Why Your Looks Don't Matter

Love and be loved

Saturday, April 27th, 2013

Good looks certainly help, but are not enough. You just have to look around to see average-looking guys with pretty girls. Something else is definitely going on. If you have a lot of confidence and an attractive personality, you'll get almost every girl. Full stop.

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Joe

Saturday, April 27th, 2013

My comment relates to this and to the last blog post on how to attract the hottest girl in the room. My problem is I make too many assumptions when I look at women. I look at a really beautiful girl and automatically rule myself out because she is simply too good for me purely based on looks and nothing else. I think to myself I offer her nothing, I'm not rich, don't have a car, don't lead this super amazing life and I'm not a super handsome guy. Then again, I don't really see many times where a truly average or even ugly guy is with a really beautiful woman. 9 times out of 10, the man and the woman are equally as good looking as each other. The only thing I can conclude from seeing this so often is that women just as much as men are choosing their partners based on physical attractiveness. I'm not saying this is fact, but beautiful couples seem to be much more common than one good looking and one not so good looking couples. I wish my ego would allow me to believe that I am good enough for any woman yet I see very little examples of that being true most of the time.

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Outback Roy

Saturday, April 27th, 2013

Joe , You're so spot on here mate. Women like to raise up to their friends by riff-raffing about their dandies too. Just like err men do about their sugar tea biscuits honeys. Once in a blue lagoon though your luck rund compass true and your groovin quite nicely doin the mellow-yellow. Catch me mate? That's where the old chap meets the beauty right on. Lick you have it, but the mate was paying in queens change by mingling with the in the boggs man. Have a good one mate!

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Love and be loved

Saturday, April 27th, 2013

Don't sweat it, Joe. Women may reject you for lots of reasons, not necessarily because you're not good-looking. A few hours ago, I texted a friend of mine (who I've only known for a few months) inviting her to a bar for a drink. She's ignored my message. You know what? I'm still going out tonight and will approach any single girl that takes my fancy. Why didn't the first girl want to go out with me? Heaven knows. I just don't care. Plenty more fish in the sea.

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Gary Grind

Saturday, April 27th, 2013

Makes sense David. As you're saying , a good looking guy can be shy around women and have other issues too. When I was young, my mother was pretty strict about girls and dating. Sure she meant good as I was young. However sometimes difficult as I got older and on my own to forget past conditioning. Good news is that I did overcome. Had to. It took some practice as David W. is saying, but had some good times with the women. Can improve though... Open to this idea very much. Thanks David W. for helping...

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Melissa

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Joe- You have to offer SOMETHING. Not that handsome? Be funny, smart, have a good job...anything, something. You can't just 'exist' and get a hot chick. You can't just 'exist' and get anything, really. Well, you can be born into wealth, but that's about it. I'll never understand why guys think they deserve a girl if they have nothing to offer. Heck, if I was 50lbs overweight but still had money, great personality, pretty face, etc, I wouldn't expect to get a guy at all. Even with the rest of that stuff on offer. Sorry, just the way it works.

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Joe

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

I believe I offer plenty and any woman would be lucky to have me as a boyfriend. That may sound arrogant but I do believe that I offer something a lot of guys don't. The problem is, you can't see these things on first glance. People make assumptions and I do to, it messes up both our chances. My time will come, considering women already date some pretty terrible men. I can't be too far away from finding a nice girl.

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Joe

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Guys, What ever happened to 2 people starting out in life together with nothing to offer each other save love itself and being true? Of late it's become the what can you offer me. The ME ME ME mentality. :) Personally , with what I'm seeing "work" these days is, as soon as some of the "what's in it for me", in addition to love, vanishes the person goes -a-packing looking for the NEXT "what's in it for me" me me deal... As luck has it's deal with time, beauty fading --- then wuzz up ? Fetching me a wake up and smell the cup of coffee! Good day ? ;)

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Brandon

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

David hit the nail on the head here. Just to give an honest account of my life... I have been told in the last few years how good looking I am, how I should be a model, etc... But in my late teens and early 20's I was painfully skinny and tall, had bad acne, horrible social skills, overbearing-very religious family... The only thing I had going for me was some athletic skills and competitiveness deep down. At this point in my life, now 28, i'm working on a masters degree, have gained 40 lbs of muscle, better social circle/skills. The problem is I am just now catching up to my peers and feel like a fish out of water with women. I a getting better every day, but certain friends/acquaintances would be stunned if they knew i have only been on a handful of dates, never had a real relationship, and sometimes doubt if I a woman would want to be with me. It all derives from my teens and younger years. The patterns of those formative years are extremely hard to undo and it takes a ton of self discovery and hard work to do it. But I am getting there.

