When Is The Last Time You Had A Crush On Somebody?
October 28, 2008 
23 Comments
It’s interesting. I recently wrote a blog titled “I Want More” which was extremely deep. It really talked about the lingering yearning you feel when you meet a person you feel is the most amazing person you’ve met in a very long time.
I’ve been on a journey for the last couple years learning about self-love. Self-love is one of the most important things you can ever have, because you will never be able to truly love someone else until you learn to truly love yourself.
The reason this is true, is because until you learn to truly love yourself there will always be a wall up around you. There will always be something the prevents you from giving yourself freely to someone else.
A lot of us give of ourselves freely to our animals. Some of us become crazy cat people, while others become crazy dog people. A lot of us can give freely of ourselves to our children.
Many of us have trouble giving freely of ourselves to another adult of the opposite sex, however, because we are so caught up in protecting our emotions. Until you are able to give yourself freely to somebody, though, you will never experience love.
You actually may be able to experience some depth of love, but you’ll never experience powerful love. We all deserve to experience powerful love.
The personal journey of self-love I’ve been on has been unbelievable. What is most unbelievable about it, however, is that it all stemmed from a “Brady Bunch Greg Brady falling off my surfboard in Hawaii” moment.
I think there is an actual mark on the surfboard showing where I fell. I was truly channeling Greg Brady and his Hawaiian surfing episode: I went down in the reef, I had the tiki idol necklace around my neck, Marsha and Cindy were yelling from the beach . . . Ok, maybe not that last part. In all seriousness, though, something did happen to me in Hawaii.
Hawaii is a very spiritual place. When I was surfing in Hawaii this past summer staring at a waterfall, I noticed that if you lined up the surfboard correctly you’d be surfing directly into the waterfall and the mountains.
There is a lot of energy in Hawaii, both spiritual and emotional energy. For reasons unknown, although probably because I was trying to show off to people on the beach, I decided while surfing to jump off my board into the shallow water . . . and ever since that day my hip has been aching.
Once I went deeper into it, I realized that I was on an emotional journey to have and experience the most incredible love I ever wanted: the love of myself. I realized that until I was able to do that, I would not be able to meet and experience someone amazing.
The “I Want More” blog I wrote was all about the feelings and emotions you have for someone that are so amazing that you just constantly desire more. A man named Joe (Mr. “DarkEnergy” himself in fact) posted a comment to that blog asking me how you can tell the difference between the feeling I described in the blog and a simple “crush.”
My answer to Joe was that you want to have a crush . . . just a crush that lasts forever. That’s the magic of love. The magic of love is having a crush that lasts forever and ever, but also knowing and being able to do the necessary work to nurture that relationship to allow it to go the distance.
I want a crush that lasts forever. I want to look at someone and always think they’re the most beautiful person in the world. I want every kiss to be magical.
The only way to make that happen and to make a crush last forever, though, is to be totally conscious about the other person. You need to find someone who is effortless to be with and with whom doing the right this is easy.
The only way to make a relationship like this last is to have both of you want to make it last. You both must recognize the gifts. You both also must recognize your relationship to be comprised of two souls which connect on a deep level. Most importantly, you must have done enough work on yourself to realize that such a connection doesn’t happen every single day.
You may still have more work to do on yourself, but we all need to be working on ourselves every day. If you do and you have already found a crush, the great thing is that you have the other person to support you, accept you and embrace you for everything you are working on about yourself.
Granted, every relationship has a honeymoon phase, but I’ve seen couples who are still “ga-ga” about each other after seven or eight years. They may no longer be having sex seven days a week, but when they make love it’s still absolutely amazing. It is still so amazing because they are still making love to someone on whom they have a crush, someone with whom they’ve created a level of comfort where they know each other on every level and have given every part of themselves to each other.
So all of you should be looking to have a crush on someone, the kind of crush that lasts forever. The only way to make a crush last forever, though, is to first have a crush on yourself. Start getting a kick out of yourself. Start enjoying yourself.
More importantly, get on the same page as someone else’s soul, and let your souls connect. When two souls are connecting, you are going to have a crush . . . and a crush far greater than the kind you had at age sixteen.
Over the age of thirty, you truly know that when you find this it is a gift being presented to you that doesn’t happen every day. You are emotionally mature enough to embrace it and have fun with it.
For all of you who don’t believe in the magic of a crush, you are missing out on something. For those of you who still want to find someone on whom you have this “forever” kind of a crush, the only way to start is to first have a crush on yourself. Remember that nobody can have a crush on you unless you love yourself.
some people have a lot of trouble loving themselves when all they can see is the failures and mistakes they have made.
David,
You are correct. All three of the men I feel in love with were my biggest crushes. I feel for them the moment I saw them. However, like you said, they did not feel the same for me. Either they were gay or just did not want me.
