On Saturday night, we did something that we rarely do anymore. We went to a bar. We went there to celebrate a friend’s birthday after we saw Ray LaMontagne play in concert.
By the way, that Ray LaMontagne concert was just about the most exciting thing ever. He moved a total of about an eighth of an inch during the entirety of the show. He moves his foot one direction, he got all excited.
Every song sounded almost exactly the same, and it was one of the most boring concerts I have ever seen in my entire life. We actually left halfway through it because we just couldn’t take it anymore
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When we left the concert, we went to the bar. As we were in there, I kept noticing some things that are really funny.
I would say about 80% of the people look like they are not having a good time at all. They are just standing there (or sitting there) like zombies. They are either texting other people who aren’t there, or they are looking around the room hoping that they can talk to people.
Then there is another group of people at the bar (the other 20%). These are the people who look like they are having a great time. Â They are jumping around and they are talking to everybody. Â
It’s funny. We talked to a whole bunch of people, and every conversation was like a meaningless ADD conversation. Every conversation was one of those fifteen to forty second conversations in which you get into a topic, only to all of a sudden have the conversation kind of die.
It just seems like everyone in a bar wants to have fun, but nobody really does have fun. Â
Perhaps if you are really drunk you will have a blast. I remember being drunk a few times in my life, and I have been a lot of fun in a bar. Â
The other funny thing about the bar is all the picture taking. Everyone was constantly taking pictures. They take out their little camera and start snapping picture after picture after picture after picture. They look at each picture immediately to see if they look good, and then take more pictures to try and get a better shot.
Bars are really funny places. Â The other day I took a client out, and he kept talking about going to events and bars and so forth. I said to him, “Why bother? Why bother going to places where nobody seems to be having fun, when you can walk into a supermarket and have a casual conversation with somebody based on natural chemistry?”
I don’t know. Â You tell me. Â Do you have fun in bars anymore? Â
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Funny you should mention this, I was out at the bars this weekend on two different nights with two groups of friends. I too am guilty of texting people that were not there. On Friday night I kept texting my “girlfriend” and pretty much had a miserable time, whereas on Saturday night, I put down the phone and had a great time with my friends. I think it all comes down to being Present. Something I definitely need a lot of work on. = )
-Z
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The last time I hung out in a bar was when I was around ten years old because I remember going to wedding receptions at this convention center that had a bar attached. So a bunch of us kids would gravitate toward the bar since it had arcade games and pool tables. I remember our only company during those times were a line of old men getting drunk atop bar stools, casting glances back at us through the haze of their own cigarette/cigar smoke so we were easily the life of the party up until the point when our parents came looking for us and told us we couldn’t be in there.
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Ive been to a sports bar once we were there watching the packers play the vikings…besides the game, the atmosphere was horrible,the only thing i smelt was cigaretts & cheap cologne….i hated it some people were wall flowers while others just sat in their seats looking like zombies
it was almost impossible to have a convo with anyone there becuase i dont drink nor smoke,a lose-lose situation for me
THE ONLY FUN THING there was we played pool for almost 2 hours straight
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It depends on your mindset and your social circle. I for one, love going to hip/trendy bars/lounges with my friends, NOT to necessarily pick up/meet women, but just to have a fun night out on the town. Usually we’ll get a group of 10-15 people together (we’re all good friends) and go out and have a blast.
The other thing I love to do, is to go dancing at a really hot nightclub for the evening. There is huge difference between going to a bar and standing around drinking all night, and going to a sexy club to dance. That to me is very sexy, and when I with a group of my best friends (50/50 guys and girls), we always have an amazing time.
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The last time i went to a bar was in March for my friend’s bday. I dont particularly like bars but i told myself, ill make the best of it, be present and ACTUALLY have fun. That 80/20 number you used David is basically what I break it down to for society. I say 85% look like zombies or engulfed in their own thoughts, 10% are in the process, learning about themselves trying to live in the now, and the last 5% are actually there. The bar is a great sample size
. Thx.
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This blog really hits home for me David. I used to be a big bar scene type of guy, and everything you said its so true!!!
That’s why I just like the daytime so much better.
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The picture taking scene is so funny and next day you see all the pictures up on facebook or myspace LOL
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Tony-
Unless I’m mistaken never seen you here before, so wanted to welcome you aboard my friend:)
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Coach Jacob- Thank you so very much sir!
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Ok I will admit it i still at times go to bars, and sometimes its fun ofcourse after taking in few drinks, and sometimes it just plain boring, it makes me wonder why people really go there when they don’t really have fun in themselves?