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Melissa

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Joe- That time never existed. Back in the day, a man had a job and took care of a woman and the kids. The woman was a catch if she was good looking, a good cook, etc. You have to offer something...personality, humor, looks, money, something. How or why is a woman going to be interested in falling in love with a blob?

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Joe

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

the things you are listing seem pretty shallow, plus why should I offer anything if she has nothing in return for me?

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Melissa

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Having a personality is "shallow"?

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Joe

Monday, April 29th, 2013

Of course not, but looks and money certainly are as well as what job you do except for some cases. All relationships should be based on chemistry and building a rapport. Just being easily likeable isn't enough surely? I mean I'm funny and I don't have a gf

Jay S

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Melissa, Hmm, so then, in the case where one does offer, humor, intelligence, dresses reasonably well, has hobbies, is fit, lives with integrity and can converse about a wide range of topics, but is not good looking, is in fact bald, pale, wears glasses, and has a somewhat nasal voice, how can we not conclude that all but the most homely looking women are at least as appearance-focused as men.

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john

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Melissa,, Here's the thing,,, You seem to classify guys in two extreme categories.. Either, Good looking, rich, "cut throat business guy" perfect, -or- Blob. You know, there is a middle ground... There are plenty of guys who are a little overweight (10-20 lbs. or so), who are that size because, believe it or not, they actually like to EAT, and have other things to do than spend 1/3 of their life in the gym. And, guys that have a decent paying job, who aren't at the top of their career (yet), but make decent money. You can't tell me that the majority of guys that approach you don't fit somewhere in that middle ground.

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Melissa

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

John- You translate "blob" into meaning "fat". I didn't mean that. You can be a personality-less "blob"...as a matter of fact, I mentioned a ton of personality traits, didn't I? Have humor, smarts...SOMETHING to entice a lady. I don't mind if a guy is a little, 10 lbs overweight IF he works out. My ex was a blob...a good 30 over most of the time but never moved a muscle. He would literally wheeze when he was having sex with me. Gross. I am supposed to like that? A guy in my age range is not likely to be at the top of his career. I understand that. But he should be working towards goals. And make enough to date and take me out sometimes. And yes, I do think that a lady needs to offer more than just being "hot". BUT- men don't care about any other features! They just flat out don't.

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Joe

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

You just said it my dear. :) :) The wife was a catch based on what *she* brought to the table besides her looks being the end all be all . It's always a 2 way streetcar on a thoroughfare my sweets. :) Was more of a togetherness based on what *BOTH* had to offer each other. Not just the dude bringing everything and the girl being empty handed. My dear as you put it, the men went out and worked hard at a job and she was able to hold her own with the things that needed to be done ( including getting a part-time job if necessary) that made life together meaningful, happy, and enjoyable rather than a cumbersome chore. Just sayin' that No Mel!!! No women should succumb to latching onto a drunk or good for nothin' S. O. S. man. Yump! Convict or such similar riff. You are on the square #one box here to be sure Mel!! Okay, putting a shine on my shoes then getting a baked & seasoned chicken breast, gumbo, and carrot cake for lunch. Cheers my dear ! ;)

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john

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

(oh boy,, here we go, now I'm gonna get it..) I just don't agree AT ALL. Looks are CRITICAL when it comes to success with women. PERIOD. It's LIFE. It's just the way the world works. If looks didn't matter,, then a guy who looks like Danny DeVito could pull the same caliber of women as Brad Pitt. Can anyone honestly tell me this is the case?.. no. Looks don't matter = MARKETING HYPE.

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Arnold

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

John buddy, Have to agree with you on the subject of looks to a certain level. The question that gives me trouble is that the man upstairs did some rationing in the looks department. That doesn't mean though that the guy should sit in the chair twiddling his thumbs. You can help out the man upstairs by working out your body to the max man, to the point that these women get open to even stupid things these health nut muscular guys say. It has to work. No buts and ifs about it ! In other words the hot babes cut you some slack to flex out a bit. Understand? I hope so john. Hey listen... I gotta get moving here. have 4 women on hold waiting to get serviced by yours truely... Good luck John. I mean it buddy !!!

