The Wedding Zinger
May 19, 2009 
39 Comments
I think I’m smelling a theme here. Saturday we were full of bullshit, yesterday we had an ‘ass on,’ and today I’m off to get my physical (and I think we’re all well aware of what will happen there!)
The Discovery Channel has Shark Week. Is this going to be “Ass Week” here? Is the week before Memorial Day going to annually be “Ass Week?” If you really think about it, it already is.
Women are in the gym working on their ass and trying to get it ready for bikini season. Men are in the gym checking out all the women’s asses. Women are also going to be going out shopping for an outfit for all the Memorial Day barbecues going on, and they will all be asking their friends “Does my ass look fat in this?”
So now I think that from this year forward, the week before Memorial Day will be “Ass Week” on the blog. In keeping with this new tradition, tomorrow I will have a podcast all about how not to be an ass when you’re out meeting women.
Also, if you want a nice preview of “Ass Week,” check out this great ass-related blog from times past:
With June Around the corner and I am sure some of you have to endure a wedding or two, lets talk about the ultimate wedding gift to every couple I know getting married. You’ll never guess what it is.
I go to a sex toy shop and put together what I call “The Lover’s Package.” I get them the best G-spot stimulator/vibrator, the best clitoral ring, outfits to wear, handcuffs, silk handkerchiefs to tie each other up…
You and I both know that after a long time with someone, sex may need some creativity.
Not only that, but this is the only wedding present that they’re ever going to remember!
I give this gift to every single person that is getting married. I’ll spend $100 or $150 and get them some stuff that they will actually use!
lol remind me not to invite you to any of my close family members’ weddings :p
Tell me your joking! Otherwise i’m gonna die from laughter. Has anyone ever called you a pervert when you do.
Great idea, hmm just one thing how do I explain these toys to my kids…when they give it to their brother, who is getting married in Malibu later this year.
Mmmm… my best friend gets married on October… a naughty gift…
David, you just made my day with this post!
I’ve been seeing a whole bunch of Yes women lately. Including a few this afternoon.
This one blonde in particular at a cafe with her bf. She’s obviously been in the gym working on not only her ass but everything else too. She was playfully flexing her arms to show off to him and flirting with him. All the while I was thinking that she’s welcome to sit in my lap and play anytime. She was wearing tight faded jeans and a yellow tank top with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Nice bod, pretty face, a definite Yes.
And as for that Lover’s Package wedding gift you give your friends. It’s pretty safe to say they won’t be forgetting THAT gift.
That reminds me of a bachelorette party cake a friend once showed me who worked at a bakery. I don’t think the bride to be will ever forget that cake either. I don’t know what flavor it was, didn’t want to know, but it was very tall and uh…..erect.
Note to self:
Invite David to my wedding
Hey sex gifts are not a bad thing also will there be a bunch of women on the beach looking for guys boy i would love to see some guys in a tight pair of swimming trunks that brings one thing to mind how about a game of tackle with the guy that you are with. Let me set the pace the man and woman go out on beach of their house and no one is around and she waiting for him to come out in those tight ass trunks he goes by and all of a sudden she tackles him from behind reaching for the crotch area. This is where the wrestling begins. Do anyone of you know where I can find a nudist beach…
Dave off the blog
I heard that Callie had some Earthquakes the past couple of days I was informed by my daughter hope all is well with you and the family. She lives in LA in Hawthorne Area.
In the next blog we should talk about male prostate stimulation, you know, so we can do this “ass week” right!
I really think that “ass week” will require a follow-up…not unlike member e-mail reply days or even shark week.
That is such a creative gift DW:)
chilly water- what is prostate stimulation thing you are talking about? I am now curious:)
Taz or Jamie- I don’t think David is joking he is serious:)
I got few weddings lined up to go soon, now I know exactly what to get them, thanks for sharing LOL
CJ- any tips on how crash the weddings? Is that what you planing to do? LOL
howe- i don’t crash weddings you want to learn to do that watch wedding crashers more than once:)
ya should def. talk about male prostate stimulation in the next blog like chilliwater mentioned:)
David-
how is your glutes are doing now?
I need to get me the lovers package lol
It seems like howe just always want to pick every women up or what LOL
Sandra-
the nudist beach is right behind my house or in my backyard you are welcome to come whenever:)
i will put up my tight pair of swimming trunks and then we let the game begin shall we?
Vince you need to get some p…y soon LOL
Marina- great question now I am curious how you really going to explain it to them:)
All i need to buy now is some handcuffs, anyone here experiment with handcuffs before want to share you experience or any tips?
The whole sex toy thing is very new to me, where do I start David or anyone?
What blog is after the ass week? Is it going to be penis blog next LOL
tony888= what kind of women are you attracted to?
David you are so right- that is exactly what i am working on right now, my diet and my butt;)
Julia- what kind of excericses are you doing to work that butt of yours
so howe now you want to learn how get nice round butt or you are curious what Julia’s butt look like:)
so howe now you want to learn how get nice round butt or you are curious what Julia’s butt look like:)
David, when I get married in, like, a decade… I’m inviting you to my wedding.
Noah
Howe
You still have my vote you sexy guy you.
howe
will u make my dreams come true if i came over to ur nudist camp just think marathon sex first i need to get into my nemphomaniac suit do you remember the movie with Cheech and Chong where Chong decided to get a hold of this one woman and when he went outside the room she came out and said honey where are u going and he looked at Cheech like help me she is killing me.
Jeffery
More like cock catching pussy blog next week who knows
Meow
Porn Shops in your neighborhood but be sure you have your id ready when you go in for I know I have visited several in my lifetime. Did you know Wal Mart sells sex pleasure stuff like wet and etc. Not the sex toys but you can get a vibrator and use it as a sex toy.
One time I was in the back with a bottle and one of my male friends was standing and the bottle said sexual pleasure to be used on a woman’s clit. He wanted to look at it and I said in a joking way you don’t need to see this and it is not for virgin eyes to see. So he asked to put it up and I gave it to him and said figure out where it goes and left. Later he came up to me and said I know where it goes and gave me a look like he might want to try it one day. I got this one as well but before he came up to me the women in the break room had a Vogue magazine and in it had a pic of a man naked with zebra stripes. Well they would not let him look at so he found me and told me about it and I said I thought guys did not want to look at other guys nude and I said to him next time they do that just go and get the magazine and look at it. Then I said to him go and look for yourself and is there something you are not telling me and he said I am not interested. I also told him that women don’t like to discuss things like that with guys.
DickFitsSoWell
I did not know you were into slave and master wanna have some male and female oil wrestling to see who is going to be a slave to the winner.
I have never bought naughty gifts for weddings… but what I love to do is bring my more conservative… or less sexually open friends to the sex shop.
I love seeing their eyes widen at the breadth… and variety of toys. Their curiosity always gets the best out of them.
Do they make sex toys for us small guys?…..LOL!….