So I do believe you must love yourself first. It has taken me over 4 years to get to this point. Now I am ready to share my love with a man who also loves themselves unconditionally.
I know the power of love. The feeling is very hard to describe, but when you have, you will do almost anything to hold on to it.
Thanks for the blog
Do you know who this is?
1816: His family was forced out of their home. He had to work to support them. 1818: His mother died. 1831: Failed in business. 1832: Ran for state legislature – lost. 1832: Also lost his job – wanted to go to law school but couldn ’ t get in. 1833: Borrowed some money from a friend to begin a business and by the end of the year he was bankrupt. He spent the next 17 years of his life paying off this debt. 1834: Ran for state legislature again – won. 1835: Was engaged to be married, sweetheart died and his heart was broken. 1836: Had a total nervous breakdown and was in bed for six months. 1838: Sought to become speaker of the state legislature – defeated. 1840: Sought to become elector – defeated. 1843: Ran for Congress – lost. 1846: Ran for Congress again – this time he won – went to Washington and did a good job. 1848: Ran for re-election to Congress – lost. 1849 Sought the job of land officer in his home state – rejected. 1854: Ran for Senate of the United States – lost. 1856: Sought the Vice-Presidential nomination at his party ’ s national convention – got less than 100 votes. 1858: Ran for U.S. Senate again – again he lost. 1860: Elected president of the United States.
it’s Abraham Lincoln. Everyone fails. Get up and try again.
Thank you DW for all the great advice over the past months I’ve been following your blog. I’ve applied as comfortably as I could (self growth kind of thing) what you talk about and it’s been a much better, more fulfilling life.
That being said, I think that today’s bit is in a way a summation of all that you talk about. Having a crush, a long term crush, for someone else involves not only looking at the physical, but also the mutual connection, the mutual respect, and yes the mutual fawning that comprises a healthy relationship. However, none of this would be possible without first having a self-awareness of our own deficiencies, and the motivation to do something about them. With that only comes self-confidence, making it easier to approach not only the one you’re attracted to, but also everyone that crosses your life’s path. Undoubtedly, what you feel inside is bound to be displayed on the outside and so by allowing yourself to look at anyone as a potential connection (however profound), then those connections you do want to keep are there at your fingertips.
Walking around frustated at my own dating situation only made it harder to find people that I could connect to, making me even more frustrated, repeated ad infinitum. By changing my outlook, greeting the grandmas and the ‘babes’ alike, and generally being happier with myself has opened up doors not only in the dating realm, but also in all facets of my life. It definitely makes taking rejection a walk in the park because really, what we fear in rejection is a validation of our faults. Perhaps I’m not good-looking enough, or witty enough, or rich enough. Coming to terms with those things, changing what we can, and being happy with what’s reflected in the mirror makes it so that any form of rejection is ultimately a reflection of the other person.
So thanks!
E
That was very profound. The only word that comes to my mind in response to that is “wow.”
David I really like your diction and interpreatation here. Love as an endless crush. Crushes are at its core sweet and innocent. The ultimate love should be sweet and innocent, unconditional too. When you are able to have a crush on yourself, that’s when one is ready to connect with another soul. When two souls like this meet and interwine, thats when the ultimate love/crush develops in its purest form. Who wouldn’t want to experience something that’s caring, sweet, innocent, and unconditional. Congrats David for beating me to this
I’ve had a crush on myself for years and it’s gotten me nowhere. I think I’m pretty great in a lot of ways (intelligent, friendly, loving, generous, driven, and fairly aesthetically pleasing). In fact, I rock! Any more self-love here and it’ll blossom into excessive egotism. But what I project is quite different, especially until I get to know people. (In person I’m shy. I’m humble. It sucks.) It’s the opposite-me effect, and it’s no more true than when I encounter a crush. After two years, I’m finally (finally! thank you!) crushing on a man, and it’s soooooo nice. It’s magically delicious. I can only pray I don’t #!@! it up by being the opposite of myself. So I think it’s important to have self-love, but how to show it is a problem for many such as moi.
David, have you addressed this — channeling the self-looooove?
There is nothing like a crush. And if you’re able to find one that lasts forever, you are truly blessed. I do feel as though as you get older, you appreciate these things more and then you become more aware of the magic that happens.
Love is a great thing and like everything else, it all starts from within. Love yourself, and you’ll be able to love others and let them love you. The rest is easy.
Jen,
I was amazed to read your post about Abraham Lincoln. That’s unreal! I didn’t realize that he dealt with so many failures during his life. It just goes to show that when you’re down because of a failure, you GET back up again and keep trying.