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Jay S

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Oh, come on John! We all know women don't care about looks. They never talk about how, cute or hot a guy is. All they care about is heart, passion, internal characteristics. They will give any guy a chance as long has he does all the other things David suggests. I know, I have been doing those things and have had no more success than I did before, which isn't much. They don't care that I am bald, pale, of modest stature, or have a slightly weird speaking voice. If that doesn't prove it, I don't know what does. And since I rarely post and intent can be hard to judge on the internet, I am not being sarcastic at all. I am 100% serious. Really. I mean it. Not sarcastic at all.

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Brad

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

John, your observation is right on the money. If looks wouldn't matter, why would they pick Andrew Cooper as the model for the new Coca Cola Light commercial ? Why not the human equivalent of Jabba the Hut ? That said, there are a few things that can immediately kill any attraction, no matter what you look like: a squeaky voice, nervousness, the unability to make eye contact. But in general, good looking models get paid a lot of money for a reason.

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Melissa

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Brad- Look at any sitcom. The male lead is always a fatty or a dork or whatever with a hot/petite wife. King of Queens, Everyone Loves Raymond, the nerds on that nerd show, heck, Ross and Rachael. Kevin Bacon (is he supposed to be handsome?) with the wife on The Following. Examples are everywhere of the dorky guy with the hot chick. Any Adam Sandler movie. Anything with Jason Segal. The opposite is never true. And if someone mentions Rosie O'Donnell, I will scream.

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Sarah

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Melissa, you brought out what I've tried over and over again to illustrate on this blog. I've been off it for awhile because I'm plain sick of how men "deserve" to have the hottie, while women should be just satisfied to get a man who doesn't beat them a lot. While much of DW's advice is spot on, I think this unrealistic perception just serves to keep men reaching for the unattainable woman. I've been away from this blog as I've been trying to redump my LDR and forge ahead with new prospects. I see that the men on this site are as unrealistic as ever. I brought up the whole "King of Queens" thing before. I've been compared to wife on King of Queens and Raymond's wife. Ray Romano's decent enough looking, but I'd never go out with someone built with Kevin James. I just can't. I would literally suffocate will doing the missionary position with him. I don't expect a man to be model gorgeous - I'm not model gorgeous in the slightest - Melissa is. I've dated men who are model gorgeous, and felt a bit overwhelmed. I'm happy with men who are equivalently attractive looks-wise. Brad, how can these sitcoms be "women’s revenge for male domination of the media and society as a whole." King of Queens was created by a male Michael J. Weithorn and Everybody Loves Raymond by Philip Rosenthal. The husbands are only blah type men whose attractive wives don't dump their asses like they should. The fact that they act like twits and aren't as nice-looking as their wives (alright, I like Ray Romano) is a male fantasy. A man can be a twit, and a slob and have a hot tolerant wife. Do you EVER, EVER see the reverse of a homely woman with a hot man. NEVER. The reality is that people tend to pair up with similarly attractive people with similar interests. If you see a dumpy man with a hot wife, chances are, they've been married awhile and he let himself go. Occasionally it's the reverse. However, when people are newly dating, women and men will pair up along the lines of attractiveness. If you have the balls to go outside your "league," be my guest, go for it. Go for anyone you want. Do you deserve that person? Only if she wants you back. If she doesn't, don't go whining like a bitch about how she didn't give you a chance. After all, did you give the women who are similarly attractive to you a chance? Doubt it. I remember looking at my 20 year high school reunion photos expecting the men to age well. After all, aging "makes men more dashing and debonair." Wrong, the men were schlubs, and the women maintained themselves.

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Brad

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Melissa, I am by no means a religious guy, but should I ever be reborn, I pray to all gods in all heavens that it is not like Raymond. I'd rather be reborn as one of the 9/11 bombers than as Raymond. My personal feeling is that these sitcoms are women's revenge for male domination of the media and society as a whole. Guys like Adam Sandler and Kevin James make me really aggressive. No man should ever be (depicted) like these clowns. I am afraid that a lot of young guys actually believe that a man should behave like that.

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Melissa

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Again with the extremes, John. Danny DeVito is pretty hideous. No one looks like him, not that I've ever seen in real life. Same with Brad Pitt...so gorgeous...a rarity. Thing is, guys don't want to date in their own pool! My friend Gail is a perfect example of a woman who should be able to find a guy because she's fun, funny, kind, loving...she has a pretty face and smile but she's a good 40-50 overweight. She keeps dating guys uglier and uglier...and they STILL end up blowing her off. The guys think that they can do better. All of the married women I know are better looking than their husbands. They will date and marry a man because he's a "good man" or a "good provider". Tons of women I know are thin with really fat guys. Looks matter...but only to men.

