Why You Aren’t Really In Love

Men's Advice Uncategorized, Videos

By David Wygant August 6, 2012 143 Shares

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

Are you that guy…

You know, the one who goes on dates and then immediately falls in love.

You go home and start looking through all of her Facebook photos, imagining the two of you on some tropical island somewhere.

Maybe you even start looking for a bigger house or apartment…

Time to sell that motorcycle and get a van. Got to get ready for the baby…

Whoa.

Take it easy there, guy, and watch this video:

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

23 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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anton

Monday, August 6th, 2012

I really love this one...

KC1

Monday, August 6th, 2012

I have unfortunately been that guy.Unlike many guy i realized it before it made do something stupid.

Jeff A

Monday, August 6th, 2012

Ah good post! Here's a question for readers, coaches, interns, and David: You're dating a girl for a few months and everything is great. You like her a lot but certainly don't love her yet. Suddenly, she drops the "I love you." If you're secure you say,"You know I really like spending time with you and I'm not ready to say that yet." So everything's fine days after. But like David said you need more time, maybe a lot more time. So how do you deal with the fact that she's going to have to wait sometime for that "I love you." And here's a bigger question: Is there anything wrong with a preliminary I love you? If the relationship if going great is there anything wrong when both people think they love each other even though its just infatuation? As long as both people give time for the real love to grow then this could be harmless. And by giving time I mean not getting married, not having kids, not making any crazy life changes. What does everyone think? Is an early I love you harmless if both people are on the same page?

Shogo (Coach)

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

Nice insight, Ben. I like where your head is at, Jeff. You may not feel comfortable saying "I love you" if you're not 100% certain that you love the person yet. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't say things that you are not sure you mean. Instead, say exactly what's on your mind--it's ok if you're still not certain WHAT exactly it is you want to say. Instead, say, "I think I love you, but I still want to be 100% sure before I say it. I definitely want to love you, and I think we are getting there, but I need more time until I know for sure. I want to be honest and not tell you things just because you want to hear them." Let her know that this is a big step for you and that you want to be sure about the things that you say, but that it will come in due time...

Intern Dan

Monday, August 6th, 2012

The thing about "I love you" is that it's so easy to say in the first few months because everything is new and exciting and you've got the hormones rushing full steam ahead. You can say it, and it might even be true in that moment but don't attach anything long term to it.Wait for like 6 months and after you've found things about the other person that drives you a little crazy. Then see if it's love.

Intern Dan

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

Jen, what were you afraid of?

Jen

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

Gawd, it's awful when the "honeymoon" phase is over because I've suddendly found myself stuck in a relationship that I don't want to be in....but too chicken shite to call it off. suppose that's why people are sort of looking for something better all the time....

Ben Hunt

Monday, August 6th, 2012

Jeff, you have to remember that sometimes people say "I love you" but don't really mean it, they may "lust you" but they don't actually love you yet. Saying "I love you" is just a phrase. Therefore, I don't think it matters when it is said, what you need to be looking for is, is that person conveying "I love you" by their actions. Are they doing things for you, just because they know it makes you feel good, without expecting anything in return. Are you able to open up to one another fully, without judgement and just listen to one another and share yourself honestly. Love is shown by what you do for the other person, not just what you say!

Nathalie

Monday, August 6th, 2012

Interesting video..yes we ladies do this too..hehe We definitely need time to get to know someone to fall in love and be in love.. Also, I believe we need to fully love ourselves in order to be truly open to love someone else..

donals

Monday, August 6th, 2012

why does someone say i love you a few times to other person cause they want it said it back to them and the other person say no you don't need too?

Collin

Monday, August 6th, 2012

This is slightly off topic, but I didn't realize how absolutely moronic armchair dating quarterbacks were until I got around my brother this weekend. All he wanted to tell me was your typical, "she's too hot for you," "saying that will never work," bullshit. Yeah, I could listen to you, or I could do what I know works. Idiot.

John

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

Hey Collin,, That girl you were hitting on was WAY too hot for you. (You're wearing a skinny tie.. c'mon!) And, "How's the tuna?" will NEVER work! :)

Collin

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

I know it makes me a hypocrite for having one on my avatar, but have I ever mentioned how much I hate skinny ties? Haha.

