Today’s blog is going to be personal. Let’s talk about stubbornness. I know all of you are stubborn in your own way.
Let me tell you about a stubborn choice I made, and how I’m still paying for it today. About a year ago, I decided to go surfing. I had never been surfing before, but really wanted to try it (even though I knew it wasn’t the greatest activity for someone with a history of lower back issues).
So I went out and surfed during a vacation. I got up on the board with no problem, but I kept jumping off of it into the shallow water. By my final day of the trip, I was getting really sore . . . but still decided to surf one more time. Since that day, my back has never felt the same.
Now I’ve tried practically everything to fix it. I’ve done acupuncture. I’ve gone to chiropractors. I’ve gone to massage therapists. I’ve been to yoga. I’ve done everything exercise and stretching related. I’ve done it all . . . except gone to get an MRI.
It’s funny, but during all this time I’ve tried to heal myself I’ve never before sat around and just rested for a few days like I did during the Memorial Day weekend. I don’t like to do that because I get too into my own head.
When I sit around, I feel weak. I’m miserable. It borders on depression for me.
I’ve been sitting around my house the last several days doing nothing all day long. Some of you regularly just sit around and watch television all day long. I have no idea how you live that life.
To me, sitting and watching television all day long is just an emotional torture. I’m a doer.
I’ve also been an athlete my entire life. I work out daily. If I don’t work out for a few days, I feel terrible and I have to do something active to feel better.
Let’s talk about emotional torture, though, because for me there is nothing worse than being forced to rest. I’m really stubborn. My girlfriend has told me plenty of times to get an MRI, but I just wouldn’t do it.
Finally, last week, I decided to make an appointment. I’m going today to get it.
I want to go even deeper into this. I can’t get out of my own head when it comes down to having to rest. It really stems from the way I was brought up as a child.
My Mom has a bad back. My Mom has fought through it her whole life. My Mom also got depressed at times.
My Father died of MS. He got into his head so badly that he actually caused himself to get it. He didn’t want it so badly that he ended up getting it. Strange story. I’ll share that story another day.
So I’ve done nothing but practice mental toughness since I was a little kid. My whole life I’ve had to practice mental toughness. You get hurt, and you go out and do it anyway.
When I was in college, I separated my shoulder. At the time, I played on a competitive intramural league and I was also weightlifting. Two days after separating my shoulder, I was playing football again with my friends. I always believed you fight through pain, because nothing is worse than the mental anguish.
So as I layed around all Memorial Day weekend stiff as can be (and annoyed as can be), I realized what my lesson from this should be: If I had listened to my girlfriend months ago, I would have gotten an MRI and figured out what the problem is and what’s really wrong with me. Had I done that, I would have gotten the right treatment instead of doing 80% the wrong things.
I have never before sat around for a week to rest and just let my body heal. I don’t know how to let my body heal. When my back locks up or contracts, I will fight my way through it so I can start walking again.
Time seems to move so slowly when you’re resting. It’s ridiculous. This weekend was torture.
My girlfriend is in the Cayman Islands right now enjoying herself. She’s got a little vacation and a little business trip. Good for her.
I wouldn’t want to be around me anymore when I’m like this — stubborn, cantankerous and so in my own head. I would love for her to be here to help take care of me. I would never ask, even if I wanted her to stay.
There’s something about me that is so stubborn, telling myself that I can take care of myself and can make this go away on my own, that even if I really needed her I would never say a word. When I’m really hurting, I tend to push people away.
Admitting that fact, about that or anything else, is a big part of changing. I see the same issue in a lot of you when I read your posts.
A lot of you are still going through the same problems with the opposite sex over and over again. When are you going to reach out for help? When are you going to stop being so stubborn?
damn, dat makes alot of sense david!
and i am reaching for help right now
ill ya!!
Thanks for sharing this, David. It’s funny, but I am in a similar situation right now. This weekend I did a wrong movement, felt a strong pain in my back and now I am at home for a few days, to let my body heal itself. But being alone at home is a pleasure for me. I can do things in my own rythm and since I just obey my doctor’s orders, I don’t have to feel “guilty” doing nothing. Not too bad. Good chance to try a few new recipes from Jamie Oliver’s cooking school and read that book that has been laying around for weeks.
