Time To Be A Realistic Dater
April 18, 2010 
18 Comments
I think a lot of people are really unrealistic. This is especially true when it comes to dating.
Think about this. There are 52 weeks and 365 days in a year. Think if you went out and met people every single day with the goal of getting one date per week. I’m not just talking about a date with anyone you can find, but with someone with whom you share a real chemistry connection.
That’s 52 quality dates a year. You don’t think that out of those 52 dates that you’re going to find at least one person with whom you really connect and with whom you will form a relationship?
It’s funny how many times people say to me, “David, I’d like to go on two to three dates per week.” Why?
It’s really all about going out every single day and meeting people. You can do it for ten or twenty minutes one day or a half hour another day depending on your schedule. It doesn’t really matter.
By doing that, don’t you think you can meet one person per week with whom you share a great connection? Don’t you think you’ll find that great and amazing person with whom you love to hang.
Don’t you think you’d find people along the way that would be great sexual partners? Don’t you think you’d find people who will teach you things and people with whom you can share things? Don’t you think you might find people you want to date for a week, a month or maybe forever?
So, really, keep your goals realistic. Go out there and look for that one great date every week. No need to worry about how many dates you’re getting. Try this for a week!
Click here to hear some of my personal secrets to how I knew exactly how to attract the women with whom I shared amazing connectionss – and how to get better dates and how to meet hotter women in the places you already go.
Well I can’t even get a date a week! I feel like girls are going to run out at the mall for some reason! There isn’t much variety here in my town. Once you talk to a girl in a store is it right to go back and talk to them again? For example I went to Victoria Secret and I talked to 2 girls who work there for a long time. It wouldn’t be right if i went back and tried to talk to them again because I already failed at my first approach. What do you guys think?
Hey Mario. If you’re going into the interaction with the mentality that “you need a date”, you’re going to give off a vibe of desperation and that will creep out the girl. But if you go into the interaction with curiosity to see how this person is like, then you have the control, and that’s attractive.
I learned this from David Wygant. You have to go into the interaction with an attitude of curiosity, attraction, and playful.
So when you’re talking to the girls in the store, what exactly are you saying to them when you go up to them?
I usually say something with an observation. For example in Victoria’s secret I said, “Can you help me find a perfume for my mom?” I just stayed in that conversation because I was actually looking for something for her. I just asked little questions about her like “Is this your first job?” “You work here, and you can’t tell me what scent this is?” she laughed after that.
Then I went to the back of Victoria Secret and just was looking around. Girls always ask you if I need something. I just said “Yea, I’m looking something for my mom, but everything looks if its for little girls.” I asked “whats your fav. scent?” She said, “I don’t have one, I got tired of smelling perfumes everyday”. I then switched the topic. Which is wrong I should’ve said a story to when I got tired of something.
So I just need to tell more stories. If you go to stores or girls. What is the thing that you say? What are your approaches?
When a woman tells me she doesn’t have a favourite scent. I say: Everyone has a favourite scent, whats youtrs? You can trust me, I wont bite”. This ofcourse with a playfull voicetone.
Mario, about stories, be carefull that you are not trying to brag with your stories. Women dont like that.
Some women are simply boring, that can happen also. You tried all you could, you talked with conviction, you listened and replied. But sometimes it just doesnt go.
Just move on to the next one.
Yea I get you farley. WHat im having trouble is talking to the hot girls. I can talk to the cute ones no problem whatsoever. BUt for example I don;t know if you know what the store GUESS! is. Its a store with high quality clothes and really high quality workers. They look intimidating because they give a strong vibe of confidence and have great bodies and can talk to guys. THat’s why I find it intimidating so maybe I might not be ready to get to that level yet. How old are you Farley? and yea I try to make my stories interesting and fun, I hate bragging.
How you set up the beginning of an interaction will set up the way a girl feels about you initially. If you come in with a low energy, asking questions related to work, not showing any interest in her as a person will make her treat you like a regular customer. But if you go in alittle higher than energy, smiling, playful, showing slight interest, looking her deep into her eyes, and making playful statements and remarks, will get her curious enough about you. The rest of it, is natural chemistry. Pick up shit doesn’t fuckin work.
If im in an interaction, and a girl isn’t interested (i’ll know), I’ll ask her for her name, tell her have a great day, and then move on. So easy to just blow through the numbers/
However, if she isn’t attracted to you, she’ll most likely reject you. This is good, because if she wasn’t interested in you to begin with, then you can move on.
Mario, it’s all a numbers game. Whether you’re talking to a hot girl, cute girl, or ugly girl. They are ALL the same. I usually talk to everybody (learned this from D.W.) and ugly or fat (or BOTH) women reject me too, as much as the hot women. It’s fucking funny! But it’s true…
So, just talk to them. Banter, and show interest in them FIRST. It’s about leading. If they’re not interested, fuck it, move on.
Hope this helps. Sorry for the spelling. I just don’t give a fuck today.
Sup guys, first time poster here. Great site/blog… I come from David Deangelo’s world, where I first saw/heard David Wygant and I’m impressed.
Anyways, yea I know how you feel Mario. One date/week sounds like a daunting task indeed haha. If I ever get to that point, it’d be amazing. I’ve gone on a couple dates so far this year, but haven’t met anyone because cold approaches are new to me. I’m 26 and have been in long relationships since I was 18, so I’m building my game from the ground up, most importantly the ‘inner game’ which is going well…
All of the approach fundamentals are awesome, yet still new and challenging to me. But I know I’m capable and time will tell. BTW, yes GUESS employees are flame.
Bruce welcome aboard man!!!