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howe- well said if you don’t have fun, then people around you wont have fun!
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what are great ways to have fun in any places???
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Generally speaking, I agree with you David about bars. Granted, I think that there are three points that need to be underscored about bars:
First, a lot of people just go to bars because that is what people are “supposed to do.” You once said in an interview David that Americans view dating like a hampster on a wheel–either you pick up someone in a bar or you go online to match.com or eharmony.
Second, I think you can have a good time just about anywhere. It is, as Zachary nicely pointed out, all about being present, and going to places with people whom you have something in common.
Third, I hate to say this, but I just don’t think that bars are conducive to stimulating conversation. Friends criticize me for saying b/c it sounds snobby, but I can’t remember the last time I had a great conversation in a bar. Thoughts all?
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Craig, I touch on my thoughts about converstation in bars throughout this entry.
Mr. Wygant has some good points about bars, and I’ve seen his examples myself. However, I’d say there are at least a few circumstances that make bars an option. I’m a student and the bars in a college town are where a lot of people my age go, so its an option for students. The type of bar matters too. Is it a hangout, dance bar, sports bar, some other type or a combination of the above. I’ve been in places where the music volume is low and had good conversations there. Although the quality of the conversation was due to who I was with as well as my attitude at the time.
That 20% he talks about have a different attitude than the 80%. When I go to my usual bar to have fun and dance it’s usually a good time and I have met people there, including a couple friends. Other times I’ve gone out and my attitude was not so positive which changes the experience for that night.
I met the last girl I dated, for about a month, at a dance class at a local college bar. It being a dance class changed things a bit from the normal bar scene so activities like that at a bar can make it an option. As for the conversation with her the first time I met her, it was good, we both enjoyed the conversation. We talked about horses, a passion of hers and an avid interest for me. We danced, talked a bit, danced, went outside to cool off and that was a good place to talk as well. The music volume was a hinderance to conversation, but not a killer. I think the variety provided by the bar between dancing, talking, and when I walked away a few times to give her some space, so I mingled with the people I new there, made it easier for me talk with her.
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Coach Jacob-
How u been? I havnt seen you here in a while.
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Charles-
I feelin good, I just got back from east coast bootcamp tour, and met some amazing people along the journey! The blog is so much fun its too bad sometimes I am not able to reach everyone here.
anyway…how are you doing man?
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CJ-
Im feeling good too. This blog and reading people’s comments has definitely helped on this hard but amazing journey. Speaking of east coast, do any of you plan on doing a Miami bootcamp?
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Charles- whenever you are ready say “go” and we will be there for your rescue:)
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Jacob- if you really go to Miami let me know? I will be there a month from now for 3weeks.
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Sure will Howe. You going there for the holidays?
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ya going to visit some families.
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nice howe! I like how this blog always seem to turn into a chat room.
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CJ-
In that case ‘go’. Im ready. Lol. Let me know when you land. Thx
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well, david.. to be honest there’s is no fun to me anymore heading to the bar. why?? i feel awkward…and routine. people tend to go to the bar to have fun with the boom…boom music.are they really having fun or the other way around??most of them not at all.further more i just hate screaming to each other when the music play loud.i mean when i’m talking with my friend or just haapen to meet other people in the bar.
these day… going to the bar just a routine.
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Rick–great question. To me having fun is all about your energy. It doesn’t really matter where you are..the bar, grocery store or beach it’s about making your own fun. I love seeing guys having fun and being playful..it’s very attractive!
Charles–I feel a Miami bootcamp coming on. If you build it, we shall come!
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There are some bars where the music is good old fashioned rock-n-roll, not too loud and I can walk up and talk to just about anyone and have a good time. I can usually have a lot of fun flirting with the girls I meet there, and it’s one of the few places where there are a lot of girls to meet, all in one place. (Sorry David, the grocery store just doesn’t cut it.) I avoid the dance clubs where the music is loud and the place is too hot, if I can’t talk to anyone and all I do is stand around and break a sweat, it gets boring fast! So it really depends on the bar.
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I definitely used to go through the motions of being part of the 80% at a bar. One of the best times I had at one though was for Valentine’s Day…it was a lock and key party where you had to find your match. It made things so natural to walk up to anyone and get a conversation started. Plus, I actually found my match and won a free watered-down drink!
When I was the 80% guy, I used to wonder why people weren’t so receptive and likewise didn’t understand what I was doing right when people would approach me as the 20% guy. For example, this one night I wasn’t having such a good time so a buddy and me grabbed a drink, sat down, and people watched. As we were laughing and having a good time, all these girls we were interested in would come up and ask us, “What’s so funny?” It turns out they were having an even lousier time until they met us!
