I Need Your Advice

Stubby

Monday, November 12th, 2007

Hey David, I want to see you how you walk over to a woman you are attracted to, just to see your body language and that slice smile ;-) Energy/power management - where do you take all that energy?? Have a great one. Stubby

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Johnny Wolf

Monday, November 12th, 2007

Although I'm sure some women would take offense to using your dog as a demostration of how to train women to follow...I'm sure that most of your readers know you well enough to know that it was just a demo, and that you were really refering to women wanting to follow (on their own free will) a strong man that is confident and willing to walk away. Great speech that day by the way, the socallair members really apperciated you coming.

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David Wygant

Monday, November 12th, 2007

hey Johnny Yes i used my dog in the video to show that having a sense of humor is needed when trying to meet people. It is all about the journey and being a leader when meeting women. Thanks for having me speak last week....I had a great time and really enjoyed meeting all the guys. As for Daphne...she had fun as well and sometimes she ignores my commands and does not want to follow:)

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Bertie

Monday, November 12th, 2007

How do you respond to that age old question, How many men have you slept with? I didn't know I was supposed to count. I hate this question. Its a no win either way you answer it. If I say a very few, I'm lying. If I say, a whole bunch I'm a slut. If I say, that's awfully personal, or I don't feel like answering that question, then I'm hiding the fact that I'm a slut. It would never occur to me to ask a man this question. Mostly because I don't care. If he ends up being an important person in my life, I still don't care. The important thing is that I will be the last one he's slept with and continued to sleep with. I've often thought about answering it like this: I am an ethical slut. If it weren't for women like me your hand would be awfully busy, or you'd be into guys. The trouble is that seems a bit caustic. Oh how I hate that stupid ass question. I'm sure I have others its just that this one is annoying me the most at the moment.

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Gracie

Monday, November 12th, 2007

David -- These are all speaking just for myself, but I would like to know more about all of these topics: 1. Excluding a date situation, what are the signs that a man you see in the store, at the bank, in the coffee house, etc finds you attractive and would be receptive to your smile or hello? 2. Are there any "low pressure" yet effective ways for a shy person to show interest in a guy? Thanks David!! Great idea ... and thanks for polling your readers on this :)

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Shannon

Monday, November 12th, 2007

Bertie, From one gal who has had more then a handful of men to another, the best way to answer that is to not answer at all. That question shouldn't be coming up if he is a man who is confident with himself and his sexuality. They tend to not give a shit. They also know, that they don't want to know the answer. So, I'd take that as a cue that the guy who does ask that question may be someone not worth dating. Even though I am not an advocate for lying, in this scenario it's the only way to go.... The best answer to give since you have been married is: "Well, I've had a couple a long term boyfriends before I was married and then I was married for x amount of years. There have been a couple of boyfriends since my divorce. So, it's far to say that I have had more then one lover"..... That answers their question without giving a number. If they hound you for an answer then with a sexy smile just say, "next question". They will get the hint that you won't give a number. What can I say, stupid guys ask stupid questions. BTW, having had multiple lovers doesn't make you a slut if it is spread it out through the years. If it is multiple lovers in a 12 month calendar year, then you may want to evaluate your life and seek out why you are sleeping with so many men. S

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Kate

Monday, November 12th, 2007

Hi David I'd like to hear you discuss more about what men like ... in the bedroom (Did I put that diplomatically enough?! :) )

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Angela

Monday, November 12th, 2007

David, You talk a lot about confidence and good energy. I'd like to hear more about how you get (or fake) these things if you lack them. Thanks!!!

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Bertie

Monday, November 12th, 2007

Well, Shannon, I know why there's been more than one in the last year....

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Stubby

Monday, November 12th, 2007

David, I just got an idea. How do you (as an experienced dater/lover) describe amazing sex? What does that mean from your point of view? ;-) It might be actually a great blog to see the responses of the others...

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Shannon

Monday, November 12th, 2007

Bertie, Ok, more then one this year isn't something to worry about, but if it's more then 3 then I'd worry.

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Bertie

Monday, November 12th, 2007

Shannon, Why is the magic number three? I mean, I don't think it really matters how many for either sex. Just playing a numbers game, what about six? A month or so of dating to get to know them, a month enjoying each other....then things wane for whatever reason. Now that does not seem inconceivable to me. I just don't see it as being very important, and I much rather have lovers or booty calls even than have to play with my toy.

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CJ

Monday, November 12th, 2007

How do I draw men in? I'm not gorgeous, I'm cute at best and a little overweight (which I'm working on changing). So, how do I get a man's attention in a positive way and make him want to get to know me. I'm pretty confident in who I am (plus I'm amazing in bed and I give the greatest BJ you've ever had), but most guys only care what I look like. Am I screwed (And not in the good way) because I'm not a supermodel?

