Movin’ On Up To The Eastside
Rat atat tat tat tat rat atat tat tat. Have you ever heard that sound in your head – rat atat tat tat tat rat atat tat tat tat tat? Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a Vienna sausage stuck in a jar with not enough liquid?
Well, yesterday I experienced all of that. I got the MRI.
I can’t begin to tell you how cheap they were. It’s not like I was hoping to experience a “happy ending” or anything, but for what I’m going to have to pay that my insurance doesn’t cover (and believe me, Michael Moore, I’m sure the insurance company is going to stick it to me on this one!), you’d think they’d at least invest in some Bose® noise-reducing headphones.
The MRI machine looks like one of those Japanese hotels. You know, those beds you rest on in Japan that look like you’re sleeping in a drawer.
It was pretty good at first. They put out a sheet and a pillow. I was actually starting to feel good, until they hand you a cheap pair of earphones.
They tell you that you may hear a few sounds. You MAY hear a few sounds? Sure, only if you’re almost deaf. It sounds like an airplane engine trying to start. So, really, some noise-reducing headphones would have been much better than the experience I had.
I also have to say that waiting for test results is the ultimate mind-fuck. So many of you stress out about if he (or she) is going to call you back. They don’t call you back, oh well! Whatever they do say to you on the phone, they are not going to tell you that you have a blown disc in your back.
So why are you stressing about whether someone calls you back? If they call, it is definitely good news. If they don’t call, then you have your answer.
With an MRI and test results, all you know when the phone rings is that the caller ID is letting you know it’s your doctor’s office on the phone. There’s really two very different ways that phone call can go.
So as I’m laying here waiting for test results, I can’t help but think that we all need to stop sweating the “is she (or he) going to call me back” thing. I get emails about this from people all the time “David, is she going to call me back?”
People even play mind games on themselves about this calling back issue. They will start to sweat about WHAT the person will say if they do call back. Let me tell you one thing: In dating, if someone calls you it’s generally a GOOD thing!
When a doctor calls you, it can be either good or bad. You could hear you have a blown disc, or you could hear everything’s pretty much good and that you just have a minor structural problem.
Isn’t it funny that no matter what we do, our mind will take us places we never want to go? I always tell people that my mind is like New York City.
One minute it’s there in Soho enjoying a beautiful art gallery and sitting outside in a nice cafe. The next moment it’s in the projects in a dark alley, and you’re the only one without a gun.
If you think about it, all of our minds are like a city. They have some good neighborhoods, and some really bad neighborhoods. The question is, how do you keep your mind out of the bad neighborhoods and only live on the upper East Side?
Because, of course, as The Jeffersons always said, “We’re movin’ on up to the East Side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky. Oh, we’re movin’ on up to the East Side. We finally got a piece of the pie….Now we’re up in the big leagues getting our turn at bat.”
By the way, on one final note, I made a decision while I was in the MRI machine. I decided that I want an open casket when I die. I mean, I got to be in one of the open MRI machines which was pretty nice. So when I die, I don’t want my soul to feel claustrophobic. My soul needs to be free!
Today’s podcast deals with what to do when he (or she) doesn’t call you. Find out exactly what kind of mindset you should have to get through that situation, and what you can take away from that situation. This will forever change the way you feel about not getting that call!
Also, if you want to learn how to get through all of dating’s ups and downs, and how to create the kind of real inner confidence to keep you feeling amazing about yourself and your dating life, then be sure to check out my Men’s Audio Mastery Series or my Women’s Audio Mastery Series.
David,
I had an MRI last month; test results came back good, and they came back quickly too, which was good.
I know what it’s like waiting for doctor’s test results. Been there done that.
As for waiting for a girl/woman to call back, yeah, I’ve been there, done that too. As we all have. And I inevitably start reviewing my performance in talking to a girl. “I did such & such okay, but I should’ve done that or that instead. Or I should not have done that.”
Very often my mind is not like a dark alley in the NYC projects, but more like a dark alley in Fallujah without a gun.
But like you said David, it’s not the end of the world if she doesn’t call back. But later on you meet someone who does and things work out well. As you’ve also said, sometimes you just naturally have a good connection with a woman or some people, and others you don’t. So sometimes it’s a no, sometimes a Yes. Because we’re not all alike(which is actually a good thing)we simply click better with some people than others, and it’s perfectly OK.
Some people, including women are not a good fit since you & they may have little or nothing in common and have very different attitudes about things. But with others, you find they’re a great fit because of similar interests, attitudes and compatible personalities.
A guy may get the e-mail of an outwardly beautiful, but yet bitchy and shallow primadonna girl he met at a bar or party because she was drunk enough to give her # to a guy she’ll never call after her hangover because she either won’t remember him or because once she regains sobriety she realizes she has O interest in him, perhaps because he was a PUA.
On the other hand, a guy gets the number of a cool & iinteresting woman he meets at a party because they just click. He likes hiking & climbing & Italian & Greek food and foreign films, and so does she & they end up talking & coonecting for hours.
