Why You Need To Be Open
May 13, 2009 
42 Comments
I don’t know if any of you wake up cheery, but I have a rule with everyone who works with me that there are no phone calls before noon. I like to slowly wake up in the morning . . . whatever time that may be.
I mean, my girlfriend and I hardly talk to each other in the morning. In the morning, I go for a walk and make breakfast while she goes and gets herself ready. We rarely even speak before 11:00 a.m.
Right now, though, I have houseguests. Yes, my girlfriend’s mother and her aunt are staying with us and they like to start talking to me first thing thing in the morning. So I have developed a routine. I’m friendly and I smile, but then I go down to the beach and answer emails on my BlackBerry for an hour.
My Grandmother always liked to talk to me in the morning. I can’t tell you how many countless mornings I would lay in my bed with a full bladder just to avoid having her talk to me when I’d get up to go and pee.
I’ve never been a morning talker. Now try shutting me up at night, and that’s a whole other story.
Today’s topic is about learning to face your own kind of fears. What are you holding back on in your life? What is your biggest fear?
This past week has been the first of two weeks I’ll have my girlfriend’s family in town. The longest I’ve ever had family in town before now has been one week.
Hell, I was the guy who bailed on family dinners after 90 minutes. When I grew up, family functions stressed me out so much that I always had an escape route.
With guests having been here now for about a week, I have really learned so much about who I am and what is important. This has been a huge bonding experience for my girlfriend and I, and I am fully enjoying every minute of it.
What we fear has a way to cripple us and make us really terrified of the unknown. Once you dive into that unknown, however, you actually learn so much more about who you are as a person.
Do you remember the first time you were forced to dive into the water, and the fear you had about going into the water head first? Life is all about diving in head first, and just trusting that each experience will really open you up to a whole new you.
Today’s podcast is about how you need to be open to all new experiences, and why the things you fear the most will actually be your most life-changing experiences.
If you want to hear more about my own personal journey into how I faced all of my own fears, and how I became the person I am today, be sure to check out my Men’s What’s Your Excuse? and my Women’s No Excuses programs.
Thanks! that was great!
I just wanted to thank you for the podcasts and blog.
Good stuff — your all around good attitude would benefit anyone.
– Paul
My biggest fear is when I am ready to start dating is bringing someone close to my kids. I don’t know how to deal with it. I know one day at a time, but even to get to the point where there can be any chemistry, will take a long time. I guess it has to be a long friendship before I will even consider the idea. Just don’t want the kids to get attached to someone for that person to leave soon. As much I will be open to the idea of some else down the road, I just feel it is going to be very difficult, to get over that fear.
Great to hear you are having a great time with your girlfriends family. It must be fun to see her change to the “little” girl in her mom presence. I know I do when my parents are here.
Concerning about not wanting to speak before noon, it’s easy when you communicate with people and they respect your wishes. I have a sister who can get soooo grouchy, don’t get me wrong I love her, but I know when to give her space..and are not bothered when she snaps. That’s her, but she is getting better at it, you might be surprised at some point not being so “bothered” by early talkers.
I am just one of those waking up in a good mood and full speed until the wee hours of the day. Maybe I will turn into a grouch one day…nah it’s not in me unless I am sad. (-:
Hey David,
Nice podcast, and there was something you said that I’ll own up to. I’m so sorry, there was one time that I did email you, you gave a short response, and then I didn’t write you back to say thanks. I should have done that.
I honestly didn’t know how to respond, because your email basically told me to buy one of your other products. So it was a cross-sell email. I let myself get derailed by that, you had full right to do that, I should have just thanked you for taking any amount of time to write me. So a late thanks.
Thanks,
Jim M.
Ironically I wrote you an e-mail right as I arrived at your site to thank you despite you ever responding to any of my e-mails (although IDC). Thanks again, but not everyone is going to say thank you even though Im sure many are thankful.
Anyways my goal this week is to defeat my goal of talking to this girl Im interested in, but keep passing by. Next time I see her Im going to face my fears and have a convo. Along with other bastard fears.
David, My late wife posted a note on the refridgerator once “Dont talk to paul in the morning” I was always grouchy in the morning.
You got me wondering about saying Thank You” I hate that too when you do a favor for someone and they don’t at least say Thank You. I have never experienced anyone on the internet respond so quickly to emails as you do, and with genuine enthusiasm. So here is one big THANK YOU just in case!!! Paul Loughner
I am not much of a morning person let me wake up first don’t ask questions for a person may not like how I answer them. Hey I am still half asleep. It takes me a little to realize it is time to get up and start the day. Being open and honest with each other means a lot in a relationship. David you are driving using a recorder and when you get back to the office you can open up your computer recorder system and record it on the blog there is a place on the html that will allow a person to record their voice on the blog. I can cheat but I wont give that a way.
The answer in the community.
We all have Idiosyncrasies. The fun part is searching within to discover and articulate the reasons WHY. In that way we can understand ourselves better and determine exactly what it takes to move OURSELVES to the next level.
