This is the second part of a conversation we had at a recent bootcamp about window-shopping in life and challenging yourself. This is a great example of the types of things we work on during weekend bootcamps!
Howie: Here is another thing I realized: after I almost lost my life I discovered that while I was not really afraid of death, I was terrified of that last minute just before I died. In that moment, I had to run through my head all of the things I had desired in my life. Had I even attempted to achieve some of my desires?
What terrified me was that if I were to ask myself that question right then, I couldn’t live with the answer. I had put off everything that I had wanted to do, and it was such bullshit!
David: I don’t think people are afraid of death, I think that they are afraid of living. So many of us are in a coma all of the time – a self-induced coma.
Taking risks proves that you’re alive. Pushing your boundaries proves your vitality. If you haven’t pushed your personal boundaries today, then you haven’t lived.
As we’re sitting here chewing our food, I’ll ask you this: how did you live today? How did you push your boundaries? How did you force yourself to do something new? What did you do to challenge yourself today?
It’s essential to always challenge yourself no matter what you do. You’re on the path of just challenging yourself beyond belief. Chris, I think you’re the same path. You have always been on that path, you’re just starting that path and you are starting it too.
You have to start that path somewhere, somehow, sometime. But after you start that path, what are you going to do to challenge yourself further? You always have to keep challenging yourself every day.
I always tell people after they take any type of training with me to make a to-do list. We’re all so great with our to-do lists, right? We do them at work everyday. Make a to-do list. “Today I’m going to talk to five strangers. I normally eat lunch at my desk, but today I’m going to go to Whole Foods and talk to the people next to me. On the way home from work tonight, I’m going to have dinner at Baja Fresh (or whatever it is) and I’m going to talk to people. I’m going to learn how to be memorable.”
We’re all memorable. We’re most memorable when we push ourselves beyond our personal comfort levels. When you push your boundaries, you become memorable. People say, “man, that guy was so nice, he asked me great questions!”
Today we saw that guy fom the furniture store and you really connected with him. I was watching his body language and I saw a genuine smile. That’s the thing with people in retail – if you bored them in the store, they will run from you if they see you outside of the store. But this guy didn’t – he stopped and talked to you and gave you a genuine smile.
You pushed yourself beyond your boundaries. Many people truly believe that they are overstepping their boundaries if they get personal with someone. However, as human beings, we’re craving getting personal with others.
I love it when I meet somebody who is interested in what I do. I love when they are interested in me, and compliment me and make me feel good.
You got a great confirmation from that guy. You can say to yourself, wow, this guy really remembered me!
I know how this works, because I bartended for seven years. When I was bartending, I would have people come up to me on the street that had drank in my bar all of the time and I’ll have no idea who they were. They weren’t memorable.
They’d say, “hey, David, how are you?” and I’d have to play it off and say, “hey, man…” I had to call everybody ‘man!’ I’d play it off, and then we’d walk away, and the friend I was with would ask me who that was. I’d have to answer, “I have no idea.”
That night I’d go back to work and I’d see the person again and think, oh my god. This person has been coming to my bar for so long but they were never memorable. They never shared anything with me.
Now, there are two ways to be very memorable: one is to ask questions and get deeper with someone, but you also have to share something about yourself.
Whenever you leave a place, you have to 1) connect with people by asking a lot of questions and 2) leave a part of yourself with everyone you talk to.
Give them the gift of yourself. Share something with them. Maybe it’s about skiing. Whatever it might be. Your last trip to Mexico, how funny it was – whatever! It doesn’t matter.
You want to leave something behind of yourself. You want to leave part of your soul behind so that others can remember you. You don’t want to be that invisible person that walks into a bar every single night but nobody knows your name.
Just like Cheers – you want to go where everybody knows your name!
GREAT post!! Thanks for the homework!
I think that could possibly be the best post on the website. Thanks for the great advice David!
