Let’s continue Ass Week, because really let’s be honest. Most men will always want to check out a woman’s ass. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer mistakenly gets a Proctologist’s vanity plates which say “Assman” on them.
I thought I’d go a little deeper, though, for today’s Ass Week blog. So for most of the men out there who want to be able to get some ass, you especially will want to pay attention to this story I’m going to tell.
Today I’d like to talk about The Slow Stalker. This guy is my favorite. My girlfriend and I actually just ran into him.
We were at a farmer’s market the other day walking arm in arm, and as we passed this guy he stopped and stared bug-eyed at my girlfriend like he’d never before seen a woman breathing. He must have looked at her at least five or six times, and each time he looked at her he just got creepier and creepier. I swear I saw drool coming out of his mouth.
Then he did what all creepy men do. He got on his phone and became Poser Man. You know this guy. He’s in front of you – not ten feet away – and he gets on his phone and does ‘the pose.”
He does his best George Clooney impression, he looks down, puts his leg out and then rolls up his sleeve while flexing his bicep. Once he’s done all this, he then becomes the third person in this group: Model Man.
After Model Man shows you a few different poses featuring different angles of his face and bicep, he’ll then do “the catwalk” and pace five steps back and forth (and back and forth). You can almost hear a gay choreographer or Richard Simmons chanting “Uh 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5…”
This leads us to the fourth guy: Hair Flip Man. When he’s finished being persons one through three, Model Man turns into Hair Flip Man. He gets off his phone, takes three steps and then flips his hair back as he saunters off into the distance.
This leads to what this guy really is all together: Feminine Man. Because really, all of these techniques are so ridiculously feminine.
Did he learn them from watching America’s Next Top Model? Is he a friend of the choreographer from American Idol?
The funny this about this particular “ass man” is that he perfected all five Feminine Man techniques. It’s really a shame that I didn’t have my video camera with me so you could see this specimen on display!
So to find out what other ass men do who are actually asses, be sure to click here and listen to today’s podcast:
Also, if you want to learn the best ways to make your approaches and early connections with women be a complete SUCCESS, and if you want to learn the best ways to approach women with complete confidence (but WITHOUT being an ass!), then this is a letter you need to check out:
20 Ways To Meet Hotter Women Without Pickup Lines
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David, this podcast is hysterical. I was sitting at my desk laughing my ass off
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Hey Jamie
Thanks I was actually laughing pretty hard when I did it!!
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Yes, very good advice. I have caught myself doing it before. David, the last time I went to the bar I remembered some of the things that I got out of your mens mastery series, and it truly works. I started with the outcast girl, the one that had 2 friends but she was kind of embarrassed by them, she was a little older, and by the end of the night, they were all focused on me. This stuff works, and now it is becoming more natural for me. Thanks for what you do David.
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As a fellow New Yorker, I am with you on the language.
My Dad was a very proper language type of guy, so I got some of that too. But I def drop a lot of F-bombs just like my Mother!
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David, that was a fantastic podcast. One of the BEST I’ve heard in a while!
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Funny. Shit.
David, I haven’t heard the podcast yet but people here at work think I’ve lost it (just reading about feminine-poser-hoser-loser-guy). I’ll listen now and if you don’t hear from me in a few minutes – the good people at ****-Cola had me committed
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Funny. Shit.
David, I haven’t heard the podcast yet but people here at work think I’ve lost it (just reading about feminine-poser-hoser-loser-guy). I’ll listen now and if you don’t hear from me in a few minutes – the good people at ****-Cola had me committed
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Vlad
Thanks!! So true and i hope guys really look at themselves after this one!!
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Jamie
I never ever tell anyone how they should speak whether they curse or not. But it is funny how people get so offended by a curse word.
It is just a word and we decided for some reason that it is a bad word,
What funny is that How could be a curse word if we decided:)
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Scott
My pleasure. I am really glad that this important lesson sunk in!!
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Blakceo
I guess they committed you:)
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I did not you could use baby oil to beat your meat lol. Ouch! i use it for something else.
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know*
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David- that guy sound like a big fagot, I don’t even know if he can be helped!
Those pua’s need their ass kicked to get their shit straight!