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Jorge

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

LOL Melissa and John! OK, what about Ceelo Green, Melissa, wouldya?

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Sarah

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Melissa, I agree with you but only to a point. I think what you're seeing is that a man will get a woman at a time when they're both the same level of attractiveness, then one or the other person lets him or herself go. That's what happened to my husband and I. At various points, we both let ourselves go, he more than I. In the beginning though, we were a "plausible couple" - we were equally attractive. Neither too hot or too ugly. I don't know if you and your husband were the same in attractiveness. From your description, at least at the end of it all, he didn't measure up. Over the past 2 years, I had to get in shape because the only way I could get rid of acid reflux was to drop 15 pounds. I'm in better shape than I was in my 20s. The moment I gain even a little weight, it comes back. My STBX though, who has hang-ups about being "large" - he had been a power-lifter, was under the illusion that having a big gut was the same as having the pecs of his youth. He refused to lose weight because he didn't want to "be small," even trim and muscular, though it would've improved our non-existent sex life tremendously. That's why I refuse to date men who are even slightly overweight. Once he's got you, everything goes down the tubes. I refuse to wait for a guy to be trim. I'm in good shape, I demand for him to be in shape. He doesn't have to be gorgeous - I'm not gorgeous. However, at the beginning at least, we have to be well-matched. Since my separation, I've been with one man that I was not physically attracted to, and that was not satisfying in the least. If people think that's shallow, fine. I lived through years of lack of intimacy in a marriage, and it matters. Sexuality and attraction are extremely important to me. I'm a very small woman and let me tell you, an out of shape guy either cannot keep up with me or will crush me. What's unfortunate is that with porn and blogs stating that looks don't matter further feed desperate men's desires to have a tiny slice of the female population ages 18-21. These women do age and few truly maintain their looks due to partying, tanning and crash dieting. Looks do matter to a lot of women. It's just that we're told over and over again that we should be happy merely that a man be attracted to us, not vice versa.

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John

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Ok Melissa,, so if looks don't matter to women.. And all you have to bring to the table is personality, and sense of humor.. Etc, Then you would have no problem dating... Seth Rogen. Right?

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John

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Pssssst... Notice.. She had no answer to this. (hahaha..)

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Arnold

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Melissa, Danny D, and I used to be close. One time we agreed to meet the muscles from Brussels Van Dam at the Roxbury in Los Angeles.. I'm sure you've seen Van dam high kicking the day lights out of those blobs in his films. Ok , cutting to the action here. I show up a little bit late with Van Dam. There we see fat boy Danny D. sitting at a table with like 10 hotties pulling on his shirt trying to rip it off or something. We both looked at each other and decided to leave him alone. I'm thinking that he gave these babes a few bucks to do this stuff for him. In fact we asked him later in the evening and he got real mad at us and started fighting with us. We chilled him out and eventually he was leaving the club with a gorgeous blonde who just got into a cat fight over fat boy Danny. Don't let the looks fool you guys. Okay, I hear this chick rapping on my door, I better let her in. Later guys.

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e

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

If looks don't matter, then people wouldn't have to keep saying that looks don't matter. There must be a reality there or people wouldn't worry about it. Looks do MATTER. To BOTH sexes...it's just a matter of how honest they want to be about it. The mantra is said mostly to be a reassuring bedtime story, but secretly we probably know that it's not completely true. If it didn't then, you wouldn't have people worrying about it. Looks are very important to guys. Plus, whatever traits the woman brings to the table that makes them feel manly. Looks are very important to women. They have some additional requirements like he should be successful, have a good education and not a creep. The only times they might overlook the looks thing is if the other elements are very impressive and only if they are approached at the right time of day. In real life Kevin James can get an extremely beautiful woman because he's a multimillionaire many times over and he's very charismatic. Most guys are not. He can bring a woman into a lifestyle beyond their wildest dreams. I've seen some extremely handsome guys with very ugly women, but usually the guys have terrible careers or have some other problems....or just lack any game whatsoever.

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Sarah

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

E - All of that is true. You're right about the extremely handsome guys with ugly women. Huge rarity. The only time I've seen it is when the man turned out to be closeted gay and the wife was his beard.

