The other day I was working out with my buddy, Jeff, and we were talking about cars. That is always fun for me because I can buy a car any old day of the week.
Then Jeff started telling me about a woman who works as one of the “meet and greeters” at Wells Fargo (the people who welcome you when you walk in the door). Jeff spent some time talking to her, but he wondered how he can ask this woman out without being noticed by everyone at the bank.
I’m sure this is a scenario to which many guys reading this blog can relate. How do you stay “under the radar” in front of a lot of people? Wrong question!
You have to adopt the mindset that everyone around you couldn’t care less about you or what you’re doing. So, really, it doesn’t matter what other people will say or think even if you get rejected in front of them.
Even if you ask someone out and they reject you in front of a room full of people, no one is going to go home and say, “Oh man, you wouldn’t believe what happened today. I was in Wells Fargo today, and there was this guy who asked out the “meet and greet” girl and got turned down.”
That just isn’t going to happen. People simply aren’t paying that much attention to you.
So you’ve got to put that out of your head. You’ve got to get that mindset out of your head completely, because that mindset is just an excuse that allows you to not go over and ask someone out. It’s just a different form of an excuse.
So once you’ve identified that you have no excuse for not asking this person out, how do you do it in this setting? It all comes down to what you know about her.
Have you talked to her a few times? Do you know what she likes and what she likes to do for fun?
If not, then you need to find out all these things. Then next time you see her, you can say something like, “Hey, did you get a chance to see that movie you were talking about the other day?”
If she says she never got a chance to see it, then it’s very easy from there. You can say something like, “You know what? Why don’t you and I catch that flick next weekend. Let me take you. That way you don’t have any excuses not to go see the movie.”
That’s how you do it. This is how you always ask out people like this (I call them “common area people”). You always ask them out based on things you already know about them. You already have a rapport with them, so they are a warm (and not a cold) lead.
So this skill of getting to know things about people before you ask them out is important. The mindset component and getting rid of this excuse, however, is what you need to get first.
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this has been my block for soooo many years! What the orhers will think of me, what will the say if I am rejected? How will I look like in their eyes? Gone
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The thing is though, is that other people are inside their heads,that no one has the guts to call you out on it when you do get rejected in front of them.Besides,strangers are strangers cause they don’t talk to each other.
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Dave, you hit the nail on the head when you said “You always ask them out based on things you already know about them.” As far as asking a girl out in front of other people, I say go for it, those other people in the room will at least see you have the confidence and guts to go for it.
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David
sometimes an excuse is acceptable, whats the point of asking a women out if your broke??my bank account is almost shot(the economy is making things tough for me)
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David–theres this white girl in my neighborhood that ive been talking to for a couple days now. But after hanging out with some of my numbers while watching nba games, they confessed that that particular white girl dosent do interracial dating(im korean)
And now I feel that all those countless conversations with her were a complete waste of time, but in one of your previous blogs you talked about “instant gratification” and succesful people are determined by their network
Why should I even incorporate this girl into my network when its guranteed that she wont give non-white guys a chance???
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Joseph-
Do you want to be broke all of your life? I’m sure that answer to that question is NO.
But if she is amazing and you have a great connection with her, wouldn’t you find a way to make this work?
Even if you have money to your bank account you can still take her out if you spend a little bit time researching what free events going on around your city.
I agree we need some money to eventually survive but we can save and make this happen, that’s what I’m tell you!
If you are passionate about getting your life in order, then a REAL women will not care about the content of your wallet!
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This is a great blog today!!!!
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Hey David. I’m reasonably young so have not yet experienced this kind of situation, but was hoping you could help. I was wondering what would be the best mindset to have if you went on a couple of dates with someone you see fairly frequently (such as a ‘meet and greet’ man) but there wasn’t a connection so you didn’t pursue going out with them again? Wouldn’t seeing them be rather awkward? Is it better not to accept an invitation for a date or would that be living in fear, or not living at all?
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sorry about the grammer/sp Joseph, I gotta slow down my typing:)
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i agree Jacob, that money isn’t a big problem.
Joseph, figure out what is it about the money that’s bothering you? And then what solutions you can take immediately to work on that area?
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You guys gotta check out this video pretty funny and kind of relates to todays blog in a way.
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Some reason can’t post the link but here it is.
Newsroom / Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Talk With Mike Greenman:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_UbFjUlWnI
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LMFAO DUDE
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But my comments about todays blog-
I am still working on that mindset. It doesn’t have the same impact on me as it did in the past. Now I’m more aware the fact that people really don’t give a crap. Its about saying what you want to say to her, and then like David said, find that commonality and then ask her out.
Its simple but its takes some work to get to that level. Mindset is so key!!!
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And Jacob I dont’ ever want to be that guy in the video LOL
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What’s the best way to implement great mindset? I mean do I just say that positive thing to myself before speaking to the woman???
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Jacob
Sure a true woman wouldnt care about my money situation but those gilrs are far, few and between…which gender is the most materialistic??
im staying in reality here, not some crazy weird mindset
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Joseph- are you saying that you wouldn’t ask a woman out because you have no money to spend taking her out?
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Its great question Joseph, which gender is the most materialistic? Can we have a vote here from the readers:)
And I feel like Jacob is trying to motivate you take action.
