When It’s Really Time To Break Up
October 26, 2010 
8 Comments
Yesterday we talked all about tactless breakups.
This got me thinking and as usual Oprah delivered. Ok stop laughing I am not an Opraholic, I actually never watch but my family is in town and the TV has been on way too much!
As I was flipping through the channels, I reacquainted myself with the beauty of daytime television. I remember being addicted to General Hospital when I was in high school and college. I remember Luke, Laura, Robert Scorpio and all the amazing things about Port Charles.
So after flipping through the channels, I ended up watching Oprah. She was interviewing Jenny McCarthy, someone whom I don’t know a lot about other than that she has an autistic kid and that she’s always been super hot.
As I was listening to the interview, Jenny McCarthy said something really interesting. Oprah asked Jenny McCarthy why she broke up with Jim Carey. Now there are rumors that Jim Carey is depressed among other things, but those were not the reasons she said she broke up with him. She looked at Oprah point blank and said that the relationship stopped being fun.
It stopped being fun. When I heard her say that, it really triggered something inside of me.
How many of you are still in fun relationships? As far as I’m concerned, I agree with her 100%. If my relationship isn’t fun, it’s over.
Why do you need to continue to torture one another? Why do you need to stay together for the sake of kids, when two people can’t have fun anymore?
How many of you are in relationships that are no longer fun? How many of you are just staying together because you think the kids need you together?
In reality, kids always know when people aren’t having fun because they are good at reading non-verbal body language. They see two parents sitting in a restaurant, not smiling and not talking. The kid isn’t talking either. What do you think he’s doing? He’s evaluating what is going on between his parents, and he knows deep down his parents don’t enjoy each other anymore.
I’m a product of a divorced home, and I knew my mom and my dad had issues the whole time I was growing up. I remember my mom used to say, “Kids, we’re going upstairs.” Three minutes later, the door would be open after they had some quick sex.
I knew they weren’t connected because I felt it and I saw it. When the door would open, my dad would go on one side of the bed while my mom would be in the bathroom washing up. There was no feeling, no passion, no touching — nothing ever between them.
We have one shot in life. I truly believe that you need to do things that you enjoy. You need to do things that you love.
You need to be an active participant in your life. You should not be a slave to your life.
You should not be a slave to your children. Your children should not run, manipulate or control your life.
When you stay in a relationship that is not fun anymore, you are just staying in something that is eventually going to blow up. You don’t need to be a slave to your significant other — being at their beck and call. That is really not fun.
Life is short. Life can end at any moment.
With that being the case, why are so many of us so stuck in mediocrity? Why are so many of us stuck not having fun and living this way?
I’ve had a really amazing life. I’ve had a lot of fun, and I agree with what Jenny McCarthy says. Whenever I have stopped having fun in relationships, I was done. It was over.
Now, I’m sure a lot of you are thinking that I don’t know the word “commitment,” let alone know what it means. To me, though, commitment was never about staying in hell or staying with someone even if you are miserable.
Now, for all the people who are very religious and don’t believe in divorce and so forth, here’s what I say to you. This is the 21st century. It’s time you stopped believing in old religious practices and old moral standards, and really get an accountability of your own life. Don’t blame the church, your parents or anyone else if your relationship isn’t working or is no longer fun. The only person to blame for staying in your relationship is you.
Hopefully today’s post really got people thinking. I know I’m going to get a lot of comments about all the reasons people HAVE to stay in their current relationships (like kids, finances etc). Those are just excuses.
Life is full of excuses. You can always find an excuse for something, and embrace that excuse until you turn it into a reality.
I’m about living a life that has no excuses and no fear. I am about embracing every challenge and living a fun life.
Does anyone want to join me on this wonderful ride called life? Let me know.
yeah I guess I’m the first one to comment on this one it’s not one of those Go David kinda post, but I guess that when you have be careful when you are planning to marry someone. You need to be able to look past the bullshit and see if it can workout if not don’t marry that person or have kids with them. It’s not an easy topic but David is right about one thing no one deserves to be miserable.
Sometimes the truth hurts, and David speaks the truth, challenges us, and gets us thinking. Sadly, it’s so easy to revert to negativity and misery and sometimes it’s difficult to embrace challenges and live a fun life. It’s work, but it will pay off.
David addressed several excuses to stay together. It’s easy to hide behind those, but think of the lives we can have if we put forth some effort. We can have the ones we want!
so text dump your boring partner and go find someone sexy and new. Just kidding!!
Let’s have a great rest of the week and celebrate our progress and successes we’ve achieved this week.
I totally agree with David because if you know deep inside you that your relationship is over there’s no point of hiding or covering it up, it will eventually over. So why lose so much valuable time of your life just trying to save something that cannot be saved already. In “bad relationship” you are not the only one that is miserable, so why don’t find the guts and end it. Will save both of you precious time. Everything else is just excuses as David said.
*ps Sorry for my bad english
Gotta agree with what Pete said and also the issues that you brought up in this post, can’t think of anyone who would have said it better.
You’ve really convinced me about this whole thing and I’m damn sure gon join you on this wonderful ride. For god’s sake, you only live once, why waste your one chance by being miserable?
David, I love the message of your blog but how do you know when it stops being fun?
How do you know the relationship stopped being fun… or that the relationship is just going through a phase of trials and tribulations? I’m sometimes afraid that nowadays, some couples aren’t willing to go thru the hard times together… b/c… it’s just “not fun anymore.”
Hell Yeah David, Great Post!
I spent most of my twenties in a “no longer fun” relationship, and I’m never going to get those years back! I agree 100% on this one. I don’t know if it’s a self-esteem problem or what but it seems like the majority of people in relationships are totally unhappy and totally unable to dpo the right thing and make a clean break so that they can actually go out and pursue their happiness.
It’s like people don’t feel like they deserve happiness… and as for the kids thing, I feel like it’s far better for a child to see his or her parents living their lives authentically and trying to be happy rather than staying in a “no longer fun” relationship just because they’ve been told that it’s the correct, responsible thing to do.
Good stuff man!
David, I like the idea of what you are saying, but think there is a fine line. I will echo what DW said and add that it is important to talk to your partner about this. There is a fine line between a relationship that is neglected and one that has gone bad. A neglected relationship can be fun again. One that had gone bad cannot. I believe that it sometimes these things can be rekindled if the couple is wiling to rediscover each other and put in the work one would to find a new mate. Then again, I never understood the idea of wooing someone initially and neglecting people who have been in your life for a long time. Enjoy, cherish, and have fun with those that have been there for you more as time goes on.
Big AMEN to the religious, ancient beliefs. For those that believe in this, why would they assume that their higher power would rather them be miserable than in a happy, healthy relationship? Hey, sometimes it takes a few times to get it right and no one should be considered a failure because the marriage didn’t work. You live, you learn and you move on…taking with you the lessons worth keeping.
I was watching Jenny on Oprah also and even though she said things that had initially discovered, the way she expressed her feelings, the way she put it…it was very enlightening. Relationships can be extreme stepping stones leading to the ‘ultimate’ healthy relationship that you’ve always craved.
She’s right, when it stops being fun…and after you’ve made attempts to try to glue the broken pieces together…sometimes you’ve just go to know when it’s time to move on.
I see each relationship as a true, learning experience- sometimes we fall into them just to learn things and the sooner we stop focusing on how the other wronged us, taking responsibility for our part, being open to explore what the life lessons were….this will only benefit us the next go ’round.