I meet a lot of people where I work. One customer came up to me and said I had to come to your lane for when you see people you would smile. She looked depressed and she shared with me what happened and I smiled and wished her the best. A smile can go along way regardless. In retail you have to be a customer friendly person in order to make it. But there were times I had to bite my lip. People deal with others in some sort of fashion in their everyday lives. If you can’t deal with people then a person will need to get themselves a tent and live out in the woods and try to be aggressive with a grizzly bear
I so love this post, David. I have to print it out & read it to remind myself to practice it. Thanks! You have the best job in the world in my opinion. It must be so much fun to get to meet new people, talk to them, AND motivate them to better their life. I would LOVE to do that!
I will put this into action because the other night I hung out at a bar with some people and I really was not very memorable and I knew it at the time too. I kicked myself for not challenging myself more and getting out of my head! It’s a shame, but I will keep practicing & trying. Thanks!
Gabrielle:
>>>>>>I would LOVE to do that!
David always needs interns:-)
I really like what you had to say “the Mayor of NYC” about being Memorable. People get addicted to you b/c of that.
Hi Sandra! BTW your welcome!
I agree a smile goes a long way. Fun to see reactions when you just smile. Or throw in raised eyes, and a head NOD! Its like you have a fun secret and people will lighten the load of life.
ya i agree with this post….
like David said before “failure is not not being able to achieve something, but the fact of knowing you could have done something, and not taking any action towards it”
in this sense i definitely failed plenty of times in the past few days : /
This is a great post David. The world needs us all to know more about what makes us memorable and unique so that we can make that bigger and express ourselves as who we really are.
This knowing from a core level radiates from within you and in turn blesses the people around, just by you being you. This makes you very attractive.
great post David.
Gabrielle:
> I have to print it out & read it to remind myself to practice it.
I have done this with many of David’s posts…sometimes I managed to actually put things in practice but sometimes…I just can’t give the first step…I guess the monkey chatters just don’t wanna leave…aaarrr!!
Anyway….i’ll keep trying
good day to veryone from a dark, cold Amsterdam
Something I realized a while ago… it’s not so much what I do in one day, but rather it’s all the little successes that I have over a long period of time. People who live in a “coma” are the ones who seek instant gratification all the time and don’t have these little victories.
Dan – if I could pack up and move to California – I would. Maybe some day! Then I’ll definitely seek ya’ll out! Have to keep it goin’ in Georgia for now though.
Darkenergy – you’re great! I keep up with all of ya’lls posts. Keep on going! I get monkey chatter too. I’ve learned recently to allow myself to give people time to respond and see that the response is usually positive!
darkenergy – its a lot darker and colder in England right now!
Going on a trip to Amsterdam in January, if you have time, any cool places you recommend, particuarly cool clubs/raves? I know (another) Pete lives in Amsterdam too, if you like, itd be cool to have a DW meet up!
Completely understand the monkey chatter!! I find it so hard to get out of your reality and project the one you want and imagine inside your head.
Keep on trucking
Pete
Jill (I’m posting here as you requested),
I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination; but I try to talk to everyone I come across and very few actually start conversations.
I love the quote from Braveheart – “Every man dies, not every man really lives”
Daryl
Go to go in after the douche bag and read what I put in there it may help you.
Congratulations Daryl
Darryl
Told you I’d check!! = )
Great job! You don’t need a full conversation, just like Taras said…and I think she said it absolutlely perfectly :
“it’s not so much what I do in one day, but rather it’s all the little successes that I have over a long period of time. People who live in a “coma” are the ones who seek instant gratification all the time and don’t have these little victories.”
I can’t top that… It says it all, really, just beautiful!!!
Feeling alive by pushing our boundaries is the best feeling in the world.
My dad used to tell me that the beauty is sculptures is that the sculptor took a rough piece of rock and chipped away all the unnecessary to create a beautiful piece of art.
I try to apply that mindset to my life too… but I’m the sculpture myself. We want to push our boundaries because we want to find our boundaries. We want to remove all the unnecessary fears in our life so we can find that beautiful essence that makes us great.
That’s how I feel alive