Unconditional Love
March 12, 2009 
53 Comments
I got a ton of emails from all of you after you listened to yesterdays podcast on the it factor. For those of you who have not downloaded it yet, grab it here because you will need to listen to it to understand today’s blog.
Click here to play it:
Today I have a question that I want all of you to answer.
Do you believe in Unconditional Love?
Now I am not talking about loving a child a pet or a sports team!!
I am talking about loving everything about another person, loving them so much that you know in your heart and soul that you have met the person that you can grow old with.
We are talking having every need satisfied with them.
Great sex…..great conversation….emotional support and your best friend.
I think you get the point but what I want to know is.
Do you believe in this kind of love and have you ever experienced this and what happened to that love?
If everything is perfect and every need is met for both parties then of course.
However, I don’t believe love can continue and exist unconditionally if every need isn’t met. And unconditionally meaning something isn’t just the way it needs to be. At first we believe it can and we have to believe it and then when someting bad in the relationship happens depending on the problem love waivers. Maybe it doesn’t go away but it certainly changes.
I’ve believed in unconditional love in the past. And I’ve loved deeply several times. With exciting chemisty and I thought the chemistry was so strong it would withstand anything. At the time we were meeting every need emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually. It didn’t last because the chemisty wasn’t as strong for them even though at first I thought it Was for them….because they said so….. Later I wasn’t “the one”
Another relationship everything was not so strong emotionally but chemistry was wonderful and everything else. It didn’t last either.
doesnt exist in my world. but im sure its nice for those of you who get it.
Mike
Why does it not exist in your world?Do you believe in it?
And you knew i would challenge you on this my friend.
David:
I’ll answer your question.
It is because no one will ever love you as much as you ought to love yourself.
People look out for #1, and that isn’t you.
I totally beleive in unconditional love and that its something we all can develop for anyone. Its a purer love
free from conditions, judgements and expectations. The closest person i have unconditional love for is my
daughter, everytime i look at her face my heart is filled with that pure love, wishing her to be completely happy no matter what she gets herself into, i love her and always will!..You know its an undying love that won’t change, beacuse its not based on any terms or conditions. Its free of all those things and its based on
acceptance and wanting that other person to be happy!..
…I think unconditional love is what we’re all kind of aiming for within a relationship. A love that is so pure and beautiful that nothing can change it. There’s no expectations of eachother or wanting to change that person you’re with, you just love them exactly as they are for who they are. I’m in the process at the moment of developing unconditional love for myself and must admit that i’m feeling great, and sure that it
will translate into an unconditional loving relationship with a man in the future.
Also feel unconditional love towards many things like, all mankind, this world, nature, the stars, the sun, the moon, the sky, the universe, herbs & spices, flowers, food, music, painting etc etc… the love i feel for all these things is unconditional & unchanging LOVE! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I guess since I haven’t had a romantic relationship that has ever fullfilled me as a person, I don’t know what it feels like.
I have lots of friends I create this for and I give myself to the friendships easily. But romantically, I am not finding anyone that is my match. I often have friends think that it should be romantic when it isn’t for me and I’ve lost friends as a result because I won’t reciprocate just for the sake of experience. I think it damages an already frail part of our existence and I don’t need to cause extra stress in people’s lives. You talk about having this feeling for someone, which I do create, but you don’t mention how to salvage it if it is just a really close friend you want to make. That’s the part that I don’t understand.
For a very rare few, sex is meaningless and I am falling into that category. If it is meaningless, then I don’t want it to ruin a good friendship.
Friendship is the most important thing to me.
Mike, I may post rarely, but I do read every blog post – they’re all great! Anyway, the point I wanted to make is that its very hard to know what something feels like if you’re not prepared to experience it on some level. You write that you’ve had friendships that could have developed into more, but that you haven’t pursued them because you didn’t want to do it ‘just for the sake of experience’.
I can understand that you know when you’re not interested in someone, but this is a big hangup that you just need to get over. For myself, I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 24 and it was a big deal for me, as it would be for any man! I worried about it for so long, but when I finally ‘lost’ it, I suddenly was able to meet a lot more women in a short space of time. Something just clicked.
Fast forward to today, and at 40 I’m still looking for ‘the one’ that gives me the ‘It Factor’, but I do know what that will be when I find it. Now that I have had many relationships I am also able to step back and not follow every opportunity that presents itself – my interest in one night stands has finally waned.
But I think its important to go through that – if you’re just waiting for some big connection, without experiencing smaller ones, then you’ll never really know when you find it, or even worse, be in a position to attract it.
Hopefully that makes some sense.
No, I don’t believe in it. However, I must also admit that I probably don’t know enough about love to be able to form an accurate opinion.
