimes when I’l start fighting with my head,that’s situation where I almost can’t succed.Now I learn how to solve and win in the conflict,and people who learned me are girls who approached me.Thanks to them
Again conflict happans but I got my strenght to push myself out of that.
Conflict is exercise. It’s not easy, it hurts, it sucks, it beats you down but conflict ultimatly makes you stronger. Conflict keeps us on our toes, it keeps us sharp. Conflict creates change for the better.
@john, “Large boyfriend” lol! there was this one time when i had a nice conversation with this girl…flirty. i was on the verge of asking herphone number whn she tells me about the wild thing her and her boyfriend did. all his time i thought she was telling me a funny story involving her getting stubbing her toe against the wall. as soon as she said “boyfriend” my nod turned into an audible “damn!” i was damning the fact she had a bf and not the fact she stubbed her toe but saved it by saying “damn!… ummm that toe must hurt…ouch damn”
@leanne, im looking at my post hoping to find my confession. what i meant was that i dont like focusing on pussy because theres so much rejection to speak of that it cant be about pussy for me.
@red, youve gotta keep the horse from seeing the barn. seems like youve got a wonderful problem though
Leanne i think you meant that link for Red and his wonderful problem. Hey red, lets switch prblems…my biggest right now is moving out of an apartment. i can so need sex addiction like right now
.
WTH? What happened to all the coaches? I haven’t seen even a post by Dan, or shogo in days..
Did everyone quit???
Just received ur book naked it better be good…lol oh i will let u know how i like it later right now i am reading grace livingston hill…
I wished I can get over this hurdle I am in myself…I got my mind stuck on this one individual and it is causing me not to want to date others even though he is with someone all i can say is HELP!!!!!
but off that i am still men shopping to see what is out there before i get my feet wet again…
Antitheses are life.
Voltaire.
I avoid conflict. I;m 27 years old and feel like I’m half my age, so this blog definitely makes sense to me.
Conflict is only the beginning. Say for example your slightly fat and what to get in shape. You know you can look better, you just need to get off your ass and down to that gym. That is conflict. However, that alone is not enough to make ou grow. You need will power, you need confidence, you need to take the bull by the horns and say ‘fuck it’ im doing this. That is what will get the end result in the end.
Conflict alone will not make you grow, but without it you fail to realize the need to grow.
Rob, in your example, if the slightly fat person sees no problem with themselves as they are, there is no conflict, and there will never be the urge to grow in that way.
I know that feeling far too well. Just this last year I was still living with family, spending most of my free time in my room. I only found conflict in the outside world, so I just closed myself off as much as possible. No conflict, no growth on my part. It was not until a couple years ago that I started to have an internal conflict, knowing that at 24 I was getting a little old to be living with family even if I was paying my way and not causing trouble for them. I felt the same about my job too, not really looking for something better despite a real urge to get away from it.
Conflict is simply when you recognize the opposition. For the longest time I thought the opposition was other people. It took me years to figure out that the real enemy is the parts of yourself that you are not proud of.
@Dave, it’s sounds like you’re still at where I used to be. What is it that you are avoiding, if you don’t mind me asking?
For me, In the past, I tried to avoid conflict. I wanted everything to be resolve peacefully. I grew up in a household where my mother dominated my father. I felt bad for him and I looked at my mother as a bully. So when I was older, I avoided any confrontations that would lead to ugly disagreements. After my divorce, I realize its normal for conflicts and healthy to disagree and leads to better negotiations.
@ Red. Thank you for sharing that with the group.
@Red, the girl with one leg actually sounds like quite a good time.
I’m still here. I’ve been really sick the last few days.
Here’s my two cents on conflict: When a snake wants to grow it sheds it’s skin, right? It finds the hardest, roughest surface it can and rubs up against it. I think the same is true for humans. We NEED conflict to shed our “skin”.
There are a whole bunch of other metaphors I can use here, like hammering metal to make a sword etc. etc. but the point is without trouble and conflict we won’t learn anything. A great exercise to do actually is to stop for a moment and be thankful for your problems and conflicts. You’ll be surprised how that changes things around.
This is why I creep you guys <3
You are a strange, strange, little girl.
I guess that means you don’t want to make out.
Oh Julie, you are hot!
Do you like me more now???
Tits or GTFO, Julie.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year…see you all on the next blog….I pray all of you have a wonderful Christmas for I know that I will…
Hey Collin, you would like to know what a real pair of tits looks like wouldn’t you, loser.
Yeah, I still think Julie is Bob…. lol
You know what, I take that back. At least Bob is attempting to motivate people with his insult comedy. You’re just venomous.
She ain’t Bob. My wit is quite superior to her (his)little one liner quips…Don’t you agree?
Well you see Bob, I figured a man of your wit would disguise his wit if he changed his identity. That with the lack of your presence got me wondering lol.
But yes, she(he) can’t hold a candle to you in the “getting under peoples skin” department.
In the world today, hard work is the key to success in anything. Unfortunately, I could from a family where my mom was the provider and not my dad. Further, in the dating world, most average guys try approaching women, fail on the internet or in-person, and give up. Most of us guys never reach the level of dating models out there or even dating an average good looking girl because of all the expectations girls have for guys these days. The reality is that society is set up for men to fail and not women. I’ve seen videos online of puas and other dating coaches describing the current dating situation for guys. But i rarely hear anyone say that guys consider giving up, becoming gay, committing suicide, living alone, and dropping out of college because women expect so much out of us. I dont know what to buy, learn, read, practice, or say win over a girl in my life. My best friend keeps telling me that i need to be positive all the time and then believing in myself will come naturally. I like most guys out there, give up after putting in effort to keep a girl around. I am writing this because i know no one else will. As a side note, I have never really competed in anything in my life before because confidence is something that i do not understand. What am I suspose to do David, Intern Dan, Julie? I have been told that girls think im weird. What does having a positive attitude, confidence, and success feel like?
Julie, you are so transparent. You need to let go of those painful experience with beautiful women. They don’t act like you do as much as your victim puppet act would have us believe. Ever heard of Mr. Hand from South Park? You’re the hand.
Btw, Mr. Hand is the projection of your fears and not a reference to masturbation. Cheers!
Well I agree with tis in my life I have had much Conflict way to much beaten abused verbally mentally financially many fake people entered my life to use me for what ever reason but with all of this I have grown into a very strong Woman I love my family and I know my Cildren have seen and learnt from all the things that have happened to me this I know will make them stronger it already has in many ways but every experience is a learning one and without learning you don’t GROW