Throw and Go
September 29, 2008 
16 Comments
How was everyones weekend?
I just wanted to share some thoughts with you today on the art of follow up.
The key is to follow up with everybody. This keeps you in a very social environment – it keeps you very socially engaged all day long.
Women should do the same thing; women should do follow up as well. Many women will not follow up with the guys that they have talked to, so in turn, the guys don’t follow up with them. You want to be able to go out, play, and just have a good time.
Even if you’re not interested in the person, following up is important because other people are always looking at you. Do you see how people have noticed us since we’ve been out here? You can see how people are checking us out, how people are stopping when they see us having fun.
If you’re walking through a mall and you see a woman that you’ve talked to before but aren’t really that attracted to, you can follow up and say, “what are you doing? Are you making laps around the mall?”
By either saying something playful or saying something based on what you remember from your previous conversation, the two other women that are walking in your direction will notice that – they will notice the woman smiling at you. This will give you instant social proof. Everyone wants to talk to the fun person. Nobody wants to be approached by the boring guy.
You’re basically building up your social energy. This is why I constantly stress how important it is to talk to EVERYBODY. You have to make yourself available – emotionally, mentally and physically.
This is where most guys make the biggest mistake – they wait and only talk to the one person that they are attracted to. Women make this same mistake. If you do this, you’re going to be so nervous that you won’t be able to actually speak to that person!
The longer you wait between conversations with people of the opposite sex, the bigger it gets built up and the more the monkey chatter increases in your head. You’ll get more nervous and the experience will become more traumatic.
Client: One of the techniques I use to help relieve the social tension or anxiety is much like you do – I compliment people or find something interesting to comment on. Once I’ve done that, I just let it go. Would you say that is a good tactic?
David: Compliments and comments are great because they have no outcome derivative. This is what we talked about earlier. Paying someone a wonderful compliment, like telling them they look great, basically opens up your energy. It’s like good karma.
You can just walk over to someone and say, “wow, that dress looks great on you” and don’t expect anything from them. You should never expect anything from anybody.
Client: It was like that girl with the tattoo last night. It was like the throw and go.
David: Exactly! The throw and go – that’s great terminology. This will keep up your social momentum, and it will also keep you in a good frame of mind. If you’re in a good mindset, you’ll feel good and you’ll stay open to opportunities.
Once again – the longer you wait between conversations the more difficult it becomes. You will start to lose your energy.
It’s a long day. If you think about it, going out and meeting people all day long is intense. By 7:00 at night, you’re exhausted. Let’s see what you guys feel like tonight at 8:00 when we sit down to have dinner. You’ll be beat.
This takes so much energy. You’re observing everything and you’re constantly aware. You’re fully awake all day long. Most people sleep through the day.
I had this talk with my cleint the other day and thought you would enjoy it….so what are you thoughts today?
David,
A lot of times you will lose your momentum if you do not keep being social. I personally feel that it starts to become a lot more natural as you continue to progress with your social skills. I make a point to talk to most of the people I encounter now, when I’m at a restaurant or at work..everywhere!
Any general college advice with talking to women? I know the answer but Im sure you could add more
I talk to them in line, in class and wherever I can, but sometimes I wont say anything if I don’t feel comfortable with the situation. For example, the library is really quiet so I’m reluctant to start a convo there…should I be if she is on the computer next to me? The college vibe is great though, Im real excited!
Dan
Why don’t you say – what work are you doing?
Her: Just typing up some Biology or whatever.
You: you any good at Biology?
Her: Yeah not bad or whatever she says
You: you wanna do mine for me Lol!
Her: No
You: Fine, Were over!
Or Open up a new page and write HEY YOU, WANT TO TALK BUT IT’S QUIET
IN HERE SO SHHH your distracting me haha!! (first get her attention and point to the screen).
Then if she laughs get write again, n point get her to do the same.
If you try it let us all know what happens.
A lot of truth here. It’s been said time and time again… more time spent waiting = approach anxiety.
This one simple truth has been stated in a million different ways: the 3 second rule, “talk to the first girl you see”, etc etc
Yep the Throw and Go concept here is basically about practice. You have to make a genuine effort to talk with everyone you see during you day. Even the ones that you’re not attracted to. It’s practice and a great energy momentum builder for those times when you will run into those few people you’re attracted to and want to have a conversation with. Not being social and not practicing will make those moments when you do run into that person your attracted too this monumental task where your monkey chatter will have a field day w/ your confidence. I know I used to do that a lot
I like what you said about being fully alive during this time. It’s such the truth. alot of us will be in a daze for most of hte day and wonder why we can’t sleep at night or something. It’s like the monkey chatter has taken us over and we’ve spent all day thinking and not acting. Theres really nothing worse than doing the exact opposite of what this article describes.
