What’s Your Story?
June 17, 2009 
22 Comments
Today’s podcast is going to be really interesting, but also really short, because I want to be sure to get this message across to you guys. I’m not going to tell you exactly what it is here cause I want to be sure you will listen to it.
Before I go into today’s blog, though, a little update for you. Within the last week I went to get a second opinion about my back, and based upon that I am not going to have surgery.
According to this doctor, who is one of the top doctors in Los Angeles, my body can heal itself. Apparently what I have is really not that serious. The doctor says that the herniated disc and the fragments that are attached to it can heal themselves.
Our bodies can work miraculous recoveries. The doctor actually told me that I am crazy to undergo surgery when I can heal without it. So, now I am in the process of healing myself.
It’s interesting how we really have the power to do anything. I truly believe that. You have the power to heal yourself. You have the power to cure yourself of anything.
A lot of you suffer from approach anxiety. A lot of you suffer from fear of intimacy. The reason you suffer from these things are the stories that you’ve created behind them.
A lot of us create stories. Now, I’m not talking about telling a great story. I’m talking about the stories you create about things that happen (or don’t happen), and the fears and emotions you attach to events.
Let me give you an example. Say you’re fooling around with someone, and they say “Not tonight” when you invite them to stay the night. Immediately you think to yourself, “You know, every single time this happens. Women just aren’t attracted to me. I don’t know what it is. I must not be a good lover.”
That dialog in your head is the story you’re creating. You’re creating that story instead of listening in the moment. Stories are created when you don’t listen to what’s actually going on in the moment.
Here is another good example. Say you ask a woman out and she says, “I’ve got a boyfriend.” So many guys will immediately create an entire story about that when this happens. They think, “Why does this always happen to me? What am I doing wrong?”
These are the stories we create, and those stories are the way that we validate how we are. In reality, though, those stories are nothing more than your fears and excuses.
You go out to bars and every night you come home and think, “You know, the same thing happens every time. I always go up to a woman at the end of the night and she doesn’t seem interested. Women just aren’t attracted to me.”
The truth is that all of that is just the story you’ve created. The real reason women aren’t attracted to you in the bar is because you stare at them all night long, and then by the time you walk over to them they don’t respond well to you because you’ve given you the creepy “stalker guy” vibe.
So really, what are your stories? Behind what do you hide? You need to become conscious of what your stories are, so that you’ll realize that those stories are just fears and excuses. If you would just really listen to people, you wouldn’t need to create all these stories.
Have you ever listened to someone, actually head what they were saying and didn’t create a story based upon it? A woman at the end of a first date says “God, I had such a great time! Can’t wait to see you again.”
So instead of listening to what that woman says, you create a story and you think, “I wonder if she actually means it. I’ve heard women say that before and things didn’t work out.” Based on that you then wait five days or a week to call her.
That’s what we do. We create stories. You do it, and I do it.
Someone doesn’t call you back, and immediately you create a whole story based upon it. You think, “Barry is ignoring my calls. Why is he ignoring my calls. Why is he ignoring my texts?” The reality may be that the person is not doing that at all. The reality may be that they just put their phone down, or left it somewhere, or that they were having dinner with a friend.
We all do this, but this is not what life is all about. Life is about getting out of your head and stopping yourself from creating stories that aren’t true. When you create stories that aren’t true, they based on paranoid fears from past programming.
You need to start recognizing this behavior. When you start creating a story in your head, you need to realize from where that story is coming and then be able to separate what is truth from what is just a story.
Enjoy today’s podcast!
If you want to learn how to breakthrough all your fears and excuses, and how to cultivate the kind of deep inner confidence that will allow you to easily and enjoyably attract people every day, then be sure to check out my Men’s “What’s Your Excuse?” and my Women’s “No Excuses” programs.
well. I’m screwed. The topic of this blog happens to be my career path.
David, that was fantastic. My main story was “guys will never find me attractive.” I lived my life in such a way that perpetuated the story; in a way, I was afraid of what would happen if they DID find me attractive. However, I got sick of it. Over the last 2 1/2 years, I have taken steps to change that story’s plot. I feel better about myself, and men have started to notice me more. There is still some work to do, but the fact that I recognized the problem and have been working on it will hopefully mean my story will have a happy ending. Thanks
Hi David, you’re just keeping it simple and real – Great words. Reality rules!
Great podcast David as ususal. Brief n straight to the point. A. Movie I just want to tell ya. You’re not screwed, even though you say it has been your ‘career path’, make a choice to change it. Today not tomorrow, remember just because it has been a certain way in the past, it doesn’t mean it will be that way in the future, unless you let it! Thx again David.
So simple, yet so deep!
Hi David,
Thank you for the Podcast.Short and straight to the point.
l have created some many stories in my head about what the guy said or did not say or what l wanted him to say and he never did or what he meant when he said that because you never know what he is actually thinking, he is only one who’s what he is thinking or wants .lt is much easy to create a story in your head then accepting the truth about what actually happenned or what want wrong.But no matter what it all about you and what you want and you said what you wanted to say to him.
I am guilty of creating bad story in my mind, however i am more aware than ever before!
wow what an am zing podcast!
The blog reminds me of author Miguel Ruiz’s the 4 agreement book. I don’t you if you read that book or not David, but he goes deeper into how we create these stories and we suffer as a result.
Rick- I heard of that author before do you recommend it? How big is the book?
yes my friend, i highly recommend it.
its a short read, you can finish it within few nights of reading.
Here is another good example. Say you ask a woman out and she says, “I’ve got a boyfriend.” So many guys will immediately create an entire story about that when this happens. They think, “Why does this always happen to me? What am I doing wrong?”
I think time to time we are so guilty of that, and that is so true!!!!
As a woman I am conscious of the fact that women are one of the biggest story teller since sometimes we love drama:)
However I believe end of suffering happens when become conscious of your stories you create in your head.
To the point DW:)
profound shit david
everyone projects their own insecurities, sense of reality, onto other people
the reality that you think you exist in, is only that, as big or small as you believe it to be, as dynamic or passive as you believe it to be
So David,
What did this top doctor in LA tell you to do to heal your back that you haven’t already done? At this point I think you’ve tried everything but surgery.
these words sound very nice, but they are not reality. try living on $600 a month after a layoff for a year and looking for work, constantly being shot down. then see how easy it is to believe or hope for change.
Ya David, you definately labeled something that we all do and don’t even realize it.
I noticed before I became more confident, my stories were more frequent and had a more negative spin. But even still, I find myself doing this, and not realizing how it shapes the way I think.
Thanks man for the good and practical tips
WOW!!! David that is so true it is almost a smack in the face. This is great stuff. Thanks David
thanks for this blog David I just had problem like this today specially when this gitrl didn’t call me back but it’s all about the drunken monkey talk that get’s us down that what’s really going on.
Dude, sometimes we are so into our heads that we fail to notice that sometimes womens breath stinks,thats a shocker that would bring you back to reality ,instantly LoL,. even when they are hot.
Julia–well put! This podcast is so true and indicative of how we can all be too much in our head and think everything is about us! When in reality, everybody has other things going on and it is often not about us. That is why communication is so key!!!
Good information, thank you. Let’s see, am going to listen to your program, no excuses. I must admit I am skeptical about it. Will probably come back with my impression, or results?