Stop being the friend and be true to what you want. Just like Mary implied, if you like a girl, try to date her.

Ask her out on a date. Flirt with her. Look at her like you’d look at a girlfriend. Turn her on!

See how she responds to you being “the man”.

The only thing you shouldn’t do right now is…. DECLARE your love for her. THAT usually doesn’t work. There’s a very specific time only that declaring love to someone works… and that’s when 2 people already love each other secretly and the declaration comes out as a relief for the both of them.

In real life, that doesn’t work. You got to turn her on. You got to make her feel sexy around you. You got to make her feel appreciated BOTH as a friend, and as a woman… from the way you talk to her, the way you listen to her, the way you look at her and the way you touch her.

I hate “hard rules” like the one you made. There are times when it’s OK to help her b/c it’s the socially savvy things to do. There are times when you shouldn’t do it b/c you feel she’s being demanding without reason and she’s doing it b/c she’s lazy.

If a woman asked you “would you please pass me the salt?”, are you really going to say: “no, go get it yourself, you are not crippled?”

Doing favors is all about understanding where you are coming from… and where she’s coming from. Is it convenient for you to do so? Is it normal and polite to do so? If that’s all it is, please help her out.

It’s all about reciprocity too! Does she help you out when you need to? If she does, I see no problem in helping a woman out.

very good comment, iv never thought of doing this, but when i think about it, it would stop so much heart-ache. for example if someone was just looking for fun and the other wants a long relationship, would stop the second person getting hurt if you where upfront from the start and say what you want
thx for the comment

It’s all about intention. Why not be direct? I’m a proponent of saying what you want right up front. Yes, on the first date–NOT 3 or 4 or 6 months into the thing, when you’re already attached to someone who’s not right for you.

The purpose of a first date is not to GET a second date, but to find out whether you WANT a second date. Is this person relationship material FOR YOU? How do you do you do this? You–man or woman–take the initiative. For example, you say, ” I’m looking for a long term relationship with a woman/man who’s interested in playing/exploring sexually, and who wants to grow and evolve spiritually”–if that’s what you want. Or “I’m interested in getting married, having children in the next 3 years.” Or “Right now I’m looking for a companion–a good friend to travel and hang out with.” Or “I’m looking for a sexual partner and don’t want to settle down with any one person.”

You can follow up by asking, “What are you looking for?”

People are usually horrified when I suggest that they take the initiative in this way. But it takes the pressure off of a first date and sets the tone for any potential relationship. It automatically turns away people who are NOT right for you. The intention is to ask for what you want, and ask your potential partner to do the same.

If a man or woman tells you they are looking for friendship, take them at their word. Especially men. I’ve found out that men usually say exactly what they mean.

Women, if you’re a “Maybe,” say no. Saying “No” gives you the space to come out of the maybe along one side or the other. Saying “Maybe” encourages a guy to hang around and be hopeful. It puts him in a very awkward position. Guys, if a woman is telling you “Maybe,” take it as a “No,” and understand she’s just not confident enough, doesn’t know her own mind, or doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

Men (and women) are self-sorting if you are clear about what you want.