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e

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

I've seen that situation a lot of the really handsome guy and the unattractive girl. One in particular, the guy would probably be one of the prettiest guys in the room. This type A female lawyer type would go for guys that are way better looking than her and eventually landed. I did ask my female friends why aren't the other girls going for this guy and they told me that he lacked ambition--he hasn't worked for 10 years and they don't know what he does all day. It was only 6 months in and she already hates him... and isn't that attracted to him anymore something about not respecting him. I actually feel sorry for him because she's not a very nice person...but his lack of ambition really has hurt him. I think attraction doesn't happen in a vacuum. People go for certain people to fill whatever needs they need at a time and sometimes react to hurts and disappointments and carry that over into what they look for in the next relationship. Hence, why you see some girls with a varied dating history of bad boys, hunks, boring nice guys and that ugly guy who filled some emotional need. The same with the "hot" guys. A female friend that I maybe dated a few times but turned into a friend was bewildered why her hot female friend's husband cheated on her with a mistress that was 3 points uglier than her (her words), but then she proceeded to tell me how the mistress flatters his ego and supports him in every decision. I told her that it's a mistake to always make the assumption that looks will mean everything to a guy. They adjust their rosy glasses depending on how that girl makes them feel.

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Mar

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Here's my real world observation: My ex-wife is very attractive. The first dude she started dating after our divorce was overweight and looked like Shrek. She told me she was in love with him, that it was the real thing, blah, blah, blah. My current gf was showing me a box of pictures from her past, and she had a couple pics of old boyfriends. Whoa!! They must have brought something else to the table beside looks. My sister is love sick over this unattractive dude right now! However, where's the very attractive men with ugly women? Real world observation here. Where are those couples?? I do have a female friend however, that was stunningly beautiful 12 years ago, but has put on a bunch of weight over the last few years. Her husband frequents the gym, has good looks. She looks nothing like when they first got together (he actually looks better now). That's my only real world observation where I might see: Attractive man with not so attractive woman (she's still pretty, just chubby now). Looks definitely matter much more to men than to women. I don't think we need to debate this one fellas. Nature designed her to find a man's confidence (power,leadership, ability to protect), and access to resources (ability to provide) more attractive than his looks. Nature designed us to seek out females who appear to be most healthy- for procreation. That's why we're so visual. And, our horniness via high testosterone levels secures the future of our species. Biologically, that is not her primary concern which only translates to looks not being her primary concern. Now, what I do see is that girls are much more into looks than women. But, boys and men are locked into a female's looks. Perhaps when the testosterone levels drop, we're not as taken by a woman's physical beauty. If Brad Pitt and George Clooney did not exude confidence, would women find them as attractive or sexy? If they lacked access to resources, would women find them as attractive or sexy? Guys, if you had 3 possible means of attracting women at your disposal: confidence, wealth, looks, and could only choose one, which one would it be? And, which one do you think the ladies would pick for attracting men?

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Melissa

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Hey Sarah- Hope it's going well getting rid of the LDR. I am on a complete break from men. Haven't missed anything so far. Of course we agree. All women know this to be true. I wish I could show you all the guys I've dated. The last guy? I really liked his personality, he was smart with a good job so I gave him a shot. He was not attractive, really at all. He was almost 50. He had Bell's Palsy once and was still partially paralyzed from it. This is not a joke. This guy treated me worse than any other man I'd dated up till that point. Asked me horribly rude questions...made me feel disgusting about myself. You wouldn't believe. Stunning. I think it was because he had money and felt like he deserved any girl. Not this girl...I am not impressed with money. At any rate, aside from super fatties, I have given tons of not-traditionally-attractive guys a chance. Usually because they are smart and funny. Have you ever heard a hot dude say that?? "I know she's not that cute, but I love her for her personality" Hahaha. Bullshit. Like seeks like. Or, it should. And thank you, but I am no model! I am decent for 39 with 2 kids in SE Michigan, though ;-)

