Just a few thoughts that were on my mind this morning when i woke up.
Read this a few times and let me know what you think.
Have an amazing Saturday!
If you’re not hurting, then you’re not feeling – and this means that you’re thinking too much and not really living your life vulnerably.
To live your life vulnerably is to live your life raw. To live your life raw, you have to be able to feel and absorb everything that comes into your life.
And do you know what? If you don’t feel anything – if you feel no pain in your life – it means that you’re not living.
If you feel no vulnerability in your life, it means that you’re not really living. If you feel no emotions in your life, you’re not living.
To be 100% raw in life is the most amazing feeling you can have.
Todays video is a breakdown of an approach and a review on body language. This was shot on the beach this summer.
I don’t necessarily agree that you always have to be in pain or hurting, but you at least have to not be afraid of it. You really have no choice but to open yourself up to vulnerability, after all we are all vulnerable. The only way to not be vulnerable is to be the “boy in the bubble”, and no one really wants that. I am a very logically minded person (engineer by training) and the way I convinced myself to open up to this was basically risk vs. reward. High reward generally requires high risk, low risk generally yields low reward. If you open yourself up to being vulnerable (high risk) you also open yourself to the possibility of some amazing connections with people (high reward). I hate to break this down into such a cold way of looking at it, but it helped me to open up and maybe it will help someone else who is of a similar mindset. Now the question is what the hell am I doing in front of my computer on a Saturday morning.
It’s a beautiful day out, time to go enjoy it. Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Thinking, feeling, and experiencing all go hand in hand, and if you shun any part of yourself you’ll feel even worse in the long run and in the big scheme of things. Being vulnerable, being raw is a great feeling and a totally honest expression of being alive particularly when it’s associated with positive upifting emotions. It’s when you feel depressed and negative that’s when being really vulnerable can seem like a bad thing; as long as it’s not prolonged, then it can be a stepping stone.
I used to be all too emotional and negative and I was being my true self all the way. However, that doesn’t get anything done, is counterproductive, wastes time and personal energy for the most part, and reinforces a terrible habit. By garnering and opening yourself up to a lot of new experiences, you reshape your perspectives on matters and you become more grounded and mature emotionally as a result of it.
Vulnerability, being open, being raw and totally honest with yourself is the portal to enriching life experiences that necessarily make you into a better, stronger person that you were looking for all along.
David,
The recording of the original version which you didn’t get on your recorder is in my box.net account.
It’s the file called: WS330071.WMA
I’ve made a copy and placed it in the same folder as the video from Tiffany.
Rogerio
David I view what you said in this blog as this. If one doesn’t feel any emotions in life, especially negative ones then they’re not really living. There’s a quote I read the other day that sums this up. “The walls you build up to protect you also prevent love from coming in.” So if someone out there isn’t feeling emotions then they’re isolating themselves from EVERYTHING. Good and bad. We’re human beings that need to be out there connecting with the world. Isolation to me equals death, a very slow one. Playing it safe, being conservative, isolation mean’s your not taking risks. When you look around us people that have achieved great things in their, personal, financial, professional, and spiritual lives have all took risks. Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, every professional sports athlete, every self made millionaire and billionaire, and the list goes on. Setbacks are a part of the game of life. Hopefully everyone learns to play to win by taking risks and being vulnerable.
Thank you, David. Again – you have hit the nail on the head with this post. You are so right! If you are dead to the world, you don’t feel anything. That is such a sad existence and not one a person should stay in for even a minute! You had it right, Just Adjust It, isolation is a slow death — very true! Even when we are in pain, we don’t heal in isolation, we heal in community.
Recently I have been feeling very vulnerable, but instead of hiding like I would normally do — I am going to feel it and look the world in the face and work through it and with it. I am out there meeting people and the relationships are starting to go deeper as give and receive grows as the relationships are rolling along. Its scary and exhilarating at the same time to give so much of myself to people.