It really resonates with me what you say about “being too stubborn to get help”. I am Capricorn and can be extremely stubborn. Why is that so? Perhaps it is pride, but asking for help somehow gives me a feeling of having failed, of being inapt. From a logical point of view, I know that this is nonsense, but the feeling won’t go away easily. When it comes to relationships, I am well over 40 now. If I ask for help now, doesn’t that mean that I have been a failure for the last 25 years?
Well, reading your “blob” and listening to your products over the last few weeks has given me quite a new perspective about myself and my relationships with people. Perhaps we all need to reach a certain point in life before we accept help. Perhaps accepting help is one of the lessons that life wants to teach us.
I wish you the best and hope you will get good and effective help for your back problems.
Michael
Hope you get some answers what’s really the problem.
Has tendencies to be stubborn to get things done, but not concerning asking for help. Know when I am at the point when I need help.
Very honest blog today thanks.
Thank you, David, for writing this when you’re not feeling exactly copacetic. I know you will heal soon!
Today, I was at the bus stop, waiting for my ride home, when this gorgeous brunette walked into the line too. When the bus arrived, I immediately took the seat next to her.
She took some lotion out of her purse, and rubbed it on her hands. That’s where I came in, asking how did that lotion smell. We started talking about how the bus always took too long to arrive. She sounded smart and funny throughout the conversation.
We hit it off when we discovered we both love blues music. I asked for her number (actually she got mine first lol), and I can’t wait to call her!
I met an amazing woman today. And I was able to create -out of nowhere, mind you- a connection with her.
Thanks, David. If it wasn’t for your advice, I’d probably be home thinking, “That chick was hot! I wonder if I’ll see her again…”
I know I got a long way to go before I do this right, but today I felt like a fuckin’ winner.
Sorry to hear about your situation David. I’m going through a bit of the opposite myself right now. For most of my life I’ve been a chronic TV watcher, but now I’m trying to be a “doer” as you put it. So far I’d like to think I’ve been doing a pretty good job at changing, but the last month I feel as though I’ve just run out of steam. Hopefully, we’ll both recover from our rut soon.
I don’t think it’s stubborn, I think it’s going the smart route. My philosophy on injuries is to get the treatment that is the least invasive and if it doesn’t work then go towards more invasive procedures. Sometimes simple rest and ice will fix it, sometimes acupunture, and sometimes surgery is needed. You’ve tried the least invasive options and they haven’t worked, so now it’s time to step it up… and you are. The scary thing about getting an MRI is finding out the results, I know from experience the dread as the doc looks at the MRI and scratches his head figuring out how to tell you the results. Often the answer will be some sort of surgery, which is scary. Wish you the best in the whole process.
Great blog David.
Some of us sit around at home because we dont want to take the risks. It takes a while to learn that life rewards you for the risks you take. But thats why I look up to you.
Thanks for always keeping it real.
Dave
I am glad that you decided to get some help after all…When it comes to back and hip pain if you are not careful hate to say this but it can make you paralyzed. My dad has been in construction since he was young that is how Hutchens Plumbing Inc. came into being he had a shoulder replacement and a knee replacement surgery. My dad is used to doing things for himself but after that last operation on his knee I said to him you would not let me sit around and whine you would push me into doing something. Now one thing dad you are no whiner and I am not going to let up until you do something about. One thing about my dad he is a go getter and since he is not in the best of health I have actually seen him walk real slow. My dad operates a backhoe and when he gets off of it he is sore. But I am talking about a man that is in his sixties. When a person is used to doing things for themselves and when their health gets bad they feel hopeless. Don’t allow that to happen or I will keep pushing you until you do something. The day I seen you in LA you look like a person who can accomplish any task that you set your mind too. Now I am going to tell you like I would tell my dad I am not going to set back and listen to you whine for I know one thing you are a fighter and wont let me sit back and whine. Especially when I broke my arm and almost was a cripple after a motorcycle accident and when I feel in the garden and he seen me on crutches I did not hear the end of it from him till I put those damn crutches up and started to walk normal once more.
