Here is an experiment I did one time with a friend in a bar. Coach Jacob and I just stood in one place, but we had an animated conversation. We were just having a good time. We stood right in the middle of the bar – so that everyone in the bar was standing around us – and just talked animatedly.
And women started coming over to us, asking, “What are you guys talking about?” We’d say, “Look, I’ll meet with you in five minutes; we just have to finish this conversation.” I would push them away a little bit, which would intrigue them a little bit more. In a bar, you can be very playful like that.
So after a few minutes, I looked at one woman and kind of waved her over. She came over and asked, “What?” and I said, “You were curious about what we were talking about, and I want to tell you.” Then I explained what it was we were talking about. “We were just discussion life and the nature of spirituality…” and she just stood there with her mouth wide open.
So then I looked at her and asked, “So tell me, how do you feel about this?” and for five minutes she went off on a tangent, full of passion and emotion, just like I did. She was mimicking my body language the entire time.
Most guys at bars are thinking about what the woman’s body language says. Who cares! It’s your body language that will attract other people.
So once I got her all full of passion, I asked her, “Are those your friends?” She said they were. “Alright, bring them over. We need more people’s opinions.” We had ten people – two of us, and eight girls – all sitting there and talking about spirituality and what it means to be alive. We had the most amazing conversation.
When we left, they all looked at us and said, “This was the greatest experience we’ve ever had in a bar!” It was the first time they’d ever had a real conversation at a bar.
It all comes from you putting yourself in the middle of that bar and saying to yourself: I will be the center of attention in this room tonight. I will talk to my friend and pull over whomever I want in this room!
Wait, I thought you didn’t like bars David? haha Does this mean you’re getting tired of Whole Foods
This just goes to show that it really is ALL about us and we can no longer blame others for our lack of success in making connections – even in a bar!
Hey was this a dance bar…One night I went to Zazoo’s no I did not drink anything for I was the one who drive us home…Well I noticed there was a dance floor next thing I know I was dancing up a storm with this guy and then certain songs the floor became full…sorry I was married at the time so I danced with my husband. Anyone seen a pole dance…
Oh My God! David. So true… so true indeed. I had a similar encounter last year. My college friend and I were celebrating the end of the semester at a bar. The place was packed and the only available empty seats were a couple of rather comfy looking chaise longues in the center of the bar. I’m guessing the remaining chairs were too unusual in appearance from the rest and also too exposed. Nevertheless we took our seats, ordered a couple of drinks and celebrated the night away regardless. We had an animated conversation about everything.
*Understand this was an evening not about talking to strangers, but for the both of us to bond, joke around, and reflect on work and college.
For the five hours we were there, we noticed a crowd of 7 attractive women checking us out and giving us eye contact. I didn’t think much about it, primarily because they were older women (30s to 40s) and I assumed they were looking at other men of similar age behind us. As they were about to leave 5 of them walked towards us and one of them remarked…” looks like you guys are having all the action tonight…” Another added… “we should have sat with you guys instead…” Eventually the rest of the group joined in and we had a great 10min conversation. It was very surreal – my buddy and I lying on a couple of long chairs in the middle of the bar with 7 older women ’standing’ around us.
It just proves that by not following the behaviour of the rest and, most importantly, having a “great time…” you will become attractive.
Awesome post. You can never go wrong by having a great time with the people you are with. If people find you interesting and attractive just by observing your body language and facial expressions, so be it. Always enjoy yourself for yourself.
Chris
I enjoy going to bars and not approach anyone – i let them approach me! It happens to me all the time, depending on MY mood that day. Women notice and are attracted to people who are confident about themselves in a situation and seem to have a good time.
What women will do usually is not to directly “approach” you (even if this might happen sometimes) but merely to give you “approach invitations”, to prepare the stage for you to open and begin the conversation. This might be a longer-than-usual glance at your eyes, dancing obviously next to you for a longer time and touching you from time to time, or making comments about you to their friends just loud enough that you can hear them.
When women do this, it is your duty to approach and start the interaction. In our society it is still the man’s duty to start conversations, and women manage to maintain this order beautifully by giving you these “hints” – so use them!
The thing is that these things happen all the time. It’s just that I wasn’t aware of it for a VERY long time until I started studying all this. Call it the “elusive obvious” – but as David says, go through the world with open eyes and observe!
What was great about this exercise is that it exemplified how to attract what you want. It was interesting that the woman matched David’s energy..the energy that was attractive to him and the conversation. You usually attract what you put out..
I love this type of opener…. nothing beats having fun and having people approach you.
Now that’s one nice tip for the lazy man: how to get women to approach you!