What Do I Say? What Do I Do?
January 23, 2012 
25 Comments
You see this woman every single day and you don’t know what to say or what to do. One day you actually swear you locked eyes with her and you think she might have even smiled…but you said nothing. And everyday you repeat this pattern over and over again.
You know what she’s thinking? She’s wondering, “Why doesn’t he talk to me? Why does he stare at me? Why is he constantly looking at me but never saying a word? Is he mute? Is he terrified? Does he speak Russian and not speak a word of English?”
Here’s what funny: every morning I wake up and I walk for a few miles and I see the same woman every single day. I look at her, sometimes I smile, and sometimes I don’t. 
So today, I looked at her and said hello, and she looks at me—eyes light up, face lights up—and she says “Hi,” like it was a relief that I finally talked to her. I mean, come on guys, stop trying to always think about what to say and just say, “Good morning. Hello.”
If you see somebody over and over again the best conversation starter is not the most clever thing you can think of, it’s just a simple “Hey, Hi, Good morning, I’m a normal human being. I know how to say good morning. It’s one of the first things I learned when I watched Sesame Street when I was a kid.”
Don’t overcomplicate it. Make it simple. And if you make it simple, you’ll start building up your confidence and your social network. “Good morning” leads to “Hey, how are you doing today?” or “I see you all the time walking.” It leads to a conversation the next time.
So stop appearing to be this neurotic freak that scares her because you never talk to her and just stare at her, and start being the human being.
It’s that simple.
Very good advice, and I would add :
Don’t feel bad if all you get back is a “Hi” and it ends there. Especially in the morning, people often are still tired and they’re just thinking about getting to the job, having a coffee, and many might be expecting a pretty bad day. So don’t think that your “Hi” didn’t have enough confidence and that’s why she didn’t respond by telling you her deepest desires right away. Personally, I’d take this exercice as “being always ready to talk to people, no matter the situation”, and that’s about it.
It’s very true that energy breeds energy, and talking breeds talking. On some mornings I talked a little bit with the bus driver, about anything : the weather, the circulation, etc. Then I go take a seat, and for the next 20 minutes, I really feel like talking to people ! Unfortunately I haven’t stepped up yet and gone talking to random passengers, but the feeling is there, and real !
David I just read The Fearless Code and loved it. I feel myself becoming stronger, more confident and open by the day and I have seem some difference in myself and how people respond to me. I just bought Naked and I am just waiting for Amazon to ship it.
@David
Tell me please I never asked you,have you ever been shy,to know how it feels when you wanted to do something?
I just read that you was shy,but my question is when you was 19 y old?
Maybe you are so succesfull with women because you ain’t shy at all.
I got friend that is very honest with women.If he thinks that some women is hot he will tell that to her.And he gets all women in that way.
I want to tell some girl something and instantly I think about consequences of that.
As 19 year old probably cause of my innate shyness I was incapable to do so many things.
I tried to do Shogo method on opening to girls just with hi,but you know was hard for me cause of my innate shyness that I have from time I remember.
Is weird to be shy,maybe from others point of view would look funny to look 6’4” man fighting with his feeling,for what for trying just to approach women.
I am concious that women have different point of look on this things.
I know that some women want to be by my side,they will feel protected,also I know that they also are shy of me probably of my posture,they want to be approached by me.
I pray to god someday to take my shyness of me,to be me simply.
If you believe I am goin through hard time,feel incapable to do anything.
And simply I can’t find solution.
I can do some things that are against my shyness and when I make those thing again I got some feeling regard or what it is.
If some women come to this blog sometimes please give me advice because I want women point of view.
Somethin that Wygant tell that you need to talk to everyone,be open to everyone.
I can’t use that cause there so many people that will talk negative about you.
I heard thousands of negative rumors about me.I get pissed off when I hear that things about me.
I’l take basketball superstars as example of that.Rumors,rumors negative comments,why,because there so many jelauos people.
That people make me feel bad about me,and I try to fix that.
this one guy that i know…i do not care if he is dating the queen of sheba he will still look me up. he comes in where i am and sometimes i recognize but others i do not…when he leaves i wonder why i do not ask who he is? i have known this guy for seven years and only time i recognize him is when he is in uniform…so i try to be polite to him but when he sees me down he starts to asking me what is wrong? i say that i am tired for i do not want to get into his affairs. it is killing me that i can not actually tell him how i feel at that the moment without telling him what to do? yes i do care for him…but right now i need to get rid of this last name i am carrying like a sore thumb…hutchens is my maiden name not wilhelm…
Something i started doing to this girl at work. Everytime i see her we would lock eyes and not say a word. So i started saying hi and hey when i go in for work. but she doesnt say a word to me. wtf, but she will flirt wit me? sometimes when she does that i just want to grab her and say im not gonna let you go till you say hi. Or say hey i see you here and i say hi but you dont say anything to me, i mean what’s really good are you shy? if so then we are on the same boat. lol Next time you see me i want you to say hi to me. i wonder what she would say???