Since reading this blog, I’ve focused on my energy level if I decide to go to a bar/club. Great advice!
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I agree that there are other places to go besides bars for fun. But if you look at people everywhere you go, you see people not looking like they are having fun or happy. Like at the grocery store or the cafe. David, you always criticize bars but bars can be really really fun. It’s all about your attitude and David, you have a bad attitude about bars.
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Although I rarely go to bars anymore, I admit that when I do go I am amongst the 20% who have fun. Possibly because I am there to enjoy myself and my friends, laugh, dance, hear good music and enjoy a drink. Notice I didn’t say to meet someone. I stopped shopping the bars for companionship years ago which is why I don’t feel inclined to spend my life there. I think the 80% who are bored go to bars hoping to meet that special someone either for that night or for life, and when they don’t they get disappointed and disengage themselves instead of just leaving.
People like that haven’t realized yet that rarely bars are a good place to meet someone because its so artificial, I’d take your advice and be more inclined to meet someone by chance in the supermarket. But, outside of the occasional dance, and drink Bars aren’t that appealing to me anymore.
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TK-
Oh ok great. I shall build a team. Also I thought about the questions you asked for the dating recycler. Let me know how to reach you.
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This was a great discussion on here on this post. Thank you Brandon for providing me (and others of course) a different perspective on bars. I agree with you that if you are a student in, say, a college town, the bars might be a great place to meet up with other students. I overlooked that.
I guess I’m biased against bars since I don’t like to drink and I hate to be surrounded by cigarette smoke or people who smell like it.
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I actually don’t mind bars.
It’s definitely not my favorite place to go just to have fun. I’d rather go to an event… some art walk then go by a bar to have a drink but I never pick a bar as THE place to go to have fun.
I prefer lounges.
I’ll say this though… if you have the right mindset and you understand what bars are for, bars can be actually pretty fun.
A couple weeks ago, I went to happy hour with 3 girls + my g/f… and I have to say, it was probalby the most fun I’ve had at a bar in a while. The girls just know how to entertain themselves and keep the energy up.
When you are with that kind of fun people, ANYTHING is fun!
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Charles–I’d be all in favor of a Bootcamp in Miami. I live in Winter Park, FL, a suburb of Orlando. But it is a matter of timing for me b/c I’m in between jobs and might be moving to another part of the State.
Regardless, I’d love to help you out organizing one if you want. You can reach me at rollecdatgmail.com
Craig
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Craig- Most definetely. I will email you so we can get it going. Thx for your offer.
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Charles-
I land right after you sign-up:)
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Craig-
I was in Winter Park more than few weeks ago, some of the houses were just beautiful and great restaurants!
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Paul-
This seems to me David’s observation about bars and plus he is used to own few bars back in the days so I’m sure he knows what he is talking about, just a thought!
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T.K- Thanks for the reply it makes sense!!!
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You are so right David. Bars are not a fun place. People don’t even try to sociolize, even the women. Sometimes the women will be like circling around the bar, touching my back with the “excuse me” and then on.
I always tell my friend that bars is not the best way to meet people who are down to earth and open for a great conversations.
I think one reason is because people come in with an mission (stick it in, or get hammered tonight), and since they’re in that tension level, it makes them more nervous.
oh well, what can I say???? better stay home and beat myself up till I explode than waste $5 dollars going to a place where you won’t even enjoy yourself, huh? lol ahaahahaha
p.s: Don’t get too excited people!!! I know y’all have such a dirty mind…………………..
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Hmm…interesting observation David. I stumbled onto your blog about a month ago and have to say that you have some really useful advice. I think that it depends on the type of person you are. I rarely go to bars since I turned 25, but enjoyed them prior to that. A big part of that was socializing with a heavy drinking crowd that knew how to be the life of a party. I actually used to put money down on the bar and offer to pay anyone who could finish an Irish Car Bomb before me $20. It always gathered a crowd, I never lost, and people actually began paying for my drinks just to watch me down them with superhuman speed. Given the inherent unhealthiness of that practice, it stopped after my college days. When not drunk, I soon realized that bars were a terribly boring place to spend one’s time. There are two exceptions to this rule:
1. Holidays – Valentine’s Day was mentioned above. I recently went out for halloween dressed as a 6 ft beer bottle and beautiful women were walking right up to me and begging to take pictured and talk to me.
2. Professional conferences – I have had a great time at bars when at a large conference as you are bound to run into people in your industry with a least one common interest. In fact, I think attending conferences any field in which you have an interest is a great way to meet intelligent women.
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