The Truth About The Truth
February 4, 2010 
51 Comments
There is something I want to share with all of you today that’s really important. It’s called the truth. I don’t think I ever really covered this before in a blog, however, it is something I think we all need to realize.
Have you ever been in a relationship, and you just knew something you were doing – whether on a conscious or subconscious level – was not the right thing but you did it anyway? I am not talking about cheating (because I think cheating is 100% wrong).
I am talking about other things. I am talking about getting in touch with a friend and talking about your
personal business with other people (or whatever it might be). Then, when confronted with it, you lie right to someone’s face about it.
Do you realize that whenever you tell a lie in life, you will get caught? You will always get caught in lies.
I learned something a long time ago: It is hard to keep a lie straight, but it is easy to keep the truth straight. It is easy to keep the truth straight because you don’t have to remember stories.
You never have to remember alibis. You never have to remember anything.
When you tell the truth, there is nothing to remember but the truth. The real truth, along with the real feelings and the real emotions behind it.
When it comes to a lie, you always have to “cover your tracks.” You have to remember what you said to each person.
Lies are not worth it. Lies are destructive in relationships, and they will never get you anywhere.
So, when you are out there right now trying to meet somebody, remember what I’m telling you here about the truth. It’s always easier.
Sometimes the truth might be hard to say in the moment. Telling the truth in that moment, however difficult it is, will mean you never have to go back and apologize about it later.
Great blog David. I agree 100% on this topic. Every time I lied in my last relationship, no matter how long it took, I eventually was caught. This caused many trust issues, and, among other things, lead to the end of my 3-year relationship. Even if you think the truth is terrible and going to ruin everything, you would be surprised how understanding someone can be when you are always upfront with them. Honesty is a respectable quality, and can take you far in life…and your relationship.
oh man this is one of my biggest flaws. For example, today I said I worked at a store but I always say Im just kidding. So people know me by being the kidder. I dont know if thats good or not. In my third person view I think it is a quality that makes me unattractive. It is a quality that is not good cause when I say something people don;t really take it seriously. I’m like the boy who cried wolf. I kid around too much and when I say the truth people sometimes don’t believe me.
Yea and it sucks when you get caught. You look like a jackass. I have never been in a relationship but i can imagine. When you lie to other people they look down at you and realize you are a lier. Its bad. Like I said people see me as a kidder.
Wow, great topic. I think lying is crazymaking. And one of the most damaging things you can do because then it requires convincing the other person that their perception is wrong when actually it is right on. I think teaching someone to question their accurate perceptions is very damaging to that person – because it teaches them not to trust their own instincts – and to the relationship.
Mario-
You don’t want to be like the boy who cried wolf. It will haunt you later.
Off topic- I remember when I was a kid, I thought it was a real story, which made me think twice before I told a lie.
Jonathan-
In the moment the lie maybe a easy solution but it just stink too much later. But practicing the truth takes balls and it makes us feel more at peace.
are you in a relationship now?
Lauren-
I think lying is totally some crazymaking. Its so simple to tell the truth but yet some reason we choose to lie and hide behind some mask. But the sad part is that the mask eventually comes off, its never permanent. What is it like for you when you find out a guy is lying to you?
Great blog today, i think its a very important lesson for us to learn.
Jacob: were you ever lied to in any of your relationship?
Mario- it really does suck to look like jackass, i had my share of being in that look.
but after some of that bad moments, i had to change.
Mario-what’s the worst lie you ever told?
Hey Coach Jacob,
How are things in D.C.? I’m from Pa. and I hear you’re about to get hit with some snow. Hope you get to throw some snowballs!
Excellent topic. It is amazing the masks we all have. I think I’m pretty straightforward and yet we all seem to have various masks in order to get through life in different settings and with different people. I never have understood, though, the phenomenon of people get married and suddenly after the marriage they discover the person is completely different. Now, that is a mask of masks! I am happy to say I never had that experience. It must take one hell of a lot of energy and work to keep that kind of facade up.