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Nia

Monday, November 12th, 2007

Hello David, I'm sorry if this is long, but it will tie into the feedback you're seeking, I promise. I need advice and want to know if this is a case of "he's just not that into you". I'm obsessed with a man at work. There are a lot of things that separate us socially, economically, culturally. Socially, we are on different levels: he's an attorney, I'm a secretary. He's white, I'm black. This man is smart, successful and smoking hot with a fantastic, outgoing personality. He's approachable and, believe it or not, NICE. Women love him. We bumped into one another a few times in the halls and in the lobby when we worked on different floors (I caught him staring at me out of the corner of my eye but he looked away as soon as I made eye contact). Now, we work on the same floor (but in different departments) and see more of each other. I always catch him staring me down. His face lights up when he sees me, he makes pronounced eye contact and smiles at me (and of course, it was reciprocated on my part). This went on for a few weeks and I guess I was anxious (desperate?) to let him know that I was open for taking this further, fully aware of the risks of office-romance-gone-wrong. I complemented him on his looks and appearance (twice, in a casual way) and he was all smiles, blushing and appreciative and both times he said thank you. Nothing after that. Now I'm confused. Did I make a mistake by making the first move? Do you think I caught him off guard? At first I thought that it didn't go further because he's married (found out he's not married and I didn't know his marriage status at the time but there was no ring on his finger), then I thought it was because he's dating or involved (I caught wind of a conversation that he had with one of his colleagues where he said he was on the market and feeling women out). He just stares and looks smitten but that's it! Is this just a sophisticated version of flirting? I don't think there's anything wrong with single adults who aren't legally committed to engage in flirting, but damn it, I want him so bad! And he isn't biting. Why the confusing signals? Is it because he's considered professional class and I'm not and that may be taboo? Is it because I'm black? Both? Is he afraid of "going there" with a black woman and doesn't have the balls to just say it? Outside of marriage (he's not) or a significant other (he's on the market), what else could be the reason why a totally outgoing man who's rarely at a loss for words (he's a lawyer!) who smiles and stares and basically undresses me with his eyes be so damn hesitant? I have run into this a few times in the work place, where men who don't have much contact with women of color outside the workplace seem interested but extremely uncomfortable with dating a women outside of their race. I understand WHY, in that people tend to be more "comfortable" around members of our own race, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating. I wish you would give a seminar on urging men who are open to having relationships with black women (in particular) to be upfront and honest and lose the forbidden fruit/look-but-don't-touch vibe. It's totally frustrating.

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Jessica

Monday, November 12th, 2007

"What is the one thing that still seems to be hard for you to do?" Confidence. The courage to go after what I want. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I was born and raised in another country. I don

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Stubby

Monday, November 12th, 2007

It's more a life question but dating basically starts here: "Defining/knowing who you are" - how long did it take, what did it take?

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kevin

Monday, November 12th, 2007

Same thing with me about confidence jess, and if you have an accent thats usually a plus, at least with me it is. Anyways, David I met an amazing girl randomly through a friend on facebook. This was two weeks ago, and i started reading your stuff a few days later. We have this amazing connection, and have the most chemistry that I've ever felt with a girl. We have only talked online, and live about 45 minutes away. It's only a matter of time before we meet, possibly this weekend. Since we have such a good rapport I think it will be OK, i just really don't want to mess this up. What advice do you have on meeting her, things to do, not to do, where to go, anything that might help me. Thanks for everything you do.

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nick

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

your advice in thse blogs and all the archived blogs have been so great for me. never knew that it was actually as easy as just communicating effectively and confidently go figure... well anyways i have been pretty successful going out on quite a few dates with different people lately and you go over a lot of entrance startegies what about on good ways to break off relationships copesetically so no feelings are hurt or good ways to make an exit when just casually dating.. im out of a long long relationship so not really looking to commit unless i find some ne that just knocks me off my feet.. nb.

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Joe S.

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

David, in the past, you have done situations and what not, and i really like those. I think it really helps learn the process of approcahing women, because than with your situation you can compromise with so many other ways. I would like it if you put more situations. Ex. your out with your buddies, going to see a movie, maybe there is a group of girls. you know? what do u say? its a lot different than apporaching a women at for example, a clothing store like you have talked about. You wanted to know what your readers want, you got it!

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Sam

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

Hey David, love your style, and I appreciate your emphasis on using your own personality not canned lines. I've been involved in the pick up community for around two months now. I've taken a workshop and read a lot of material on the subject and self help in general. I have found that I am quite good at talking with women(and people for that matter), my success at opening them is around 95%, I can keep their interst and I can sense attraction with many of them as well. But I have trouble transitioning to the next level. I do playful touching and all that and I recieve it, I just have trouble moving into or guiding her into a more intimate connection like kissing or something even more intimate. Do you have any advice for me on how to gage how far I can take things when I'm involved in a pick up?

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JR

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

with regard to the girls and the number of lovers question-- i think that if you are living your life with integrity, then you won't want to hide your actions. why do you seek the approval of someone who doesn't agree with your morality? a woman who have casual sex is not a match for me-- but there are certainly a zillion matches for her out there. -- and i certainly would not make a good match for a woman who enjoys casual sex. we all have core values -- and deal-breakers, one of which should be repeated dishonesty.

