Proper Farting Etiquette During Sex
By David Wygant

The other night I went out and got into this hilarious conversation with a woman about exactly what the proper farting etiquette is during sex. This came up after she told me she once snuck a fart out during sex and blamed it on her pussy (for those of you who don’t know, those are called quifs). But this blog is not about vaginal farting . . . we’re talking about ass-cheek vibrational tushie farts.

Look, we’ve all been there. We’ve all been fooling around, especially after a big meal of Indian food, and we start to feel the little tickle at the end of our anus. Everything is going well between the two of you, and you really don’t want to leave the room to pass gas. Not only that, but if you do leave the room to pass gas, it may trail its way back into the room depending on what you ate and the nature of your digestive tract.

So there’s only one way that you can keep this sexual tension going. You must clench those butt cheeks and hope to God that the fart travels its way back to where it started.

As this woman and I went into this conversation more deeply, I asked the question: “Is there a right way and a wrong way to fart during sex?” We came up with this list of the appropriate and inappropriate times to let a fart trickle out of your anus during sex:

1) When she’s going down on you, it’s not a good time to let out a fart . . . especially if she’s already really not enjoying it.

2) When you’re going down on her is not a good time for a woman to let a fart out. The nose is way too close to the sphincter and the blowback would absolutely keep him from doing anything else.

3) When you’re on top and you’re moving in and out of her, it may or may not be a good time. Depending on how loud she’s screaming, this actually may be a good time to let out a bit of air if it’s a non-smelly one. But there’s nothing worse when she’s concentrating than for her to get a whiff from your smelly anus. So if you’re going to squeeze one out, this is not an opportune moment, but one when you can pass some gas. Also, it is one of the toughest times to hold one in because as you’re grinding on her, your butt cheeks are spread apart and it takes some serious sphincter muscles muscles to hold that little fart in.

4) It is not a good time to fart when you’re locked in a heavy makeout session and her legs are embraced over yours creating a funnel. What will happen is that smelly fart air will travel directly up that funnel and into your noses.

5) If your partner likes to have sex under the covers and you’re both naked under there, I do not suggest creating a dutch oven at this moment. This is not a good time to fart because there’s no one to blame, and that’s a problem. When only two people are in the room and you have no dog, there is no one to blame. So if you have a gas problem and you can’t hold it in during sexual encounters, I suggest you buy a dog. And one final note, certain breeds of dogs are gassier than others. I have an English Labrador who never farts, so I blame my gas during sex on scat.

If you have any other situations you’d like to share regarding inopportune moments to fart during sex, or if you have a system that allows you to break wind during sex that doesn’t include a dog or a cat, please share your solution with all of us.

Back to the coaching, todays video is all about how to use the tone of your voice to make her sexually charged when you first meet.