Why You Will Never Get Laid
April 14, 2009 
38 Comments
Are you ego-driven? Are you one of those people whose egos are so big that you are Mr. or Ms. Know-it-All? Do you think that everything that you do is the right way to do it?
Do you constantly criticize others on things that you’re clueless about? Are you one of those know-it-alls that think you can run a business better than your boss can – even if you’ve never worked in a business like that before?
Or are you one of those people who, when someone asks you, “If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?” you answer, “nothing at all”?
You’re all ego. You’re 100% ego-driven. Your ego is so large that you can’t even accept yourself for who you are – including your faults.
You basically walk around all day long creating lies. You’re trying to hide behind things that you don’t know about quite yet – your ego is just that large. And everyone can see through it.
The people I respect the most in my life are the people who are real. I like to attract real people into my life. I like to attract people who are humble – people who are open.
Ego is the number one thing that can destroy us. Dr. Wayne Dyer – he’s someone who I’ve met and become friends with through my girlfriend – talks about ego in a lot of his books. I also talk about ego in a lot of my products.
Ego is something that you need to drop every single day. In my How to Become a Master Communicator course, you’ll learn about the ego and how to drop it. It teaches you how to be a REAL person – because that is what people are attracted to.
Nobody’s perfect. If you think that you are, it’s just your ego preventing you from growing as a person.
An old client of mine named mike sent this to me!!
this is so true and wanted to share this quote with all of you.
As we grow up, we learn that the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You will break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.
Good blog~~I see so many men out there with these huge ego’s….when in reality they really have nothing to have these ego’s for???
I dated a guy for approx. 4months who had this huge “ego”…..his opinion ruled and no one could convince him otherwise…….other woman called him cocky…he called it confidence…..looking back, I call it insecurity.
He was obviously masking some inner flaw and passing it off with his (obnoxious) ego. Enough was enough and I am grateful that only a few short months passed before I realized he had too many issues to deal with!
I, like David prefer people who are humble, real and secure with themselves. It’s much more refreshing.
I’m slowly coming to realize that women dig it when you can admit your faults, insecurities, and vulnerabilities — as long as you’re not RULED by them. It’s charming. And makes you human. And real!
I, 100% agree with you David. There is ALWAYS room for improvement. ALWAYS. Like I mentioned in an post I wrote this past weekend, quoting Tyler Durden from Fight Club:
“I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let’s evolve, let the chips fall where they may.”
Noah-
the more you accept your self for who you are, embrace your strength and weakness, better you will be with connecting with people, continue to be vulnerable, and open, humble, because that is pure strength!
Thomas- love that quote from fight club, and totally agree with it.
I have no problem with people not being humble, I actually like a healthy dose of cocky playfulness or sarcasm, but it has to be balanced with them admitting to their weakness too. Most know it all are really very insecure and hiding behind it, normally its pretty easy to peal the layers to their real core.
I just don’t judge someone fast, personally I find it most fascinating to really get to the bottom of who someone really is, even if their outside persona comes across as a arrogant know it all.
Personally I don’t find myself to be beneath or above any one.
David, so true what your friend wrote, or as a horseback rider would live by “when you fall off the horse get right back on and continue”
David,
The quote from your client Mike really hit home with me.
Once I dry my eyes, I’m gonna save a copy and read it often.
Deep quote from your friend David. Loved it. So true, I just spent this past sunday doing things I’ve never done. Which is go to balboa park in san diego and take lots of pictures. It was a great memory. Don’t wast time being unhappy.
I know a few “know-it-alls” and they annoy the heck out of me! They seem to miss out on so many things too, and I am not talking about just dating either; they miss out on new ideas and ways of doing things. That is one thing that I definitely strive not to be although there were times when I was younger that I had some of that, and there were times where I paid for it. Thank you for the blog, David.
David
<<>> Have I officially lost it but can’t find this one, was curious about it.
Thanks
I love the quote you used, David. I think it summarizes so well what we teach about being grateful for everything you have in life… especially for people we decide to share ourselves with… b/c in the end, the only thing we can’t get back is time.
So when someone decides to be a (positive and memorable) part of your life, it’s a gift in itself… b/c otherwise, we could have had that time used in something not so beautiful.
Never thought I’d post more than one comment to the blog,
but check out this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPOQovgkfr4
I love the quote David posted.
Recently, friends I know with high values start disappointing me. Its gonna hurt when you see them go against one of their values, but they’re only human.
Personally, I can be a bit egotistic, but when it comes down to what I do and my passions, I am very humble. However, people see me as a know-it-all, because simply sometimes I do know a lot of things…in various topics…
Noah… did you just learn that from the weekend?
