Shogo here with another weekend post for you guys!

As some of you guys who’ve been following the blog lately may know, I’ve been in New York apartment hunting the past few days. It’s my old stomping ground, so while I’ve been here, I’ve also been going out a lot catching up with old friends.

I was out at a bar last night with a friend in the West Village, sitting at the bar having a late dinner. We were there for about an hour. While we were there, I saw a guy walking around talking to basically every woman or group of women who were standing or sitting around the bar.

Now this guy was full of energy, really chatting up every woman in sight, using a lot of hand gestures and getting everybody to laugh and so forth. It looked like he was really having a good time. But then, on probably three occasions, I saw him pull his phone out and take down a different woman’s phone number each time. And I wasn’t there for very long—I left around 11pm before the place got too packed—so I’m sure this guy ended up taking down more phone numbers than that.

So this guy probably ended up with about four or five phone numbers by the end of the night. I never understood that. When I’m single and I’m going out, I never need any more than ONE PHONE NUMBER. That’s it. One good number from the one woman that I have the best connection with, and who I’m most interested in. This is why I basically never have a bad first date. Why on earth do you need to take down five or six phone numbers in one night?

There could only be two possible reasons why you need that many numbers.

How To Get A Womans Phone Number

One, you are planning on going out on four or five different dates. Have fun with that. Do you know how tiring and time-consuming that is? If you’re going out on that many dates, it’s completely mentally draining. I’ve done it. I could never give each woman my best, because as the week progresses, I’ve already talked myself silly and my head is in a daze trying to keep my stories straight about which woman said what. And I always got them mixed up. Not to mention, if you’re spending that much time dating, you’re basically doing nothing else. Your “hobby” is going out with a different woman each night and you’re not making yourself any more interesting that way.

The other possibility is that you’re taking down a bunch of phone numbers because you already know that 90% of them are not going to call you back. So you call all the numbers you collected and you’re lucky if one of them agrees to go out with you. The others just gave you their number because they felt pressured into it or because they wanted to end the conversation and go back to their friends. If this is happening to you, you really need to start working on having better conversations, making yourself more memorable, and making better connections with the women you’re meeting.

So how do you do this? When you’re going out, talk to anyone and everyone you want to. I’m all for that. But don’t ask for a woman’s phone number just because you talked to her for 5 minutes. Make the conversation the goal, not the phone number. Before you go out, tell yourself that you’re looking for one good connection tonight and when you find that, then you get the digits. Get the phone number when there’s potential chemistry. Get the phone number when you’ve bonded over something, when you find out something about her, and when you find out that you have something in common that you can talk about when you call her later.

One good phone number, that’s it guys.