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Sarah

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Melissa, I think part of the reason why you're so flexible is that you live in SE Michigan. I'm guessing Ann Arbor given your job, etc. I might be wrong about that. If that's the case, you live in a pretty decent area of Michigan, from what I've heard and they live a fairly decent lifestyle there. I might be completely wrong on this. You are a stand-out woman for your age & for the Midwest. I'm from the Midwest myself, and one thing I know, is that people in general, and men and particular, do not really care how out of shape they get. Booze and bad dieting lead to a very out-of-shape population. I went back to the Midwest a couple years ago and I just shook my head. These folks just don't give a damn. Since moving to Colorado a few years , I realized, wow, there is a huge difference in the way men can look. The need to keep up physical appearances here is intense. My teenager said, "Mom, if you're going to start dating, you're going to have to get into shape. You do not fit in in Colorado." Men boast about how much they climb, go to the gym, work out. Guys who are recently from the Midwest, boast about how much beer they can handle. In fact, at least online, one of the first things we always ask is,"How do you stay in shape?" For those Midwesterners who've finally figured it out, they talk about how they're getting rid of the booze and are considering changing their food habits and possibly dabbling in vegetarianism. Frankly, hearing about men's dietary and work-out regimens can be quite trying after awhile, but it makes for a better-looking man. FYI, it's not just the libs who are into esoteric diets, but conservatives as well. Everyone wants to keep up.

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Sarah

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

I thought I dumped the LDR, then we had a shag last week - my libido does me in every time. Yet, the back and forth with him has worn me out, interfered with my work and my relationship with my teenager, so that's it. I need someone who's closer & more attentive. I have seen a few women date men who were significantly less attractive than they were. These women though, do not realize how attractive they are. Women are told over and over again how they never measure up that the most attractive ones feel like they're dumpy. I'm actually ok looking, I'm maybe slightly above average. Yet, men with hot wives have chased me around the table so often that I realize that yes, while men like looks, they'll dump the looks if they can go for variety. It's not that I have an outsized ego for my looks, it's just that I know how to bag a prize every so often. Women need to have higher expectations of men physically. You can't expect an funky face to become gorgeous or a short guy to become tall, but you can expect a man to get into shape and drop some poundage. Besides, it's good for them. A good personality does not have to come at the expense of a good body. Like you were saying, the unattractive 50 year old with Bell's palsy was a jerk. My LDR, is a sweetheart in many ways and deliciously good-looking. (Enough! I have to drop him). Hell, when I was a butt-ugly teen (some say a butt-ugly adult), I wasn't particularly nice either. I guess what I'm saying is women should not sell themselves short when it comes to a man's attractiveness. A lot of this is cultural, women don't fantasize about Kevin James, they fantasize about Bradley Cooper. Looks DO matter, but women are willing to put attractiveness aside when choosing a mate merely to settle down and get married because that's what good women do. That's mistake #1. Settling in any way does not make for a satisfying marriage.

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Sarah

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

FYI, I'm not saying a cheating husband is a "prize." I'm just saying looks are not always everything for men either. Men are trained to demand better looking women and women are trained to "give any guy a chance." In fact, the guys on DW's blog always complain about not "being given a chance" with hot girls. I don't complain about that when a hot guy isn't into me. I'm bummed, but hey, not everyone has good taste. ;-)

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Melissa

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

John- Seth Rogan was the dude in Knocked Up, right? Sure I would go out with him. He's super funny and he's shed some weight. Mar- you might want to use evolution as the reason men like 'hot' women, but in reality, 'healthy looking enough to procreate' and 'HOTT' are not the same thing. And it doesn't explain a woman's willingness to see past the beer gut and into the man inside. Could a man with a huge guy really protect me and hunt down my dinner? Face it...men are more shallow. You just are. It's all about showing off the prize. Women would only choose looks as a means of attraction. That's it. Being hot trumps all. Men...confidence and swagger (without being obnoxious)...that's the best.

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Technoboy

Monday, April 29th, 2013

"Could a man with a huge gut really protect me and hunt down my dinner?" In nature, food is very scarce, so an overweight man shows wealth because he has an abundant food supply and so can be a good provider? Just an educated guess. "men are more shallow. You just are. It’s all about showing off the prize." First of all, I honestly don't give two shits what others think of me or about displaying status. And in general, men are much, MUCH better at not caring about what others think about them than women are. It's one of our finest qualities. The reason I like hot chicks is because I am wired in a way that they have an instant and powerful effect on me - the same way a guy who would have a powerful effect on you if he talked to you on the phone every day for a month :). It's a biological thing - that's just the way I am wired. Nothing I can do to change that :(. And men are only more superficial in the narrow sense of valuing looks. Not in the broader sense of valuing other superficial factors (style, body language, social status, mannerisms, fingernails, etc), or of being quick to cast judgement on a person without really knowing them.

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A

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Melissa, Why do you want a guy who is confident and has swagger? Do you consider these traits more attractive than the other things you listed?

