Who is Your Wing?
September 15, 2008 
23 Comments
Choosing a guy to run with is very important. I think that it’s best to do it alone – I always have and I always will – but there are times where you just want to play off of somebody else.
You want to choose somebody that helps you and makes you look good – rather than somebody that dominates you. Rob has a guy that dominates him – and that’s not fun!
I used to hang out with a guy like who dominated all the time when I was in college. Every time we went out, I felt like the mute next to him. I could never get a word in edgewise.
Client 1: That sort of happened to me at the table up there.
David: How?
Client 1: Well, we were talking to the two women from the triathlon, and he had so many questions to fire right back at them. I felt like it was pretty hard to get a word in edgewise.
David: Yeah, you have to be able to play off of each other.
Client 2: Yeah, sorry about that. That’s why, at the end of it, I said maybe you wanted to take the front seat next time. Just let me know next time what you want to do.
David: You really want to find somebody that can play off of you – and not somebody that is competing with you. You don’t want to compete with your wing; you want to be able to play off of each other.
It has to be somebody who you are comfortable with and somebody who has your back. A lot of guys make the mistake of going out with somebody who is a lot better than they are. When this happens, it looks like you’re just trying to pick up his scraps. If he doesn’t step back and really let you shine, then he’s probably not a good person to run with.
Did you notice in the Levi’s store? I stepped back to let you guys go. I was trying on those jeans – it didn’t matter if I was going to buy them or not – I did it just to step out of it for a little bit. I like to step out when the ball is rolling just so you guys can keep it going.
If a guy is competing with you, it means that he has an ego – and if he has to have every one for himself, to me, he’s not a friend.
Sometimes you have to step back!
I personally like going out with cool guys. It’s funny but I always have a sidekick… or uh-em… a wing.
To me, it’s just so much more fun to have someone cool to share your fun moments with. Obviously, I don’t use it as a crutch though. I do and I still go out by myself from time to time but I’m blessed to have great sidekicks!
Jack is a great guy to play off of. Last time we went out, the girl thought we knew each other for years when we only met like… 2 months ago.
Yakub, if you are out there, when are you coming back out to CA? I need my other sidekick back!
Dude! wtf what about me!?! i’m not cool enough to be a sidekick? ;p
it’s okay i got the giant bird and the engrish masta to be my sidekick : ) ca kaw!
Rey,
You are my sidekick benchwarmer. I’d have you as a sidekick more often if you can go to the places I go!!! You know what I mean ;p
i have no wing. im totally all by myself. i have not have a single friend. can u believe it. i just move to a small city and now i have not a single friend.well i have one friend but he been using me for money and i dont consider him as a friend anymore. so i have no friend to hang out anymore
lol at Rey’s comment… Ahh anyways… I like to go out with someone who is:
1.) good at pick-up themselves
2.) fun to be around
and
3.) is helpful without focusing too much on how I’m doing with girls myself
That last one is really important to me. In the past, there have been too many times where I’d hang out with a guy and all he’d expect throughout the night was for me to be some sort of traveling pick up artist show.
First off, I’m not that good. Second, I don’t think it’s necessarily a healthy attitude to think of it in those terms. And finally, that’s just not fun! Sure, I appreciate the constructive criticisms and occasional calls to action, but there are also times when I just want to chill out without be scrutinized for doing so.
Ideally, I like to hang out with people who I can learn a lot from without feeling like I’ll be on trial if I don’t keep up.
Taras,
You know you are a PUA when…
… All your guy friends don’t know how to chill and have fun unless they are picking-up girls LOL
Seriously though, you just need better friends
Speaking as a woman, I love when guys are out by themselves …. I am much more apt to try something more “obvious” in terms of flirting if a guy isn’t surrounded by a sidekick or a posse …
I have a regular wing…we definitely play off each and compliment each other.
i think whats really important is an unconditional sense of trust …your wing has to be willing to ‘wing’ you even if he is not interested in either of the women you are talking to. That also applies to you when you wing him!
Good point, Kristen!
I think it is the same for women. If women at least separate themselves from their group of friends, a man is more likely to approach
amit
great to hear from you!!
how are you?
Khiem – Good point about us ladies as well! I, like David, like to go out alone, but I see many a woman-pack when I’m out and I can understand why men would be more reluctant to approach that kind of group
I know it bothers some to go out alone – and having a ‘wing’ or group makes them feel more secure – but if we all created the “lifestyle” David talks about where we’re just doing things we enjoy and going places that interest us, then I think a lot of the need for that “wing” or that group attached to our hip would dissipate.
I have a wing I go out with to parties, bars, etc… but when it comes to approaching or talking to women there, we generally do our own thing and go it alone once we’re there.
If you do that, you will quickly realize that you don’t really need a “wing” as a security blanket and that you can definitely just go out alone sometimes… the most important thing is to get into a conversation (any conversation!) RIGHT AWAY. Don’t give yourself a chance to think and dwell on the fact that you’re alone, which will completely spoil your vibe.
The only wing’ing Rey is good at doing is KFC.
I think it is all about styles that mesh well together… Personally I hate going out with loud guys.. they drown out my laid back vibe… Even though some of my loud friends hook up a lot.. we just dont’ mesh well out and hinder both of us.
I tend to do better with the guys who trust me… and let me lead.
dont worry rey you can be my sidekick anytime
hahaha
bitch class was boring today w/o u everyone was all dead i tried going solo but that didnt work lol i had noone to make fun of =P
Great Article,
At times, especially before I was introduced to David’s philosophy, I would find myself going out with people competing with me, just like those clients feel. Now I will go out by myself alot, with close, compatible friends, or with the engrish cookie mosnter!
I encourage everyone to take this to heart. How you feel around someone when you are out is a huge deal and potential barrier to your success.
I agree that it is best to do it alone for the reasons stated in this blog entry and comments, but if you have a regular wing who complements you and not actually competes against you, then it is very helpful and not to mention that he can help motivate you to seize the moment.
David: Thanks for the blog entry. It made my day.
Rey: You are too cool to be a sidekick, especially when you have your murse (man purse).
I will be your sidekick when we watch the UFC matches.
I totally with you Wygant. I have many friend of mine used to do that whoever i talked with. Sometimes feel like give them a slap at their FACE !!! but i won’t do that of course.
Just like you said before “Repeat Encounter”. Ooh Yeahhh..somebody cut our conversations and i tried to bring back the moment. but it also depend with the other party. i will step back walk away most of the time.
eventually whoever tried to dominate our conversation that person is “SPOILER” and sorry to said this it’s not your friend either way because he or she always tired to take advantage from you and at the end of the day what you do is equal to ZEROOOOOOOO!!!
Superb Blogs David !!
I really amuse here
vs
Much agreed. I had a wing who was great but I don’t think I was ready for it at the time, because I was still dealing with a lot of internal state stuff. Now, I don’t have a wing and it’s been pretty good. In fact, I have been asked to be a wing. I have no problem doing it because I know how it works.
But in the end, you want someone that not only enjoys hanging out with you but also someone who understands you (that doesn’t mean that they don’t have to be better or the same).
But then again, just like everything, this also takes time and practice.
lol Mhudak and Taras is also my sidekicks ; ) Michale… class will always be boring w/o me……….
rey how could u do that on your boi’s bday? left him hanging all sick
Don’t really know much to say except women are always competing.
Dude…
I been checking your vids out and well well…
Very interesting cause what you preach is exactly what I been coaching friends who come to me for help…