Walk Away When She’s Confused
July 28, 2007 
6 Comments
by David Wygant
Recently I received an email from a guy named Tyler who reads my blog. If you want to see what Tyler wrote to me, look at the bottom of this blog. Read through this email, and then see my response here to it.
On first glance, it appears that Tyler has done nothing wrong to make this girl feel the way she’s feeling. And on the surface that’s 100% correct. The problem is that this girl is so confused about men right now, that no matter what Tyler does it is just going to confuse her more.
If a woman is confused, the best thing to do is call her up and say:
“I totally understand what you’re feeling, and I’m here for you 110%. But I think you need to take a few days to get your thoughts together. Once you gather your thoughts, call me and I’ll be there to listen to you and to help you figure this out.”
When women are confused, a lot of men go into salesman mode. So instead of just being there for her and just listening, men tend to try and convince the woman about their intentions.
Sometimes when a woman is vulnerable, she may be having a hard time letting go. She does not want to hear you sell yourself. She wants to know that it’s OK to feel what she’s feeling, and that you’re there to listen and to understand.
So the next time a confused woman comes into your world, take the time to listen…don’t take the time to try and fix her. Allow her the time to process what she’s going through, and if she knows you’re there she will come around.
Here’s Tyler’s email to me:
Hey David…I was wondering if you could make out what this girl is really trying to say to me….I think she wants me, but it will have to be down the road? Am I off with this statement? Any insight would be great.
Tyler
And here is her email to Tyler:
After Friday night I was ready to cut off all communication with you. I thought about it rationally and decided that we deserve an explanation of what’s going to happen after this. It’s Sunday night and I miss you, but I don’t want loneliness (and hornyness) to affect the outcome of us. I want you to know that I do love you, but this really isn’t what I need or want right now. You were right when you said that I’m afraid to fall in love again. But the real fear is of letting someone get close enough that they impact my decisions. I’ve always defined myself by whatever guy I was attached to, and I’m not going to let anyone, no matter how amazing and perfect for me, get in the way of being me pure and simple, and doing whatever the fuck I want. I’m done letting people control me, and I know you would never intentionally try to do that, but the fact that I feel guilty for leaving you in the dark or any other side effects of me doing whatever the f%^* I want is enough for me to know that I need to walk away. I need to walk now before I start over thinking it and freak out about making the wrong decision. You have done nothing wrong, you have been nothing but amazing to me and I hate the fact that all of this had to happen now. I’m sorry this is so long, and I’m sorry this is on face book, but I always freeze up in emotional situations. I wanted to get my main points out now so we can talk later. I love you too much.
It’s all about giving a woman some breathing room. This girl is young and in that dramatic stage of life.
Feel free to send me your thoughts. You never know, I might answer you tomorrow…
Hmm. You don’t have to answer me back for anything. I think you are so right in your response of how to handle it. You can tell by reading her email she is really confused! Hopeully she will chill out after a few days and she will realize love can happen again. I am a firm believer in if you have been hurt extesively, you need to take that time, BUT not dwell on past happenings. The past is the past. There is no going back, no changing it—-what is done is done. Move on and try to appreciate someone wanting to be there for you.
I can’t believe that was put on Facebook. That is a pretty big arena to stage your private affairs, but to each his/her own.
Hope the best for the both of them.
Hard to tell what the history is between these two but it sounds like she is definitely confused about things. Seems like she is young and was possibly in past relationships where she let the guy make all the calls and never really developed her own identity or sense of self. If that
I agree with AZNY. Hey are you new by the way…lol. Anyways, it seems she is in that stage where she is trying to figure out who she is, what she wants, and THEN work on having a healthy relationship. I was in that stage. But I actually had a relationship at the time and I thought I would have to break it off in order to better myself. Well, here I am a better person and STILL in the same relationship. Some people need to break away, and some dont. But yeah, she needs time to figure it out, like write the pros and cons of keeping him around. LOL. Im semi-kidding. I need to stop putting me personal biz out here. HAHAHAH. Sike.
Hey all. Yea, this girl has apparently been emotionally scarred somewhere in her past. She seems to have a strong fear of any kind of really bonding with any man. Yea man, Tyler needs to give her a lot of space. Definitely needs some healing time in her life whatever happened. I think everyone goes through this type of scenario in their life at some point. I’d say it is all part of the growing up process. It sucks but you make it through and find someone great! Got to get to training here so have a good one all. I’m out
totally agreed guys/gals, tyler needs to just walk away, not matter how much he feel for this woman. she need to find out what the fuck she wants in life and in a relationship, i’ve been through the same shit as tyler got a email similar when i was younger and totally naive in certain aspect of dating. he needs the find someone else… i dont want to be harsh, but fuck her, who needs that bullshit. dating is hard enough
cheers,
Joe
My ex boyfriend had a similar song and dance with me. At the time, I thought something was wrong with me or that I hadn’t done enough to get him to commit. But that wasn’t it at all; he was at a shitty point in his life and came from a family that really wasn’t emotionally expressive. He didn’t know how to handle what I had to offer and it didn’t matter what I said or did. He just needed to figure stuff out on his own.
Tyler needs to do exactly as you suggested, David. Give her some space and be there to LISTEN. Not just to her but to himself. If he wants to wait on her to figure stuff out, he should (for awhile). But maybe this is a blessing in disguise and its time for him to move onto a woman who is ready for the love he has to offer.