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Melissa

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

*a huge gut....not guy

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Mar

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Melissa- I don't want a hot woman because she's a prize. I want her because I'm very attracted to her. Ego gratification could be there, but it's not my motivation for wanting to be with her. I admit it, when I step out on the scene with my lady, I like for me and EVERYBODY else to know how hot she is (and, she wants the same damnn thing). BUT, I'm not with her for that purpose. As far as the big gut guy, how much does he make? How confident is he? Protection isn't just physical, it's emotional as well. My gf needs me to help her through her emotional storms at times. Or with decision making. A masculine skill of mine.

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Melissa

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Sarah- what you say is true. Usually couples start out looking good together. The combos I see 15 years into a marriage: 1. Man has let himself go, wife is still in shape 2. Both have become similarly frumpy. Rare is the hot husband and the fat wife...at least not for long, that is ;-) Completely agree that women have no clue what they look like. Especially if, like myself, they grew up ugly, chubby and bullied. You still keep a piece of that in you throughout your life. And don't get me wrong. I like attractive men. I just tend to feel VERY uncomfortable around really good looking ones. Even my fantasies involve Jeff Goldblum types, lol. If George Clooney asked me out in real life I'd probably have 50 heart attacks. I can't really say the last time I saw a man I thought was really handsome though. There just aren't that many around here. Just look at the things women do to improve themselves. I don't know the stats, but it has to be at least 20 to 1 when it comes to plastic surgery procedures (women v men). I bet there will end up being a generation of men who have never touched a REAL boob! Jorge- I draw a line at Ceelo. Good lord.

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Stephen

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

I just finished David's book "Naked" and decided to come to his blog for a view. It's funny that the first video I watch David jokingly mentions cerebral palsy in passing. Well, I have cerebral palsy. I wasn't offended at all, but I'm curious if his techniques really are only for those deemed to be physically-abled, at least in a basic sense. I walk with a limp and have limited use of my right arm and hand. I'm an independent fella (condo, car, job, etc.), but I'd be lying if I thought my CP wasn't a contributing factor to my dating struggles. In any event, I really liked the book because he teaches us to take control of our own circumstances and to stop making excuses for our past failures. We are where we are because that is where are lives have led us, so focus on the present. I know I've fought an uphill battle, but the only thing I can do is stay positive, develop a plan, and keep trying.

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Technoboy

Thursday, May 9th, 2013

Cerebral Palsy?! You definitely have my attention, Stephen. Let me know how your situation goes. Full disclosure time: I lost the genetic lottery too. I would not trade my condition for yours though. Mine is more superficial, mostly affecting my skin, hair, teeth, and stamina. I have been practicing the Wygant way for almost a year now and I have mixed news. The good news is that I am definitely more fun at social events these days and a better conversationalist, not just around women but around everyone. And I have gotten the attention of and hung out with some unusually high quality women in the past months. The bad news is my bottom line result is still zero in terms of finding someone to canoodle. Off the cuff thought, Stephen: summer is coming up and I'm just a big vegetable in summer (it's part of that thing I have). Once it gets hot outside, I think it would be smart for me to drop all physical activities and do standup comedy instead. Because EVERY woman wants a guy with a sense of humor. Well, that's how the sales pitch goes at least.

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Technoboy

Monday, April 29th, 2013

I have a new pet theory as of recently. I think that as a man, having a great voice will get you further with women than looking great will. Your thoughts?

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Melissa

Monday, April 29th, 2013

Techno- OMG-yes. A voice, LIke Kiefer Sutherland's, will bring me to my knees faster than anything. A great voice can make a 6 into a 9. Great voices are super rare. I can't say that I've dated a guy with a great voice. I've had guys tell me that they like my voice, but I have no idea what they like about it. It's kind of raspy, especially because I wear it out singing all the time.

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Melissa

Monday, April 29th, 2013

Sarah- Sooooo funny what you are saying about guys in CO. I lived there in my early 20s, but I had a boyfriend so I didn't date much. I have a girlfriend who lives there now and she HATES dating the guys because it's all about a fitness competition. "How many 14er's have you hit?" is a common opening first date conversation. Asked while biking or roller blading. Ummm, no thanks. I do not want to exercise with anyone on a first date. That's honestly the least sexy, least romantic date I can think of. I don't want to yell questions at you while riding a bike in the hot sun. I don't want to sweat. I don't want to wear a stupid shorts outfit. Let me show up looking fresh and pretty, smelling nice. We can go for a walk, sure. Something leisurely. That being said, it's not all or nothing. At least it shouldn't be. I am full on 80/20. 80% healthy, 20% party. I like a guy to fall into the "party" spectrum (dinners out, steak houses, wine, comedy, dessert, etc)...at least until we get more serious then we can expand out into more adventures.