That’s connecting.
Fuck, this is so true. I have a girlfriend now, but I’ve been on dates and drove myself fucking nuts about why someone wasn’t calling. I mean it is still going to suck if you like someone and they don’t call, but you gotta just move on.
David, hope everything is cool with the MRI!
and yet, so much of my business is answering that question and letting people know information about why it’s happening, what the person is thinking but also what they’re being saved from.
First David, I hope the doctor has called by now and everything is great for you!
I wonder, do you think women realize that guys wait for THEM to call as much as the other way around? More? We do review our performance, and think we did something wrong, or we weren’t enough this or that — or too much of xyz. I’ve been single for 3.5 years and am ready to date but have had to look at my mind games first. It’s true, we can’t change what happened by thinking about it to death. Or make someone like you just because you’re really hot for them. I feel like I’ve grown up so much, with help from your materials, and am actually going to a singles mixer this weekend. I’m not after anything – I have no feelings of what has to happen. I just want to go test my training wheels, hopefully throw them away, and just trust that — like you say — I’ll be the most amazing me that I can be. And whatever happens, happens. Of course, I always have hopes lol …
Thanks guys. You always make me feel like a million bucks and take me back to center.
Thanks for the pep talk. Best wishes to you and your back !!!
Michael
Oh I know that dark city well…the one that kills me is the city of Mixed Signals. Consider a recent thing that happened:
She said with a smile and glow on her face, “Call me next week when you get back from London!” This was at the end of a second meeting after having a a lot of fun at a lounge over a couple cocktails. Lots of flirting, laughing, talking. She left with her friend after a sweet kiss at the coat check stand. I felt so relaxed and confident for the next week anticipating the third date when I can invite her over for dinner. I like this girl: smart, very attractive, and mature (I think).
And so, of course, I called the day after I returned exactly one week later.
No call back. Then five days later a text message comes in, “what’s your plans tonight?” We arrange to meet later in the evening. Fifteen minutes before we are supposed to meet, another text comes in, “I’m sorry I have to cancel. Can we reschedule?”
So I text back “Ok.” I never called her…I figure that she will call if she wants to reschedule.
No call for 10 days and counting.
Is some other guy being more persistent than me? Was she playing me at the lounge that night? Dammit, what went wrong? The city of Mixed Signals is really hard for me to get out of!
Ruptured disc membrane between L5 and L6… my left leg used to be in so much pain it would go numb… solution: stretching, strengthen core, ibuprofin – oh, and a $1500 MRI bill!
I agree with both posts above, but also add that some people just get lazy and don’t call you back. I’m guilty at times!
There is a saying hurry up and wait. Is go on with your life and don’t stress it. If you see them again don’t make a fuss about why have you not called me. Things do come up in a person’s life that they may have to take care of. I have a question though and this is what I heard from a CD how long do you wait for them to call back? Did I hear someone say get rid of the number if they have not called within a certain length of time?
Thanks for the great message David! It helps to see life (or dating) as it really is, in that we cannot control the outcome of things but we can be positive and look for the good in every situation when things do not turn out the way we want them to be. Cheers!
thanks for the podcast…I needed it today. I just turned my cell phone off so I can stop obsessing about the lack of a return phone call. Thanks for doing what you do and I hope you get to the bottom of your back pain soon.
Paul – she may be wondering the same thing, why haven’t you called? it amazes me that guys go through this angst too. thanks for sharing.
I really don’t worry about things I can’t control. It’s not an efficient use of my time, so many other fun things to do in life. Be your health, some one calling etc. you can only do so much to put yourself in the right position, but you are not in control of everything. You have have a process and not result based way of living. Besides if you are worried about someone not calling you, then you really are not living in the moment and enjoying the here and now.
I can relate to Paul’s experience. I’ve had a couple girls flake on me in the past. But that was then; it no longer matters. There’s always the next girl.
As for Beth’s comment to Paul that the girl might be waiting for him to call her back, I really think the ball is in her court now so to speak. The next move should be hers.
He called her the day after he got back from London as agreed. Silence for 5 days before she finally called him back. Then, 15 minutes before they were to meet, she suddenly cancels with no explanation. She merely texted him without the courtesy of an explanation at any time later. The more courteous and respectable thing would’ve been for her to call him and explain with her voice why she couldn’t make it or at least say “Something suddenly came up and I have to cancel. I’m really sorry. Can we reschedule?” But she didn’t. Just a text and no word since.
I think Paul is right to not be calling her anymore and personally believe, fwiw, that he should move on to the next girl, who he may meet tomorrow in a coffee shop, bus stop, cooking class or ballroom dancing class, supermarket or wherever else.
Dating can be very rough. Often so much happens we don’t know about — their stuff. If someone does not call — it really can hurt — but it just was not meant to be. Even times I have screwed up — it was a learning experience and one day there will be a better man there for me.
Tony — yeah, it was discourteous of her for sure. Not everyone believes that manners are still important but they are — respect never goes out of date. speaking of which, though it is often hard to move on, when it isn’t there, it isn’t there, and we have to let go. someone better always comes along when we do.