@konstantin
Hey man i got a solution to help deal with your shyness. Have you ever thought about taking some acting lessons. It’s awsome and it really does help you too really express yourself. expecially improv. because it helps you to stay in the moment and think on top of your head. Also works on you spontanaity which i herd women love. I’ve took acting classes and it really helped me open up and say what im feeling. But i havent taken a class in over a year which forced me back into shy mode. But usually your community theatre will have classes that you can take. it might cost $100 but aye you’ll have Fun. And it will help you escape from personal problems too.
Hey Konstantin, I want you to think about why the possibility that people will say negative things about you bothers you so much.
Nah.
When they see me, they are probably thinking,
“ewww,, what the hell is he looking at?,, and what’s wrong with his face?,, and why doesn’t he lose some weight?,, what a loser.,,, damn my tall perfect looking boyfriend pounded my head into the headboard last night,,, and my butthole hurts,, hmm, I wonder if they have anything Lo cal,, ,, do I look fat in this skirt?,, no , I look hot,, damn, I gotta remember to pick up some vagicil,,”
@Intern Dan
Because I underestimate myself.
But I want to be direct with women.I tried this methods with all tips just don’t work man,that is David Wygant method,not mine.
My problem is shyness,I can’t imitate David also he can’t someone else.
I feel unsecure around women.
Just I want to say girl,I like you,I want this and this with.
John that line about the headboard is fuckin hysterical man. You seem like you’re in a spot I used to be in, where you’re completely pessimistic but still being funny about it. But still too pessimistic to give off positive vibes to people.
Start turning your observations into something a little more light-hearted, and base them on things that everyone can relate to, and you’ll definitely see progress. You don’t have to even be positive (I firmly believe that all true comedy comes from dark places), just change the mood from “Everything fucking sucks” to “Hey hot girl, this really sucks doesn’t it?” and be a little more light hearted. That’s how I adjusted myself and it worked wonders for me.
Just my 2 cents.
Every morning I dropped my son off to school, I passed by an office building. This particular gentleman heads to his office at the same time. We say hello to each other and exchange little comments. I dont know him, however his kindness makes my day.
@Hey John, I don’t think so…
I have shown pictures of me, I am absolutely not fit and I get women attracted.
Right now I am looking for a new appartment where I live, and I was in a meeting with the people that live in one. There were four women and one man + me. And at least two of them were attracted to me.
How can I know it? Because of the way they behaved, how they spoke to me, and the way they looked at me.
Women are attracted to you, and I think you just do not want to realize it. I think you are full of fear of success, and you come here just to wine so people can make you feel better and feel pitty for you.
I know you are going to tell me that I do not know you and you do not care. BUT I DO CARE, because I am tired of reading the same bullshit for the last four months!
You just keep saying the same, and if you are making jokes, I do not find them funny anymore.
You just keep whining and do not comment anything about what you do. I am not sorry but that is the impression I got from what you write here.
And if that is the impression that women get from you, I do not wonder why you cannot find a woman for you!!
Thanks for your comprehension,
José E. Colín.
I was like that a lot during my high school and early college years…lol To a certain degree, I do that with a cute bank teller I see on on regular basis and I do say “hi” and sometimes ask how’s it going, I give one word answers and she does too. The previous one, I tried to chat up a bit. Now she is gone and there is a new one.
Yesterday, I was in a pet store to buy some bird seed. While there, I noticed a cat coming by me as I was browsing the bird section. One of the cats that they selling approached me…lol I began to pet the cat which flopped on its back where I rubbed its tummy. I then got what I was looking for and I pet the cat once again before I left. As I was waiting for the gal to check me out, she was cleaning up by the puppies so it was going to be like a minute or two. All of a sudden the cat come practically across the other end of the store all the way by me…lol.
I smiled and began petting the cat some more while waiting for the girl to come. I then decided to picked the cat up, the gal who worked there made a comment, “you found a new buddy” she said. I turned around and said, “yea, my new buddy” with a smile.
