When Is The Right Time To Have Sex?
August 1, 2009 
23 Comments
When it comes to sex, there are a lot of assumptions that are made by both men and women about how the opposite sex (seemingly as a whole) views certain things. Many women, for instance, believe that the minute they pull down their pants that men will want to have sex.
The truth is that not all men are hard-wired like Conan The Barbarian or the GEICO Caveman. Some of us men actually like romance.
So when is the right time to have sex? I think the right time to have sex is when you’re ready to have sex with that man. Not only that, it’s when he’s ready to have sex with you.
I think savoring the moment is what some people don’t realize is what makes you very, very special to a man. I think the more you tease a man, the more the man is going to want you.
I think the more you kiss him or you lead him on, and the more you tell him how much you desire him but you’re not ready, the more interested he’s going to become in you. The longer you can hold out, the better it is.
I’m not saying that if you have sex with a guy on the first date, the relationship isn’t going to work out (because it might work out just fine). I think, however, that the linger effect is something that’s really good to do.
I say wait at least three to five dates before you have sex with a man, because it creates desire. Plus, really, what’s the rush?
If you’re just looking to have sex or a one-night stand, then by all means just go for it. If you’re looking to create a relationship with somebody, though, the memories leading up to sex is what makes the sex so much hotter.
I know when I really like somebody, I don’t want to have sex with them right away. Sex is tough the first four or five times, because you want to really please one another but you don’t know each other’s bodies.
I think the most amazing thing is learning each other’s kiss, and learning how each likes to be held and touched. The art of foreplay — mental and emotional — is what a lot of guys are not used to which a lot of women don’t understand. Don’t worry if this guy is impatient.
If a guy is impatient because you’re not sleeping with him quite yet, guess what type of lover he’s going to end up being? He’s going to end up being an impatient lover who won’t satisfy you at all.
Take your time if you want to take your time. Tease the hell out of him. The more you tease him, the more intrigued he’s ever going to become.
Today I have a video for women.
Check out how important your walk really is when you want to attract that right man!
Girls — listen to this. It’s great advice. Tease the shit out of him. It works both ways. And then make him work for it.
Boys…then give us some stories about great ways you have been teased…
Ok, can we talk about this a little? Because I’m having an issue in this area. There is clearly some sort of guy-advice thing out there that says you’re supposed to have sex on the third date. Not third-to-fifth, not when it feels right, not when you’re both ready, but THIRD DATE period. The theory being, from what I’ve been able to get guys to admit to me, that if it doesn’t happen by then, you’ve lost some sort of momentum, and now you have a tease on your hands and it’ll never happen. I’m not prudish – far from it – but I get very uncomfortable when I feel like someone is coming in with a script of how things should go, and I’ve somehow been left not knowing what my lines are.
This has made the last several third dates I’ve had very uncomfortable. There’s no spontaneity to it – and the date starts with this weird gleam in the guy’s eye that says HERE IT IS THIRD DATE YOU HAVE TO PUT OUT HERE WE GO that completely makes me want to do anything else but have sex. A recent third date I had actually ended with whining and pleading on his part after a completely unromantic evening filled with no chemistry and “but…but it’s the THIRD date!!!” It was also the last date.
The guy after that started in with the whole third date thing and I told him we would NOT be having third-date sex – that we would do it when it was the right time and the right time would definitely not be the third date because this third date theory was getting me down, and when things didn’t work out after date #5, it completely justified his theory – clearly it didn’t work out because I didn’t put out by the third date!
So, David, please help a girl out – please help me dispel this completely unromantic, unsexy, useless third date theory, and keep telling guys that the right time is the right time for those two people – not before, and not some arbitrarily assigned date number.
whew – that was lengthy. Sorry.
Hmm…. I thought third date sex was some sort of COSMO woman’s advice. It’s happened for me that way on several occasions and quite frankly, when it happened the first time I was not even expecting it, nor was I the one pursuing it. In fact that last time it happened again, I was not ready for it because we had not spent much time together on the first two dates. It made me very uncomfortable and I thought she was being very needy by rushing things like that. I wasn’t even sure that I liked her that much and she put me in the difficult position of trying to discourage this idea, but sensing that she would be hurt by my rejection if I out and out said no…. Needless to say, that did not go well! So that issue goes both ways, don’t blame the guys Kelly! Girls expect it too!