At this point in time I just feel as though the term “unconditional love” is largely an ideal that needy people cling to because they’re scared of losing their romantic partner. I think it is a psychological concept that exists only inside a person’s mind and not anywhere in objective reality.
But again… I don’t think I’ve experienced enough in my life to be able to have any sort of strong opinion on this.
Peter, I definitely agree with you about experiencing the smaller connections first before moving onto the bigger ones. I might not have much life experience being only in my early twenties, but what you said makes a lot of sense to me. Besides, baby steps into anything is always the best route to go; it just gives you a greater appreciation for things in the end.
Unconditional Love is when you love someone without end. I do believe in unconditional love you love by the ways Lord Jesus has taught us to love this person you are with. The love of the flesh is one that has you confused for I love you today tomorrow I think about it and the next day I can not stand you. Loving a person unconditionally nothing they can do or say will ever change your love for them. Now I know there is a critic in every corner but who cares this is my beliefs about unconditional love. I know for I love this guy unconditionally and I am willing to sacrifice my life to be with him even if it means waiting on him. I have six people to take care of in my life and he happens to be one of them. If the sixth person does not start acting right there would soon be five. But my baby is still included. Any questions? There is a saying ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies.
oops before we get any ideas where I said sacrifice my life I meant to say I will sacrifice things to be with him. But only within reason. Even though I can not be with him that does not mean I can not speak or joke around with other guys while I wait.
Absolutely! I unconditionally love myself. Physically and emotionally.
I’ve done things that I’m not so proud of, that doesn’t shake my love of myself…. rather it makes it stronger. Unconditional love for another is more complex. If it’s truly unconditional that means that if that person lies to you, cheats, or abuses you that you still love them, so to take the meaning of unconditional literally I don’t think it exists. In a more real-world definition I think that you can absolutely unconditionally love someone, meaning you put your love out to them with no expectation of reciprocation or something in return.
a.movie – If you’re looking for a relationship to fulfill you, I think you’ll always end up disappointed. You’ve got to already be fulfilled and bring your own emotional fulfillment to a relationship, or you’ll just come to the relationship being needy.
One time I came up with this The Ships:
There was one ship that stayed at my Island until he left the port. Then out in a distance I seen another ship so I rowed out to it and I found someone on it. But I was only allowed to remain top side for he was the Captain. Then as time went by I got to know the Captain but I would row back to my Island in hopes one day he would come here and stay. But today I still look out there and see that ship and there are times I will row out to it for maybe one day I will be the Captain’s mate and be able to go wherever on his ship.
My theory on relationships:
When two people are together and the other cheats on that individual. Then the relationship is not true and binding. When we say I Do mean I Do not look at someone else and think I wonder how that person is in the bed. Unconditional is what it is: I love this person to no end and I will not no matter what it takes even if it means come hell or high water let anyone break us up. Period! I love this guy which happens to be my close male friend there are times that I will jump up and say his name or a big smile will come to my face. When I hear his name I will beam or light up like a Christmas Tree. But I look at it like this if I can spend 10 to 15 minutes with him that means a lot to me than spending no time at all.
YES I BELIEVE IN IT DAVID! It does exist. I’m buddhist and because of my spiritual feelings and center, I LOVE EVERYONE UNCONDITIONALLY! So I know it can exist, with the realm your inferring to here : ) I am curious about what everyone else thinks.
Justadjustit
So do I. I love people as Lord Jesus loves them. But the one I am unconditionally in love with I love him differently. I bet you believe in God is Love God is Light God Is Within
Peter–so true about experiencing the smaller connections in order to obtain the bigger one. It’s kinda like an assembly line as you take each part in order to create the whole!
Unconditional love, hmm..thats a deep subject. I believe there is such a thing as a person growing on you. I think I’m in that situation where I care for her like a brother would love his own sister but the sexual passion isn’t there anymore. It definetly is not the “IT” factor here. I do feel some guilt because I can’t give back to this person what they have for me. I think what happens is that time changes people and they fall out of love for each other in one or more areas of their relationship. In the old school you see marriages that have lasted for years but those numbers seem to be pretty small.
I loved the podcast – I was listening to it at 4AM. I do believe in the possibility/existence of unconditional love, and I’m not talking about love from or for parents, children, pets or religion – but between two adults and not necessarily mature ones, either, so don’t give up all you twenty-somethings! I think that the glimpses that we get as we go through life are priceless for a successful journey. Some we learn from our own experiences and some by observing others.
I don’t think that it’s a given from the outset…I believe that it is an awakening…a discovery that you can communicate without talking and feel without touching. I have experienced different aspects in different relationships over the years so I have no problem believing that perhaps as I evolve more, I will attract people who are likewise more evolved. But I have also seen people get lucky very early in their lives who were able to actually cultivate an unconditional love but only because they were open to experiencing the unknown and not running away from it.
you’ve gotta be kiding me guys…lmao
Yo David the latest Podcast was dope! but I gotta question, I met this amazing girl and two weeks later she went to korea to teach english and won’t be back till next February I feel the chemistry with her and I think she does too but how do I let her know about my interest and initiate that long distance communication?