The Buddhists have a quote that is a little something like “You are perfect as you are, and you could use a little improvement” I really like it because it talks about accepting yourself as you are, and indicates that acceptance doesn’t mean resignation, or stagnation.
I used to be a huge know-it-all, I think that I get it, as with so many things, from my parents. Both of them are huge know-it-alls, neither of them is very self assured. But from a combination of recent events, and from reading some of your blogs and other stuff, I have become much more humble, and I only call on my vast knowledge when it is necessary. That may sound big-headed, but, like kismet, I do know a lot, and sometimes this is a burden.
Your blog has taught me many things about self-discipline, self respect and self control, and I feel that I am a far better person than I was just a couple months ago, when events of my life led me to your site. I feel that I am ready to confront the world, and I feel much more positive about myself and my future.
Joe & kismet~~
to have vast knowledge is a great thing…its how you come across with that knowledge that seperates you from the egotistic ones!! Knowing alot should NEVER be a burden, its a gift.
Yes, knowing A LOT is a burden. I know too much for my own good, my friends say so also. I go crazy (not literally) thinking too much sometimes. I’m pretty mature for my age ever since I was a kid and growing up. I was put into situations where I HAD to learn much more (about willpower, social dynamics, etc), had to deal with stuff that most of my peers dont have to go through. So through it all, I came to be very knowledgable–also because my older brother is very intelligent on many topics. Thats the great thing about “knowing-it all” because you’re not simply a nerd, you actually have knowledge about socializing, dealing and healing personal troubles…
A quote I read somewhere says that psychoanalysis doesn’t work on smart people because they end up/know how to psychoanalyze themselves. I think this is true. However thats bad because I don’t rely on friends when I really need them.
Joe and Kismet I know you mean well but the fact both of you even use the word burden, suggest your ego getting the better of you. Just think how it will sound to people with limited knowledge, you will come across very arogant. Everything starts in your thoughts..which turns to words.
Knowledge is not wisdom, wisdom is when knowledge is used wisely.
Well its not exactly burden, its like, this: “ignorance is bliss” or is it? The more you know, the more responsibility and concerns you have. On the bright side, it is helpful too. I’m not an arrogant person, I love sharing my knowledge!
I thought wisdom comes from experience which creates knowledge?
Marina, is there a simpler word than burden? Is that what you are referring to in interpreting arrogance in their statement? It will only sound arrogant to ignorant people who have a chip on their shoulder, or who have ego themselves– someone who doesn’t know, will simply ask for more information.
Or is it that because they say that knowing stuff can be a burden sometimes, that saying that they know stuff is arrogant? What if it is true? What if they are trying to share their experience of something, and now someone comes and says no they are wrong to share how they feel because they are suggesting they have things that others don’t?
Many people mistake, passion about a topic, or confidence in ones’ self as arrogance. Arrogance is when you exaggerate your own abilities/knowledge/sense of importance.
For example, some people think David is arrogant. Is he arrogant, or does he know his field inside and out and have years of experience and miles of confidence?
Now, you may be passionate and knowledgeable about a topic, and not arrogant, and still totally unable to gauge and engage your audience. Or you may want others to see you as smart and so you do and say things that you think will make that happen, but that’s not really arrogance either, that’s insecurity.Those are different problems.
Am I arrogant for even responding or thinking that there is another way to look at something and sharing that?
When will I get laid well when the invisible man comes to reality…Ego is when a person seeks only mental validation from themselves or bragging about people they slept with or talking about someone who does not give a jack shit about them…Me and the mouse in my back pocket like to live for the moment…Why live a live that a person is not apart of…
Lexi
Personally I don’t care what words they use, there will always be someone who knows more and less that you. It was more their choice of the word burden, it’s a gift, which I know will strike the wrong way with a lot of people.
We all have an individual perception of what is being said and done at any give point, we can aspire to reach a level of being able to see what people feel when we say and do things.
Why would you be arrogant to responding, the only way you can gain knowledge is to see all sides of a subject.
Marina,
Ah ok, thanks for the clarification on what it was you were pointing out.
I can see knowledge as being both a gift and a burden and a source of entertainment and joy, and many other things.
It sounds like the choice of ‘burden’ strikes you the wrong way, at least as much as the choice of the word ‘gift’ may strike others the wrong way. You’re both right.
Marina, I know what you mean. Maybe I was just using the word burden because Joe used it and I could relate to it with some of my experiences. And yes it shouldn’t be a burden. A gift? Not really, because one choose to gain those knowledge, or they’re being thrown at you. Its something that we attained personally.