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SavedByChrist94

Monday, April 29th, 2013

The mind isn't the brain, if the brain was wired a certain way to being awkward, etc, then your entire program is null and void because unless you surgically rewire their brain they can't be confident, No, Mind is not a piece of meat, it's personal, it's Immaterial, as Matter has no personhood it's mindless! if your mind was your brain how would you feel your hand?(A completely distinct material mind you), now unless you agree that it's due to a Guys WILL and PERSONHOOD and how he CHOOSES to think then your program cannot work, as your program instructs others, if the mind was the brain then no matter what you instruct, nothing will change unless you perform brain surgery, now if your program does work(which hopefully does help others in getting women, not like The Bible, but still works) then it's not due to "the brain" Spirit to brain to body, likewise, Player to Remote to Video game System. In The Father and The Son and The Holy Spirit.

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Melissa

Monday, April 29th, 2013

A- Yes. Confidence (not cockiness...to be clear) is totally sexy. Confidence makes you think he has a secret...think like Jason Statham. He might be a short dude, bald.....But he's confident. Why? Because he knows he could totally kick your ass. Or, a really smart dude is confident because he knows the answers. Or, the cool confident playa who honestly, truly, knows how to make a woman scream. What's hot about a confident man is that you don't know where the confidence is coming from...what makes him so bold? So cool and collected? What does he think he knows? It's like a present, you want to unwrap it and see. Because I find it's hard for anyone just to 'be confident' in a vacuum. You have to have something backing the confidence. And the best guys usually do.

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Hans

Tuesday, April 30th, 2013

Ha, Melissa, you got it. Confidence is mysterious. Confident men are cool, because they have something inside. Like the Harmonica guy from 'Once Upon A Time In The West'... I said it before: the guy who makes you nervous is the right guy for you. The guy who intrigues you in a way you cannot fathom, is the right guy for you. The guy who controls you without you being able to do anything about it, is the right guy for you.

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Sarah

Tuesday, April 30th, 2013

@Melissa -Jason Statham is sooo hot. In fact, that type of bald guy is one of the many types I go for. @Guys, if you're starting to lose hair, just shave it off. To me, a bald head on a man means, "Here I am, deal with it." It's very sexy. Comb-overs are not sexy - they're a sign you're insecure. @Speaking of bald guys, you could all learn a lot from watching Telly Savalas on Kojak. True, it's a fictional character from the 70s, but he's got a lot of game with the ladies and is very sexy, despite being unusual looking. He manages to be traditionally romantic and respectful at the same time. So, I've sort of changed my mind. A specific look doesn't matter. What matters is making the most of what you have - whether male or female. Whenever I go to the gym and use the stationery bike, it never fails that this tanned, blond would-be trophy wife sits on the other bike next to me (alright, maybe she's hot for me. ;-)). I think, I can never compete with that. I'd have to go through major surgery (FYI, she might've gone through major surgery). Until I realize, actually, a lot of guys prefer my type over her. I just need to let 'em know I'm available.

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Technoboy

Thursday, May 9th, 2013

Hey, thanks for taking a stand for bald men, Sarah. Me, my look + personality is a lot closer to Seth Godin than to Jason Statham though. Now there is a REAL bald guy :) I am going to reveal a men's secret to you. Looks matter a lot if a woman is just plain not attractive. Beyond that though, it's mostly personality. So it's not so much a matter of are you more attractive than others, it's more of a matter of are you attractive or not. And I think any woman who takes good care of herself can be attractive.

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rence

Tuesday, April 30th, 2013

If you have a lot of confidence and an attractive personality, you’ll get almost every girl.

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neezy

Wednesday, May 1st, 2013

and what about a confident guy that has no stable job

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Justin

Friday, May 3rd, 2013

Yep, I agree Dave! Speaking from experience though that nearly all the girls i know looks only matter to a small extent as far as initial attraction goes, but as long as you have the mindset to express yourself in a confident way women will feel attracted to you. Personality goes way further than a guy who is stuck up on his looks, and that can be a problem for good looking guys. But if your just an average or below average looking guy but ozze confidence and behave like a player then women will assume you are a player, period!

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Why Your Looks Don’t Matter

About David

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