*%^ Buddy Wanted By David Wygant

I have a question for all of you. Wouldn’t dating be far easier if you could just put ads out there that display your current mood?

For instance, right now in my life I do not want a relationship. My last relationship lasted seven years and just ended last November, so at this point in my life I really don’t want anything heavier than I can spin around once or twice a week.

I mean I have no problem hanging with someone once or twice a week to grab some dinner or go for a hike, but in reality what I am looking for is a f*%^ buddy . . . a regular booty call. This got me thinking.

Wouldn’t it be fun if you didn’t have to do the dance where nobody ever admits that all they really want is a booty call or a lover, and they instead go through a lot of pretend dating to find their booty call or f*%^ buddy?

Think for a minute about all the benefits that a f*%^ buddy provides:

1. You actually can use the massage oil you have for massages.
2. You no longer have to buy batteries on a regular basis.
3. The phone is used for business and not for sex.
4. The Internet is used for news and entertainment, and not for more perverted pursuits.
5. You do not need as much coffee in the morning.
6. Your overall mood will be better.
7. When you are dating, you won’t have that desperation feel about you because you will know you are getting sex on a regular basis.

This all sounded pretty good to me, so I then thought about taking out a full page ad on yahoo.com or match.com to assist in my search. What would my ad say in order to find my f*%^ buddy? Likely, it would go something like this:

“F*%^ BUDDY WANTED! I am presently interviewing for a f*%^ buddy. I am seeking a woman who is aware of her sexuality. You must be looking for a no-strings attached situation . . . and won’t bust my balls after a month if and be open to the possibility of our thing to maybe go somewhere in the future but have no outcome in mind! You must be willing to come over twice a week at 10:00 at night. You must love foreplay and really enjoy the art of dirty talk. You also must enjoy giving oral sex as much as you do receiving it. Cuddling is definitely one of my favorite pastimes, and having a sleepover is a definite must.

We can tell each other ghost stories and I promise to check under the bed and in the closet for the monster…..we will have a good old fashioned sleepover with benefits.

What I don’t want to hear is all your shit. I don’t care about your relationship problems with your uncle, nor do I give a shit about the problems you are having at work. You can save that crap for your friends. I promise in return that I will not talk to you about my family craziness or my friends’ marriages that are falling apart. If you don’t tell me about your friend Mary and her relationship issues, I won’t tell you about how shitty my fantasy football team is doing this year.
Ok maybe we can talk about your friends and their issues only if you let me vent about how pissed I am for drafting Travis Henry in round one:) All I want is something lite and fun we can save all the mushy talk and just enjoy the raw connection that we have.

I am a creative lover who doesn’t ejaculate the minute I see a breast. You must be multi-orgasmic because I have orgasm envy . . . so pleasing you is something that can definitely entertain me all night long. You also must promise not to ask me if I am dating anybody else. If I was dating someone else, I wouldn’t need you as a f*%^ buddy! Bottom line: I am looking for fun . . . and that’s it!”

And keep in mind, this may turn into something down the road but need you to stay present in the moment and enjoy each night as it happens.

Wouldn’t life be far more simple if we could just be that honest, instead of dealing with all the bullshit. Not only that, if a woman is only looking for a relationship, I would rather respect her wishes. Who knows? In six months I might be looking for a relationship, and I would rather give her a call when we’re both on the same page.

So my question to you is this: How honest are you in your dating life?

Todays video is all about being honest with yourself.

Enjoy and if you are interested in applying for the position no resume is needed…..but a test drive is mandatory:)