What To Do Next
March 12, 2010 
16 Comments
So you walk up to a woman and you start talking to her. It could be about anything. It could be about something really simple.
Say you are looking at a sushi bar and you say to her, “Man, there’s a lot of different colors here” and she ignores you. What do you do next?
A lot of guys run. They play the “oops I spoke and you didn’t respond right away so I’m going to run and hide” game. The guys who run in this situation do so without realizing a lot of things.
They do so without realizing that the person they talked to might be shy. In fact, that person might even be shyer than you.
You might have taken her off guard, and she wasn’t ready for a conversation. She might have been thinking about something else. You have no idea because you are not inside her head.
So let’s go back to the sushi scenario. In that situation, here is how I would handle it.
If when I say the observation about the colors the woman looks taken aback, then I would say to her, “What are you getting? What’s good here?” I would give her the opportunity to respond.
Think about yourself and how many times you are out somewhere — at the market, a coffee house, a clothing store or wherever — and you are trapped in your own thoughts. You might be thinking about your day, about work, about what you have to do when you get home or even about your underwear. Who knows?
Just think about how many times you are stuck in your own thought process. So, with that in mind, give someone another shot to respond to you before you bail in these situations thinking someone blew you off.
You may not be getting blown off at all. You might have just caught her stuck in her own thoughts and shocked her for a moment.
That is all it takes. Give it another whirl. If she still ignores you, then maybe she isn’t interested.
If that is the case, then you move on and say “no chemistry” to yourself. Then you think, “They weren’t interested. Who cares? Next!”
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firstly tht women would get it in every hole she is fuking amazing!!!
! now seriously this kinda linked 2 my stumbling block Kim its hard 2 say why i dont go deeper in2 conversation i start listening 2 my head and not her, drives me fukin crazy! am getting more on track tho, put it this way kim if u wer living in england….id line u up in my stable 
wouldnt a sutable approach b i want 2 bend u over the carrots and then put another carrot away
Im in the very early stages of this and in this situation i would still ‘freeze’ Most of the time i know things i could say, but talk myself out of it. monkey chatter i believe? im a pretty good looking guy but just have very little confidence so i hope reading these blogs will get me on my way. Cheers DW.
You know when you’ve caught them off guard, they give you that surprised look.
It seems they’re always caught off guard. And thats because everyone is walking around in a fukin coma. So caught up in their thoughts and in their head, that when someone actually approaches them with an observational comment and a warm smile, it takes them a second to snap back to reality. AND some people just want to stay in their heads, and dont want to interact with the beings in this world, so be it. Maybe I’ll see her next time when shes not so consumed with her thoughts and life and she’ll up for an amazing connection.
Hmmm.. oh how my inner voice has changed
That girl looks fucking hot…
That’s my kind of woman.
Hahaha, yeah I know this situation.
I once complimented a friend whom I’ve not seen in years on her ring she had on her finger. She replied with: “Huh”?”What”?. Her thoughts were somewhere else.
I still work on this though. When people don’t tend to respond back to what I said, I feel kind of taken aback, ignored if you will.
But mostly they are in their head or otherwise very shy.
Why think negative when you can turn it around and think positive.
“Excuse me…” is a great way interrupting her train of thought. What happens is that within the first few seconds of an approach from a stranger, our mind automatically assess three things.
1.) Who is this person?
2.) What does this person want?
3.) Is this going to be uncomfortable?
But excuse me, with a deep masculine voice, sharp smile, great body language, great eye contact.. and a pause… before making an observation.
I meant before making a comment to her about your observation.
This is a fantastic blog. I’ve run into this problem many times. Does anyone know how to approach a group of girls while targeting a specific girl?
Good Advice Omid, I like it. Well “Excuse me” has always been apart of Manners 101. I will use this because I’ve noticed that when I observation open I tend to look at the observation when I make my comment. I will use the strong and confident “Excuse me” to establish that initial eye-contact with a warm smile.
Thanks Nick! I noticed alot of times, when I don’t use excuse me, they’ll just look at me blankly with a confused look on their face. It’s because they haven’t acknowledged what I said, they’re trying to figure out what’s going on.
When you say “excuse me” , you give her a chance to feel comfortable with you.
I’ve been experimenting with Excuse me… *Pause* look straight into her eyes, and giving her a smile compared to saying Excuse me, not looking at her, and saying whatever it is you want.
I’ve noticed the first one gives me the best results. But you also have a greater chance of her blowing you off if she doesn’t like your “look”, i.e. you smile, and she smiles politely (OR NOT), gives you one word answers, and walks away.
If she has noticed you first… then excuse me is NOT required. I.E. she gives you contact from far away and smiles. She looks at you talking to other people (Which is why David Wygant heavily emphasizes on the concept of talking to everyone; because you’re allowing your audience to take a glimpse of your character.
People learn more about you , by the way you treat other people. 3rd party is more powerful than first.
Drew,
Approach the whole group, and talk to you specific girl also.
Don’t give anyone of the group the feeling that they are being left out.
Think of it if you were in a group and someone approaches your group. He or she talks to everyone except you. So you would want to just walk away then with your group.
So engage the whole group I would say.
i dont agree with the excuse me, why excuse ur presense i dnt get it!
Here is one for the sushi bar: Hi, is that bad sushi that I detect or are you experiencing hygiene issues.
I guarantee that one would get a response from her!
This was an amazing blog! I am the type to run after a failed attempt rather than keep trying. I can recall a few times being caught off guard myself and responding with just a one word answer. Its good to know a second question is the right way to go.
Ok but what do you do if she responds and you really don’t have anything to talk to her.No clues no nothing. It happened to me.Maybe I didn’t notice everything but how do you bail out? In my case she did and said “well….bye” … I was so mad at myself because she started browsing in some candy for me because that was my openes…”what’s good around here” or something like that. I want to know this so I don’t blow it again…maybe I was scared to get personal?