How do I feel when a man lies to me? You know, that is really thought provoking and I wanted to mull it over a little before responding. It depends upon the situation. If it was someone I had just started dating I would be gone in a heartbeat. I must admit, though, that in the past I have stayed with someone even though they have told a fairly significant lie (or more – it doesn’t usually just come in 1′s does it?). I was just writing on the Needy blog about attachment and it is a powerful thing. It is not so simple when a tremendous amount of time, emotional energy, and investment, has gone into a relationship. I don’t love deeply often but when I do I really feel a loyalty and commitment(my close friends are friends for life). So, in the past I have tried to hang in there at times and work things through. I don’t know that I would be so prone to that today, not when it comes to lies. I think most of us know the obvious, trust is the foundation for a relationship and without it the relationship becomes like an empty shell. Not much fun. Fortunately, I have not had that experience for many years and my life has been really really happy.
How about you? Can you share any insight on this topic. I thought the mask comment was fascinating.
Regards and stay warm,
Lauren
Jacob,
Something I learned a while ago is that there is never a good reason to tell a lie.
Because when the truth comes out, and it always does, it will only hurt everyone involved.
Is this about what you have seen?
Can you guys read this.
Its a brain test,
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it
This is weird, but interesting!
If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too
Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it
Jimmy if you really want to know the worst lie I will tell you straight up.
There was this girl, the first girl that I really really liked. She was perfect but I think that she started to grab affection instead of attraction towards me. So things were falling apart and stupid me told her I was moving to California. In my mind this was genius. I was gonna make her stay with me cause I was gonna tell her to spend my last moments with me. I seriously taught in my mind that this was so flawless. I even convinced her friends that I was moving. So then it went smooth she believed me. But like all lies the either get discovered right away or later on. This one was right away. Her cousin talks with my cousin and tells her that he hasnt even heard of me moving. Her cousin tells her and the “flawless” plans falls apart. Man it was horrible. Apart from me already ruining things with her I made myself look like a stupid needy jackass.
After that we just stopped talking. I was so embarrased to even look at her in the eye. We never talked mostly cause of both of our prides being to high to call each other. In essence, our egos prevented from arraging things back to the way they were.
I had this major heartbreak. Funny thing that I didn’t even go out with her. It was then when I found David’s blog and from then on I matured. If I see to were I had started I have come a long way. Well anyways.
On New Years Eve I called her and we arranged things. She was sooo surprised and finally forgave me. I felt like a stone had been lifted from my chest. I was sooo happy man, cause I know there was sooo much chemistry between us. We would talk from 10pm to 5 am about nothing and everything. When I called her I still felt that chemistry in her voice. I still felt the love we had toward each other .
However, she is already going out with one of my friends. Which is cool I like the guy, but I know that if I had acted mature and not lied I could’ve had her with me right now. She was amazing man. It was one of those girls that are just too cool for anyone. She liked me for some weird ass reason though. I was a screw up, and to this day I still can’t find a good enough reason for her to even think of going out with me. It’s so fucking weird man. The funny thing is that I wasn’t even trying at all. I was just being goofy and stupid. I didnt care wat anyone taught.
So yea sorry for the huge paragraph. So there you go Jimmy I hope you enjoy my biggest lie.
Without more,
Mario
David I can read it, mixed up word for word. I don’t feel like typing it all but first line is this….
I couldn’t believe I could actually understand what I was reading.
Jacob-
Nope, im enjoying being single at the moment. We broke up a little over a month ago, so not looking to rush into anything. However, if I meet someone that can intrigue me then ill go for it.
David-
Haha, ive never thought spelling was important…maybe because ive always been terrible at it. Still, pretty amazing. Explains how you can quickly scan an article or something and still understand whats going on.
Kevin
Its amazing how the brain works……
Jonathon
Yes we can fill in the words without seeing the words.
Cool stuff.
okay i just need people to help me rebound i had no idea where to put this i finally talk to this girl that i have been seeing around at a church revival meeting.i talk to her for about 5 minutes then a security guy comes over tells me to beat as nicely as he can,before i leave i ask how contact her so i get her facebook now i look at her facebook and this is what i see:
woooow.would have never expected to get hit on by a complete stranger at an awakening service…praise the Lord for security.
now how would you react if you where me and you see that.i know my heart was in the right place.
i need my confidence back i did every thing david told me to,guess it doesnt work in churches.
know i look like a creep if i go back now.
kjk:
Way to go man!