As the philosopher said, “Know thyself”.
David Gideon
my biggest fear now is letting my own ego consume me. It happened over the weekend with one of my closest friends. I fear my ego, because its the untrue side of me that wants to lash out and attach itself to a negative identity.
My biggest fear? Please, I have so many to choose from! I am one of those people who is afraid of many things. But I have learned a lot of coping skills over the years so it’s not particularly obvious to most people. What I have found is that knowledge and skills do not always make your fears go away but you do feel a bit better armed/confident to face the task at hand.
I have no problem speaking to people regardless of how “important” they are or how high their position is, but it practically takes gunpoint and a trip to HR to make me give a formal stand-up presentation. I had to do that once for co-workers when I was very new to the company and it just about sent me over the edge. I’m beginning training to teach my present co-workers a new system but I still shun the formal presentation format.
I’ve never done mornings well at all and I hate that chipper, morning chatter – like get out of my face before I hurt you in a way that you won’t enjoy. I’m a much happier person when I’m working nights. But I fear being forced to work days again…too many people (and managers) in my face and in my space.
Public speaking remains the top fear for humans K! Toastmasters works, give it a try
Dan
the morning person!
Hey David,
Thanks for the podcast, it was inspiring. I appreciate you opening up and being real. I have taken your words to heart. I have found that when I don’t know what to do, I simply make the choice that’s not fearful and it works out.
All the best and have a kickass time in France!
Marc
I gotta share this, yesterday I feared approaching two really cute women who might be in their early twenties, when i got home i knew what to say, but when i was in their presence my mind went blank, why is that?
howe- are you hovering around them?
Hey Dantheoriginal are you the same person as dantheconversationlist?
justadjustit-
I agree with you so much about the ego, it’s my worst enemy that is holding me back sometimes when I am having amazing conversation with women!
howe- you get blank because you are thinking way too fast about what is the best thing to say and give your power away because of their beauty!
relax….and take it slow my friend! Listen to part 5 of the men’s mastery series again!
dr. who-
it’s a work in progress my friend, the first thing is to become aware of it, the more you become aware of the ego the less power it will have on you!!!
I try to escape any family dinner with my dad. All he talks about money and education. He says the same thing over and over and it’s painful listening to him just talk and talk, not a man of action. He probably used to be when I was a kid but now it seems like he lost his way. And he is the worst listener in the world, and he is my anti-role model!
coach yakub- you are so right i just that i subconsciously objectify them, and since i have been doing this bad thinking for years, it’s little difficult so switch back.
Yakub- thanks for sharing your story!
Your dad reminds me of my dad growing up, he is now in his early 70′s, and I forgive him for all the torture he has done to me emotionally. At a certain point in your life you will realize to forgive and forget- just love is all there to it!
Julia-
thanks for sharing your story as well, and your kind words!
my uncle is my anti-role model yakub.
i named him uncle rico since he is like the character in the movie napoleon dynamite:)
howe- uncle rico:)
Dantheorginal::
how long you have going to toastmasters? Do you find it helpful?
btw..what is toastmasters some public speaking event or what?
Google it howe…that was funny uncle rico lol love that movie
ok i will thanks. how is the love life going marina?
Howe
Not ready taking a long hiatus. (-:
what is long haitus:)
David per your Podcast. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For all that you do and for your be a Pioneer in this coomunity…you are the Greatest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom- whatsup with the spacing dude:)
howe- I think what Marina is saying she is taking a break, that is great for you Marina!
Dr. Who I have been to some of the toastmasters meeting and I think it’s great group to be part of if you want to improve your public speaking abilities.
DanTheOriginal is a different person than Dantheconversationalist!
Toastmasters is great, an excellent way to practice your public speaking…Practice, practice, practice:-)
Another way of looking at it….
to face ‘fear’ is simply an emotional equation. If you want ‘confidence’ then ‘fear’ needs to be present. The third conponent is ‘courage’. So we use an equal portion of courage to face an equal portion of fear and we get an equal potion of confidence. A freind wants me to jump out of an airplane skydiving…Im not sure if Im ready for that much confidence…
Adam
My late husband did it once and he regretted it afterwards, something kind of popped in his ear and after that he got much faster motionsickness than before. After that I heard it from others. Not to add to your fear, but I always feel if I am hesitant about doing something then demystifying pros and cons makes me be able to teach a decision based on “what is” and not fear. Do have to say it looks like a neat thing to do.
David really your advises are great and your podcast made me realize… I had never thanked you before!! But really you say really smart things! Thanks!
hei david
i thank really want to thank you for that nice record. you are right. there are so many out there that are not greatful for the most valuable present that you can make to us: your time. you have one life and you you could also spend your time with other things instead of writing blogs for us. But ist okay i dont want you to stop that. Keep up the good job you are changing lives.
THANK YOU!
Thank you David! Just being on this blog and listening to the Women’s series, I’ve started making more effort in meeting people and have positive results. Sorry if I ever emailed rudely without a thansk.