Intern Dan

Monday, August 6th, 2012

That always gets me too. Especially when they start using pua terms as well. It reminds me of that cheesy inspirational quote "While you're telling me all the reasons I can't do something I'll be busy doing it." Or something to that effect.

Mike

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

Collin, I know what you mean by armchair dating quarterbacks! I have a variety of them in my family...lol When I was visiting family in Florida, there was a cute gal in the pool. I was swimming in the pool. My dad signals me, "hey Mike, come here" he says. So I ask, "What?" He responds, "Talk to her!" I'm stunned, my old man is ordering me to talk to this girl...lol It wasn't like I was standing around for an hour just staring at her either, I was swimming laps in the pool. From what I observed, she presented herself as a challenge, she was in the middle of the crowd with her grandmother, and mother. When the crowd thinned out, she went on her anti-social phone. Yea, I thought about saying something to her, but you know what, I had a great conversation with her mom who could talk up a storm! She talked my ear off...lol She was also single, good looking for 50, she looked like 35 to me. I think her daughter whom my dad wanted me to talk to, should take lessons from her mom...lol Back on the topic, as far as the video, I would agree lust is much different than love. I have a friend who is at the tail end of her marriage, she dated this guy for two months and married him. Now she complains what a nightmare relationship she is in. Too me, she is drama queen! There is no way should could of loved that man only knowing him for two months! It was all lust!

Jen

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

Lust makes you do crazy things - all of my friends who married within a year of meeting of someone are terribly unhappy. go figure!!

Sam Spade

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

I think I've just got 'illuminated' , wouldn't be cool to have semi long term relationships, like for 4-6 months, and when the routine comes in, or the hormones calm down to move on to the next. This way you can be in love forever :)) Yo Mike, man i think you should try your thing with older women, if that what works...:) it's a joke, but seriously , i have noticed i can have so much social fun with my friend's wife's when at a party or gathering. Committed women find in me a very pleasant presence...

Mike

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

Sammy Spade, I think you can almost tell if she is committed or not by the way she presents herself. From my experience, most gals who are committed don't put up any walls like using their anti-social phones for challenging men because they already have someone. I can almost tell if a woman's taken or not (other than looking at her ring finger) by observing how approachable and how social she is. Just like the naughty girls, you can tell if she is naughty by behavior rather than appearance, because most naughty gals are not showing the most skin, if you know what I mean. Most gals who show the most skin, generally want attention rather than being naughty.

Maximillian

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

Hey Mickey, that is so true, if a girl is really interested , you won't have to do anything, she'll call you 5 times before lunch, she'll take you out for dates, she'll even buy you dinner. But this doesn't happen too often, and is not an excuse for not talking with somebody. I mean, you were at your family, basically it was your territory, where no female should pass by unchecked -if you know what i mean- your Dad was aware of that, and i'm agree with him. On the other hand, the presence of family members(i know it's a unlike word for a 28 years old dude like myself) can make me a bit shy when it comes to these situations.

Maximillian

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

As for the naughty girls they have the same giveaway point which is an awareness attitude , being the first person on a group who will deny a naughty fact. A general sentence they are using is : 'I don't wanna say that because i don't want the people to think i'm like that' right..:)

Batman

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

You have to go four seasons first and two get away vacations...

Jen

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

@ Intern Dan, I think what happens to me most of the time - I go through a long spell of not having a fella so I go looking for "anyone" to fill the void. Then reality hits and I've realised that I've projected my expections onto this person....they're just not what I hoped they would be because I was "blind".

Nathalie

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

Jen aww..Is he really not for you? Do you feel like he is not giving you what you want? How do you feel when you are with him? Maybe try talking to him about what you want in your relationship future..

Why You Aren’t Really In Love

About David

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23 Comments | Join the Discussion!

Cancel reply

anton

KC1

Jeff A

Shogo (Coach)

Intern Dan

Intern Dan

Jen

Ben Hunt

Nathalie

donals

Collin

John

Collin

Intern Dan

Mike

Jen

Sam Spade

Mike

Maximillian

Maximillian

Batman

Jen

Nathalie