Hey folks,

This weeks “Dear David” is from a guy who has a problem most men run into at some point in their life. Yep, it’s the “Why no sex?” question. It’s from a man we’ll call, Mr. Y, and he says…

“Dear David,

I’ve been seeing a woman for about 10 months now. I’m 33 and she’s 36 so not all that old. For the first few months while we were just dating the sex was great. She couldn’t get enough and every night we’d spend together, we’d end up in bed.

Anyway, about a month ago I moved some of my stuff in (her suggestion) and now the sex seems to have dried up (no pun intended)

In fact, last week I stayed with her 4 nights and we didn’t have sex once. What’s going on?

Now I’ve started staying more do you think she “has me” and that’s why she’s not into it as much?”

David Says…

Ok, Mr Y.

I feel your pain. Although your situation isn’t unusual, I’m surprised the drought is starting so early. You’ve not even been together a year and you’re already starting not to have sex that much. Here’s the thing…

Sexual chemistry is the hardest thing to keep going in a long-term relationship; especially when you’ve moved in with someone.  For the first few months of a relationship you’re like to starving rabbits who can’t wait to rip each other’s clothes off, but down the line the intimacy wanes and things start to cool down.

Here’s where most couples go wrong…

They don’t talk about it. It becomes a taboo never up for discussion. One or both partners will feel dissatisfied with the way things are, but instead of confronting the issue, they pretend it’s not there.

Guess what happens?

Resentment starts to creep in, and that’s when things fall apart. So what do you do about it?

You talk to your partner. Ask her if there’s a problem, or if something’s bothering her. She might have things going on she’s not talking about. It could just be the sex was getting boring and repetitive. I always suggest taking the time to talk about bringing new ideas into the bedroom.

Find ways of bringing back that spark you had at the beginning.

How about you try:

Some role-playing

Using the odd toy with each other

Experimenting with a video camera. Maybe she likes the idea of watching herself back?

Go away for a sexy weekend somewhere

Surprise her with a romantic night in and a sexy massage

There’s a myriad of things you can do to spice the relationship up, but the most important thing to do first is talk to her. Don’t ignore the problem as if it’ll go away on its own, because in all my years coaching I’ve learned, it won’t!

It’s all about communication!