Interesting…I wonder what this source of this theory is, then? You give me hope, Todd.
Kelly-
Someone whining and pleading, as you put it, is frankly not very attractive. The second situation you describe is much the same. I think your ‘issue’ is that you aren’t dating guys with whom you have good chemistry. If you have this, the sex will fall into place and neither party has to worry.
You don’t need to worry about these uncomfortable dates. Remember when David talks about numbers & percentages. Out of 5 people, you may connect one on average, romantically speaking.
Sex (as in full-blown intercourse) is something I will consider one month into a relationship at the earliest. Fooling around is another thing, but guys who want it/give it up earlier get dumped.
Like David said, you want to have a connection and have fun working your way to the big event. And good sex comes from genuinely wanting to please each other, and you’re not going to really want to do that with someone you hardly know.
I’ve had one or two guys pull what Kelly mentioned. I told both it was well worth waiting for- one was cool with it, the other pouted like a little douche. I dated the first guy for years, and the other one, well, not so much. I don’t think the “Date 3″ thing is so much a universal guy code as it is just certain guys using it as a ploy to justify their time and investment- they’re just looking to get laid anyway.
(As an aside and from a lady, don’t always let a guy buy everything. At least offer to split the bill, or really blow him away and treat him to a steak a few dates in. The biggest rant from my guy friends is how some women seem to string guys along promising them sex and/or a relationship just for gifts or dinner. So let’s not make the teasing be misinterpreted).
Kelly
The 3rd date must have time for need to have to have sex is complete BULLSHIT!!!!
Sex happens when it happens and not because it is date number 3!!
I find these rule of sex by the 3rd date really funny!
What I observed is that guys who don’t know how to date very well make the sex by date #3 a rule… whereas guys who do understand women know that sex by date #3 is more of a observed generalization. It’s the most common experience for both men and women.
Personally, I like to have sex with a girl when I feel it. It has to feel natural and good for the both of us. Sex for me is the natural progression of me liking the girl.
Honestly, guys who EXPECT sex by the 3rd date are probably guys who feel they’ve been strung along too many times, for far too long.
From a guy’s perspective, I hate it if I was to go on 3 dates and the woman hasn’t shown any signs of interest. A woman has to show some signs of “yes, I like you” and “yes, I’m not using you just for being taken out”.
On the other hand, I never have had the problem of EXPECTING sex by the 3rd date because I view the whole sex timing differently than most guys.
I don’t look to GET sex from women. I look to GIVE sex to women THAT I LIKE.
If men would recognize that they also have the power to CHOOSE who to give sex to instead of just having to go thru dates to wait out an unspoken rule to GET sex, then they wouldn’t have this problem!
So for women, I’d say… make sure you show interest in a guy… in more than just friendly ways…. show him you do think of him in sexual terms… before the 3rd date.
And for men, I’d say… if you do like a woman, lead her into thinking of you in sexual terms. It’s kind of your job to turn her on BEFORE the elusive “sex date” so that she actually looks FORWARD to having sex with you.
Hi David. I just came out of a long term relationship and got into online dating but so far just talking on I messenger, although have had 2 dates so far. So anyway, I chatted online to this guy whom I approached initially, and he was very keen to chat and we talked for hours one night about everything and anything and we were getting along really well and he was so funny. On the second night we were chatting again for 2 hours and he introduced a bit of sex talk in between and on the third night we did the same thing but he started talking sex and talked me through what we would do if we were together sexually (cyber sex)?? anyway it happened again the following night. he hasnt asked me out yet and i dont know if he will, i have hinted, but he wont be free until the weekend and we do live 20km apart. my question is, if we have had cyber sex, is he going to want to meet up with me and if he does would it ever be romantic or just casual sex he wanted? He says he has never done anything like this before, and i am inclined to believe him. he is also hurt after a relationship broke down and was initially looking for no strings, but with 1 partner.
