What If Your Opener Bombs?
July 27, 2010 
11 Comments
A client of mine just asked me a great question, and I wanted to share it with all of you. He asked me, “What if I walk over to a woman and I say something that I think is absolutely hilarious, and she looks at me with a snotty look on her face and says ‘that’s not funny?’”
I told him that there is something I do every time in this situation. The first thing I do is stay in the situation, because I am a man of confidence, strength and conviction.
What I will do is look her directly in the eyes and say, “Well, obviously we don’t have the same sense of humor. It’s a good thing we found this out right now, before we got romantically involved.”
I’ll say it with a smile on my face. I bust her really hard on what she said.
I’ve done this a lot. What happens is that she’ll start cracking up and will say some something like, “Oh my God, now THAT’s funny!” Then I’ll say, “What? Funny that you and I are dating, or funny that you and I don’t have the same sense of humor?”
So do you see how this scenario can go very differently when you go into it with no fear, and when you challenge someone on what they say? You need to go into these situations not so outcome-oriented.
A lot of times guys will go into a situation like this thinking, “I’m going to go and flirt with her right now. I’m going to hope that she responds to me so I can get her number (even though I don’t even know anything about her yet).”
So by being not so outcome-derived, it allows you to speak your mind and allows you to eliminate being intimidated by somebody. Also, by challenging someone you are pushing them a little bit.
For example, the woman in the “that’s not funny” scenario above may have not thought what you said was funny because of nothing having to do with what you actually said. She might have been thinking about something else, like her friend yelling at her earlier that day, and she took it out on you.
Staying in the situation and challenging her like I’ve described gives you the opportunity to maybe turn the situation around. So the next time a woman tells you “that’s not funny,” say exactly what I said to say in this blog and then let the fun begin!
I like this one liner. Even having the right words to say, it’s all about tone and body gesture…so if she doesn’t think it’s funny, be sure to say this with confidence!
Great one,
Recently a girl told me she did not like the shirt I was wearing, it was a turn off for her. I told her she had bad taste in clothing. She started laughing
@Farley: Haha thanks for sharing. Interesting though that she laughed about her being criticised
–So do you see how this scenario can go very differently when you go into it with no fear, and when you challenge someone on what they say? You need to go into these situations not so outcome-oriented.–
Life is too fucking boring not to try.
Thanks David
I like David’s suggestions for other things this lady may have been thinking about…
laughter is a gift so by encouraging her to laugh (even it means going the extra step) – you are already a winner!
I am writing this down David, you’re on the money again; I love the following:: “What I will do is look her directly in the eyes and say, “Well, obviously we don’t have the same sense of humor. It’s a good thing we found this out right now, before we got romantically involved.”
i notieced that a strong mindset is always very important to succeed in this game.
Cathy J: I’m curious how would you want your ideal man to approach you?
Hi Clint.
Interesting question… A smile is number one. Being genuinely interested by asking questions and listening. Being funny and making me laugh.
A hint here is to never do it at the expense of someone else. eg If you try and make a joke about someone else behind their back, the woman you re trying to impress will most likely wonder when you will also do that to her.
Thanks for writing back Cathy J. Its always nice to hear a woman’s perspective on dating.
Maybe she is not the women of your dreams….Remember, sens of humor is really important!!!!!
Tinkerbell – I agree – soh is so important.
Having a similar sense of humour even more so.
Once I was living overseas and that is what I missed the most – close friends who laughed at the same stuff.
In relationships though, I have found if people have been single a long time, they can be guarded and not so open at first (including with their soh). Over time, your sense of humour can become more similar as you are more open with each other and less rigid in your thinking.