I now believe it’s learning to trust your instincts in the moment. Something may come up on three different occasions, calling for three different appropriate responses.

If you fail, and learn from your mistakes, you’ve moved forward; the next interaction/relationship you have will be at a higher caliber.

It’s great when two people can keep moving forward within the same relationship; this doesn’t always happen/last…

Q 2: Ok that seems like a very natural way to move away from that topic. Probably should have thought of that myself.

As for Q 1, I pretty much came to the same conclusion. Its always good to get other perspectives though.

Thanks for the reply.

#2: “I’m uncomfortable dwelling on past relationships. I’ve learned from them and moved on. I’d love to explore the idea of a fantasy relationship with you. I’m curious what you’d include.”

#1: It depends on the context and intent. Dwelling on either the negative or the positive is probably counter productive, unless it’s with the purpose & result of reaching a new understanding for moving forward. The past can be illustrative and informative. How and why it was appropriate at the time, and a great learning experience, but it’s served it’s purpose and lost it’s appeal… References to the past can be powerful, but should be used sparingly. I believe it’s easier to error on the side of too much than too little.

To anyone who wants to reply.

I started dating this really cute girl who had an ex who was a real fuckin asshole. Treating her badly and cheating, etc. I kinda knew the guy to see around. I knew she had been finished with him a while. I could sense she was holding back. Anyway I built up some comfort with her to the point where she told me about him and what he was like. No guy wants to be talking to a girl about her ex…….
Here are the questions,
1. Is it productive to talk to girls about experiences with previous boyfriends if they volunteer the info?
2. How to change the subject without being insensitive?

I think i already know the answer to Q 1.

The single qualification for a dating coach is the ability to improve a person’s self-image and self-expression in a way that enables that person to understand, appreciate, and connect with other people. Sounds simple, right?

I guess it is, compared to designing a rocket, for example. So no, it’s not rocket science, and I guess that’s why a lot of people attempt it. The main challenge is that a dating coach is dealing with people’s understanding and perceptions….

What the coach says isn’t really what the client hears. The coach has to find at least 20 different ways of saying the same thing to get his message through. The talent is in picking the right message and the right delivery for each client.

That’s why happily married couples don’t work well as dating coaches… for the same reason that the best salsa dancers don’t make the best salsa instructors. Teaching and executing are related, but not the same.

Of course many people have something of value to say… so feel free to learn from whomever makes it click for you.

– Patrick

So Khiem has teased me several times about my penchant for going after the “sweet, innocent girls”. It’s true, that’s definitely the type that gets my attention.

One thing I find remarkable is that, among the “sweet, innocent girls” I’ve dated, almost all of them have commented that they like me because I’m a bad boy.

To anyone who knows me, that’s kind of silly. I’m not a bad boy. I don’t treat them badly, I don’t drink… I don’t even wear black!

But that’s not what they mean. They mean that I get them to do things most guys don’t have the nerve for. When a girl goes out with me, we’re going on an adventure and she’s along for the ride. It’s kind of like a roller coaster… she knows she’s safe, but she’s not in control, so she doesn’t have to think about anything except throwing her arms over her head and screaming as loud as she can….

One day we might go hiking, some night we might sneak onto a secluded beach. When I pick her up I might show up on my motorcycle and hand her a helmet.

If she says she’s not sure about this, I tell her to trust me and put on the helmet. She puts on the helmet, gets on the bike, and we ride away.

It’s completely possible to have all the allures of a bad boy without actually treating her badly. The attraction comes from the new things and new experiences I lead her through, from pushing her limits to do things most guys won’t even think of, much less have the balls to try.

(This is why flowers, dinner, and a movie doesn’t work, btw…..)

– Patrick