It’s all about momentum. Which is why I like doing the “high-five” exercise. You will certainly feel the momentum as you get high-fives. I wrote about this in an article about taking advantage of your momentum.
You can do so many great things when you generate momentum. The cool thing is that there really isn’t a plateau. If you feel that you do, you’re at a sticking point and you should address it so that you improve yourself.
Following up is a great way to generate momentum. Just the idea of re-creating a good emotion with someone that you met recently is fun and enticing. Who doesn’t want to re-create positive emotion? People will notice this and like David said, your social proof will skyrocket.
I have totally been applying what you are writing here and from the mastery series, David. I’ve been seizing the momentum and have had really positive responses! I have been doing follow-up too and that has been really great at keeping the pace going and the momentum. I agree with ya’ll that you start to lose the energy if you don’t keep it up. As you keep going with talking to everyone, I’ve noticed that my energy builds and I can sustain longer times of talking to people or meeting new people. It’s addictive I think!
I am so going to apply that social proof thing! I have been applying the compliments to people and I’ve noticed that they are spreading it to others as well! Positive energy really uplifts people!
ya the follow up is one of my favorite, because it creates momentum throughout the day. and makes me more outgoing as the day progress.
Reynold – that is the key!
This whole building attraction and social proof thing doesn’t happen at certain times. It happens ALL THE TIME! From when you wake up til when you fall asleep (and if you’re really good, when you sleep). Just because there may not be an immediate outcome, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t invest in it.
And you’re approach will give you so much momentum throughout the day that you body and mind will be more aware of situations.
This actually leads to the idea of “gaining luck” or “getting lucky.”
So keep it up, man!
Just to spam the wall quickly..for anyone who’s been to a bootcamp by DW, we have a nice little group on facebook for you to join! And if I can be a little selfish, any UK residents are especially welcome so we can organise a little reunion in London around December. Potential takers are also welcome to join
http://www.new.facebook.com/group.php?gid=26378129110
Regarding the blog, ask Justin(e) for his plastic bag openor : P
Hey Pete
I am going to have Rey pass this onto some of the guys who have taken a bootcamp.
My members site and forum is going up this week and its free for you guys for attending the bootcamp!!
I miss you guys!!!
That was such an amazing weekend with all of you
David
Awesome! I havent yet decided exactly who the facebook group is for exactly, but its going to be a cross between local London guys and whoever took the bootcamp. I reckon the forums gonna be a better bet for “everyone who’s taken a bootcamp” where we can label all our sticking points, success stories/FR’s etc.
And I cant believe its only been a week! Me and Justin have been texting/phoning every other day, so that helps to get the ball rolling a tremendous amount which I’m really grateful for, but it ain’t the same. Miss all you guys way too much, f’cking awesome weekend.
Pete
It is great to keep everyone in the loop and support one another on the journey,
i cant believe that it has been a week since the bootcamp
time flies……
i told you when we first spoke that you would make lifelong friend from this experience
things are great back in la………have to take daphne back to the vet tomorrow she has another one of those skin tags again.
hopefully it will be nothing and if it is another small tumor they can lance it and get rid of it.
what a pain but once you go through something once you really have a a much calmer outlook on everything!!
David
One lifelong friend is an understatement! (Re) Pete, Justin(e), yourself, Adam C, and a vastly untapped resource of people at the bootcamp which I didnt talk to properly. For example Eddy told me his story, which was so fascinating I still need to give my half of the conversation back! I used to post on RSDN, and all I see now with a few exceptions are empty user names and ‘sarging’.
I can empathise slightly with the dog, as I grew up with one who guarded me when I was young who sadly died. But I think your connection is infinitely stronger. Really hope things get better, and your semi-speech about kids and your dog really struck me. All the best for today.
And that last bit you just said is so true, I was absolutely s******g myself when we were at the first market and didnt do the first approach. But I walked into the art gallery socially insecure, and came out a changed man.
And that was all I needed right there in that line and a quarter, to get off my arse smoking cigarettes and listening to endless U2 songs on youtube to get my 5 a day approaches going! Take care David.
John,
I love your computer screen notes idea!!
Pete, David, all my bootcamp fellows,
I miss London and I miss having all you guys around and the constant energy we were creating at the bootcamp!!
But everytime I go out there and recreate that energy it all comes back! And I’ve just joined the Facebook.
Can’t wait to talk to more of you guys and hear how you’re all doing.
Suresh actually decided to phone me when it was 4am where I live… right mate? :p
I’d love to talk about how we’re all doing… not THAT bad… but I do
Hey Pete & all the other London guys!
Its been a great weekend in London, I agree absolutely!! I already had two amazing phone calls with Chris and Rogerio this week. Hope to see you guys soon, thats what it is, friends for a lifetime!
Markus