@ Coach Kimberley – Absolutely! Another metaphor that might be applicable is to see a potential relationship as a new type of food you haven’t tasted yet. You may be unsure about it, but until you’ve tried it you won’t know if you really like it or not. Its all about perspective – one of the advantages of being older is that you’ve got more experiences to draw back on when making your decisions, but without the experiences your decision making will be weak.
Hi Pete, a similar thing happened to me a few months back. In September I’d enough of where I was living (Prague) and decided to take a break for 3 months. It wasn’t that I didn’t meet some great girls, but none of them had that ‘It Factor’.
Naturally enough, two days after I bought my ticket (and one week before I left), I met the best girl I’ve met in years. We only managed one two-hour date the night before I left, but it was enough to let me know my instincts were right, and for me to curse the bad timing!
I kind of expected it to be difficult to keep anything going on the basis of so little time together, and sure enough communication trailed off after a month or so. When I got back around Christmas I didn’t get any reply to my messages, so I had pretty much given up on it when I decided to give it one last ‘roll of the dice’ a few weeks back. Needless to say, I was both happy and surprised when she got in touch. She has a new bf now (which is why she didn’t reply), but following David’s advice from a month or so ago on being friends first, we had a great meeting last week and are planning to meet again next week.
My point is that you can’t really control these external events. Yes, the timing sucks, but that’s the way it is. The best you can do is to keep in touch, build what connection you can and see what happens when she gets back. I don’t see any harm in joking about how bad the timing was, but getting too serious would be a mistake (in my opinion).
I think the big take away is that you never know when you’ll meet someone who you really connect with. You definitely won’t find them by sitting at home, but my the same token I don’t think you’ll find them when you’re obsessing about it. In almost all cases I’ve met the women I’ve connected with the most when I wasn’t expecting it. Funny how that works!
I love it when Sandra gets “deep”:-)
Peter: Prague is awesome.
Unconditional love….Let’s first try to define “love”, shall we?
Still doesn’t address the people who don’t want that in their lives. I just want to be alone, why does everyone else think I need something different?
Mike, I find that rather hard to believe – how can you know you don’t want it when you’ve never had it?
If you really don’t want a great relationship in your life what are you doing here?
Dan, Prague is great, but it is possible to get tired of a parade of beautiful women when all they give you is a hard-on!
)) I know, that’s ‘hard’ to believe. 
)) Nonetheless, I’m just about to go out to help my Czech friend celebrate his birthday and to entertain his nice friends. I am a saint. 
)
David dragged my here. I met him before I knew who he was.
I don’t want a great relationship. I have friends who meet the requirements of all the shit you people are gushing about. I just don’t have sex with them.
But you’re right. I’m done trying to figure it out because it just makes me more miserable.
And since no one here, including David seems to care that unconditional love should be, and can be much easier to attain than people seem to think it can, why should I regress? I skipped out on all the diseases and the heart breaks and the missed communications because I chose not to have a sex life. Who the fuck cares?
David wants this public, so here it is. I like having friends who I would die for, but if sex is going to ruin that, and obviously I am not an impartial person here, then sex can go to hell with the rest of you idiots. And that is metaphorical hell, not the one from the bible, which I don’t believe in at all.
Peter confronts me and says why should I be here if I don’t want what you are all lying to yourselves about, yet in the very next comment he talks about having a hard on. You are a fucking hypocrite.
Open up a travel guide. Buy yourself a ticket and go to a poor nation and find a mail order bride. They are loyal, and if you get the young enough, disease free and still might have that magical hymen attached. Peter, Prague women are just waiting for you and your American money. Ask David, he’ll tell you its a great idea.
Of course, I’m the idiot who has to lie to the whole world and make one of these sexually repressed perverts think that their mojo is soooo good that he can have three-ways wherever he wants and not feel any guilt because he buys you a fucking pack of ramen noodles and tells you sorry, you’re just not my soul mate unless you let three other girls lick your fucking pussy while I watch.
And you want me to tell you, oh, I’m soooo sorry, I just didn’t see it the way the rest of you see things. That must mean I am the broken and disturbed on, right?
No. I’m the one who has to shatter a moral compass just to let some fucking narcassist control me and what I do with my life and it makes me livid. I nearly broke my hand today punching a wall in frustration. I know I’m not fucking happy. But none of you are either. We all die alone and with shit coming out of our ass. Why make it try and seem like it smells like roses.