A couple was approaching, as I bent over to put the cat down I could hear the guy say, “average.” Not sure what he meant by that, they were looking at the puppies. So I put the cat down and the girl whom he was with was so happy to pet the cat. I came out of the store and they were still sitting in the car parked next to me…lol
I feel the women you see on a regular basis are easier to talk to, because there is far less pressure of trying to engage that person, but when one is on vacation for example, you might never see that person again, so it is like now or never.
Hey Mike, I get the feeling of what you mean.
It is easier talking to women you are used to. I travel a lot in train and sometimes I find it harder to talk to women because I have the thinking “It is right now, or I will never talk to her again”.
I have aswell met often women in the train, and is easier to begin a conversation with her.
And I find auch interesting what Gabery said. Sometimes I just feel so energized and just want to talk to people; it feels like you are radiating good energy and you feel really well. When that happens I just have to stand up and do it. Or I will just lose the momentum. I say it out loud “fuck it, I am going to do it…” and then the show begins…
@Konstantin.
Shyness can be crippling. I know how you feel, I’m shy myself. The important thing is that you don’t let it dictate you as a person. Easier said than done, but, realise that it’s only a small part of who you are. Decide what you like about yourself and concentrate on those and less on the shyness. As shy people the easiest thing for us to do is say little or nothing right? And most people love talking about themselves, so just listen. Take a genuine interest in what they are saying and let them do most of the talking. Ask questions here and there.
I understand that you are sensitive and other people being negative about you is hurtful. Just remember you can’t really change other peoples opinion of you. Act in a way that you think is good and if other people don’t like it that’s their problem.
Don’t set yourself such big goals with women and breaking through your shyness because this will just damage your self confidence when you don’t achieve them. Just work out where you want to be in the future and then take small steps to get there. It will be hard and you’ll get setbacks but the most important thing is you’re taking action to improve and that deserves respect. It takes time, I’m older than you and am still working on it. All the best.
By the way is that ex page three model Leilani in the picture?
@jose’,, you don’t know me,,
And I do not care.
I know!
David, what I like about your blogs, products etc is the motivation behind it. A lot of things you point out we all know, but tend to forget or not put into play. Just want to thanks for everything. I notice your going to visit Sydney,Australia this year. Would love to get to say hi in person and shake your hand. Cheers mate. JP.
“Women don’t think, Women feel” – Marni
I just noticed something,,,
I see lots of posts by guys about how they spoke to this woman, and that woman, and how they started this conversation, and that conversation. But,, I can’t remember the last time I have seen a post, from a guy, reporting on how he actually GOT A DATE.
I have seen posts from women about how they said yes to this guy, and that guy, (in my opinion, it takes no effort for women to meet a man. If any woman just sits someplace for a while, someone will approach her. Women have the luxury of just saying yes / no.), but no posts from a man getting a date with a WOMAN.
I can say hi to little old ladies all day, or ask the bank teller how her day is (she is REQUIRED to be polite to me), but that doesn’t do a damn thing for my love life.
Just an observation. Any “I got a date”, success stories from any guys? (ok, a field report, if you wanna call it that.)
@John : you’re lucky ; I got a date tonight. going there in an hour or so.
The story of it ? Nothing really extraordinary. Met the girl in some random social event, and at first sight she was far from my type : usually I am drawn to girls that are more quiet, with artistic minds, and who are very caring and demonstrative. This girl is more active (she’s a gym teacher), always on the move, marginal, she seems pretty independent…
I told her, when I first talked to her, that I don’t have the habit of interacting with her type of personality, but that I was willing and even longing to try. I didn’t talk to her much at first, but we kept in touch via email, and eventually I saw that I wrote much more than she did. I told her that usually I would’ve waited one or two more messages back and forth before inviting her to hang out, but since writing didn’t look like her cup of tea, I thought it was better that we meet again in private. So this is where I’m going tonight.
So far she’s made me a few compliments in her messages, I take that as a good sign. I think it’s a good time for me to meet a girl like that : I got out of a very close, intimate and “calm” relationship a few months ago, and now I want my life to move. Hopefully she can be one more element of discovery. Having this mindset, I’m not afraid of meeting a woman that doesn’t fit my usual “criteria”. I’m actually thrilled to see what kind of interaction it can yield.
That’s it. I’ll keep you posted, I guess, to tell you how it went.
@gabery,, great success story. Hope the date goes well.
Thanks.
Talk to us! Pick something that you can see around you.
If a man acted like David described that towards me, I would assume that he was admiring from afar but already taken…