AnnaJones all I have to say is go with you gut. I have a similar story but I have gone further. We dated several time this guy also lived far away. I stayed over he was patient and understanding still waiting. About a month later the time seemed right, approx. 9 dates later and couple addional weeks of emailing. Everything was going great more than great…then I don’t know what happened to keep this short I just say he needed a break. I’m not sure if that was just a polite way to break up or if things were going to fast? The week this happened he had a lot going on. This is really an abridged version of the details, but my point is trust your gut you’ll know whats right…
this was an awesome article. i may be very young only 14 but i have questions as well as adults. this is a very helping webstie. i liked the information very much. it very helpful. thank you!
i have been dating this boy for 5 days but i dont really know anything about any sexual things like even just kissing. I want to impress him but dont really know how.
Im 20 I never had sex yet neither did my girlfreind she 18 we been together at lest three mouths we really love and care for each other I want to have sex with her but I dont want to push it on her and if we have sex to soon it mite runne our relation ship just wanted to know how to dell with that?
I had sex with a guy on our second date, 1st date was full of sparks n electricity … We enjoyed each others company n didn’t want to be separated. Second day, second date…the same happned. It wasn’t planned,none of us mentioned it. When the guy hugged and gave me a good night kiss, that was it…..we knew we wanted each other n it happened. It’s a month now and we still can’t get enough of each other.
With my previous relationships there was a trial n waiting period n the relationship fizzled out didn’t work out anyways. This time I went with the flow n we are going to New York for December holidays. Flights booked n all. We are madly inlove n are always together.
So there isn’t a prescribed method really, it’s all about connecting.
I am a college going girl,I had physical relation with my one teacher,when he feel sex he said me in classoom to see me at his home after class. When I went to his house he sit down inmyside and strip out my clothes step by step and then he pulled his paint I saw his penis is errect and he desire sex and asked me to le down on bed and then inserted his penis in to my viginal tube and shortly he loose during the course of intercourse.When his loos penis come out he asked me to rub it after 5-8 min.it taken position but not so hard he again tried for entery into my hole he failed to do it and asked me to guide it with your hand ,when I do it suddenly he dischrge before entering into my cunt hole.Though he is 3times sr. in age with me.But he is week in sex and looks very crazzy to fuck young\teenager girls. He does not foreplay with my secret assets i.e. breast,nipples, clitories and others,I do not feel hot and not get climix in sex with him on sex bed.He always wants to rub hs penis after sex not before sex nor he played with my parts before sex or after sex.He said please spread your legs and showe me your cunt hole why it is so tight why not my penis is entering in her hole. His penis seize is 6.5 “when errect which is only for 1-2 min. hardly. I always hungery in sex with this men.He never played with my breast or nipples but want to see me naked till I was in his room or on sex bed. Why he is avoding to forplay and when his penis is nt forceful why he is calling a young girl for sex why he is not looking the desires of her sexy partner who is standing as naked before him and why he is not playing witth my bodywhich is fair in color. I am affraid with this habit of my teacher.
I am college girl and residing n hostel. I am not virgin. I am fun of cut land as my 2-3 boyfriends who all are muslim. My hymen were broken by muslim’s cunt penis when I was hardly 15.6 yr.of age who was my class mate. Now my that boy friends is still running behind me and had physical relaions with them.My problem is this when I stand naked before my fucker friend he played with my breast 5-8 min.and after he kissed my nipples and rubs it with his teeth though he is also fully naked and his penis is in my hand and also I rb and massages it during that time,he sucked my breast 5-10 min. and after sucking breast he is kissing my pussy lips and in the mean time his sperm sprayed on my hand and I full hot and my vigina is full of lubricants bu he is playing with my body parts several times I asked please fucked me dear as I am hot and needed your penis into my hot cunt hole,he said dear my penis is in your hand why not taking it into your hole, I want to play your nice and sexiest parts which is vey loving and attractive for me.2nd times he also discharge,when I am crying that it is unbearable for me please stop your this foreplay action now as I am unable to bear it.Then he in one stroke entered his entire penis nto my cunt hole,though I feel little pain but because need of it forget the pain. His penis seize is 6.8″when it is errected with big knob and head cicle is also nice one and loos as pink in colouer. This is his routine habit he always played with my senstive parts 20-30min.though I feel devine pleasure but my viginal tube is feeling hungery. May I know this is the weakness of a human or he is paying more attention towards my pacakge.I am in fair colour and having sexiest body with normal seize of breast and plaffy pussy lips and always shaved which is free from hairless. My all muslimfriends love me and also love my entire body.