The only answer is to live alone and honor the friends who choose to love me unconditionally. That is the answer. But I’m different, so I don’t blame the rest of you for giving it that old “human spirit” try.
and before anyone tries to tell me to be more positive and learn to love myself, I do know how to love myself. My self is happy when I have more questions to ask than I have answers to give. I believe so strongly in that we never stop learning that I tattooed a question mark on my forearm. And because I know there are no real answers, just fabrications of other people’s truths, I put an alien on my other forearm. Because that is all I ever feel like to other people, some kind of unexplainable alien.
The a. in a.movie stands for alien because I just don’t get how blind everyone is to who they all are to themselves. At least I can admit that I don’t know who I am and that I’m probably never going to figure that out because I don’t settle for easy answers.
I’m also probably the only one who gets paid to sniff around this site. So, maybe my association with money is why I am so bitter about how little growth I am having. Talk about feeling like a whore. I feel like a cheap whore.
a movie
i dont agree with mail order brides but everyone has a path in life and everyone needs to do what is right for them.
that is not my path.
but you and i and no one has the power to change people.
we can only guide them but we cant change them unless they want to change.
we can only be there for them and support them but we cant make them change.
each person is unique and everyone is fucked uo in a way.
we are all imperfect in a very very imperfect world.
we are all looking for something and even when we finally get it we may find a way to fuck it up.
A whore that lies for money and everyone says to him, “but hey! at least you’re getting paid to do something you love to do.”
And I have to respond. “but if getting paid to do what I love tunrs it into something I hate, then why is it still a good thing?”
Anyone have any clever answers for that?
David that’s what you get when you put out a public forum. I may be the most insecure person on this site, but I am the only one paid to be here.
a movei
how do you get paid to sniff around this site?
David, you know I think the world of you and your method of teaching. I’m just not looking forward to my latest weekend with OM. It’s going to have a very unhappy ending for one of us.
David, you know what I mean.
Mike, it seems to me that there is a huge fear of sex/intimacy that drives you. Its your decision as to whether or not you let that control you for the rest of your life, or whether you face it full on and finally defeat it. The fact that you’ve reacted the way you have just now indicates to me that something inside you feels threatened and is doing its best to maintain the status quo. Meditate on it and try and see what the real message is for.
As for me, I’m not ashamed to say “hard-on” – why should I be? I don’t connect the same feelings of shame to what is a natural male reaction. Please don’t connect all the other fantasies you projected on to me – putting someone else down to make yourself feel better doesn’t help. Making up stories only makes you look stupid, and I’m sure you’re not a stupid person.
By the way, I’m an Aussie, not an American. I also don’t connect with women who are interested in guys with money – not my type. I guess you’ve never been to this part of the world, or you’d know that there are some truly wonderful, feminine women here. I’ve been to the US many times, but I wouldn’t project what everyone is like based on a few random encounters.
Anyway, its time to leave this thread for today. In the meantime I wish you the best of luck.
Why is it something that needs to be defeated? Fuck you Peter.
I’m done David. I need a year break from this garbage so I can go back into hiding and live my life the way I want. You want a book, you write it. You’re a smart guy. I’m just going to wind up giving people the wrong message.
a.movie:
Get the fuck out of LA NOOOOOOOOW! Dude, you need some help….We all do as a matter of fact but you, after a Sandra like post carpet bombing you laid out here, and then telling us you punched a wall….I think you need to deal with some internal issues, that is what therapists are for!
Now if I could only find the cure of preventing people from getting freaked out from the stock market big drops lately:-)
Didn’t david do a really good post a week or so ago about all the monkey chatter that we all experience in our heads? a.movie, I think you got a friggin zoo jumping around in your head.
And, the latest news was a shooting rampage in alabama and then a student in germany shot his fellow students. What is the world coming to?? We all experience doubts and disappoinments in life, a.movie. You have the choice of suffering alone or you can reach out to someone else who is living in their own hell.
Oh DTO what can I say.
amovie
are you showing ur true blue colors again.
DTO
Take my advice and leave me out of ur personal matters I like it better when you practice getting to know people in front of your own computer.
I like Coach Kimberly’s “assembly line analogy.”
Unconditional love is when you are complete and your giving everyone your best self all the time..and that’s our ONLY responsobility in life! And their is no positive or negative action, except negative are things which you do from feeling selfish and disconnected from the Whole, positive is when you do something coming from the place of love, peace and connectiveness to All That Is and everyone else in it. And that’s the only criteria of life for me.
I believe unconditional love exist! But it’s so hard to define what it really means. For me, unconditional love is based on empathy. When you have such strong love, and care… for someone, you empathize so deeply with that person that everything they do is beautiful… because that’s what you would do to if you were them.
When you stop taking sides, when you stop looking at people from your own (biased) perspective, you can start loving people for just who they are… I guess that could be seen as “god-like love”