I woke up this morning, and I noticed that it really looked like it wanted to rain. It doesn’t rain in Southern California in June ever.
There is something here that’s called “June Gloom.” No, it’s not a bunch of desperate guys from the desert wanting to meet hot girs from the beach. It’s cloud cover caused by the hot desert air meeting the cold ocean air.
So I’m driving around with a client who flew in from New York whom I told to come here to work with me so he could enjoy the nice weather, and it’s raining. The great thing for him is that he feels like he’s home in New York . . . with the exception of not traveling on the subway.
So to make him feel totally at home, everytime we are at an intersection I make it feel like a subway stop. “Approaching Montana Avenue. Please beware of the bad drivers (substituting that for a warning to beware of the closing doors). Beep!”
Now for today’s blog…which is about being with groups of people, but in a very different way than being crowded in with them on a New York subway.
The ultimate trick for networking is what I call “the group mentality” (as opposed to “the one-up”). If you want to make the most of your time and stay in touch with all of your friends, you need to learn about the group mentality.
Many of us make the mistake of hanging out with a just a few people we already know well. Perhaps we go out on a Sunday and spend the day with a few close friends.
We invest eight hours with three or four people. This really isn’t good time management.
Instead, you should be getting six to eight people together for a two-hour brunch. In that situation you will basically become the master of ceremonies and, as such, people will look to you as the group leader. If they see you in this light, they will always invite you to the functions that they have.
This is great for the person who wants to network. You will start to notice that you are beginning to get invited to a lot of different events. Everybody wants that person who put the group together at their event, because they know that when the party gets slow or calms down that the group will always gravitate toward you.
If you’re someone who wants to meet a lot of people — whether it’s for business, personal or dating purposes — then you need to start using the group mentality. If you’re just continuing to go out with one or two other people, you won’t be able to network effectively.
The key to life is to tap into other people’s networks. The easiest way to do that is through group meetings.
great advice
Great advice indeed. I should start doing this a lot more myself.
I have tried this in the past and it just gets messy. I am the kind of person that can get along with everyone so I have three separate social circles of friends, but when you try to merge the groups they don’t always get along.
Absolutely, meeting people through friends is a great way to meet people as you will both have the social proof by being a friend of a friend.
It’s great when you want to be with a lot and are in the networking mode, but often I prefer just one or a couple of friends, as I really don’t like to spread my attention too much around.
I think it’s a personalty and mood thing too, as there is a time and a place for everything. I would be the type with a few close friends as I find that with too many you really don’t have the time to really cultivate the friendships.
I’ve been trying to do exactly that lately…and failing miserably. Why is it so hard for adults to make new friends? Every time I try to get groups of people together, someone always bails at the last moment, I think honestly just because they don’t want to go through the perceived “pressure” of not knowing people and having to make friends. Then I’ll get a call the next day from the person asking to hang out one-on-one. Plus, when I’m the odd man out and go to a group of friends-of-friends to meet new people, everyone is very polite but I get the distinct vibe that they would be more comfortable if it was just the people they already knew very well, and it gets discouraging.
Is it so hard to make friends as an adult?
Great advice! I will start practicing it.
Kelly
It’s not but people are often afraid of change and as an adult I find most don’t have the same need to find new friends as when they were younger. Don’t forget a lot of people work a lot and when you are finally off it’s nice to be with the people you like and not all the time seek new friends/people.
Coming from europe, culturally it’s different here as most seem to have a lot of people they call friends that I back home would call superficial friends. Don’t get me wrong this is not a us bashing as I love it here, but there seem to be a tendency to wanting something new all the time.
If your own circle of friends don’t seem want to meet more people and you do, try places like Meetup as you there can meet people of similar interest and maybe that way expand your circle.
It can be tough if you become comfortable with a group of people to make a conscious effort to invite people you don’t know to try and break out of your core group.
That’s true, actually – most of my European friends here say they make more close friends in situations that in the US tend to result in just superficial friendships. I wish that was different.
I’m making extra effort this weekend – I am going to a Lunch Club event on Friday and a dinner club group on Saturday where I will meet new people. Hopefully they’ll be good ones!
Kelly
The thing is you really rarely have only a few really good friends, you know the ones you can share everything with. Added benefit here is that I find more people more active in many ways. Let’s put it this way more Americans really know how to continue their whole life playing than most European’s.
I’ve always wanted to do this but kept giving myself excuses. Now that my mentor told me this, I’m gonna kick my own self if I don’t start. =P
You know David, I came upon a similar thought process a while back. I thought about the times when I felt like I really connected with many people and felt motivated afterward. It was always group meetings for 2-3 hours at a time. Factor in time management, and there really is no reason not to make this a lifestyle choice. Of course, that’s not to say a few special people are not worth extra minutes.
Keegan,
I do merge my groups… but the way I do it is… I introduce 1-3 people at a time to an existing social circle.
By introducing new people 1-3 at a time, you don’t disrupt the original social circle enough for them to get pissed at you… but you help them get exposed to the other side of you.
I like to go to the bike trail or just sit at a picnic table or go to the park and sit on a swing usually I will with one of my girls…