What Is Your Biggest Enemy?
February 25, 2010 
49 Comments
I want everyone right now to really dial in to what I’m about to tell you. Read every word.
I want you to write down on a piece of paper the answer to this question: What is your biggest enemy?
When it comes to meeting women, a lot of guys are under the impression that their biggest enemy is timing. They will say that they haven’t met women because they haven’t been invited to the right parties or something similar to that.
This kind of thing is surface stuff, and it is not your biggest enemy. Your biggest enemy is that eight pound thing you carry between your shoulders called your head.
Your head is your biggest enemy because it is what does not allow you to accomplish about 90% of the things in life you want to accomplish. I’m not just talking about meeting women.
When it comes to meeting women, your success comes down to your belief. You must truly believe that you are amazing and are a gift. You must truly believe that any woman who meets you would benefit from your amazing tenderness, your amazing personality, your character traits and everything else about you.
If you don’t truly believe all of this, then it doesn’t matter what you do or what you memorize because you head is disconnected from your heart. When your head is disconnected from your heart, it’s all over.
Have you been in an argument with someone in which your head thinks and over-thinks things so much that you can’t get back into your heart? That will stop whatever constructive dialog you’re having at that point. Your heart and head need to both be involved at all times.
Your head can over-rationalize things. Your head can over-think things.
This is what is going on every time you can’t get yourself to approach a woman. All you are thinking about are the fears and excuses in your head.
What does your heart want to do in this situation though? Your heart wants to go and experience another person. We’re all about experiencing other people – their feelings and emotions. The problem is that our head can play tricks on us.
This does not just happen in the area of meeting women. This happens in relationships and it happens at work.
How many of you had an intent to start the new year really kicking ass at work. Then you get your first rejection and, all of a sudden, you are right back in the same mindset you were in before the new year.
You must get you head aligned. The old saying “get your head on straight” is really important and true. Probably about 90% of the people in the world are walking around with their head on backwards or sideways.
Can you imagine if your head actually could rotate all the way around and how that would feel? You would be walking down the street and would be passing some people with their head facing backwards while others would have their head tilted to the side.
Nobody would walk around with their head on straight except those who truly believe in themselves, and who don’t care about what others think and feel.
I’m not talking about being cold, because of course we all care how others feel. Deep down, however, we all need to maintain a great sense of self. When you’re true to yourself, you’ll be able to do anything you want.
I have a special offer for all of my loyal blog readers. Do you want to meet me in person in March?
I think my biggest enemy right now is not finding women I’m attracted too,in winter they all hibernate it seems like. I didn’t almost have a date in almost 10 years cause people brainwashed me with “It’ll happen when you least expect it” Sad and pathetic but true, just glad I found out that wasn’t true now rather than 20 years from now.
Well I haven’t been with anyone for over 2 and a half years, so you’re not alone in being alone. Just like that Police song “Message in a Bottle”
Mindset is definitely the biggest thing I need to work on.
I think my problem is that I have a feeling, like fear, and then my brain starts using its “logic” to tell me why my fear is a “rational” emotion. What I’ve been trying to do is just go on instinct. I’m an interesting person. I don’t need a plan before I make some sort of approach. I know that. Obviously I like having a plan, but planning takes precious seconds that I could end up convincing myself to back out. I try to just DO. I’m sure PUAs would pick apart my “routines,” but fuck ‘em.
My biggest enemy is approaching & talking to girls that im extremely attracted to…for the simple fact that in the past ive been rejected countless times by girls that im enormously attracted to, and that fear is still embedded within my head
david says its all mindset but i just cannot surpass this issue
Great blog! Just signed up thanks.
While I was reading todays blog it felt like you read my mind David. Shit happens to us in life kind of takes us out of our true self but your blog today gives me hope to keep on fighting.
The question is what is my biggest enemy?
It is ME without doubt. Todays blog makes me depress. What is really worth living for? Life seems so repetitive.
Life seems like just a game that God is playing with us. We fight new wars go through sorrow, then we find happiness and then the process repeats itself. I feel like that’s Gods way of teasing us, so we don’t kill ourself doing the same thing over and over, and go insane. That is why there is dark and light. We can’t always feel light that means we will have to go through the dark doors first. I don’t feel very hopeful anymore. I don’t see any purpose for improvement.
Vincent-c’mon man cheer up!!! I like that you share your thoughts but you know there is more to life then just thinking too much. I feel like you are thinking too much now. I know its hard sometimes but c’mon you must get up and keep on working on yourself.
Even though your comment is very dark, it makes sense to me on some level. Like Billy mentioned I think you’re thinking too much.
If we could only block all the thoughts and keep our head straight for enough times then it would become a great habit. That is what I’m working on right now.
Just started listening to David W and think his approach on everything is right on. I’m trying to better myself in this area and like his practical advice vs the pua community. Not only good dating advice, but advice for life in general.