i AM 26yr.married women.I was not virgin at the time of mairrage.I had physical relation with my one class mate(BA class) and had physical relation who broken my hymen virginety with his circumised penis and by cast he is muslim(falloer of Islam).and our relation is still with him when I visited my pairent house I spent with him 2-3 days and 3-4 times sex mde daily and fulfil my sex quota for which I am hunger. His penis seize is 6.5″ when errect with big knob and my husband penis is 4.4.” when errect with forskin .I neve sucked my husban penis. But I sucked my friends penis and also drinks his sperm and clean his stick with my soft tongque. My husband is weak in sex he hardly made 2-3 times sex in fortnight and only one time he failed and feel tired. asa against my friend fuck me 3-4 times a day when we met and he is strong in sex during intercourse time. I mother of one kid which is my friend ‘s sperm inhidden way and my husband thought and think he is my kid.and he is his father. May I want o know why the womens who once fucked with cut cock \penis why she always desire cut penis and feel pleasure with it and unsatisfied with uncut penis.and do not want to see uncut penis in her cunt hole. So many girls whom I know she is habitual of sex with cut penis. why and what is the reasons.?
I am a school girl. and also not virgen.I much prefer circumised and I also likes it much better too when it rubs and do the exercise of un and down in my viginal tube and give me more and more pleasure till he is in my rest rooom (i.e.in my viginal tube) Ialso prefer in sucking of cut penis and mouth sex and oral sex. I avoid to sucking,mouth sex and oral sex with uncutpenis as it is full of smell and fear of some bacteria. Though cut penis is free from smell and bacterial,My muslim friends tell me that they washed 5-8 times daily wash their sex stick after pissing therefore it is smell free.I also feel pleasure when I hold my friend penis in my hand at the time of pissing before sex or after sex.Though I am a Indian Hindu girl but I love and like muslim penis into my cunt hole,The cunt of a girl is her own property therefore she is able to know and how it is used with them or not it is her own choice not for others.
I am a muslim girl. In my hostel when we in spare times talked on sex matters, most of the girls who are hindu and other then muslim are agrred that muslim cut penis is very strong in sex and they gave more time on bed during the time of intrcourse and when girls feel climiax they are still in power and needs more sex.They fucked 3- 4times in single times and girls tired but they are forceful and never feel tired. In my hostel so many girls are attached with muslim bys who are class mate or some are jr. and some are sr. of college. But all are fun of circumised penis why they avoid sex with uncicumised penis, some ae says, it is full of smell and not more powerful, we have making sex for pleasure not for life long relation. My husband is for my life long relations, we are young and also for from house so enjoy the life according to our wish here is no fear no tear but we can do it at our home town ,therefore here we are enjoying it for pleasure and not for cash.
I feel pleasure when I hold my friend errect penis in hand and also at the time of pissing .I saw the flow of water which is comming fom his pee hole.It looks me so hard and hot. & I think I so long penis is adjusted in a girl cunt hole which is so small and penis head and his knob is so big. It is a god gift for lady to enjoy in her small hole by ejecting any seize of big thig and hard penis in that place.
My jr. colleage girls several times asked a question when a girl is feeling sex and what is her feeling about errect cock or unerrect cock which she saw at her home by hidden way of his brother and father during the bath time or in sleeping time. I simply replied thatwhen girls start her period after that she feel sex and some itching is started in her breast and viginal area. No sex feeling apears when you see the errect or un errect cock of your father or bother either in bath room or in sleeping time.But when ou see that your father is fcking toyour mother or your brother is fucking to ur Bhabhi then some feeling of sex come in mind,because we the grils have same thing i.e vigina and they are playing with vigina so we thought and think why should not I do it,then we searching apartner to play with me and also play with our body parts as our father or brother played at home. I am right or wrong, Please give me right answer what I had stated to our jr.girls who are my colleage mate is right or wrong. ? I am waiting a proper anwer of it so that Imay also guide to them.