Interesting that it is so easy to feel all the good emotions, and distance ourselves from the ones that can cause personal pain. Sometimes I think the men I date have a few major thinking patterns that keep them from moving on from their pain, usually divorce situations. Instead of working through the disbelief, saddness, lonliness, anger, etc. they define all women as “good for nothing (fill in the blank). To me they are in denial… and they never seem to get out of that rut. It is so sad since many of these men are probably really nice guys, they’ve been hurt and can’t get past it. What a sad way to spend such precious and beautiful days we have been given. To them I say, de-nile is just a river in Egypt, deal with your situation and be honest about your part in it. You can only control and deal with your actions and thoughts. Figure it all out, then move it along and toughen up buttercup! If you have made mistakes that caused a divorce, then own up, buck up and learn from them. Everyday is a new day to start it all over. And if you have been hurt; feel it, own it, deal with it, then move it along. It’s a life sentence of loneliness if you don’t, or you become a fly strip for people just as messed up as you. Ick! You can get glad in the same clothes you got mad in, it only takes you, self restrospective and your attitude. We all can use a little tune up here and there. Some guys think that their situation is the worst that ever was. Us women have pasts too. It’s not a competition. No one gets a big prize for worst divorce situation. Us women who have worked through our past issues would really welcome a few more men out there that can offer a fresh start, because honestly, many of us are not looking to solve others relationship problems. We are ready for positive, confident, honest men. And some of us would rather go it relationship-free if the pickin’s are so slim and dissapointing. For men and women…. good mental health everyone… it’s a great start. And of course, David’s words of wisdom.
Adam’s use of risk v reward is so true, I look at things that way whenever i’m indecisive about something. I would also add some words of wisdom that were given by Steven K a while back, the “safe is death” mantra. If you’re living too safe, you might as well have one foot in the grave. We need to open ourselves up and take more risks.
Deb
I agree that one must feel their pain, own it and deal with it, but i disagree on your thoughts about ‘just getting over it’. Sometimes there is more to it and it’s not as easy as one would imagine. I think often in society men are portrayed as shallow or incapable of having much emotional depth. When it comes to the women we love however, this couldn’t be further from the truth. I have a friend who has just been left by his wife, she took the kids, and never told him where she was going or why. I think the men you mention who have gone through divorces, in many cases are just so overwhelmed by their grief and frustration that they don’t know how to deal with it and move on.
David,
The more I read your insights it lends more inspiration to my own discoveries in the social dynamics of life. Do you ever meditate after doing your asanas in your yoga routine?
I know we all feel vulnerable to pain but most importantly its how we handle it. The pain from a bad break up…pain from being rejected from having over invested in a MOES and on and on.
To use one example…Heath Ledger, great looking guy, famous movie star but the pain was apparently over whelming that he decided to end it all. Its really a shame!
Thank you david, for sharing your insights : )
Sam, I totally agree that losing your kids and having to deal with women that are so selfish and insensitive has to be a living hell; paralyzing at the least. Everyone, though, has to go through the stages of loss when bad things happen. It’s when a person can’t get past the shock/hate/hurt/etc., it’s not healthy for them. Perhaps “get over it” is harsh; apologies for that. There just comes a time when you go through a divorce or loss, that you need to deal with it, wheather through couseling, friendships, whatever is appropriate and do-able, and then at some point you need to move on and try to better yourself and your life. Otherwise, you become a very negative, unhappy person who misses out on life’s happiness. And as far as women who use their children as possesions and pawns against good fathers; these women need a lot of help. I have no respect for them, and would tell them so right to their face. In my state they have been trying for years to have divorces goverened by qualified psychologists, having lawyers handle only the legal court dealing, and the psychologist oversees the parents and especially the children. Neither parent is allowed to skip town or stake a claim on the kids over the other parent. Kids are not uprooted from their hometowns, schools, etc. And, the psychologist keeps the adults in line, helping them move through the grieving and drivorce stage appropriately. In theory it sounded pretty decent.
Deb
Yeah i understand you know, just your first post came across as a bit dismissive towards the situations men find themselves in sometimes and the difficulties they face. But you are right, at some point a person has to deal with the cards they have and move forward. The reforms in your State sound reasonably good. I think you’ll agree that for years men have been given the short end of the stick when it comes to divorces and children, especially by the courts.
I agree with David on vulnerability. We are taught by society that vulnerability is a weakness, when in fact, it is actually a strength. It involves taking risks by being yourself and transparent. To take the words of another, people respond with trust when they know you’re dealing straight with them. Vulnerability is one of the most underappreciated assets even in business and networking. It is about being up front with people, which confers respect and pays them the compliment of candor. It is about being honest, open and vulnerable enough to genuinely allow other people into your life, so that they can be vulnerable in return, especially if you’re looking to establish a deeper, more meaningful connection with them.
There is a difference between depression and sadness and without sadness our real happiness has no frame.
I understand what you mean, David. Being 100% raw is a hard thing to do for most people. Everyone locks themselves up and has these shields that they keep up to protect them from being vulnerable.
But, there is a rush of emotions one can gain by releasing themselves. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that it is fully living but you do open yourself up more and allow yourself to grow with the world around you.
John, that is a very important thing you just said there.
You always have to know and understand the downside before you can truly appreciate, know and understand the upside.