This blog is so true. My work is stressful and brings my energy level down. That kicks in my brain / overanalysis mode. The negative energy and overthinking floods into everything. How can you meet and attract someone with such internal conflict? I’m not sure if I have the answers, but my focus is going to be on the positive and let that energy drown out the negative. It’s something I need to work on. Because deep down I know I’m that awesome guy. I just need to bring that part of me out.
Some of you guys seem really tough on yourself and putting alot of pressure on meeting someone. Relax, be patient and really think about working on yourself. Have the mindset that it is THEIR loss, not yours. Easier said than done. But I think this is key.
I’m attracted to eye candy too, at times I take a break from dating and focus on me. I still talk to women, but I experiment and decide what works for me without pressure and it works. I think it’s about loving yourself like Dave mentioned a couple of Blogs ago and challenging yourself too.
I’ve walked over to hot women and tried talking to them,they usually don’t have a personality. Hot women are soooo in their head it’s insane.
When the situation looks horrible, we have to fight. Cause in the end when that is over we will feel better. We will truly look at how strong we are. There is a saying that goes by “You are who you are, when nobody is watching you”.
My enemy is myself and boy is it a strong enemy. I can’t let myself approach new girls at school. Why? Its because I always have to get introduced by someone else or dared by someone else so I can feel pressure. This pressure makes me react and do things that I can’t do by myself. Its bad I know.
Vincent lighten up!! I’m going through exactly what you’re going. I have not gotten a single date since last year!!!
Believe me. It sucks. But its not a reason for you to give up all the work that you have done. It’s useless man. It just means that you have to fight and train harder. In order for us to improve. That’s all.
We should all just Kick our own ass!!!
By doing so, we could then become the person who we really want to be. I’m still afraid to go to girls in my school and girls at the mall. I get approach anxiety and I just have to work on it way more!
Without more,
Mario
Kevin-
You notice there is nothing to fear. They are just people like everyone. Too often we get in our head and give our power away b/c of her beauty. Now do you think all hot women don’t have personality?
Mario
I enjoyed reading your comment. To give now is useless. We must strive to better ourself and also accept ourself in this very moment.
Mario
You are a bright guy! If you stick with all the stuff you are learning here, and keep working on yourself. You will soon become very dangerous:)
I believe in everyone of you guys in here. I don’t care if you think you are too short, too ugly, too fat, or not confident enough!
And that goes for you as well Vincent!
Pizzabox-
Welcome aboard man! If we don’t really practice self-love then no women or anyone can give us that LOVE.
Have you connected with any women yet?
Collin
How was the b-day party in Atlanta? You had a good time?
It is very well said David. Our biggest enemy is within us not without. It is our job be one instead having a war with two.
Jacob & Collin: How was the b-day?
Great blog today wow
My biggest enemy is, WORK. Not in a sense that i’m not willing to put in work. Work as in my 9-5 job. Its so time consuming!
“You must truly believe that you are amazing and are a gift.”
This is what really matters! For me, I’ve always believed I’m amazing etc etc (I know it sounds conceited but whatever)with guys so I’d always have guys coming for me. BUT, we also need to feel and believe that with everyone we interact with. I know I need that when I’m with friends.
My enemies, sad as it is, but are partially my parents. I go with what I want, fight for what I want and believe in. That’s the result of their nurturing me and spoiling me. In turn I’m a go getter and stubborn when I know what I want. Yet they call me “indecent,” “hard-headed.” Don’t they know that I do what works? I’m courageous although I don’t listen to them at all times. They disapprove of my relationship since its interracial. How cruel is it to make their child choose their freedom or the support and love of their family? -__-
My biggest enemy is my mindset. I just have to change it. I think that I’m trying to hard, worring too much. I need to change my mindset to one that I want. That girls are attracted too.
Maro-what’s your mindset is like right now?
Jacob–happy belated! Hope you had a great day!
Kevin–I have a lot of hot girlfriends and a lot of times guys won’t talk to them because exactly what you are saying. Ironically, I find that the guys are too much in their head to talk with the hot women!:)
I have a question. Should I settle for less if I can’t get the kind of girl I want? Work my way to the top? I’m at my wit’s end.
It only seems logical to work my way up.
Joe–I think a lot of people share your feelings about work being an enemy. Is it just the time consumption or is it not being fulfilled with what you are doing? OR both? Once you tease out that, then find out how it’s your enemy…does it hold you back? In what areas of your life? Sometimes breaking down the enemy can be a way of making it your friend…you just have to get to know it better
drew–what do you mean by settling for less? How do you define “less”?
Coach K, I mean someone I’m not really attracted to.
Drew–it seems like you are frustrated…. Is it that the girls you are attracted to not attracted to you so you feel you need to settle just to go out with someone?
Jacob and Rick,
I had a pretty good time. I drank a lot with one of my really good friends on late Tuesday night to ring in the big 2-1, but Wednesday night I just went to a bar with 20 or so people and hung out for an hour or two. I had an excellent Coffee Oatmeal Stout from a local microbrewery, but I didn’t really want to get wasted. Oh and I got dinner bought for me Tuesday night, lunch bought Wednesday, and my parents drove over to take me out to dinner.
