Walk the Talk
March 19, 2009 
16 Comments
You guys are going to start seeing some things change around here on the site. First of all, we’ll have a new website soon, which will be really cool, and secondly, we’re going to have some new products.
Besides how to meet the girl or the guy, we’re going to add some great products about how to have a great relationship.
I have found that for many of you the following is true: once you overcome MEETING someone, you still don’t really know how to date the person successfully. And many of you are just settling for relationships that you’re not really all that excited about.
So the first thing that I really want to discuss with you all is communication. Communication is the key to everything in a relationship – including intimacy.
Why? Because without communication, you’ll never really be able to connect – to really share your desires and wishes with your partner.
Intimacy is about more than just having great sex. Intimacy is being able to look deeply into your lover’s eyes and have an amazing conversation. Intimacy is also based on honesty.
If you have great communication in a relationship, you’ll have honesty as well. The two qualities just work hand-in-hand.
If you feel comfortable to talk to your lover about anything in the world, you’re being honest with yourself and with your partner.
Many of you are not the best communicators, and that’s something we need to work on. So over the next couple of months, we will really focus in on teaching you guys to be master communicators – both in the blogs as well as some of the products.
A new product will be coming out soon called the Master Communicator Series, where we will really work to practice these skills.
It is so important to be able to communicate – anything, to anybody! Recently Rey had an experience that I’m sure many of you will find familiar.
Rey was frustrated with some things at work that weren’t going well for him, and he took some things personally (which we ALL do). But instead of communicating it to me immediately, it escalated into something that it never should have.
Instant communication is important. When you’re frustrated and upset with someone, you need to realize that you must process it. The quicker that you process it, the better the communication will be.
If you keep things festering inside, when you finally do talk to the person a week later, what will happen? You’re going to have an emotional outburst – that will lead to confrontation – that will lead to bad feelings between you and the person that you love.
So, communication is key. How comfortable are you with your communication style? What can you improve? Be honest, and let me know in your comments. What are your strong points? Let’s communicate on this blog today and really open it up!
Very interesting stuff, David. So what do you do if you find that you want a relationship, but just not right now…or you want it to be looser than something more traditional? I don’t tend to anger easily, and tend to accept the quirks of others behaviors, but if I let annoyances go, and I learned this from being married for so long, that it does indeed turn into an emotional outburst. I’m having trouble just now with this guy who will text me and want to do something right then, and I’m usually not in a position to do so since I work three 12 hour shifts in ICU, and three days a week teaching for the local community college, which leaves me with one full day off a week to tend to my personal life, family, friends, animals and such. This guy, has accused me of not being interested, but I’ve been very patient and explained that with teaching my job doesn’t end when class is over. I’m wondering if I should do as I’ve previously done and just forget it or actually keep trying to get my message to him, in that I have to carefully plan at this point, but it won’t always be like that. I’ll actually have a lot of free time in the summer, but again I’ve made plans to be playing at the river when I’m not working….
I agree , good communication is essential to any realtionship. If there is a weakness in me , it is my communication style. I find I get stuck in the “processing mode” , sometimes for days. I think it’s because my quick emotional reactions to some things would inevitably get me into trouble. I’ve come to rely more on my logical reactions which , depending on the situation, can take some time to work through…. which can be understandibly frustrating to the person waiting for my response.
I have been criticized for this type of behaviour, but i really don’t know how to speed things up, while avoiding the “knee-jerk”reaction.
I have noting but respect for thise who are able to communicate quickly and effectively. Hopefully one day I’ll master this skill.
I actually think I’ve gotten to be a pretty good communicator as of late, but as always there’s much room for improvement.
Looking forward to the communication product….
Open and honesty works well any relationships. When things are allowed to fester than the volcano erupts into drama vomit. Being able to communicate what is on your mind at the time is best. I have noticed this about myself years ago when I started to talk bad about my job next thing I know I am looking for another one. It is hard for me at times to speak to people and let them know how I feel. But what I have learned if you know someone that is in another relationship don’t bring it up unless they do and surely to goodness don’t get angry and throw the past issues up in their faces. Let the past be a person can not change the hands of time what is said is said and what is in this blog is correct when you hold back something then a person is going to blow up.