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Wow that was one of the funniest podcast i’ve ever heard just can’t get over your podcast man! And that zooolander guy is a big loser I mean loser with a capital L
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I thought LA was free of PUA but i am guess i am wrong god now i want to live in a world where there aren’t any pua and more real people!
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I don’t know why you guys here hating on pua i think deep inside every one of you their is a pua wanting to come out. So stop all the hating man, we are all here to be better with women!
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Meeow- you gotta be out of your fuckin mind here man i used to be pua, not anymore matter fact my name in this blog used to be howepua and being a pua got me no shit in life so you need to get your act together.
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you are in the wrong fuckin place to talk about those pua shit man, this stuff here is all natural when you are ready to become a real man then make a comment!
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howe-
you go howe- keep on preaching this meeow guy he maybe here for a purpose to convert from a pua to a real guy that people can relate to!!!
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meeow-
you are so wrong when you said deep inside everyman their is a pua wanting to come out, you need to look inside first and figure it out yourself before you speak for anyone!!!!
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why all of you guys jumping on me all sudden show some respect man?!!!!
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I didn’t blame any of you guys why you blaming me WTF?
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Meeow- I believe this guys here are trying to help you bro. David doesn’t teach pua he teaches real man! I would highly recommend you to start out with the MMS to convert seriously!!!
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what is MMS? some kind of tactics
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What is going on here, guys just ignore him, there is no reason to make a big deal out of this!
And Lance this world will never be ever free of pua anymore LOL
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Oh David thank goodness I don’t run into zoolanders this part of the town, they would really freak me out LOL
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Meeow guy or someone with a fake identity-
I think the MMS stands for Men’s Mastery series and it’s not a tactic:)
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hey meeeeooow- how come your name sound like a this pua guy who teaches some indirect method?
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what happend how come your not talkign anymore you will never win any arguments here in this board when you are a pua LOL
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lol, yea I’ve seen quite a few slow stalkers out at the bars many a night before.
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Thanks for the Wednesday podcast DW please never stop doing these wonderful free podcast!
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These podcasts always make me laugh out loud – no wonder I can’t listen to them at work!
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Dave
Are you sure he did not priss like a woman man the gays make me laugh knowing I was born to priss. Was he looking at you or her.
Me being a woman seeing a man do what you said in this blog I would look at him like hey man how stupid and start laughing and I may say something that would definitely insult him. Guys just walk up to me in a normal fashion and start talking or I will start talking to them. The other day one of my male friends I saw his collar out of line and I stand there and straighten it up for him so he would look nice now a man likes to look like he is the cock of the walk and David anytime you want to say fuck on the blog go right ahead for the fuck word and I go hand in hand.
If you want to impress me don’t act like you have to act like some sideshow freak act normal and if you want to talk to me just talk.
Love It Dave keep up the good work.
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Okay guys get those asses looking good for I want to see what your ass looks like and dream of you and I in a sexual way especially when I run my hands lightly on your ass while you drilling me. I love to squeeze some male’s ass. If your ass looks like the chair in which you sit then you better be working on those abs and getting that pumper ready for some hot loving pussy action.
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Hey David if people can’t handle some language then they obviously don’t know the reality of the world.
You should hear how me and by buddy talk, it’s like “Yeah man, some fuck almost ran into me on the fucking highway. Fucking useless drivers!”.
Brilliant podcast by the way, you really put things into perspective and probably gave a bunch of unknowing posers and floundering tigers a hard smack in the head.
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I wonder is this guy saying that he never cussed in his life. Maybe he needs a fucking life.
Oh Dave
Are we on bootie patrol or bootie call this week. You know ass patrol or ass call week.
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My daughter and I one time was sitting in the car at one of the favorite restraunts here in my home town and these two guys were standing there and we were looking at their ass. So we were debating which one has the best looking ass. Then I nicknamed it bootie patrol and some people say bootie call. Then I said to her about this one guy I was interested in and I said he keeps his hidden I can not see his bootie/ass. Well one day I seen him and he was standing there and I seen his bootie/ass and gave it the signal hands stretching and the hands curved upward saying come on baby I am on bootie call. From then one he kept showing me his bootie/ass when he walked by or in front of me. I said one oooo baby good looking bootie/ass.