Bruce I’ve been working on my inner game hardcore!! I mean I’m really confident right now! Most in my life! Bruce just follow this. It gets harder but at the same time easier. Trust me, this things take time. Take small steps!
Farley I have forgotten about that! But thanks, you reminded me of that. You enter either the friend zone or the future boyfriend zone right at the beginning.
I still see talking to new girls at school really really hard.
Hey Bruce,
Same here, Im a David D fan too. I listened to David Wygant to talk as a guest on one of his interview series. Next thing I know I was reading these blogs and posting comments.
Inner game is important. Do not make what others think of you more important than what you think of yourself. I read that somewhere and it really hit me.
@ Mario:
I know GUESS, the women there are awesome. I go to a barbershop where there are only hot women working there. Sometimes I get intimidated, but I still keep eye contact and talk to them.
Remember, the hotness they project is just a mask. It’s all make-up and clothing. The are real people just like me and you.
Which each level of accomplishment comes new challenges. Its like a video game.
You got to envision the positive and go into action. When doubt creeps in, just kick it out and keep to the positive.
A famous baseball player know for its homeruns, NEVER envision himself NOT throwing a homerun. If it doesn’t happen that day, he doesn’t mind. He will throw them in the next game.
Hope I helped.
Thanks guys. I’ve been reading the blog daily and I’m sure I’ll be posting here and tghere. Looking forward to it!
Farley-
Speaking of baseball, I heard this comparison of success/failure w/ women in one of David D’s interviews:
Babe Ruth finished his career w/ 714 home runs, but ppl don’t realize he had 1330 strikeouts. Dude went up there everyday and took his swings!
Or like David W says, the best hitters only bat .300 or 30% and the best quarterbacks only complete 60% of their passes. That’s a lot of at bats and/or passes that are unsuccessful, but these players keep doing their thing and have massive success.
Farley, I believe you are mixing up your sports analogies. You hit a homerun in baseball.
Collin,
Lol, yeah baseballers “hit” homeruns.
Got the things a little mixed up. thnx for reminding.
Haha it’s okay. Everybody mixes things up sometimes.
Mario,
Why don’t you just go in Guess store and just do simple chit chats? The women at the Guess store aren’t any more confident than women in other stores.
It’s just the fact that Guess clothing makes women look confiden’t b/c it’s all very form fitted clothes. I go in Guess stores and flirt with those girls all the time.
I actually take clients every bootcamp in that store just to play with them. I’d tell the girls that they are now the official “make over” person for the client… and that the client is their live “ken doll” they never had when they were kids….
So the girls get super excited and all you have to do is talk and play with them!
Wow,
Im am making massive progress at the gym. Not brag here about myself, but just for sharing. The tips that David teaches really helped me in allot of ways.
I am much more comfortable flirting with women now. Just being in the present moment and enjoying myself. Having relaxed bodylanguage and such.
Saturday I was at the gym flirting with the girl who signed me up for the gym. I bantered with her for a while. I told her that I was thinking about her Friday and at that same moment she passed me by on her bycicle. Told her she passed through red light, and if I was a cop I would give her a ticket. She laughed and told me next time she will greet me.
At the end of the day(Saturday) I was walking back home from the gym, as she passed me by and waved. I yelled:”Hold up, let me jump on the back of your bike”. She actually stopped and considered me biking her to the trainstation, and she would sit on the rear end.
She told me she was a bit heavy.( that for an athletically fit woman). I asked her how much she weighed, she said she wasnt going to tell me.
I was almost home, so I declined her offer.
Thing is, I wasnt sure what I was going to pull off was going to work nor did I care. I just did it and the result was better than I expected.
Next thing Im going to try when I see her, just for fun is:
Greet her, shake her hand. As I am holding her hand, I spin her into me and lift her up by her legs with my other hand. To which I reply: You aint heavy, and put her back down.
It’s all about having fun.
There is this awesome book that David wrote and is available on amazon.com called: Always talk to strangers. I liked the preview of what I read. Think Im gonna buy it.
Farley, you gotta made sure you pull that off smooth. If it comes off as anything other than James Bond-smooth, you might freak her out.
Even if nobody else likes hearing your stories, I always like hearing a good success story. A good failure story is usually pretty fun too (not that I’ve ever been shot down by a girl haha)
Mario,
If you have a Victoria Secret and a mall it can’t be that bad. I feel that it’s better if you can work on someone gradually like a coffee shop or supermarket. A place where it seems natural that you would go on a regular basis. If you keep showing up at Victoria Secret I’m sure that you will agree, would be a little weird. If I know that I will see her again I never go for the phone number. I say something like: Wow, you are awesome,I am going to come back just to see you! They will usually tell me what days they work or when they will be back there again. That way she demonstrates to you that she wants to see you again. If she doesn’t I assume that she is not interested….Next
Also,make it a point not to be bland or forgettable. Many times I have bantered with a girl in a sandwich shop and grabbed a menu off the counter(for the phone number) before leaving. I wait 5 minutes and call up and ask for her and tease her just a little bit more. I keep it very short. This is the type of shit that makes her look forward for you to come in.
One more point,many guys think that the only places to meet girls is places like Starbucks,bookstores or the mall. If there is a girl anywhere and she has a pulse that is where you can operate. I can do better in Home Depot than most guys can ever do in Starbucks. Think outside the box! Go for it!!
agree with your points here. Maybe going on 2-3 dates a week at the start of your first dating is good to get practice for a month or two but not long-term. Guys get like this because they get uncomfortable committing to the long term. It’s the “pre marriage shakes” but even earlier!