P.S.
I am sorry to hear about your dad though it is bad when someone looses their parent remember we only get one set in this life we can not put in an order and ask for a replacement. You must really miss him…Now go into that office and get that MRI and find out you fighter what is truly wrong with you. Also I will keep you in my prayers and I pray all goes well with you.
Ah David, I am really sorry about your bad back. When i got out of college six years ago i worked the night shift moving packages (some pretty dang heavy). did that for about a year. and my lower back started to hurt. it kept hurting after i quit, for about 2 years or so. Then I started to drink Noni juice and that helped a lot. my lower back quit hurting and it hasn’t been hurting since. I got mine at a small health foods store. but i know Whole Foods has it since i have gotten it there before. So i would recommend drinking some Noni juice (it is pretty expensive though) and see how that works out…
Hope you get better!
By the way your website and your advice have really helped me with women, and people in general. Living ‘in the moment’ and being yourself without having ‘canned lines’ works great with people. it also works in business too! Keep up the good work!
Diego R+R – Congrats on getting out of your own head and taking the plunge! Don’t forget to give us a follow-up!
David – Whaddya’ mean that you’ve tried everything but rest? Are you kidding? Never blow off the path of least resistance: rest and ice! It’s an incredible cure-all…and maybe a little over-the-counter anti-inflammatory medication. Last month, I rolled my ankle (the same one that I rolled several years ago) but at least this time it wasn’t as bad as the first time. I still went to work but I had it elevated and iced and walked as little as possible on the concrete floor at work. Recovery can be slow but if you never rest, you will never fully recover and heal properly. That’s why we sleep – to allow our bodies to heal themselves. Allow yourself to heal. And if TV sucks that badly, try some new books or movies on DVD. Let Magic Daphne lay her paws on you and heal you – or was that “heel” you?
Interesting post David.
I know exactly what you mean about feeling weak and depressed.
I’ve noticed that spending 1-2 days off and having time alone can be relaxing – but when it reaches 3-4 days stuck in the house alone your mind does get rather cruel on you. Like you said in the blog, you get too into your own head and start feeling low for no reason (it’s bizarre and weird) other than the boredom and lack-of interaction. Sure, you could read a book, watch television, or try out that new recipe, but you also need changes in your surroundings and interactions with people.
As an architecture student I had to work on projects 1-2 months straight and that meant working in the house for long periods – I eventually had to move out to the studios provided by the college solely for the interaction. Might sound silly, but I kind of restrict myself from staying in the house for long periods – I try to find reasons to get out. It’s all about keeping the mind busy and preoccupied.
Hope this back problem settles down. Get well soon.
Dude, you need to REST and REALLY do nothing for a few or several days!!
Taras,
to help you maintain that motivation be sure to give yourself praise when you do something good, this will condition your body and mind to do more of that. Treat yourself, take yourself to coffee no matter how small but treat yourself. This will start to feel less like trying to make an effort and more like fun…
I came to light recently of the PUA scene, and was pointed to two other main PUA’s and upon reasearching I stumbled across some of your vids, then read some of your stuff, and my friend are the real deal, David’s methods are like the foundation, and all other’s are like icing on the cake if you will if you get down david’s method first. Learn to take a break and rest if you need it, and keep spreading the love man!
david, hope you get better! Its not good to wait until the injury is too bad.
Speaking of stubbornness, I’m a very stubborn girl myself. One of my friend told me that his first impression of me was that I”m stubborn. Sometimes its good, sometimes its bad. Its good in the way that you are self-reliant. But bad that you won’t let others help you. That is one of my problems. I feel like I’m burdening others if I talk about my problems with my friends, if i’m going through really tough times, or just asking for their help. I’m always glad to help my friends in need, but I just don’t like asking. Maybe I feel they would not help even if I asked? So why are we stubborn? I mean, I’ve gone through tough emotional times, I didn’t really ask for help or if I did, i felt they didn’t understand, and only looked at me with lower value…
Hey David, do you mean that you’ll tell your girlfriend to stay when you need her from now on? I hope you’ll get not-so-bad news from the doctor and I recommend a book on self-healing – “The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind”. =)