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JR

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

missed the typo-- a woman who HAS...

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Lexi

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

Nia: Sexual Harrassment LawSuit comes to mind as a reason preventing him from acting on anything while the two of you are at the same firm. What are your firms policies on dating co-workers? Clients? While it may be that the two of you are mature adults who can handle things should they go wrong, that doesn't mean everyone is. It seems like he has good work boundaries by not dating you. ---- Bertie: Good question re what number to say. I tend to agree with Shannon a man who is confident won't ask. I always tell the truth, and a guy who had asked, ended up cheating on me, one of his reasons? I had had more partners than he did and he wanted to "even the score". Um, what? Since when is dating football? I also tend to agree with JR.

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Lexi

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

* always tell the truth when asked by a partner or potential partner. For everyone else, it isn't any of their business. (I think it is a partner's business because they need accurate information to make the best decision for themselves, and if they care about that stuff because it is important to their decisions about their life and risk management they deserve to knw the truth.)

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darkpoet

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

i only have two things i'd like to see,like some of the others people on here, i'd like to see more on body language. two, I like to how to get certain people to come out of there shell,shy or what notl, when you talk to them.

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Dave

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

kevin--- Be careful. Online chemistry can be an illusion. Physical and actual live interpersonal chemistry can be totally different things. The reason I'm mentioning this is not to say that you WON'T like this girl when you finally do meet her.... hopefully it will be great. But by building it up as such a big deal ahead of time you risk sabotaging yourself. You want to meet her as calm, relaxed, maintaining your edge, and from a perspective of having an abundance of quality women in your life. If you do that, you won't mess it up. That doesn't mean it will work out, but you will know you did everything you could have.

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Dave

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

As for what I'd like to see more of--- inspiring approaches and cool "outside the box" stuff like the tick tack toe game (not so much to copy exactly but to give fuel for my own ideas). Also, more advice on flirting and escalating to the more personal and intimate levels after you've engaged them is always good.

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JR

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

2 Questions - 1. What to do at a wedding, when the girl to your left is quite chatty, but the girl of interest, to the left of ms. chatty, is friendly, but drowned out by ms. chatty. everyone is eating, so it's tough to move things to another location. 2. What's the best way to approach eye contact, when you're walking down the sidewalk and see a cutie approaching 100 yards away? 35 seconds of eye contact seem a bit much-- however, avoiding her gaze doesn't seem great either.

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kevin

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

Very good point dave, thanks for the advice.

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Nia

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

Hi Lexi, you're right re: sexual harassment suits. And I hadn't thought about the whole office gossip thing and how that can get out of control too. I guess I should just listen to people who say avoid office romance, if possible. Thanks for the feedback.

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Graham

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

Bertie- It's really none of anyone's businesss but your own how many men you've had sex with. For someone to push the question is extremely rude - and should be considered disrespectful and offensive. I've never asked it of a woman and don't really want the details. Where people get the ideas they should tell is beyond my understanding. Wherever did this notion come from that if you sleep with someone that that person has a right and you have an obligation and responsibility to enform them of your sexual history? Would it include what positions you've tried with each partner? Oral vs. genital? Whether you've had a threesome? Group sex? What about the number of times you've perhaps had some type of STD's? And what does this have to do with truth-telling? We don't have to answer every question we are asked. We are no longer having to answer to Mommy and Daddy. And even when they were asking the questions, we still had a right to keep our privacy private... even if our parents and other authorities claimed otherwise. For truth-telling with sexual partners, I think politely saying, "The number of sexual partners I've had isn't something I want to discuss until I'm more comfortable with that discussion," is a reasonable response. That is truth-telling. That comfort level with that person may never come. I, and we, have a right to our privacy regardless of the relationships we have with others. There are some things that are simply no one's business but our own. We have a right to respect our need for privacy and we need have our privacy respected. If we wish to share it, it is our call. Or, in this case, yours. As to being an ethical slut, I think of the question of someone asking about the number of sexual partner's edging on slutty. If we don't establish our own standards of privacy, and honor those standards, we aren't really being responsible to our needs for that privacy. That's when we're being sluts.

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Graham

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

Nia- You are sooo cute! It does sound you're being way too much in your head about this guy. As to Lexi's sexual harassment concern, that may or may not be relevant. Check your company policy. I find it hard to imagine that if you aren't directly working together there would be a problem. Well, on second thought... lol. It sounds like he IS into you! Your social, economic, and cultural differences sound a bit on the lame side, kiddo! Excuses, excuses, excuses! "Women love him." It might be why he's not hitting on you. If he's always had women "loving him," there's a very real possibility he just isn't used to making approaches so if you want to move forward with him, YOU very well might have to make the move. It would be good practice for you! hehe "I want him so bad! And he isn

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