When I said burden, I meant responsibility and because you know more, you’re expected to do the right things or certain things while others can get away with whatever because they’re unaware. Get it?
Kismet
Gift is more used in the way of being grateful to yourself not as if your knowledge comes easy. But having a great memory is a gift anyone should be grateful for, as any trait we have as humans.
Lexi
I would use neither in public. Burden strikes me in no way, others words does not affect me. I don’t judge them either, but I see the effect they could have on others.
Well said David! As a psychology major I’ve heard A LOT of talk on the topic of ego. It still amazes me how something that is supposed to motivate us towards success is simultaneously detrimental to actually getting it.
Marina – I think that I’m with Joe and Kismet on this one: Most of what I know (factual and otherwise) came the hard way and experience continues to change my view and knowledge of any given subject over time, including myself (my very own work in progess).
It can be a burden to have knowledge that common sense and courtesy would require you to share as circumstances arise but frankly, it’s really annoying to always have a few folks who find it easier to ask you than to look it up and/or learn for themselves. They will ask you the same questions over and over again because it’s the path of least resistance. My brother refers to as being the “go-to guy” and a former co-worker calls it being the “Shell Answer Man.” It means that people ask you because they know that you are most likely to know the correct answer and to help them or at least WHO to go to if you are not the responsible party.
The companion to this is a good memory: I have a good one and I remember things in the context in which I learned them – it’s why many things stick in my mind that others miss and I, in turn, teach things in context – never as an isolated answer. I don’t consider that a gift but a skill that was cultivated by my parents and teachers and mentors and that they taught me to continue to develop.
A gift implies that you didn’t have to work for it or to take care of it – you don’t even have to deserve it…it’s just “there.” Calling something a gift also implies that if you don’t think that you have it now, that you can not acquire it on your own – meaning that there’s no use in trying. That goes against what David is teaching us. Learning new things, new skills, new attitudes takes time and a lot of work. Some of us learn some things faster than others – some of us get lucky the first time out and it makes us a little bolder the next time. Someone else may get thwarted in their first effort and it takes a while to screw up the courage to get out there and try again.
To me it’s not about knowing too much. In fact, knowledge is power. It’s more about how you use that knowledge and power and how receptive you are to learning new things…we all are learning everyday. It is also about how someone carries themselves, not as much about the words they use.
Noah–good to see ya on here
..
Roxyd–so true about how big egos usually indicate insecurities!
This is what I heard from a friend that once a guy knows the line that got the woman too sleep with him he will try it again and again…Also guys talk to one another about pick up lines that they can use to get a woman to have sex with them…So guys go talk to other guys…You know how did you get that cutie….I know men discuss their treasures the night before…
I have a question though since some of you are attacking Marina: Is it true that guys talk a little bit differently when they are in a group of guys than around the woman they are with…Talk like no man she is not my girlfriend or she wants too much and I am just not ready for a long term relationship…Sounds like to me guys will be guys will be guys off to the next woman they can use their lines on…
Personally, I think knowledge becomes a burden whenever we come to the point where we think we “know” something. Because if I “know” a thing, there is no reason to explore it, to find out more about it and to question my concepts….
This is why sometimes it is said that we will never fully understand as long as we cling to our knowledge.
During our long passage through life, we learn lots of things which may be useful or not. How relaxing it is to forget all this from time to time, to become a child again and look at the world with big, bright and curious eyes as if we see it for the first time… (which actually might be true…)
Its all subjective what one person thinks they know and how that compares to others. I know lots, sure, but what’s the point of comparing that knowledge to others or feeling burdened by it? They people I would feel superior to (if I was that type of smart) don’t ask me to feel burdened. I’m the one who would create that and it is not helpful to me, so why even bother worrying about it? There is no burden unless you create one. Just enjoy the moment. Even if your moment is explaining a concept to someone who doesn’t understand it or keep your mouth shut and say you don’t know.
Mike
David: Dr Dyer is Great! Have been a fan/student for 20 years. Ask Wayne to tell the story about over hearing his daughters, and the question “would you wear shoes if you had no feet? ” Love that story! I always tell that Story when talking about Dr Dyer.
Not to be overly philosophical here, but the more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know shit. The only the we know is that we don’t know anything. Get over yourself
He who knows nothing and thinks he knows something, he is a fool; shun him.
He who knows nothing and knows he knows nothing, he is a scholar; teach him.
He who knows something and thinks he knows nothing, he is unsure; enlighten him.
He who knows something and knows he knows something, he is wise; follow him.
-Bruce Lee
(I’m kinda iffy about the first one).
My, what a philosophical bunch we are! Who knew?