Good job on approaching her, talking with her and asking for contact info 
Her comment is just her way of flirting (called “cocky funny” by some people). Eitherway, take it lightly and respond how you personally would respond. There are a ton of things you could say, and I’m sure people will give you some ideas:
”
* “whatever girl, you know I’m the answer to your prayers
* “indeed thank the Lord for security, don’t know what you would have done to me had I not been saved by the guard”
BUT if she liked you enough during those 5 mins to give you her contact info, then she wants more of YOU, thus you should be yourself
. Get yourself in the same kind of mood you were in and do what you were doing. If you need a quick burst in confidence, try doing things that will get the momentum going (e.g. play your favorite music, do a few quick exercises to get your body going, dress with clothes you like, picture the best version of yourself you can imagine, picture yourself having huge amounts of success in your dating life) and then try replying to her comment 
(but don’t think too much about it, just do what feels natural to you).
And about being afraid of looking creepy going back in there… that thought is coming from a place of fear and weakness man. If you believe you will look creepy, then you will. If you are totally relaxed, confident, and being yourself, then you’ll come across as an amazing person! (Oh, and next time, be sure to befriend the guard
).
Keep us updated on what happens please!
Mario:
Thanks for sharing that story with us bro
I’m going to take a wild guess here (since I don’t know the full story/picture) and say that she liked you because: you weren’t “even trying at all. I was just being goofy and stupid. I didnt care what anyone taught.” Sounds to me like you were being very comfortable with yourself and you were ultimately being yourself
. Those two things are very attractive qualities bro! 
David
the human brain is phenomenal to me
im gonna start typing like that for now on and see if anybody else can understand it
Anthony-
would love to hear more about the phenomenal.
gerardo saldana: this is what her friends and her are talking about on facebook:Courtney
I’m so sorry I abandoned you!!!! I didn’t know what was going on. Praise the Lord for Eric.
Sara
hahah it’s ok. he just went on and on about Jewish feasts..and to top it off “How can i contact you?” this is where lying is acceptable in my book.
Bri
I could tell you some pretty good stories about getting hit on in the sound booth…
Talia
Lying to guys who are hitting on you is always okay in my book. Always.
Micah
that dude needs to get saved…or the presence of God knock him down
Elizabeth
…knock him down so he can’t talk and bother you, and will totally forget about you.
man i realized how immature she is hitting on her ,no i just wanted a conversation with her to see if there was anything there.at least i had the balls to do it.i also realize that how immature about all these girls are and narrow minded they are.
Lauren-
I think we just got hit, because its snowing like crazy outside. I heard it will be close to a 20inch snow storm. Few days ago it was about 6 inch snow. Three weeks ago it was 20 inch snows storm. So the snow seems to keep on coming, non stop. Yesterday so many people were out in a panicking mode trying to buy tons of food before the storm. I think the weather channel really freaks people out, so they go out buy things they don’t really need:) once the snow slows down i’m planning to throw plenty of snowballs with my new lady friend;)
Its very funny you mention that, I was just talking to a friend of mine, who got married at an early age, and listening to him open up about the mask in his relationship is pretty ugly and its the mask of all masks. I was thinking to myself man I am so lucky to be not living in his shoes right now.
I agree its not simple when a tremendous amount of time, emotional energy, and investment, has gone into a relationship. And trust is a must! I am guilty of the putting on a mask in the past, and after sadly watching the effect my mask did to a woman I dearly liked, I’ve decided to not hide behind my mask but be more real with women, because its just more peaceful, and you don’t ever have to think about putting your mask again when it comes off.
Thanks!
Hi Coach,
Yep, I’ve been hearing all about the storm and must admit I am happily sitting in my bungalow looking out at the great Pacific. I love to visit the east but don’t miss living in the cold…burr.