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Joseph-
All I’m telling you is simple- no matter what your situation in life is, you can change it.
If you are broke and you focus on that, you will always be broke.
But if you focus on getting out of that state of being broke, you will soon get out of it.
There are all types of women, yes some just want you just for your money. And there are some real ones out there who wants the BEST VERSION OF YOU!
Now how do you see the best version of you?
This is not crazy weird mindset, its a change of mindset.
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hey Jacob-
btw…I’m a new member of the attractive girls union:)
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I think guys are more materialist howe:)
Honestly, I would like my guy to have a sense of direction in his life. If he doesn’t have no money but he is working to change his situation,I would highly respect that. But if he ask me for money then its a turn off. I had this happen to me once, I dated a guy who used me for money but it took me several months to get rid of him, which is rather a long story to share tonight.
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Lisa- why it took you so long to get rid of him?
Is it because the sex was great:)
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hahahha Howe you crazy boy. You never know you could be right.
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what’s new with you Lisa?
any new stories??
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I disagree with Lisa, I think women are more materialistic:)
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If you ask her out in front of everyone else who cares? Just the fact that you can ask her out in front of a large group will get you some points
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Generally, men identify more with their vocation while women identify with their relationships.
I am an artistic guy and love being creative. I don’t feel good when I’m not actively engaged in my craft and earning a living at it. I have dated while unemployed and yes, it does come down to who you are in the end, but not feeling fulfilled will detract from your relationship.
You can improve any situation, of course. I am dissapointed that I live with my family at 25 and am working hard to be financially independant. I’ve taught music lessons for years and could earn a good living at this, however I am not fulfilled through teaching and have retired from it. Some may say I’m stubborn in chosing to only to perform, however it is what makes me happiest and I believe it will lead to prosperity. In promoting my music, I’ve been rejected so many times it has lead to a thicker skin. I can definately apply this to dating.
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Daniel–I think it’s always a good idea to keep people in your network because you never know who that person knows and you never know… you might be the one “interracial” guy that wins her over. The key is to stay true to yourself and have conviction with what YOU want. Is she someone YOU want in your network and what do YOU get out of the continued flirtations with her? If the answers are that you would like to continue..then go for it. Your confidence will be very attractive!
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Hello there! I really enjoyed viewing your site. Helps
me relax for a bit. Keep more blogs comin…ciao!
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Joseph,
If money is a big issue for you, work something out to get more financially stable but don’t blame money issues for your women problems.
When you project yourself as attractive and fun and cool, women get interested in you, period.
And as Jacob said, you can always look for free events. In my experience, the best dates have been the simplest ones. A walk in the park can be a date along with a quick stop at the coffee shop. Is that very expensive, no.
A date by cooking at home and watching a rented movie would be the same. Be creative in your dating!
And honestly, if you are really THAT broke, women who actually REALLY like you can pay for you b/c they care about you.
The real issue is: can you give women a nice and pleasant experience when being in your company? The rest will take care of itself.
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Daniel,
Do you really believe everything that your friends tell you?
So what if she doesn’t do interracial dating? It only takes one positive experience for her to change her mind…. and that positive experience can be you!
I like to boil down attraction to a few key emotional points:
- can you get a woman curious/intrigued by you? Can you make her wanting to know more about you? (That’s a lot based on how much you open up to her, show her your world and the vision of yourself)
- can you get a woman feel comfortable and connected to you? (That has everything to do with you listening to who she is and finding ways to relate and connect with her)
- can you turn her on? (this is all about your seduction skills and your ability to keep it playful and fun)
If you can do that with women, there’s no women who won’t give you a chance.
I’m Vietnamese and I only date outside of my race. My current girlfriend is Armenian and I am the first Asian guy she’s ever dated. Who’s to say you can’t be the first Asian guy that white chick dates?
You really got to believe in yourself that you have a lot to offer. Show it to her… and connect with her… and let the rest takes place.
Look at Jacob too! Jacob is from Bangladesh and he dates mostly out of his race as well.
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Surely girls are more materialistic, in the sense of social status though, not specifically money.
I do allright and have as much money as I need. But I make a point of it not to look rich-ish, or snobby, so I don’t attract and waste time on golddiggers. Any women will tell you money is not important but love is. Most of them are lying. But I have met many to whom it really not important. You can find them by not trying to look richer than you are, or if you are rich, by looking not rich at all. Dress down I say, stay clear of the trashy women.
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Wow! Amazing stuff! I never figured this out ’til I’ve read this post. I didn’t know that guys have this kind of perception, worrying about what other people would say, just like women. And yeah, I agree with you on the advice. Do not worry too much about the people around you because in the first place, they don’t know you. Second, they won’t care at all, unless you’ve created a “worth remembering” scenario especially when turned down.
Cool advice.. Aiming to give such advice to women as well.
Cheers!
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Mats
Chicks don’t wanna see your bank account,they wanna see you.When a woman loves you for you, she will stand by you weather your poor,sick or depressed.How do you know all these women are lying? Are you a mind reader? If so, teach me!
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Khiem,
Just wondering, why do you only date outside of your race?
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Kismet,
It just has happened that way. It’s not that I actively try not to date in my race… I just have met and liked girls outside my race. I don’t meet Vietnamese women that often.
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