All of this is very good reasoning for me to appreciate being at a later stage of life: I could not deal with the instant gratification demands of IM/texting, etc. and impolite, last minute blow-offs. I wish you all strength as I smile to Maurice Chevalier in my head singing “Oh, I’m so glad – that I’m – not young – any more!”
Status Update on Paul’s Story
My woman friend, who is a friend of a friend of the girl who didn’t call back, was talking to me and out of the blue asks me, “so how’s it going with Tanya?” I respond, “not much, we were supposed to see each other Saturday but she flaked out on me and said she wanted to reschedule.” My friend responds, “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but she’s been dating another guy.”
So, there you have it, she has not been waiting for another call from me, and I am not supposed to know about it. And if you are wondering if she is young and immature, she is not. She is 36 years old, has a graduate degree from a very well respected university, and is very successful in her field.
Very frustrating. I try not to get too wrapped up into The Game but these experiences make me feel like you have to play it hard!
It would be so cool to even have to wonder if you get a call back. I haven’t gotten a number in so long, i’ve forgotten what that’s like.
Paul,
No, you don’t start playing the game hard. She’s a mess thats all, regardless of how accomplished she is in her professional field or her age, either has nothing to do with this behavouir.
You let it roll off your shoulders, it speaks volume of her and leave it with that. No reason to let it affect you. It will only affect you if you allow it to and honestly she is not worth this energy from you. They are so many other girls out there that is worth your energy.
Sometimes we girls are confused too, don’t turn her into you changing the way you date.
This really is the essence of what David is telling you.
I really liked todays podcast. This is something I always do. lol. As I’m waiting I try to recap the whole night thinking what I did wrong every step of the way. Good advice on the subject! Good luck with the MRI!
A great frank blog.
David, hope your feeling better and the results were all good.
I was working with a client just this week who was concerned about approaching in case he sais something wrong. I demonstrated by doing an interaction and saying something wrong that was totally off base…the women in her late 20s looked at me and instead of telling me to “bugger off” she actually felt sorry for me. The thing is we never know how someone is going to act to every single situation and thats what makes having interactions fun…
Paul:
I agree with what Marina said above and stand by what I said last night. Women will flake regardless of their age, supposed “maturity” level and status. I once heard a very successful woman who was about 40 admit that she doesn’t know what she wants in life. She’s like a tumbleweed drifting from one relationship to another and another still trying to figure things out in her personal life.
And like I said earlier, it was inconsiderate and immature of her to text you instead of call you at the last minute and say she couldn’t make it without ever giving any reasons. She acted flaky twice. Now maybe she had personal issues she had to take care of in that first 5 day period after you got back, but if she’s got personal issues, maybe she’s not someone you’d want to get involved with anyway.
I’d rather stay away from someone who’s flaky, has other personal problems and is just generally inconsiderate & disprespectful of your time. Move on and keep looking for someone more worthy of you.
Hey Dave, get a good chiropractor! Even if you have a bulging disc many times they can do wonders! Ask around, someone you know has a good one, I’ll bet. They helped me tremendously.
interesting! I am waiting for a girl to call me back… talked to her Monday then called her the past few days and haven’t heard back… we went out six times this past month or so, so it’s not like i am a total stranger. she’s great, maybe she is busy or whatever. guess i should try again maybe then after that move on.
Paul,
You’ve described a situation that happend to me. Almost to the letter, except that
the mutual “friend” in my case was covering for the lady I was dating. I only found
out what was going on when the “friend” asked if talked to the lady recently. I hadn’t,
but said I had. The “friend” then splilled the beans about why I hadn’t been hearing
from the woman I’d been dating. The woman I’d been dating started calling saying
she didn’t want to throw away years of knowing each other. She still waffled on getting
together, either canceling at the last minute, or saying “I’ll call tomorrow”. She threw
away all the time we’d known each other long ago, by being evasive & dishonest. I
was expected to pick up on “clues” as to her behavior. I felt hurt & disrespected for a
while, but now I don’t care if I ever see either of the two again. There are a lot of fun,
truly nice women to spend time with, and I’ve been doing just that.
Hello to all you guys. I’ve been reading all of the things that David posted and just was amazed. BUT I have a really big problem. Anyone who thinks they know the answer tell me. So it’s like this. David says this…. Wow it’s so obvious I get it. Another thing..I get it…and so on. But after the 10 thing I start forgeting what was the first few things I’ve learned. That really drags me down. If anyone know how can I solve this problem and remember all the things he tries to teach please tell me.
By the way I’m from easten europe so forgive me if my spelling mistakes. And David thanks for all the help!
I have a friend who i have been friends with for a long time now, and we are supposed to go on a first date some time after she gets back from vacation. I called her to tell her to have fun on vacation, but she hasn’t called me back or anything, i haven’t talked to her in the past few days. I just really like her and want to at least be friends but she won’t talk to me so i don’t know how she feels but i want to know. What should i do, do i call again, do i wait????