David,
Great blog today! I’m 29 years old and now believe that these are the best years of my life. Earlier on I was shy, insecure, and didn’t think I loved myself. I wasn’t enjoying life like I should have you know? But, most of that’s changed now. I do still have my moments though.
very profound, deep, and personal. a pleasure to read and fantasize about my achieving this someday.
Great blog .It reminds me of really sweet childhood memories
Crushing on yourself is one thing.. the real challenge is finding someone else that likes themselves.. Being open to love when the other person is not.. gets old..
Tee has a good point here. Not to say it’s a waste, but it’s very close to one when you know that the person you love isn’t open to love themselves.
Tee
If you are open to love and the other person is not…..then you need to move on.
Love is something that you can not force upon someone and hope they love you back.
Leon
A crush is not only for childhood. As an adult is a deeper feeling that is called falling in love.
Benjamin
29 is young and you have an amazing journey ahead!!
I think the hard part is not crushing on yourself, but finding someone who is as mentally healthy as you are that they love themselves…I’m 39 and actively dating different people, but I have to say that I quickly move on when it is clear the guy I’m on a date with is emotionally stunted-and that happens a lot more than you would think! I mean, what’s the point of growing older and existing in your body for 39 years if can’t love and appreciate yourself? Personally I think the older I get, the better I get, and the more I appreciate who I am and know what I want!
Thanks for this blog it helps me feel better about my current situation. I have been dating this great girl, but until recently, her cel phone hasn´t been working, and at first I got upset and angry at the situation. But then I realized, with a cool head, that first off, I needed to remind myself that I am the man, that she has been missing, and that she´s the lucky one to be with me. I still enjoy her company a hell of a lot. But knowing your own true value and reminding yourself everyday about that, is definetely, a great way to live life. Ever since, I´ve heard of you and other dating guru´s, my outlook on life in general has definetely changed for the better. To the point where if and when I get turned down, I smile and move on. It´s all a part of life, and life is a fun game to be played at all times, 24 7. I´m 26 now, and only now have I been in a serious relationship, for the first time in my life. Thanks for the advices.
M,
If a child falls down over and over again, failing at walking, failing at making complete sentences, failing at all the things many adults can do with ease, does that mean the child is undeserving of love until they can succeed? Does withholding love from the child help them or hinder their ability to succeed?
This was actually a really refreshing topic. Loved Jen and Lexi’s posts too, great perspective…
Jenny had a question about channeling the ‘real you’ … Jenny, I have read probably a million times that the ‘real you’ is communicated through body language. There are definitely things that a woman can do even if she is shy to convey so much. Just allow the way he makes you feel on the inside work its way to the surface. If there is a connection, the real you will be there in no time.
For what it’s worth, I like a girl who is a little shy/ humble at first, that way when she gets really animated at least I know she is comfortable in my presence.
Thanks, Dallas. You get it exactly. Sage advice, and it’s also nice to hear from someone who appreciates the post-shyness animation.
Thanks for the latest reality check. Guess that I know now why the last one fizzled…it was a major mutual crush that lasted for 7 years. People thought that I was crazy to throw in the towel but as I read this day’s offering and all of the comments, it’s like a light bulb turning on gradually and becoming brighter and brighter. I thought that it should have gone the distance but now it’s clear – he didn’t like himself enough. I withdrew and he didn’t even notice until I was already gone. Then he was angry but by then, I was in the wind. I didn’t have a good explanation for it. I have been trying to verbalize this for some time and all that I could come up with was that I had better things to do – with myself and others.
I’m almost (but not quite) sorry to say that life is much better now although the personal and professional challenges are greater than ever. My previously anonymous public life seems to be morphing into something more personal as more strangers are initiating conversation with me. I am surprised at the increasing frequency of it and it keeps happening when I least expect it. Makes me wonder if that is one of the signs that what I had previously was a mirage – that I was actually inaccessible to others and that’s how I picked him – or vice versa. Until I have some new flash of understanding, I’m just going with the flow. Apparently, something is working better than before. And this is much more fun…somebody, crush me, please…
I’m new here and this is hard to write, but I know that you’re right.
My wife and I had a mutual crush for 44 years. It started with the trite-sounding “look across the room” but it really happened that way and within six months we were married. It only got better. I think that a big part of it was that we remained strongly individual for all that time, creating a couple that was stronger and bigger than either of us would have been. She was a beautiful woman that could have been a model but she was even more beautiful inside and had an effect on everyone she met. We had both mutual and separate interests, but were totally into all of life together.
Unfortunately, about 4 years ago we found that she had cancer and it finally took her this past spring.
Initially I was lost, but she and I had discussed this and she told me there was love and there was life. I’m now trying to continue with my life, but there won’t be another love like that for me.
It was great! Everyone should try for it.