The best part is that the girl who made me dinner last Wednesday didn’t come. She felt so bad that she flaked out that she’s making me a birthday cheesecake when she comes over for dinner Friday. I love cheesecake. She’s also going out with me, that same good friend, and his fiancee Sunday night for drinks, which I definitely will enjoy. I know David said flaking was bad, but judging by her reaction to it, I’m going to come out ahead on this one.
One thing that made yesterday so special is that I don’t really have close friends. I have hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of casual friends, but I never really got good at building strong friendships. I have a pretty strong friend base back home, but ever since I moved to Atlanta, I’ve been struggling. I think it’s because I was desperate for these guys’ approval. I’m not trying to date them, but what helps you in dating definitely helps you in friendshipping too. Luckily I have one really good friend, as well a couple other pretty good friends here. It was great to see some of that in action yesterday.
The fact that this girl is so into me is a true testament to you guys, David, Khiem, and Jacob, because she had absolutely zero interest in me last semester. In a matter of 3 months, I’ve gone from her not being interested in a five minute conversation with me to her being very interested. That shouldn’t be possible. But it happened. Thanks a ton guys.
Tell me about your birthday Jacob.
Kind of, Coach K…I don’t know where to go from here. They’ve always said it’s my lack of confidence. To tell you the truth, I’ve never really approached a girl in a long time. I’m afraid they still won’t find me attractive even though I’m more confident.
One of the best blogs ever! Great support from the Coaches too
I think Mr Dave Matthews sang it best:
“He wakes up in the morning
Does his teeth bite to eat and he’s rolling
Never changes a thing
The week ends the week begins
She thinks, we look at each other
Wondering what the other is thinking
But we never say a thing
These crimes between us grow deeper”
Coach Jacob and Kim- I don’t think you understood what I was trying to say, I have no problem approaching hot women and talking to them,that’s not the problem,She’s no better than anyone simply because I think she’s pretty. What I’m finding is that alot of them are extremely shy and either don’t have a personality or it takes awhile for that personality to shine through.But it gets very frustrating when they shut you down so quickly then they complain they are still single. lol
Drew, You don’t know if you don’t try. You don’t have to be this super hot guy for a women to like you,just keep the conversation flowing and she’ll open up,If she shuts you down…Fuck her! Approach someone else…I mean you can send a 100 IMs to women online looking for phone sex without blinking an eye if they don’t respond back,why not do that in real life with approaches? If I see a super hot girl, I have to approach or at least say something…I just have too,if she doesn’t stop to talk at least I tried.
Thanks, Kevin. I also feel that, but I just have to get over that fear. It’s not easy.
Drew,it’s not like she’s never been asked out before,I know it’s not easy, I used to be the same way.I’ve seen videos of David saying “Be a man and walk over to her!” But he used to do the same thing we have all done.Chicken out. Would be nice if women would approach,They have but very rarely.
My biggest problem is myself, or the eight-pound grey matter object between my ears, I over think, over analyze, then either under act or over act. I may say the wrong thing, or say it at the wrong time. To distill it down, I get caught up in the moment, and then over criticize myself when I fail or do achieve the desired outcome.
I think this blog entry hits it square and true; the success I have had was because I believed in myself and allow the skills, smooth emotion, and energy just to flow. I have studied a lot about dating, women, relationship, and behavior. Mr. Wygant is helping forge all of the things that I knew and new ways of thinking and behaving into a very confident, relaxed, calm, and funny person that gals will and do love.
After reading these other comments I think that with some of you that your biggest enemy is yourselves. I keep seeing the phrase “hot chick” over and over. So men are hardwired to seek out a woman of beauty. Since we are hardwired for this, who is to say that this to our benefit. Most “hot” women that I see these days are nothing more than makeup and a hairdo.
This may come as a shock to some but women like men that like women, period. That quality is attractive to women. I love the female spirit,young or old and I do not differentiate between “hot” or “non-hot”. When you have this attitude you will definitely get much better results. Some of the girls that I have the most fun with would probably be deemed as not hot. But who cares, they have a great spirit and that goes a long way!
Frank, It’s just a term us men throw around when we see a woman we are attracted too,but what I think is hot and what someone else thinks is hot may be 2 different looks. My version of “hot” is face features,I can see past the make up and hairdo. What I look for is Is she a brunette? Is it long? What shape are her eyes? (I don’t care what color they are) Does she have full lips? Is she thin? People should say “wicked cute chick” instead of “Hot” You see alot of wicked cute chicks in the summer
Rick my mindset right now is that I could have any girl in my life no matter what. But for some reason I just can;t make it my true mindset. Somewhere inside of me I still feel fear. I want to believe I have the right mindset but in reality I don’t. I have to change that. I need to realize that “hot girls” are exactly the same as “ugly girls”. I have to realize that they are also insecure.
Kim – Good advise. I am using my job as a stepping stone. I really hope not to be there my entire life.
after all it is my biggest enemy lol