Ah, I’m smiling as I think of you and your new lady friend throwing snowballs, maybe even making a snowman! Have fun!
Regards,
Lauren
kjk:
Bah!
You are totally right man, these girls are very narrow minded and immature. And yes, you had the courage to go out there and try talking to her, props for that bro 
. Keep trying and you’ll be both keep getting better and start meeting more quality girls 
Awwww, playing in the snow with your lady friend, throwing snowballs and making snowmen… sounds fun and romantic Jacob! ;D
But then again, even better would be to make a gigantic snow pit with her, in which you could kick your friends into while yelling “this is spartha”
Hehehe 
(Sorry, I just had say it…).
K, now I’m really craving a trip to the snow. Perhaps I’ll go to Big Bear
. Anyone here done any skiing/snowboarding this year yet?
Lauren-
It must be a great view looking at the Pacific from your bungalow.
I’ve been in the east coast most of my life, and i’m not a big fan of winter either.
Who knows this might be my last year in the east coast.
Gerardo Saldana-
I like how you think “this is spartha” you know i am doing this for sure:)
ya I’m looking forward to seeing her, we’ll be doing some tubing down the hill.
I have never been to big bear but heard its a great place. Have you been to big bear before?
David-
I had no problem reading it, its funny that’s exactly how you type:)
Jonathan-
Rush is no good, with some time and patience you never know what can happen.
Jacob-
is that really how David types LOL
Howe,
Even if it is, thank gods for spellcheck.
Mario:
Man your story was very heartfelt, and I didn’t mind reading it at all. We are all guilty of making mistakes. We are human, and we are not perfect! But its nice to see that you reunited with her in the new years eve and got that guilt off your chest. I know it would nice to turn the clock back sometimes but you know what everything in life has a lesson to teach you. And your biggest growth will come from learning from your mistakes and not repeating it over and over.
James- oh totally agree i might have taken my cloths off, if there wasn’t no spellcheck:0
Howe-
That’s why you get a hot secretary so she will do the spell check and take the cloths off for you:)
Mario- by the way thanks for sharing your story.
Mario-
I agree with Jimmy that was very heartfelt.
Glad you reconnected with her.
You noticed she liked you because you were being your real self, you were not thinking too much you were just enjoying yourself and getting to know her.
Keep your options open you never know when she may break up with the other guy, and you are next:)
Mario i love your ending note:)
without more,
mario
Jimmy: Hahahaha, yay for secretaries!
Jacob: Yea, I’ve gone to big bear a few times, mostly during the snow season
. But I have yet to go snowboarding 
Looking forward to doing it either this weekend or next weekend though 
.
Eitherway, you mentioned that you may be moving away from the east coast? Where are you thinking of heading to next?
Lauren: I’m in southern california and with the recent weather I would not want to be anywhere in the nearby coasts. Where is your bungalow at?
Gerardo:
yay for the hot secretaries:)
Lauren:
I’m from PA as well. Since its so cold in the east, i was wondering if you have a extra space in your bungalow for me?
Gerardo:
Have fun next weekend or whenever you decide to go:)
I thinking about heading to Scottsdale, AZ. Its such an amazing place, really friendly people. Have you ever been there?
Jimmy: are you trying to hit on lauren already?
One more hats-off to Mario.
Thanks so much for that. I got so much out of it, especially when you mentioned that pride kept you from calling each other.
This is a big hurdle for me. I can’t even count all mf my lost/missed opportunities because of my attitude ‘she should be calling me.’
In fact, I’m struggling with a bout of it right now. Your story helped me see how there’s nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking that step and initiating contact.
Just waiting for the right time…it’ll be soon.
Thanks again.
This has been such a great thread and a blog that i recorded a second part to this. Next weeks podcast is all about this topic and i go even deeper into this,
Great posting from all of you thnaks!!
Thank you David and looking forward to part 2.
Dave, this phrase in your article says it all, ” It is hard to keep a lie straight, but it is easy to keep the truth straight. It is easy to keep the truth straight because you don’t have to remember stories.” I say something similar to my friends all the time.