A person needs someone they can trust to confide in and wont speak what is said to them. People need a good sounding board one that holds their secrets. If a person can let the past go and say hey that was yesterday what does that have to do with today. Did you know the best friend is the one who says I apologize for my actions and admits they are wrong.
Mental thoughts can get the best of us. We can sit back and study what the outcome of something may be but really think about it. What we think will happen nine chances out of ten will backfire. Think how would I feel if this person says this to me. All outcomes do not happen the way we think they would. You know I have a theory: there are times that I have problems at work and this is how I handle it if they don’t say anything I wont either. In other words if they are not going to worry about it I am not either.
this is so important aspect of connecting with just about anybody, i think as time pass by i am becoming better at it at each time.
I’m very good at breaking the ice, and i have no problem talking to random people. However keeping the conversation light fun and flowing is not my strong point. I try to listen to what they say, but sometimes i just don’t have anything else to say about the subject
All so true. Looking forward to the new concentration on communication skills. Hope that it will also include some tips for flushing one’s BS pre-conceived notions and sterotypes.
I think communication is important… but in a self disclosure way. You want to truly open yourself and let people know what you think, who you are… for who you are.
You shouldn’t have to “self-present” yourself… in ways to make people only see the good sides in you. That’s not REAL communication.
If you only communicate to “self present”… then the other person never gets to see you for the great person you are.
Great to hear David.. Meeting ppl is a small first step to getting a fulfilling relationship.. I’m a great first date, it’s about 3 mos in that things tend to fall apart… Like you said in previous blogs communication is great but you can reveal too much too soon as well.. so it’s not that easy as just bare your soul…
Some ideas that are of interest to me…
- When/How to have the conversation about exclusivity (especially with online dating, when to take the profile down,etc)
- How do you express enough emotion to let the other person know your interested but not freak them out…
- Frequency and modes of communication (how to break out of txting hell, etc)..
Thanks!!
Joe- if you don’t have anything else to say about the subject its a great time to get curious about the subject with that person, that way you can learn about something new, and become a more well rounded person.
what you usually do when you don’t have anything to say, do you leave the conversation or do you persist and get curious….?
I find that being direct and open with your thoughts and emotions is always the best policy. It lets the other person know how your feeling about something. It is also a good assessment tool for how a person handles different emotions and situations and if they are sensitive to your needs. So when you tell someone your feelings about something, does he or she then change his behavior next time to show you that he/she cares?
Bertie–I can really relate to your situation being a busy, working single mom myself. The biggest thing is that you are open to these guys about your time. If they are too needy of your time and cannot respect your position then it is not the right guy for you!
Thank you Kimberly! The thing is, while my kids are older. The youngest will be 19 in May. We are all very close, and the two boys are still living with me, and one of them is a little slower to mature than my daughter and younger son. We were going to see Push, not too long ago, and I thought I’d ask Obiri to go with us, but knowing how the boys feel about their dad just expecting them to be part of his new family, I asked first. The youngest was okay with it, but my older son, who will be 21 this Sunday, was like eeew! I don’t wanna hang out with a dude who’s trying to make time with my Mom! I had to laugh! My kids were all accidents but I really wanted them, and still adore them…and they’re really functional on their very own, it’s just that even if I were totally alone, I’d still be incredibly busy until June, and needing to plan things out, and I just have a problem with men who seem to think I should drop everything to hang out with them.
guys can anyone help me
in school theres this girl and we have talked we were the best of friends until she told me that she liked me. I then asked her out and she said no because she was confuzed. So then after all she told me we should be friends. The thing is that I still can’t get over it and I feel like I should tell her how I feel. The thing is should I tell her or just keep it to myself and hope to start fresh??
Master Communicator Series sounds particularly interesting.
Could you give us a date when it will be released approximately?