Bootie Patrol here I am but I had rather look at a man’s bootie/ass than a woman. Adam look out when I am on Bootie/ass call.
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Oh one more before I hit the road…Gotta take daughter to school….
One day I was sitting in the break room at work talking to some guys and I said did you know I like to look at a man’s ass you know bootie patrol one guy stood up and asked how does my ass look and I said pretty good man but I have found my bootie call. In other ass call. So men get those asses looking good for ass patrol ass call.
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David podcast are very good. But it would be better if he would just get to the point . Instead of the build up and and the strories just get to the point.
and if it was that easy. Than why do they wear the tiny Bikini . Why because that want to be looked at. No matter who you are it is human nature.
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Sandra- what is your favorite feature about a man, is it his butt?
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Did he learn them from watching America’s Next Top Model? LOL
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These guys really need help, I ran into some of these weird pua in a bar last weekend. They wore their nail polish almost all of them looked alike at first i thought they were gay but later one of the girl that was with me told me that they were not gay but they are here to pickup soem women for sure we were laughing our ass off about the whole pua thing!
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David- what a amazing podcast today you rock!
Client- great story LOL
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I wish everyday was podcast day:) however David thanks a million for all the help and GOD BLESS YOU!
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the blog and the comments are freaking hysterical oh yea podcast got me jump up and down my desk right now!
ohhhhhhhh yakkkkkkkkkkkkkk LOL
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If my girl ever say ohhh yakkkkkkkk then I am coming after you coach yak LOL
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Meeow- the guys here are trying to help you!
everything we teach is natural once you understand and go out socialize develop inner confidence no pua will ever get near you because of your great energy!
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howe- i don’t sleep with another mans girl:)
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Rick i gotta agree the blog is amazing!
how was your trip to San Diego?
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Clint- i don’t blame you for thinking like that a lot of them do act like that:)
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coach J- where is coach Ken today LOL
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he is with Barbie now i will let him know that you were looking for him:)
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Jim
Maybe i will do a podcast just for you so its the style that you want.
I can change who i am and how i speak just so you will enjoy the podcasts a bit more.
How does that sound?
Or better yet i will send you the ideas behind the next one and you can do it yourself and we can call the podcast.
Jims podcasts.
Do we have a deal:)
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Jim – You know, ironically your “advice” to David is exactly the reason you NEED him
David teaches all about lifestyle, being in the moment and enjoying the journey. You sound like you need to start learning how to enjoy the moment a little more Jim. Relax a little…life’s too short
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Hey David —
VERY funny blog!
All I kept hearing when I was reading it, was that “I’m Too Sexy” song in my head 
Apparently Mr. Slow Stalker is too sexy to realize he probably wants to BE your girlfriend (not date her) …
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The answer to your question about what I find attractive about a man:
1. I usually look for personality
There is an old saying can not judge a book by its cover.
2. Keeps his personal hygiene updated.
I am aware that people do sweat but before you touch me take a bath.
3. I usually look at the ass and yes I am a bootie person. That is what makes a man sexy and what is in front. But that can be deceiving so I would say the bootie.
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Men are not the only ones who check out butts. I happen to love looking at firm, tight, behinds on men. I found a really hilarious book you all might get a kick out of, men and women alike. It’s called Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating. It is laugh-out loud funny.. I couldn’t it down.
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Hey Howe,
I’m here! Jacob is right… I have been distracted by my new Barbie. Maybe I’ll bring her out to play one of these days
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DW, I have done what the slow stalker did to your girlfriend, didn’t know what it felt like, until a woman did the same to me. Learned my lesson wont do this anymore.
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David, awesome podcast. I loved this one, you were blunt and straight to the point and its what alot of the guys need to hear because it is all around. thanks again
-Jim
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The blog is so TRUE.
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I have to say, I have had women look at me like some sort of morsal. OK, I don’t think I am Asia’s answer to Brad Pitt, but it was scary. I can really understand why some women get freaked out by guys oggling at them.
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hi david just listened and i think its one of the best podcasts iv ever heard! i couldnt stop laughing, and your podcast is so accurate. i was brought up in liverpool, england, and like new york, scousers use the word fuck a lot too!
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